he contacted me, we went out and i don't know what's next

[kourix]

a little backstory - we were dating/together for about two months but broke up because he was very distant and eventually when i confronted him, he told me "you are pretty, funny, interesting but i'm not ready for/doesn't want a relationship" and "i can't give you what you want". i handled it pretty well (no grovelling, just said okay, as you wish) and broke off all contact with him.

 

so he contacted me, approx four weeks after our breakup, and asked me how i was. at the time of contact (this past saturday), i was just on my way to pick my dog up from the hospital, and i just thought, wow, how coincidental. he didn't know about my dog being in there btw. and i've mentioned before, i was entertaining the thought of being friends with him (but this thought was more for in the future like after new year's if i still felt like we should be friends as i didn't want the pressure of holidays to be the reason i contacted him). so anyway i took this as a sign and just replied him casually telling him about my dog. we texted for abit, then he stopped replying.

 

a few hours later, he asks me what i'm up to (it was about 9pm) and i said i'm just baking and taking care of my dog. then he asks me whether i'm free the next day (sunday), to have brunch with him. i'm hesitant - i ask why and he says, what do you mean why? to see you, to talk, laugh... bring you to a new place... etc etc. and i was still hesitating and then he said, well we don't have to if you don't want to... no worries.

 

anyway, i caved and agreed to meet him, figured i can deal with it, it's only brunch. so we meet on sunday, and he brings me to this cafe on an island, and it's lovely. we sit down and have brunch and look at the boats, and we talk like nothing's ever happened between us, just our old selves. neither of us brought up the break-up. after brunch, we went to walk around the island (both for the first time) and we continued talking and laughing, making fun of each other, of other people, catching up etc. if it were a date, it would have been a very nice/pretty romantic one. i mean, it's a little island!

 

we part ways after. back at home, i simply text him "thanks for brunch, nice place" to be polite and he responds "my pleasure" and we leave it at that. he hasn't contacted me since, and it's wed now.

 

throughout our whole time together, we never mentioned anything about what happened. the only major differences between sunday and when we were together were:

- we didn't greet each other with kisses/hugs (i think he wanted to, it's his custom even as friends, but i just maintained my distance)

- both of us were careful not to say "oh we should totally do that together!"

- i didn't really let him know much about what was happening in my life, i kept the conversation either on him or on whatever other topic there was.

 

in fact, it almost felt like how our first few dates felt like.

 

i don't know what i'm looking for from you people, but i haven't really told any of my friends because they would just give me crap for even agreeing to meet him. during the outing, i didn't really feel much, feelings-wise, but as time goes by now, i'm starting to miss missing him, and i've been thinking back to that day and we really have a good time together. i mean, i've been out with other guys 1-to-1 (friends or otherwise) since the breakup, and they make me laugh too, but it's so weird because i don't think about the laughter i shared with the other guys, or even the places they bring me etc. i only reminisce about the time spent with my ex and sunday has been lodged in my mind these past few days and i start laughing to myself when these memories of that day pop up. it keeps replying in my mind.

 

at the same time, i know the likelihood of us getting back together is very, very low. i mean at this point, i don't even want to be back together even if he did. but i wouldn't mind starting by dating again, though i still don't think it'll work out because we're just very different people. on the other hand, he makes me laugh. other people do too, but with him, it's just... better (for lack of a better word). i find his sense of humour endearing, and we click. there's no passion, but there's clicking. i'm not sure whether it's because i still admittedly have some feelings or something.

 

and the biggest question i have now is, why did he contact me? when we bumped into each other two weeks ago, he did mention he missed me a little, but he stopped talking after that, so i chalked it up to him having emotions just because he saw me and he was just trying to be nice or whatever.

however, this past weekend he actually texted me and asked me out, and people usually say it's because the guys wants to have sex or something, but that was definitely not the case with him.

 

could it be that he was bored and just wanted the company? i really think so. he's an expat here, he doesn't have that many friends, so it could be that he's been bored and he misses my company and was simply asking me out because he wasn't doing anything. yet, when we broke up, he never suggested being friends whatsoever. we broke up via text, and after i said "we're done here." he just stopped replying and i assumed he didn't want to keep in touch since we didn't have mutual friends anyway. then he texts me out of the blue, we have brunch, and he's gone again, so to speak.

