U1987 Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I use Okay Cupid. OKC has an optional questionnaire that you fill out. If you see other people who've taken it, you're given 0%-100% Match, Friend and Enemy scores. The thing is, many girls I'm finding interesting and attractive have relatively low Match scores and even high Friend and Enemy scores. Many girls I'm not to interested in have high Match scores as well. I don't have a lot of faith in the survey, but I'm worried a lot of girls I'm attempting to contact are disregarding me based on my score. You have an option to wipe your survey clean, but it just gives you a 0% Match, Friend and Enemy score. Would a girl be turned off by a guy who didn't take the time to do the survey? What if he mentioned on his profile that he doesn't have a lot of faith in its accuracy?
ditzchic Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I use OKC too. Yeah I do get turned off when no one has any questions filled out. If that person messaged me and had a decent profile that seemed like we would be somewhat compatible, I would probably message back. But if that person had a very bland profile, I wouldn't. To me that makes the person look lazy and like they don't really care. That's not my type of guy. And there is no way I'd message someone with a 0% match first. Did you know that filling out those questions helps your visibility on the site? you will show up in more searches if you do... And also, from my experience with the match %'s, they seem pretty good. I met a couple of guys from the site and the ones that matched low tended to fizzle out quick. I met my last ex through there and our match % was 92%. And we really really clicked. We were incompatible in other ways but the survey can't pick up on everything and those were the areas we didn't click. Plus, it's only good if you are giving 100% honest answers....
Author U1987 Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 Did you know that filling out those questions helps your visibility on the site? you will show up in more searches if you do... Maybe, but realistically, how often are women actually doing the searching? I'm convinced men are doing maybe 99% of the searching and first-messaging. Just look at the list that pops up when you look up women; every woman's profile says "Replies Often" or "Replies Selectively" or "Replies Very Selectively." Now look up the men; EVERY man's profile says "Replies Often," which seems to indicate that women searching out and first-messaging men is quite rare. However, what do you all think about this strategy? Setting up fake profiles, sending messages from those fake profiles to my real profile and ignoring those messages on my real profile, so as to get "Replies Very Selectively" to appear on my profile. Will that improve my attractiveness to potential girls by creating the illusion that I'm getting messaged so much as to turn many down?
ditzchic Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Maybe, but realistically, how often are women actually doing the searching? I'm convinced men are doing maybe 99% of the searching and first-messaging. Just look at the list that pops up when you look up women; every woman's profile says "Replies Often" or "Replies Selectively" or "Replies Very Selectively." Now look up the men; EVERY man's profile says "Replies Often," which seems to indicate that women searching out and first-messaging men is quite rare. However, what do you all think about this strategy? Setting up fake profiles, sending messages from those fake profiles to my real profile and ignoring those messages on my real profile, so as to get "Replies Very Selectively" to appear on my profile. Will that improve my attractiveness to potential girls by creating the illusion that I'm getting messaged so much as to turn many down? Well I'm one of those girls that have the reply selectively but I do search from time to time and if someone strikes my fancy on the first page I will message them. I think the thing is that online dating is much like real dating... the men are much more eager than the women. If a girl hits on a guy in a bar he's talking to her regardless (unless she's a total fug of course). But when I do come across guys who have the reply selectively or reply very selectively I usually pass by. Occasionally, I'll throw one out there for funsies and to get the ego boost but generally it's a bad idea. A lot of women who are on dating sites have trouble meeting men at all. Very few women have trouble meeting men IRL. I'm willing to bet that a lot of these girls have fragile egos and fear of rejection so they will probably avoid that guy.
unknownsources Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I was on that site briefly after hearing about it here. Like the others I've tried, nothing seemed to happen on it (probably didn't give it enough time). I ended up with a ton of high matches for Friend that had little Enemy, but a much lower Match rating. I don't know how they compute it (probably through the answers you'll accept and the importance of the question). I found a lot of questions irrelevant to me though so that lowered my importance factor, which I'm sure didn't help my Match factor. Somehow, in the personality section, it labelled me as "More Competitive" with the bar all the way to the max. I'm not really a competitive person at all (unless I'm playing a sport, but even then I'm pretty laid back most of the time). I went through my questions at the time and didn't find anything that would label me as competitive, so I couldn't get that rating to go away. ... Did you know that filling out those questions helps your visibility on the site? you will show up in more searches if you do... ... Too bad I disabled my account, I answered like 400 of those things haha. I got bored one day and sat down for an hour, somehow filled out 250-350 questions in about 50 minutes. Turns out I'm very efficient at answering meaningless questions. Didn't seem to help me at all.
oaks Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I don't have a lot of faith in the survey, Why not? It seems fairly good to me.
lululucy Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Every person I've met off OKC has corresponded with their Match% completely. I think the survey is probably the most accurate matching system on any dating site out there. And yes, girls do search if only to look through profiles. I would never respond to a guy with a 0% rating, it just says that he is only on the site to try to get laid. I'd have more faith in the matching and just go with it. Pretty sure I have "Replies Selectively" too but it's mostly because of getting 10ish "wanna do it" messages a day. Uh, no.
