Things you want to say to your ex but your on NC

[SkyEmtRN]

So I'm starting to struggle through the NC today. But I'm not going to contact her at all, I know I shouldn't and I won't. So I'm going to write it out on here. If anyone else has stuff they would like to get off their chest feel free to write it in here!

[SkyEmtRN]

You ask me how do I understand our break up. Here's my answer...

Yea I know there was a point in the relationship where I treated you badly. But that was a long time ago. Yes there have been times where I wanted to break up but after each time I realized what I was giving up. And I was working and fixing myself after each time. I was getting better. I was trying so hard to repair us and make this relationship better then before but I guess my progress was slow.

 

I'm in school, it's a hard program but why can't you understand that. I'm not stopping you from going out and having fun with your friends. If anything that's what I want you to do. You don't have to be so clingy to me and think I'm your entire world. Even though thats how I feel now.

 

I'm trying so hard to work on my mistakes and fix my errors but you don't realize it.

 

You say I treated you badly, and your angry at me but then why do you still want me in your life. Why do you still have my stuff?

 

Yea it sucks that I have to do this but its the only hope I have of getting you back and making you realize what your throwing away. I never once treated you badly after that time. I know my mistakes...

 

I'm here trying to study for finals, stuck alone by myself and all I keep thinkin about is you. I keep listening to music and every song reminds me of you.

 

Damn it, I just want you to open up your eyes, see how much I'm in love with you and see that I will never hurt you. Your hanging on to sensless anger and thats making you hate me. But we had great times together.

 

Your angry at me, but you want me in your life. You know I don't want to be your friend but you still want me around. You still have our pictures on facebook of YOU kissing me on the cheeck. I love that picture so much and I can't stop looking at it.

 

Open you eyes and please open your heart and let your true feelings come through. I'm the guy thats for you, not that meat head car junky.

 

I'M the one with the heart. A heart of gold that forever has your name engraved in it...

[lolita jade]

Sky,

 

I broke NC several times due to wanting to ask something/ say something/ feeeling strong/ feeling NC was silly etc. An overwhelming urge comes over you. And I broke th NC after about 2/3 weeks each time. I think I was annoyed to he didnt contact me.

 

You realise after making so mant mistakes that you should have gone NC from the start. The NC would have been more productive.

 

So stay NC

[davesterr]

i let everything out before i went nc to my ex.

made is easier not having all these feelings build up inside.

if anyone broke up on good terms and their ex is willing to listen and is planning to go nc , i would advise them to do the same.

[SkyEmtRN]

Sky,

 

I broke NC several times due to wanting to ask something/ say something/ feeeling strong/ feeling NC was silly etc. An overwhelming urge comes over you. And I broke th NC after about 2/3 weeks each time. I think I was annoyed to he didnt contact me.

 

You realise after making so mant mistakes that you should have gone NC from the start. The NC would have been more productive.

 

So stay NC

 

Yea...thats why I created this thread so I can write it on here instead of sending it to her. I think its mostly becuase she is more productive then me at the moment, but I know when she gets home she'll try to reach out to me. I guess I'm waiting for her to do so and I know I shouldn't wait but it is what it is...

[SkyEmtRN]

i let everything out before i went nc to my ex.

made is easier not having all these feelings build up inside.

if anyone broke up on good terms and their ex is willing to listen and is planning to go nc , i would advise them to do the same.

 

 

Don't get me wrong, I let it all out. Its just she always sends me that one message that sets me off.

 

For example yesterday when I was trying to start NC. After a few messages go by and I don't respond to her. She says "so have a good life" Then minutes later she says "I mean, i didnt want to end this being mad but idk. no need to be rude"

 

But I'm not being rude and I'm not mad..she's just thinking that becuase I guess she's in panic mode...

[smokey bear]

NC changes shape and form as time goes on, at the start i struggled, it was very hard and actually made me worse, now nc is a respite. If i talk to my ex it hurts, I run for NC to stop hurting and welocome it everytime now and each time now it repairs me quicker and quicker.

 

If i break nc or he does and i feel terrible, i now that nc is there for me, its my friend and now after 1 day... yes 1 little day in nc, i feel happy and great again, it helps, a lot and heals you quicker each time.