 

he's always been this way. even when we were dating, we would go out, and after that, he wouldn't text me for the next couple of days, and even then it'll be short texts, or he'll just ask me out. it was my weirdest dating experience ever to be honest. usually the guy would pay for attention to me, but i always chalked it up to him being from a totally different culture (he's french) and i've heard they don't like to text much etc. also, being an expat, i figured he liked his independence and i didn't want to come off clingy.

 

i don't want to be disillusioned and pine for him all over again. i'm trying to keep myself busy and getting my friends to watch a movie i wanted to watch with him, and so far so good, because i've managed that! so i don't have to sk him out. i don't want to ask him out, although i keep finding reasons to. but i won't crack, i know i won't.

 

i just wish i knew what was going on in his mind. on one hand i'm hoping he doesn't contact me again, that that sunday was for "closure", but i'm afraid he might contact me again - i never know with him. and if he does, how do i react? i want to ask him what he wants with me when he's never even said he wanted to remain friends, so could it be possible that he just wants to be strictly friends and hang out when he's bored? is it alright to ask him what exactly he wants with me? i don't want to ask questions if that's going to make him think i want to get back together, or that i'm thinking about him, because i don't, but i just want to know, so i know how to feel and handle the situation. because if he says it's just for the company, i don't think i'm ready yet. i think the only answer i would want to hear would be that he wants to start dating me again, but really slow this time till we both are sure.

 

i thought i was okay at first, i was okay on sunday but for the past few days the questions have been growing and gnawing at me.

 

what does this contact by him mean? and what should i do?

 

anyone thinks he'll contact me again?

 

i need objectivity, and if you have to be harsh, please do. and if there's any french people here who can provide additional insights, it'll definitely be appreciated.

[sugarmomma]

I would ask him directly what his intentions/motives are for contacting you. That answer will tell you everything you need to know.

[kourix]

isn't it a little too late considering it's been three days since sunday :S and we haven't been in touch since...

[geegirl]

This is the guy that you stated:

 

1) missed you "a little" (I would have been insulted)

2) didn't want an R soon after you had sex

3) was "pretty douchey"

4) never made you feel safe

5) does not care for you

 

The question is -- what are you looking for? I bet when you wrote a list of what you wanted in man, you didn't come up with the above, did you? If you're dependent and desperate to have a man, any man, then by all means contact him and ask him (and remember he told you he does not want a relationship and quit soon after you had sex) if you're deciphering contact as wanting to rekindle.

 

When someone tells you what you don't want to hear, LISTEN.

 

In addition, contact does not mean all of the above changes. You are looking for something that isn't there. Doesn't matter whether he is French, German or Portuguese. Listen to what he is saying and look at his actions. He's not a different type of man just because he is French. He is just a man showing you who he is. Simple.

Edited December 14, 2011 by geegirl

[kourix]

i was verrrrrry insulted when he added the "a little" part. which is why i just ignored him and maintained NC the whole time. each time i felt like iw as faltering, i just had to look at the breakup texts.

 

for the sex part, i don't know if i'm putting too much focus on it, because he is someone who has enough girls throwing themselves at him and doesn't have a problem finding one night stands, so honestly, why he even tried with me is sometimes a mystery. but my friends did mention that he might have liked the challenge, or wanted a longer-term "sex buddy" so to speak.

 

i don't know what i want, i mean, like you said geegirl, he definitely doesn't fit my criteria, but i just want to know what HE wants with ME so i can be at peace. having to wonder what goes on in that head of his is throwing me off kilter.

 

i guess a part of me just wants to feel like maybe he regrets it and wants to make up for being such a douche.

[geegirl]

i was verrrrrry insulted when he added the "a little" part. which is why i just ignored him and maintained NC the whole time. each time i felt like iw as faltering, i just had to look at the breakup texts.

 

Why do you feel the need to engage a man that insults you? Especially one that does not care for you?