Stung Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I met my husband on OkC. As I recall he was 92% Friend and 99% Match for me, in fact I was supposed to be his highest match in a thousand miles, and so even though I did live almost a thousand miles away he wrote me just for the hell of it, and we ended up becoming friends, and then getting involved, and then I moved to be with him and now we're happily married and have a little boy. OkC was a fun tool and a great way to meet new people, but I was still meeting and dating people I met out and about in the real world when I was on there, so I was pretty picky. I never met with anybody who wasn't at least an 85% Match with me, I figured why bother? And then of course we had to actually have some interesting letter and IM exchanges, as well. I only met about six guys off of OkC IRL, but I married one of them, dated a different one for several months, and am still friends with two others seven years later--so their system seems to have had something going right for it, from my perspective. 1
Author U1987 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 The thing is, I'm finding a lot of girls who're poor matches attractive, and I'm finding my highest matches unattractive. How do I get around that?
LZ2000 Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 The thing is, I'm finding a lot of girls who're poor matches attractive, and I'm finding my highest matches unattractive. How do I get around that? Just don't message them. If they message you, don't reply. Simple as that.
Author U1987 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 Just don't message them. If they message you, don't reply. Simple as that. What I mean is, how do I make myself more appealing to my lower matches? How would I get them to look past the low/no match score?
LZ2000 Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 (edited) What I mean is, how do I make myself more appealing to my lower matches? How would I get them to look past the low/no match score? Describe yourself as much as you can, but do so honestly. Take effort in writing more about yourself and don't brag about yourself. Being a well rounded man/woman helps too. Because a well rounded person possesses a wide variety of interests and shows how multifaceted you are, of course it doesn't help you if you do have a very weak interest in almost everything. Usually a few interests you are strong at which covers a wide variety of topics/subjects/hobbies would be sufficient. If you aren't well-rounded, no problem, you should be able to attract nice ladies who like the same hobbies as you do. Personal philosophy is critically important too. Everyone is different and have very varied standards of how they view everything in their lives. Including relationships. At least there might be some poor matches that share the same viewpoints as you do. Lastly, if you do ever get that lady who just took a leap of faith to be in your life, in spite of the both of you being poor matches......... Keep your life simple. Interruptions, complications and personal obligations on both parties that brings conflict may potentially derail or sour the relationship. Don't ever take your relationship (good match or not) for granted. Edited December 18, 2011 by LZ2000
oaks Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 What I mean is, how do I make myself more appealing to my lower matches? How would I get them to look past the low/no match score? You've got something backwards here. If you've been honest in your answers, both in giving your answer and in saying what answer(s) you want your ideal partner to have together with how importantly you rate the question then you don't want to become appealing to people with low match scores because you disagree on all those things you answered questions about. Assuming you've answered enough questions (say 50 or so) then if you've got a low match score with someone then you're just incompatible with them on a whole range of things that you feel strongly about or they feel strongly about. If you still want to date that person because she looks pretty then I think the word "shallow" is the one I'm trying to put into a sentence... but, to answer the first question, you can look at her answers to the questions and think about whether your answer is really what you meant or whether you want to change it.
LZ2000 Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 (edited) Assuming you've answered enough questions (say 50 or so) then if you've got a low match score with someone then you're just incompatible with them on a whole range of things that you feel strongly about or they feel strongly about. ....... ....... but, to answer the first question, you can look at her answers to the questions and think about whether your answer is really what you meant or whether you want to change it. One often unmentioned aspect of dating (or any forms of dating), is how much are both parties willing to compromise on several issues, perspectives and values. Personal flexibilities are traits that is almost never brought up in these situations. So while the women's profiles on OkCupid ain't going to reveal about this, it really all boils down to how lucky you are. Don't expect to be lucky when you choose to message someone there. Edited December 18, 2011 by LZ2000
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Are you still just looking to get laid, or are you interested in having a relationship? If the former, I agree that it doesn't matter how well you "match," as long as you both find each other attractive enough, and are equally inclined to having casual sex.
Author U1987 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 Are you still just looking to get laid, or are you interested in having a relationship? If the former, I agree that it doesn't matter how well you "match," as long as you both find each other attractive enough, and are equally inclined to having casual sex. My primary criteria at the moment is physical attractiveness, and my immediate goal is casual sex. I'd be open to the possibility of exploring a relationship if the girl I'm seeing demonstrates some substance, wisdom, life-experience and so on. But like I said, SHE has to be the one to do that; she has to make the effort to show that she's relationship-worthy. Of course, I'm not going to openly say that in the profile or questionnaire or in my messages and such.