 

I love nc, also means i dont feel bad when he comes looking for something, i feel bad when i have to say no and watch him struggle, with nc, i can just ignore it all and not feel bad.

 

Nc turns and changes at a point and becomes your friend and you become thankful for it instead of fighting it. I welcome it with open arms now.

[SkyEmtRN]

NC changes shape and form as time goes on, at the start i struggled, it was very hard and actually made me worse, now nc is a respite. If i talk to my ex it hurts, I run for NC to stop hurting and welocome it everytime now and each time now it repairs me quicker and quicker.

 

If i break nc or he does and i feel terrible, i now that nc is there for me, its my friend and now after 1 day... yes 1 little day in nc, i feel happy and great again, it helps, a lot and heals you quicker each time.

 

I love nc, also means i dont feel bad when he comes looking for something, i feel bad when i have to say no and watch him struggle, with nc, i can just ignore it all and not feel bad.

 

Nc turns and changes at a point and becomes your friend and you become thankful for it instead of fighting it. I welcome it with open arms now.

 

 

As of now...it happens to be a fighting day but I know she will come and say something to me later on. I just wish she would speed up the process and say it now....

[davesterr]

Don't get me wrong, I let it all out. Its just she always sends me that one message that sets me off.

 

For example yesterday when I was trying to start NC. After a few messages go by and I don't respond to her. She says "so have a good life" Then minutes later she says "I mean, i didnt want to end this being mad but idk. no need to be rude"

 

But I'm not being rude and I'm not mad..she's just thinking that becuase I guess she's in panic mode...

 

Who knows man.

I don't know whether you broke up in a fight or on good terms.

I told my ex i would always love her but talking to her hurts toomuch so i had to go nc.

This way she knew how much i cared about her but also understood that i needed time on my own to heal.

Not sure what your ex thinks of your nc move but then again i don't think it matters that much.

 

If you are doing nc because you know the relationsip is over and want to heal yourself.

And you didn't end up in a fight because you say you aren't rude or mad.

Then let it be.

Maybe she is panicking.

Maybe she wants to start some kind of a conversation again that leaves her feeling better at the end of it.

But if she doesn't want to get back together then what's the point of any of her messages?

I wouldn't think toomuch about it and simply stick to nc if that's what you need to heal.

You are on your own now.

You can no longer worry about how she feels because you gotta worry about how you feel first.

 

However if you only recently started nc but things are already troubling you , don't feel bad to break it for the greater good , end things right and then stick to nc.

It won't haunt you as much if you do.

Explain it to her why you are going nc and both give eachother a piece of mind.

If you started nc a few days ago , it really isn't bad to break it.

And if you do care about what you have/had together then i think it's better to make sure she understands you are not doing this out of spite but simply as a neccessarity to heal yourself.

 

If everything ended the best way it would've ended though then i would simply make sure she can't message you anymore.

Change your number , put your fb on privacy and block her on any instant messenger.

 

My ex was super sweet and would always check up on me even after nc.

But even small talk killed me.

I couldn't heal knowing she would be there , messaging me anytime i would go online.

So i stopt going online all together , even if that ment losing mutual friends and online activities that i enjoyed.

Im glad i did because now after 3 months , despite of how much i love her , i can finally see i am no longer living for her.

Goodlucks on getting there man.

If you got any questions feel free to ask them.

Edited December 14, 2011 by davesterr

[Million.to.1]

Don't get me wrong, I let it all out. Its just she always sends me that one message that sets me off.

 

For example yesterday when I was trying to start NC. After a few messages go by and I don't respond to her. She says "so have a good life" Then minutes later she says "I mean, i didnt want to end this being mad but idk. no need to be rude"

 

But I'm not being rude and I'm not mad..she's just thinking that becuase I guess she's in panic mode...

 

 

Maybe you should just explain to her that txt ping-pong is not helping you right now. That you need N/C for your own healing and it does not mean that you hate her or are deliberately being rude. Say you respect her decision to break-up but she must respect what you need to move on and to not contact you.

 

I had to tell my ex the same thing, as i knew that he would keep up contact in small ways to ease his guilt and keep me as a "friend" and I would continue to have false hope and hurt more.