 

for the sex part, i don't know if i'm putting too much focus on it, because he is someone who has enough girls throwing themselves at him and doesn't have a problem finding one night stands, so honestly, why he even tried with me is sometimes a mystery. but my friends did mention that he might have liked the challenge, or wanted a longer-term "sex buddy" so to speak.

 

Don't read into why he chased you. If he chased you and stayed, that would be one thing. He chased, got what he wanted and left. That about says what his intentions were. It was a challenge. This is what he does. Some guys will chase until they get what they want and then they're on to the next. The thrill of the chase is over.

 

i don't know what i want, i mean, like you said geegirl, he definitely doesn't fit my criteria, but i just want to know what HE wants with ME so i can be at peace. having to wonder what goes on in that head of his is throwing me off kilter.

 

You can analyze till the cows come home as to what HE wants. You will never find your answers. What you do know is that he treats you badly, he is not what you want in a man and that he's not good for you. So what do YOU want? You have to give yourself peace in coming to terms that he is a lost cause. He cannot give you peace nor can he give you what you want. You're expecting him to make a decision for you when you have to do it yourself based on what you know. He's probably the type to fish and will fish for as long as he can to benefit his needs, whether it is sex or just an ego boost. You so desperately want to be accepted and validated by him that you meant something. The thing is, he has shown you what you mean to him. Stop trying to figure him out when he's shown you who he is.

 

i guess a part of me just wants to feel like maybe he regrets it and wants to make up for being such a douche.

 

Why would you believe someone of his capacity has the capability of feeling regret for being douchey? How do you think he gets girl after girl...by being douchey. If he regrets it, he would be in your face apologizing and being remorseful. He has done none of that. Stop having expectations when he has basically given you nothing.

Edited December 14, 2011 by geegirl

[kourix]

i was verrrrrry insulted when he added the "a little" part. which is why i just ignored him and maintained NC the whole time. each time i felt like iw as faltering, i just had to look at the breakup texts.

 

Why do you feel the need to engage a man that insults you? Especially one that does not care for you?

 

for the sex part, i don't know if i'm putting too much focus on it, because he is someone who has enough girls throwing themselves at him and doesn't have a problem finding one night stands, so honestly, why he even tried with me is sometimes a mystery. but my friends did mention that he might have liked the challenge, or wanted a longer-term "sex buddy" so to speak.

 

Don't read into why he chased you. If he chased you and stayed, that would be one thing. He chased, got what he wanted and left. That about says what his intentions were. It was a challenge. This is what he does. Some guys will chase until they get what they want and then they're on to the next. The thrill of the chase is over.

 

i don't know what i want, i mean, like you said geegirl, he definitely doesn't fit my criteria, but i just want to know what HE wants with ME so i can be at peace. having to wonder what goes on in that head of his is throwing me off kilter.

 

You can analyze till the cows come home as to what HE wants. You will never find your answers. What you do know is that he treats you badly, he is not what you want in a man and that he's not good for you. So what do YOU want? You have to give yourself peace in coming to terms that he is a lost cause. He cannot give you peace nor can he give you what you want. You're expecting him to make a decision for you when you have to do it yourself based on what you know. He's probably the type to fish and will fish for as long as he can to benefit his needs, whether it is sex or just an ego boost. You so desperately want to be accepted and validated by him that you meant something. The thing is, he has shown you what you mean to him. Stop trying to figure him out when he's shown you who he is.

 

i guess a part of me just wants to feel like maybe he regrets it and wants to make up for being such a douche.

 

Why would you believe someone of his capacity has the capability of feeling regret for being douchey? How do you think he gets girl after girl...by being douchey. If he regrets it, he would be in your face apologizing and being remorseful. He has done none of that. Stop having expectations when he has basically given you nothing.

 

thank you, i needed that, especially the "he has given you nothing" part.it's true, everything you said. after all he's done, he's offered me nothing. he could fly me to the moon but still it would mean nothing if there's no apology whatsoever and the past never gets mentioned.

i've saved your response in my personal folder so i can read it whenever i'm feeling confused.

and i've decided to just move on. i'm not going to contact him and ask, because if he wanted something, he would have said it. i'm just going to chalk it up to a moment of weakness on his part or whatever, moving on. thank you again.

