jobaba Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I've noticed something about the way people operate in romance that is funny to me. Particularly with women, but I don't want to make this solely about women vs men. If a woman meets a man for the first time (or vice versa), either on a date or in a group setting, or anywhere really, she will get this automatic snapshot of him, deciding within that first meeting if he is good looking, funny, confident, and ultimately attractive and dateable. I remember stumbling upon my cousin's journal one time and reading her thoughts on the first time she met her ex boyfriend. It was something like, "He had the largest eyes that I could look into forever and the broadest smile" or some crap like that. If later on, a woman finds herself falling for a man who didn't fit the initial profile, she'll say something like, "I never saw myself falling for a guy like that." It was largely 'unexpected'. I've met women who will say about men, "I'd date him if he were single" with just having met him one or two times. Basically they are segregating the dateable and undateable based on just a few initial impressions. In contrast, I can only remember one time over the past several years where I've fallen for a woman based on largely initial and piecemeal impressions. Ultimately, I never even asked her out because I realized my feelings were mostly based around her looks (although I should have ... another story). Other women that I've had various degrees of attraction to after getting to know for a while I thought, "Yea, you know, she's pretty cool. I think I can see myself dating her." But I never thought, "You know, I never saw myself being attracted to her." I view many women as prospects until they prove otherwise. I've noticed a lot of women segregate the desirable and unwashed masses in this manner based on initial impressions. Once again, I think this is something that comes down to pure looks. But just curious. So, how do you guys do things?
ditzchic Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I would never look at a guy for the first time and say difinitively that, yes, he's datable because I've learned that looks can be deceiving when it comes to compatibility. I can definitely look at a guy and say, yep, he's someone I want to get to know a little better. But you're right. That's purely physical. Maybe it's because I'm much less coy then most women and will freely admit that "I'd hit it." if I find them physically attractive before I'd even consider an actual date with them
xpaperxcutx Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Initial attraction doesn't equate dateable-ness, it's just not reasonable. For me anyways. Initial attractiveness only serves as a draw for me to decide whether I want to get to know them more. I still need to assess personality traits and compare star signs. Lol
Andy_K Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I think it works like this: A guy looks at a girl and makes an immediate snap judgement about her attractiveness based on her looks. Since her looks are fairly clear and don't change, this initial opinion on whether she's attractive enough to date or not rarely changes after the guy's first impression. A woman on the other hand, looks at a man and makes an initial snap judgement based partly on his looks, and partly on her interpretation of his composure/confidence etc. These things are much harder to see clearly than looks, so many times her initial impression will be wrong, and either he's far less attractive than initially thought, or far more so. The latter case is rarer because unless she's got a good reason to spend more time with him after he didn't make the right first impression, she won't get a chance to revise that opinion.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I think it works like this: A guy looks at a girl and makes an immediate snap judgement about her attractiveness based on her looks. Since her looks are fairly clear and don't change, this initial opinion on whether she's attractive enough to date or not rarely changes after the guy's first impression. A woman on the other hand, looks at a man and makes an initial snap judgement based partly on his looks, and partly on her interpretation of his composure/confidence etc. These things are much harder to see clearly than looks, so many times her initial impression will be wrong, and either he's far less attractive than initially thought, or far more so. The latter case is rarer because unless she's got a good reason to spend more time with him after he didn't make the right first impression, she won't get a chance to revise that opinion. Good interpretaion. But what you're. Literally implying is men are more prone to making snap decisions. Which in this case alo suggests they're more superficial ( but looks are subjective ie. Body shape). I agree that women are capable of changing their minds
verhrzn Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I think it works like this: A guy looks at a girl and makes an immediate snap judgement about her attractiveness based on her looks. Since her looks are fairly clear and don't change, this initial opinion on whether she's attractive enough to date or not rarely changes after the guy's first impression. A woman on the other hand, looks at a man and makes an initial snap judgement based partly on his looks, and partly on her interpretation of his composure/confidence etc. These things are much harder to see clearly than looks, so many times her initial impression will be wrong, and either he's far less attractive than initially thought, or far more so. The latter case is rarer because unless she's got a good reason to spend more time with him after he didn't make the right first impression, she won't get a chance to revise that opinion. I endorse this 100%. My initial attraction is very rarely based on looks. It's more a guy's.... aura. I know inside of 1 solid conversation whether or not I'm attracted to a guy, and I know within 3-4 conversations if he's simply "sex material" or "long term potential."
TuffCookieX Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I was talking to my friends about this last night. People are always telling me to "give guys a chance" to "see if attraction for him will grow", but I was never a believer in growing attraction because I feel that if they can't sweep me off my feet during the first date, I probably won't like them much down the road either. I wish I wasn't so superficial... maybe then I wouldn't get dicked over so much.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I'm a guy And I will admit that I normally make a snap descission, but not all the time. When I first meet a women, I can usually tell in short order if I'm pysically attracted to her. To me this seems natural, because the first way you interact with most people is visually You can learn a lot about them if you know what to look for. For example you can tell how outgoing a person is, how confident they are, how nice they are etc, just by observing them visually for a while. step two is weeding people out based on the stuff you can only learn about by talking to them. For example life goals, hobbies, morrals, etc.
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