[mike588]

No contact is the way to go. I'm 4 months into being dumped and 3 3/4 months of strict N.C....... Like many here know it's difficult to do because you feel you need to say that one last thing or hoping to get some closure.

 

Many...many times I came sooooo very..very close to breaking it and now am so glad I didn't. If you have the urge to break it DON'T.... walk away...sleep on it and DON'T act on impulse.

 

Your ex. DUMPED you,you own him/her nothing....if they have something to say let them contact you!!!!!

 

Hummm what would I tell my ex. that I haven't already said? Guess I'd remind her:

 

You used me

 

You lied to me

 

You betrayed me

 

And you probably cheated on me.

 

You said you didn't want to see me hurt ...does that mean you closed your eyes as I cried.

[SkyEmtRN]

Who knows man.

I don't know whether you broke up in a fight or on good terms.

I told my ex i would always love her but talking to her hurts toomuch so i had to go nc.

This way she knew how much i cared about her but also understood that i needed time on my own to heal.

Not sure what your ex thinks of your nc move but then again i don't think it matters that much.

 

If you are doing nc because you know the relationsip is over and want to heal yourself.

And you didn't end up in a fight because you say you aren't rude or mad.

Then let it be.

Maybe she is panicking.

Maybe she wants to start some kind of a conversation again that leaves her feeling better at the end of it.

But if she doesn't want to get back together then what's the point of any of her messages?

I wouldn't think toomuch about it and simply stick to nc if that's what you need to heal.

You are on your own now.

You can no longer worry about how she feels because you gotta worry about how you feel first.

 

However if you only recently started nc but things are already troubling you , don't feel bad to break it for the greater good , end things right and then stick to nc.

It won't haunt you as much if you do.

Explain it to her why you are going nc and both give eachother a piece of mind.

If you started nc a few days ago , it really isn't bad to break it.

And if you do care about what you have/had together then i think it's better to make sure she understands you are not doing this out of spite but simply as a neccessarity to heal yourself.

 

If everything ended the best way it would've ended though then i would simply make sure she can't message you anymore.

Change your number , put your fb on privacy and block her on any instant messenger.

 

My ex was super sweet and would always check up on me even after nc.

But even small talk killed me.

I couldn't heal knowing she would be there , messaging me anytime i would go online.

So i stopt going online all together , even if that ment losing mutual friends and online activities that i enjoyed.

Im glad i did because now after 3 months , despite of how much i love her , i can finally see i am no longer living for her.

Goodlucks on getting there man.

If you got any questions feel free to ask them.

 

 

Thanks! We did kind of end on good terms. There was no arugment and we never once cursed at eachother. We never hated eachother. She just held onto anger.

 

I'm so tempted to put something in my facebook status for her to read but that would be considered breaking NC. Something like "open your eyes and chase the person you love before its too late" or "why be angry at the one person that loves you dearly and let that anger ruin happiness"

 

I'm thinking that if she is panicking then that leaves a better chance for reconciliation...and that's exactly what I want. I don't want to shut her out of my life forever but I only want her around if she is my gf. That's the only way I can see her but she just wants to be the f word...I can't do that...and I told her...But she still contacts me.

 

She hasn't said anything today but I know its becuase shes buisy...But damn...all I wish right is to be able to give her that one last hug and kiss and hopefully it will reunite the spark that she said she lost...

[davesterr]

You said you didn't want to see me hurt ...does that mean you closed your eyes as I cried.

 

Rofl that last line made me laugh.

Sorry you got hurt though but that was a funny way to put it.

Also congrats on 1000 post mark.

[SkyEmtRN]

No contact is the way to go. I'm 4 months into being dumped and 3 3/4 months of strict N.C....... Like many here know it's difficult to do because you feel you need to say that one last thing or hoping to get some closure.

 

Many...many times I came sooooo very..very close to breaking it and now am so glad I didn't. If you have the urge to break it DON'T.... walk away...sleep on it and DON'T act on impulse.

 

Your ex. DUMPED you,you own him/her nothing....if they have something to say let them contact you!!!!!