[geegirl]

You have to look into the reality of what you had with him Kourix. You're idealizing what you had, believing it was more than what it was because you're desperate to have a loving and caring man in your life. Trying to will him into becoming what you need him to become is futile. He is who he is. No amount of analyzing, coaxing or obsessing will change that. If you want a man with the qualities that he has, then you can make the choice to engage. If you realize and know deep down inside that it is not what you hope for in a partner and in a relationship, feel the discomfort of detaching, and move yourself forward, as hard as it is. In time you will see that being alone will be far more rewarding then settling for an indefinite ride on an emotional rollercoaster.

 

Everytime you feel weak and you start to romanticize him, stop yourself and remind yourself of what he was truly like to you. I bet in a couple of months you'll be cringing at some of those thoughts. If he contacts you, don't react but talk to yourself rationally as to the consequences of engaging and how it will affect you. Remind yourself as to who this man is. Don't react. Think. He will contact you but you have to be the one to say no. You won't be able to control his actions. Only you can do that for you. You have to take charge of what you want and what you don't want in your life.

[kourix]

it's true what you say, i've wanted so much to have a loving and caring man in my life for so long, i compromise on lots of things. it's definitely not their fault, but the people close to me- close friends, all have proper, loving relationships, and i've always felt like there was something wrong with me, because i always seem to attract the wrong men/ the men i'm with always turn out to be wanting me only physically. and after these continuous "heartbreaks", my self-esteem has taken a deep blow. it's like, what's wrong with me that men only want me for my body, that i'm never good enough for someone to want to stick around and be with me? and i think subconsciously that makes me unable to be myself around new guys - i'm always trying to mould myself into what i think they would want, and then i become unhappy, try to talk to them about it, and it blows up, obviously.

 

just like this latest one, for eg. doesn't like to text or see me too often? fine. i keep justifying his actions with different excuses, and my friends hate that i'm doing this to myself. but i can't help it when i see people so happy and i'm losing faith in love. i always hope the next guy turns out different, but they don't. and these men i meet, they know my weakness (i'm pretty trusting) and when i let them in even a little, they seem to use the information against me. for eg. i've never been a girl to sleep with a guy i wasn't committed to/had feelings for, they know this, get me in a relationship, do it, and lose interest. and i feel so used, but what can i do?

one of my friends really pissed me off by saying i shouldn't sleep with a guy so soon (eg. 1++month after dating) even if we are "together" and i still resent her for saying that - would it be so different if i had waited for 6 months? i don't know. i always thought if a guy really liked you, it didn't matter if you slept with him immediately, waited awhile, or waited for years.

 

anyway, another thing, i'm always nice to guys, even when it hurts me. they can treat me like dirt, but i don't like being confrontational and instead of lashing out, i'll start blaming myself and internalizing all the hurt and they just get off scot-free. for instance, agreeing to go out with him(ex), i don't even know what he thinks now, probably thinks i'm a pushover, giving him that free ego boost after how things ended. and he gets to be entertained without having to deal with emotions and whatnot, since i just agreed without a fight.

 

with my previous ex (before this french guy), he hurt me deeply as well, basically same story, but he even had the gall to tell me, MID-breakup, that he wanted to be sex buddies because he enjoyed the sex, and asked if i was up for it, and tried to coax me into it. how did i react? i just kept quiet, said i couldn't do it, and he continued texting me days and weeks after and i replied, until i couldn't take it one day and told him to "please stop messaging me ever again". no harsh words, no consequences.

 

i don't know if this is a problem. i feel like it is. am i being too nice?

everything just seems very messed up and i hate feeling like this.

 

sometimes i just want to be honest with my ex - i want to tell him now, look, i'm just texting you because i want to make it clear. i'm not ready to be your friend now, so if you're ever planning on contacting me to "hang out" again, or even talk, don't. i'd rather have no contact with you.

 

i simply hate this feeling of wondering WHEN he'll text me again (if he even does), and having to "wait" to ask him what he wants and to leave me alone - just because i didn't have the courage to do so the first time, and don't want him thinking i've been thinking about it the past 4 days if i suddenly text him now asking why he asked me out.

