proteinshake25 Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I did the dumping, told her I wanted to just have the chance to miss her, and wanted to be single. That was mid Jan 2011. 6 weeks later she was with another guy and soon after started ignoring me. We both said some hatefull things. When I saw her in ausut she said there is no way we can get back together because of what I said. I've been trying so hard to get her back, told her I'd set a wedding date if she'd give me another shot. I cant take it. There is not another woman I want more than I her, I've dated 8 other girls since, and she's on my mind 24/7. If her love was true, there would be forgiveness. But she wont forgive. She did and said a ton of hurtfull things all of which I forgive. She's living with this guy now. I pray about this everyday. I have faith she'll come back. I told myself I'm gonna do 2 years no contact, if she still isnt married, I'm proposing.
BoredAgain Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 (edited) You have to face the facts here. You dumped her, so she moved on, and now you have to live with the consequences of your choices. You write, "If her love was true, there would be forgiveness. But she wont forgive." To me that sounds like an unhealthy way of trying to put the blame onto her for the relationship not working. And going 2 years without communication then proposing is a ridiculous plan, by the way. If she doesn't want to reconcile, you have to respect that and move on with your life. Maybe someday in the future she'll have a change of heart... but you can't count on that. Edited December 14, 2011 by BoredAgain
Jono85 Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 You have to face the facts here. You dumped her, so she moved on, and now you have to live with the consequences of your choices. You write, "If her love was true, there would be forgiveness. But she wont forgive." To me that sounds like an unhealthy way of trying to put the blame onto her for the relationship not working. And going 2 years without communication then proposing is a ridiculous plan, by the way. If she doesn't want to reconcile, you have to respect that and move on with your life. Maybe someday in the future she'll have a change of heart... but you can't count on that. this. u dont control her. u took a risk doing what u did, and unfortunately she moved on and found someone willing to give her what she wants. learn from it. but leave her alone, it's pathetic. along with the proposing thing. terrible idea. if u need help from ppl dealing with it, get help, but don't talk to her anymore. and don't guilt her either, she's not doing anything wrong.
Author proteinshake25 Posted December 14, 2011 Author Posted December 14, 2011 Why is that unhealthy? what good is a relationship if there is no forgiveness. Just like the quote "there is no love without forgiveness, and no forgiveness without love." I know what I did was wrong. She was willing to forgive me in the early part, but as soon as she met this guy, my chances evaporated. She told me she'd hate me foreever if I ruined her relationship, and this is 2 weeks into their dating.
BoredAgain Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Why is that unhealthy? what good is a relationship if there is no forgiveness. Just like the quote "there is no love without forgiveness, and no forgiveness without love." I know what I did was wrong. She was willing to forgive me in the early part, but as soon as she met this guy, my chances evaporated. She told me she'd hate me foreever if I ruined her relationship, and this is 2 weeks into their dating. Proteinshake, that quote is just a platitude. I could probably find a few platitudes about love that completely contradict it. But it's not worth it... The truth is that you dissolved her trust when you dumped her. You walked away from the relationship to go and do whatever you wanted to do. I'm not judging you for this - I'm sure you did what you felt was right at the time - but can you really blame her for not wanting to get back together with you?
melenkurion Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 (edited) You didn't just dump her, you dumped her for an old crush You emotionally cheated on her. It didn't work out for you, so you came crawling back. When you left her for someone else, she lost her trust for you. Your words mean nothing to her: what counts is that you left her for someone else. Nothing destroys love more than being cheated on. Emotional cheating is just as toxic, just as hurtful as the physical cheating. I'd never, ever take a cheater back, not any more, no matter how much I had loved them. Yes, she's probably made a bad choice getting together with someone so soon after you left her. She ought to have stayed single and worked through the grief. But that's her problem, not yours. Edited December 14, 2011 by melenkurion screwed up link 1
davesterr Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 You can't just commit a crime and then expect to be forgiven man. It may work like this in church but it doesn't work like this in a relationship. I don't know whether she will come back or not but listen to the people on this topic man. You can't propose to someone who doesn't love you. Why do you think it will work? Sure it will mean you are serious but what if i ask an old classmate to marry me that i haven't seen for 5 years long out of no where? You think she will say yes even though she doesn't love me and didn't hear from me since forever , or you think it will freak her out and get a WTF reaction? Use some common sense here man. You ditched her for your own selfish needs , now you realise you made a mistake. But just because you realised it , doesn't mean she has to forgive you. She's a person with her own needs and wants and that trust you once had is now gone. She may have a change of heart as has been said earlier but i wouldn't wait on it. And really man , unless you 100% think your proposal plan will work , don't do it. You don't marry someone to show them you're sorry. You marry someone because you both love eachother. Both , and unless she will change and want you back , i don't see it happening.
MarMarMar Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Why is that unhealthy? what good is a relationship if there is no forgiveness. Just like the quote "there is no love without forgiveness, and no forgiveness without love." I know what I did was wrong. She was willing to forgive me in the early part, but as soon as she met this guy, my chances evaporated. She told me she'd hate me foreever if I ruined her relationship, and this is 2 weeks into their dating. "what good is a relationship if there is no forgiveness" "there is no love without forgiveness, and no forgiveness without love." In response to the two above lines. First there was no relationship because you decided to end it. Second about the love and forgiveness, you showed her that you didn't love her enough when you left. So maybe if you're saying you actually do love her enough maybe you should forgive her for moving on after you gave up on your relationship with her and move on yourself.
smokey bear Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Well, this is a story id like to her more about, can i ask you, have you read any of the gigs threads? Do you think you had gigs? What age are you?
bbronco Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Proteinshake...I sympathise with you as a fellow dumper with regret, but your reasonings for the break-up and the subsequent nasty dialogue you both had probably wasn't in your favor for reconcilliation. It's a pretty emotionally draining battle that you've set yourself on trying to coax an ex back once you've dumped them, and I wish you guys hadn't exchanged harsh words in the interim...but ultimately, at this point you need to just let her be. You've told her it was a mistake, that you're sorry, that you'll do anything to make things right...I'm sure you made some significant efforts as well to prove it to her...but if you've done everything you can, then you reach a point where they have to figure it out for themselves. Had you not said you needed to miss her and be single as your break-up excuse, you might have had a better chance but now you've got your work cut out for you! I told my ex his priorities had shifted and he needed to just stay focused on his work and finances until he was ready to make our relationship a priority again...and this was an observable fact by all and we both knew it was destroying our feelings for eachother if we stayed together...but he's still resisting! Just disappear from her life for now and let her make her comparisons between the new guy and you and sort out a conclusion on her now about what she really wants for her future.
Sugarkane Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I have empathy as you actually genuinely regret whey happened, unlike most dumpers. Most dumpers just get back for the wrong reasons aswell, I know from experience(sex, ego boost). The problem with a recon is how do you trust the person again? Majority dump you again anyway. You know that when you dumped her there was a chance that she would meet someone else. Why do you want her back? What is it about her?
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