 

Hummm what would I tell my ex. that I haven't already said? Guess I'd remind her:

 

You used me

 

You lied to me

 

You betrayed me

 

And you probably cheated on me.

 

You said you didn't want to see me hurt ...does that mean you closed your eyes as I cried.

 

 

Well said. I know I'm not going to say anything to her. I just gain a sense of pleasure knowing that she is struggling to and that she is trying to reach out to me. I feel like i get more control that she is trying to talk to me...

[sunflower11]

Sky,

 

I broke NC several times due to wanting to ask something/ say something/ feeeling strong/ feeling NC was silly etc. An overwhelming urge comes over you. And I broke th NC after about 2/3 weeks each time. I think I was annoyed to he didnt contact me.

 

You realise after making so mant mistakes that you should have gone NC from the start. The NC would have been more productive.

 

So stay NC

 

Oh lolita this was me too! I kept breaking NC every 2 weeks cause I felt the urge sooo bad and didn't fight it back, I just gave in and did the "easy" thing which was to call him and everytime he ignored my calls it just caused more pain! Today is my 3 week NC mark and I am proud of myself for making it this far (and yes I know there's people who have been NC for over 6 months lol but I have smaller goals and I am taking it 1 day at a time!)

 

I really do wish I had stuck with NC from the beginning and not begged him for closure or answers.

 

Oh I forgot to say Sky, NC is very hard but I like to think of it as a detox diet. I've you've ever been on any kind of diet or workout or anything where you had to give it your 100% you know how hard it is to stick to something! but everytime you don't "give in" to the urges it takes you one step closer to your goal! and you will feel better and stronger for fighting the urge! Set small goals for yourself like for example this weekend, just put your mind to staying NC until sunday and if you make it to that day I promise you will feel better and will slowly start setting up bigger goals like 1 month, 3 months, 6 months etc..

Edited December 14, 2011 by sunflower11

[davesterr]

Thanks! We did kind of end on good terms. There was no arugment and we never once cursed at eachother. We never hated eachother. She just held onto anger.

 

I'm so tempted to put something in my facebook status for her to read but that would be considered breaking NC. Something like "open your eyes and chase the person you love before its too late" or "why be angry at the one person that loves you dearly and let that anger ruin happiness"

 

I'm thinking that if she is panicking then that leaves a better chance for reconciliation...and that's exactly what I want. I don't want to shut her out of my life forever but I only want her around if she is my gf. That's the only way I can see her but she just wants to be the f word...I can't do that...and I told her...But she still contacts me.

 

She hasn't said anything today but I know its becuase shes buisy...But damn...all I wish right is to be able to give her that one last hug and kiss and hopefully it will reunite the spark that she said she lost...

 

I know exactly how you feel man.

Exactly.

I flew back to america for 6 months , giving up everything i had just to see her one more time , to get 1 last hug and maybe get back together so i could kiss her again and do everything i so much wished for.

Well i did get to give her 1 last hug , infact it was a permanent goodbye hug that broke my heart more than the first time.

Couldn't believe how crushed i was after not being able to get her back.

 

Anyways hopefully for you she will start to miss you and want you back.

I would want to give you some kind of advice that increase your chances of reconciliation the most but everyone is different and no one really knows what works.

Alot of times you can do everything right yet the girl just won't see it.

 

About the facebook messages.

I think by the way that you talk that she knows that you love her.

I'm sure you didn't agree on the breakup since you still want to be with her.

Therefore i know the urge to put something on your facebook status to make her realise things.

To get someone to talk to her and put some common sense into her head.

Something that says: Don't let this guy go , he loves you , why can't you just realise what you have with him.

 

Coming from someone who has tried everything.

From flying across the world for half a year staying in her state , to convincing her friends to try and talk her over to get back with me.

All i can say is , nothing can truely guarantee for her to regret her decission.

I really wish i had answers but i don't.

You can try putting something on fb but big chance is that she already knows you love her.

Unfortunately at this moment she just doesn't want to be with you.

Then again maybe some day she will again.

But as far as that fb status alone , i personally don't think it will do much.

As much as we hold on to that hope of saying the magical words or doing that special someting to get back together.