[smokey bear]

is there an update on this? did he get back in touch, what happened?

[kourix]

is there an update on this? did he get back in touch, what happened?

 

 

Like many predicted, it crashed and burned. like geegirl said, he was offering me nothing.

 

 

After a week of not hearing from him, and constant inner turmoil, I decided the easiest thing to do was to ask him point-blank about it. So I texted him on Sunday. As usual, he was being vague and indecisive. First he says “I stopped things before getting serious, so I won’t flirt with you but I did want to be friends even though I never mentioned it, it was my intention blah blah”. Then I ask, “so that’s what Sunday was about? To be friends?” and he’s like “it’s not so black and white”. I got annoyed and told him to just be honest. He then suggested we “meet to talk”, and thinking it would be easier that way, I agreed.

So we meet, we hang out at his place for a little, and we head out to dinner. We were just being like our usual selves, and we never brought it up, I figured we would leave the serious talk back at his place later after dinner (didn’t want to get into any potential arguments in the restaurant”.

 

He started telling me about his weekend, and I listened, never offering any information about mine. He told me how the previous night he had gone out with two couples to a bar, and it was so boring because he was the only single one there. The whole time I’m smiling and nodding, while inside I was wondering why he felt I needed to know that. After awhile, we just talked about other random stuff. At the restaurant, he started telling me about this girl who likes him(I met her once), using her first name like I knew her and I was like, who? And he’s like, “you know, the little blonde girl! You met her! , saying they went clubbing with a group of friends and "she was annoying and clingy the whole time, and so he left early. and then she asked me out for brunch this morning, but i said no because i don't want to meet her. i made up some excuse." I didn’t remember her face, and told him so, since the previous time he refused to let me leave the room “in case you go talk to her and make her feel bad” (SERIOUSLY?). So I asked to see her picture. He showed me and I was just trying to have some fun, so I said, “would you kill me if I did something on her facebook with your account?” and he became all serious, and was like, “don’t you dare.” I would never have gone through with it, but I just wanted to mess with him, so I kept his phone and said I was “considering my options”. I thought it was all in good fun, then he starts saying, “fine, you wanan play, let’s do this. She’s a very good cook you know? She cooked pasta for me before we went clubbing, and her fridge is stocked up really well, I should have taken a picture”. So I’m like, “oh yeah you should totally consider her then! I mean look at her face, she has really big eyes and luscious lips, she’s not bad blah blah”. And suddenly he says, “maybe we should stop this, it’s getting awkward and you seem upset.” And I really wasn’t. I mean I knew he wasn’t interested in her, so I was simply playing along, and I told him so, but he wouldn’t hear any of it. So I’m like whatevs and we move on to something else.

 

After dinner, we return to his apartment. We started reading magazines, for like an hour, and he was making fun of me and vice versa, and then after, we started pillow fighting for like, 2 hours. I know, it’s juvenile and stupid and whatnot, but we were just having fun. I will admit, I didn’t know how to bring up the topic, because it seemed so serious, and in those lighthearted, I just couldn’t do it. So we’re messing around with each other and after 2 hours of aggressive fighting, I’m beat. It’s late, so I figured I’ll just sleep over. Which was fine, until he switched off the lights and started kissing me. In retrospect, this would have been an ideal time to stop and start talking, but I just didn’t dare, so I made out with him, and he started trying to take my clothes off. When it came to my undies, I just held firm. I wasn’t comfortable sleeping with him because:

- We were not together, and I wasn’t interested in being a sex buddy

- I didn’t know if he had had sex with anyone else after me, and I didn’t want to know, and I would never sleep with a guy who could “replace” me so easily so soon.

Things started getting hot and heavy, and I kept rejecting his advances, and after awhile, he was like, I can’t do this, I need to get it on or you need to leave. I can’t have you in my bed the whole night, it’s too distracting for me. I was pissed. It was like the middle of the night. So I tell him “I’m not leaving. If you’re not happy, sleep outside on the couch.” After a few moments, he did just that. Usually I’d feel bad, but I know better (this is the freeze out play by guys), and I knew I didn’t want sex anyway, so I was pretty happy having the bed to myself when he left and I just fell asleep instantly.