Author U1987 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 How this? I came up with idea to diffuse any fear about low/no match scores. I put this statement in the first paragraph of my profile? "I believe the most exciting thing about a relationship is not finding out what we have in common, but exploring new things by discovering eachother's differences.
PlumPrincess Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 (edited) In my experience, a high match score is good, but not everything. For example, honesty is very important for me, but just because the guy thinks the same, doesn't mean I find him overly attractive in any other respect. I know this guy with whom I have a 92 % match. He looks like a psycho in his pictures though. A low match, on the other hand, is definitely a good indicator for incompatibility. You just have to take a look at some questions to know that you are not a good match with that person. For example, thinking that reading your partner's emails without their permission, snooping, etc. are ok. Total dealbreaker. You seem to go for the girls because of their looks. No wonder, you think the survey doesn't work. How silly is that?? It tests your compatibility, not how attractive the other person is to you. Edited December 18, 2011 by PlumPrincess
Author U1987 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 A low match, on the other hand, is definitely a good indicator for incompatibility. You just have to take a look at some questions to know that you are not a good match with that person. For example, thinking that reading your partner's emails without their permission, snooping, etc. are ok. Total dealbreaker. You'd be surprised how many girls in my area think it's okay to read their BF's emails, or think the earth is bigger than the sun. Here's the thing though; the gray area; average scores. Would a girl dismiss a guy who has 60% or 70% Match scores? Because there's no on in my are who has higher than 80% Match.
ditzchic Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 My primary criteria at the moment is physical attractiveness, and my immediate goal is casual sex. I'd be open to the possibility of exploring a relationship if the girl I'm seeing demonstrates some substance, wisdom, life-experience and so on. But like I said, SHE has to be the one to do that; she has to make the effort to show that she's relationship-worthy. Of course, I'm not going to openly say that in the profile or questionnaire or in my messages and such. Ah boys. When will you learn. If a girl with "substance, wisdom and life experience" has casual sex with you it isn't going anywhere. She isn't going to demonstrate her worthiness to you. She's objectifying you just as much as you are objectifying her. An attractive girl with all those qualities has her pick of the litter. If she picked you solely on the basis of sex that's all you're good for to her. If you were relationship material she wouldn't have settled for just sex from the word go. Girls hear this all the time but I think it's about time males start heeding it too: Life isn't a RomCom.
lululucy Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 My primary criteria at the moment is physical attractiveness, and my immediate goal is casual sex. I'd be open to the possibility of exploring a relationship if the girl I'm seeing demonstrates some substance, wisdom, life-experience and so on. But like I said, SHE has to be the one to do that; she has to make the effort to show that she's relationship-worthy. You aren't allowing yourself to find someone of substance if you are only going for girls you deem hot. You are looking for casual sex. Match percentage means zero in that realm. Go look for casual sex at the bar, not on a dating site. Why are you putting the onus on a woman you've sought out purely for sex to suddenly rise to a higher plane of relationship-worthiness and impress you enough to make you change your ways? Are you being honest in your profile about only looking for casual sex or are you asking these girls out on dates as if they have a chance?
Author U1987 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 Ah boys. When will you learn. If a girl with "substance, wisdom and life experience" has casual sex with you it isn't going anywhere. She isn't going to demonstrate her worthiness to you. She's objectifying you just as much as you are objectifying her. An attractive girl with all those qualities has her pick of the litter. If she picked you solely on the basis of sex that's all you're good for to her. This does not bother me in the least. I said I'd be open to the possibility of exploring a relationship, but I won't actively pursue it. Sex is Priority-1 for me, so you don't need to accuse me of having romcom-instilled delusions.
Author U1987 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 Are you being honest in your profile about only looking for casual sex Of course not; how stupid do you think I am? That would completely obliterate any chances I have with the vast, vast majority of girls on OKC. I'm not openly saying I want casual sex, but I'm not openly saying I want a relationship either. All I do in my profile is describe myself.
Author U1987 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 Are you being honest in your profile about only looking for casual sex or are you asking these girls out on dates as if they have a chance? I'm at the "trying to get them to answer the first message"-stage
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 You've been here for a long time now with the exact same issue … it's time to get it through your head that you evidently are unsuccessful with trying to get casual sex by pretending to want a relationship. Yes, I know it can be done. By "suave" guys. But not by all guys. The girls on OK Cupid … are looking for a boyfriend. No, they DON'T have to prove to you that they are "relationship worthy." YOU have to be worthy as well. You even have to be worthy of casual sex. How are you going to prove that you are?
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