In most cases we really are just powerless untill she somehow changes and wants you back.

 

Then again this is just my personal story and opinion tho , if you feel you have to do this then go for it.

Always listen to your instincts and do what you feel is right.

This way you can never have any regrets on holding back.

But always do think about your actions though.

Only you know what's best.

[smokey bear]

As of now...it happens to be a fighting day but I know she will come and say something to me later on. I just wish she would speed up the process and say it now....

 

 

 

Dont wish your life away, and another thing, if she came and said right now, you would probably split again in the future.

 

Leave her be, let her learn her mistakes, the hard way so they stick. Emjoy being single and be able to scratch your butt nd all the other things you cn do while being single and not get moaned at lol.

 

 

 

Enjoy it, honestly, the day does come. You cant feel it, you just know when it has passed a long time ago.

 

Only then will it be time for her to say those things.

[SkyEmtRN]

Oh lolita this was me too! I kept breaking NC every 2 weeks cause I felt the urge sooo bad and didn't fight it back, I just gave in and did the "easy" thing which was to call him and everytime he ignored my calls it just caused more pain! Today is my 3 week NC mark and I am proud of myself for making it this far (and yes I know there's people who have been NC for over 6 months lol but I have smaller goals and I am taking it 1 day at a time!)

 

I really do wish I had stuck with NC from the beginning and not begged him for closure or answers.

 

Oh I forgot to say Sky, NC is very hard but I like to think of it as a detox diet. I've you've ever been on any kind of diet or workout or anything where you had to give it your 100% you know how hard it is to stick to something! but everytime you don't "give in" to the urges it takes you one step closer to your goal! and you will feel better and stronger for fighting the urge! Set small goals for yourself like for example this weekend, just put your mind to staying NC until sunday and if you make it to that day I promise you will feel better and will slowly start setting up bigger goals like 1 month, 3 months, 6 months etc..

 

 

Thank you sunflower, I am going to try for friday night lol. Sunday is a bit to far at the moment. And Friday night I know she is most likely going to spend time with that guy. But if I see her on AIM that friday night, I will feel soo much better becuase I know she'll be thinking of me and would want to say something to me. And that will give me more control and more strength to fight through this.

 

There's always that one little thing that rolls in my head that I want to say to her but I know if I say it, it will push her away and ruin any chances of reconciliation. All I can do right now is stay NC and try as little as possible to hope that she'll wake up and come back...

 

She said the spark is gone...but is it really gone when she still wants me in her life or if she still trys to reach out to me? I know she makes comparisons to me and that guy so I'm hoping that she'll find more positive in me then with him and that will wake her ass up....

[mike588]

Not that it's matters or will change anything.. I'd like to add to my above post on what I'd say:

 

How dare you use me for the surgery you had all along knowing you were plotting on getting back with your ex.

 

I took you to the Dr. waited on you for 3 hrs.held you hand in the recovery room took you home and cared for you, your daughter...your house and 2 weeks later you dump me......Where the HELL was he ??? Why didn't up dump me before all this ???

 

 

Ok I feel better now.lol......You asked.

Edited December 14, 2011 by mike588

[sunflower11]

I agree, I have things I would like to say to my ex. But then I think about it and I'm like...no, I said it all and he still didn't care. I mean I've been reading your other threads, do you really believe you have not said it all?

 

Be honest and ask yourself, "if I tell her this, would it make a difference? would it make me feel better?"

 

When I was NC the first time I had this feeling that ok I need to let it out and I wrote him a long email and that was the last email I wrote and I knew I had nothing more to say after that. The next time I broke NC I had this feeling that ok, what if what if what if...and those what if's wouldn't leave me alone so I told myself, "If you must, go put your hand in the fire and get burned again, if you must do this then do it already so you can start to move on and not waste anymore days wondering what if you called one more time, what if you said this, what if what if what if..." And yea I went out there again, got burned AGAIN and slowly the urge disappeared. Now I have no desire to contact him at all..I don't need him to reject me AGAIN! I do believe sometimes you need to break NC to realize you are not missing out on anything and realize it hurts like hell when you do it so it makes you even more determined to move on. But that's just me..