 

The next morning, I leave when he leaves for work. It’s a little awkward, and I leave feeling like we didn’t get anywhere. I didn’t want this to continue. I liked spending time with him, we were getting along really well, but it just wasn’t worth it until I knew his motives. I met him with the idea of two possible outcomes:

Best-case: He misses me, and wants to try to work something out. In which case, I would be open to the idea of hanging out, but not being together. I like being around him, but I just wasn’t sure we would work and we needed time to figure that out.

Worst-case (also what I expected): He might have feelings, but it’s not enough, and he just doesn’t want to commit, but wants to remain friends. In which case, I wanted to be honest and tell him that I wanted to be left alone until I felt we could really be just friends. The chemistry we had around each other, just wasn’t a “friends-only” vibe.

 

So in the evening, I text him telling him we need to sort it out because we honestly got nowhere. He agreed, and then he said, “How? I think the plan should be to just stop seeing each other. Yesterday was a bad idea.” I’m shocked at his response, but I simply agree with him, and said yes its quite difficult for us to be friends. And then I ask him “do you even feel anything” and he just replies, “no, I’m just lonely”. And the knife is getting deeper, and I say “oh, so I’m just a distraction?” and he goes “can we not go there? Let’s just stop this.” and I tell him “well, if you’re gonna be honest might as well go all the way” and he says, “okay yes that is the truth, I’m taking advantage of you so let’s just stop this.”

 

I read that and so much negative emotions just well up inside of me. Hurt, anger, resentment, shock, betrayal etc. I didn’t know whether to believe him, but I was mstly upset because he just managed to manipulate the whole situation and make me feel like the one who was chasing him. And I couldn’t take it anymore. So I let loose. I sent him a really long text – at this point, I didn’t even want to be friends anymore – so I figured I had nothing to lose.

 

My text went something like this:

“since we’re being honest, let me be honest too. You chose to walk away. I moved on. I never made any attempt to contact you. I didn’t think we’d talk again. Then one day, you ask me out for brunch and I’m thinking yeah why not? We can try being friends. And we hang out, and it was nice, and yesterday I wanted to talk to you because I wanted and honest answer for asking me out. If you wanted sex, you could have at least been honest so I could decide, and if we didn’t agree, I would just tell you to give me some alone time till I was sure we could handle being strictly friends. So we meet and hang out and we had a fun time once again – did you think I did that on purpose? I never went in wanting a relationship with you, because I know that wont work. I’m not like that girl who was crazy in love with you. I moved on. You’re the one who contacted me, so for you to speak to me like i'm pressuring you or forcing you into something, that's really messed up. you don’t know what you want, or you’re just a douchebag seeking entertainment from me when you’re bored. Either way, I’m done. We don’t even have to bother being friends anymore – I don’t need someone like that in my life.

 

He replies a few minutes later “yes you’re right I don’t know what I want. And I thought I could avoid playing with you but yesterday showed me I can’t. I wanted a rude stop not because of you, but because I’m not strong enough”.

 

One again, contradiction. “I don’t know what I want” vs “I can’t avoid ‘playing’ with you.”. I know at this point, I should have just ignored him, but I couldn’t.

So I tell him “not strong enough to what? Not try to have sex with me? Don’t you have your slutty one night stands for that? And what about that girl throwing herself at you? I’m sure you don’t need me. Besides, haven’t you made it very clear you have no feelings, what are you playing at?”

 

“I was okay to be friends but it’s quite hard to resist when two people are naked in bed beside each other. Especially when I’m a guy”.

 

This just took the cake. I didn’t start out naked in bed, I never made a move, he did everything. Kissing me, taking off my shirt, trying to yank my pants off. Yes, I do admit I did not stop him when he kissed me and started taking off my shirt. But I drew the line when he tried to go further. AND, friends do not act the way we do. They do not have pillow fights or lay in bed reading magazines to each other. I don’t even do that with my gay best friend. For him to even attempt to insinuate that I was seducing him, or to just lie about everything, I just couldn’t believe it. It’s like, he has a god complex or something, thinking girls fawn over him all the time.

