Mcnulty Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 My family...my mother, 3 sisters, were not there for me directly after I found out my gf was in a relationship with my "friend", without her telling me. 4 days passed with them not contacting me, when I really needed their support. To add to this my mother and sister said they would carry on being friends with her, as they like her!!?? Since then, I've not seen them. I've received some texts saying they are here for me. I have had to keep this distance due to being very hurt by their inaction, also obviously trying to get over what happened with my ex. Also I am terrified of them having/had contact with her, as I cant/will not hear anything about her...I'm trying to heal. Problem is, I'm starting to feel upset and anxious about Christmas. It's only 2 weeks away and it fills me with dread for many reasons...I don't think I can see my family over this period...I'm still vulnerable and a mess to be honest. Am I wrong to do this? I don't know.
melenkurion Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 If you think it's not helpful to see them, don't see them. I can understand your being hurt: you expect unconditional support from your folks. Besides, you haven't done anything wrong here. I suppose one thing: unless you tell them how you feel, they perhaps can't understand how upsetting this is to you. Obviously, to us it's obvious that being bosom buddies with your adulterous ex is upsetting, but some people really don't understand stuff unless it is spelled out to them. I have to say, I find your family's behaviour very odd, and I feel angry on your behalf. Do they know the full story, the cheating and so on? They haven't made any attempts to see if you're OK other than stupid txt messages that take 30 seconds to type? I hope you have people who are supporting you properly.
Cmac Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Yeah this is very odd, you should explicitly state to them that you don't feel comfortable with them still being friends with your ex and let them know you need them right now. I can't imagine how much harder these past couple of weeks would have been for me if I didn't have my family helping me through it.
geegirl Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I think you should be upfront with your family. It's likely that they may not know the extent of what transpired between you and her and with the breakup. It's hard to fathom their loyalty to her knowing you're hurting, and in that sense I am wondering if they are going by surface level information. Your healing comes first. And you can convey to them that you want their support but you're still working through the break up and would like some space but would hope that they will be there when you need them. Accept their support if it is well within your boundaries. But be open and honest and talk to them about how you feel and what you need from them. One step at a time.
Chi townD Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Wow! So, I assume that you've talked to your family about this and they stated that they are remaining friends with her regardless of your feelings; yet, they're there for you? That's messed up. Not only did she ruin a friendship of your's with hooking up with a friend, now she's ruining your relationship with your family as well. And they're buying into it. Terrible. Well, I think you might have to put some distance between you and your family as they made their choice. It seems like they value her friendship more than you being part of the family. Once they see you start pulling away, they might take a step back and re-evaluate where their priorities lay.
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