[SkyEmtRN]

Not that it's matters or will change anything.. I'd like to add to my above post on what I'd say:

 

How dare you use me for the surgery you had all along knowing you were plotting on getting back with your ex.

 

I took you to the Dr. waited on you for 3 hrs.held you hand in the recovery room took you home and cared for you, your daughter...your house and 2 weeks later you dump me......Where the HELL was he ??? Why didn't up dump me before all this ???

 

 

Ok I feel better now.lol......You asked.

 

See it helps!!! If you got more then go for it....and damn I'm sorry but that sucks. But your the better person anyway for doing what you did. So in the end let says if she has a fight with that guy she'll be like "where were you when I was in the hospital?" and then boom before you know it she'll realize what she done and come crying back...That would be an intersting read.

[SkyEmtRN]

I agree, I have things I would like to say to my ex. But then I think about it and I'm like...no, I said it all and he still didn't care. I mean I've been reading your other threads, do you really believe you have not said it all?

 

Be honest and ask yourself, "if I tell her this, would it make a difference? would it make me feel better?"

 

When I was NC the first time I had this feeling that ok I need to let it out and I wrote him a long email and that was the last email I wrote and I knew I had nothing more to say after that. The next time I broke NC I had this feeling that ok, what if what if what if...and those what if's wouldn't leave me alone so I told myself, "If you must, go put your hand in the fire and get burned again, if you must do this then do it already so you can start to move on and not waste anymore days wondering what if you called one more time, what if you said this, what if what if what if..." And yea I went out there again, got burned AGAIN and slowly the urge disappeared. Now I have no desire to contact him at all..I don't need him to reject me AGAIN! I do believe sometimes you need to break NC to realize you are not missing out on anything and realize it hurts like hell when you do it so it makes you even more determined to move on. But that's just me..

 

Yea I get what you mean with breaking the NC. But everytime I pour my heart out to her. All I get is "Thank you for saying that" or a simple "ty"

So there's just no point on saying anything to her anymore.

 

And when I do try to talk to her, she'll act like we're best buddies and I'll be like wtf do you not care anymore? But NC is a way of getting her to see that she does care that I am gone.

[SkyEmtRN]

Another thing I want to say to her...

 

I hope that one day I find you at my door crying and wanting me back..becuase damn it...we deserve to be together. I know there's other girls out there but your the only I want, your the only one I see that fits all of my standards.

 

But damn it you need to open your eyes, let your heart run free, get rid of this anger you have for me that was created in the past and come back. Becuase when you do come back, you will see that things will be better then before.

 

I know I told her stuff like this but it still runs in my head and I need to get it out somewhere and somehow....

[mike588]

See it helps!!! If you got more then go for it....and damn I'm sorry but that sucks. But your the better person anyway for doing what you did. So in the end let says if she has a fight with that guy she'll be like "where were you when I was in the hospital?" and then boom before you know it she'll realize what she done and come crying back...That would be an intersting read.

 

Yeah It does help...that would be interesting if that happened but don't believe it will, this is the 2nd.....3rd? time back to the love of her life.

 

Ok here is some more....

 

And I woke up every 3 hrs. for 8 nights to give you your meds.,change your bandaids....put ice on the wound.... take you back to the Dr. to have the stitches removed...rub your back..cook for you and your daughter....took your daughter to school and work and return etc etc. etc. and this is what I get?

 

What... he wouldn't of done this for you? Obviously not because he didn't!!!

 

Geeze... a breakup is bad enough but when you have been used like this it hurts so much worst!!!! The ultimate in betrayel

 

Ahhhhhh feel better again,lol

[lilyblue]

Depends on my mood at any given moment but

 

1. I miss you a lot. I miss how things were during the summer. I miss how much fun we had together, being excited to see you, the 30 emails a day that always made me laugh, your energy, how warm you were, the plans we had made. I don't know what happened but still wish you could have respected me and been upfront, and that you hadn't chosen the easy way out for yourself.

 

2. F*** you coward. I hope she sees whatever she saw before in you and leaves you again.

 

3. Hey - how are you?

 

And sometimes I want to email his brother or sister: Hey, I miss you guys. What is wrong with your brother??