 

With that, I ended the conversation. I told him exactly what I thought. “don’t try to make it sound like I stripped naked in front of you and tried to seduce you, because I didn’t. and don’t tell me “I wanted to be friends but…” when we both know friends don’t act the way we did.” I’m tired of your mixed signals. But like I said, I’m done, so bye”.

 

He simply texted a “ok I respect what you want” back at me, and that was that.

 

I just can’t believe what happened in just a day. I cried for a good hour after. How could someone turn out to be such a mean-spirited person? I really can’t figure it out. I don’t know if I’m being delusional, but I still believe he does have some – however minute – feelings for me even if he denied it. I know I shouldn’t care at this point, but you just don’t act that way around a friend. He had many opportunities to stop whatever was going on. My friends tell me that he might have acted the way he did because he wanted sex. But I don’t buy it. He could have sex with anyone, even the girl throwing himself at him, so for him to go through that amount effort just to land me in bed, it doesn’t make any sense. I don’t think our sex was so great that he would do something like that, especially when there were other offers around. Plus, he knew I wanted to talk, we had previously met the last time without any sexual inclinations on either part, and we were supposed to meet at the mall (unfortunately it was raining really bad and talking in public with the Christmas crowd – not the smartest move), so we rescheduled to his place. And anytime he was uncomfortable we were getting too close, he could have brought the topic up, or just push me away. The pillow fighting started with him refusing to share the blanket “because I want to annoy you. ”, and then it escalated to him refusing to share his pillows. A sane person wouldn’t do that. Perhaps for the first five minutes, but not an ongoing battle for 2 hours. His actions and words don’t add up. Or am I just really blind to everything? I just wish he’d admit it. I’d feel better. I wouldn’t feel like I was inadequate or whatever, which is exactly I’m feeling now. I feel used and stupid. What does he have to lose if he does? Does he think I’d go crazy and start groveling just because he admitted to his feelings? He just kept pushing and pulling and twisting his words. I understand that we would never work, but to just deny your feelings, I feel like such a tool. Like I never meant anything to him, and I just couldn’t believe how up till the very end, he continued at the game, manipulating it to make it off like I was the stupid lovelorn fool.

 

 

I’m really sorry for the long post, it’s just, i don’t know how to deal with it and needed to get everything out.

 

 

now i'm back at square one where i started, after going through a month of missing him but refusing to cave. i am the biggest idiot in the world. fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

Edited December 20, 2011 by kourix

[nittanylion]

I dont think he is 100% on you. I think he is confused about what he wants. I think the whole time he was just lonely and though by spending time with you, he might get something out from you without string attached. Sorry, if you want a relatonship from him, you are not get it. You might better off starting fresh with someone who has same goal as you are.

Edited December 20, 2011 by nittanylion

[sugarmomma]

Just be glad that you didn't have sex with him because you would really feel like ****. You should be proud of yourself for setting a boundary with him. He is such a loser. Good riddance.

[kourix]

I dont think he is 100% on you. I think he is confused about what he wants. I think the whole time he was just lonely and though by spending time with you, he might get something out from you without string attached. Sorry, if you want a relatonship from him, you are not get it. You might better off starting fresh with someone who has same goal as you are.

 

i know he isn't 100% on me, i didn't expect him to be. i always knew that, that's the reason for the breakup. I just don't/ don't want to believe he is not into me at all. i'm not expecting a relationship with him either like i've mentioned. i'm not going to be asking how to get him back or whatever, because i don't want him back. but i just can't believe he did what he did, especially after all he put me through the first time and telling me he doesn't want to be a bad person. i respected it the first time, so when he started talking to me, i thought maybe he'd changed, because he said he wouldn't want to hurt me, but i was wrong. and now i'm just left with alot of questions that will never be answered - like if he was so lonely, he could have gone out with someone else, like the girl who was interested in him, why me if there was no feelings involved? why take that risk after the hurt he dealt the first time? why did he even want to meet to talk if there was nothing to talk about? he could have just said over text - it meant nothing, i was just bored. or even, don't read that much into it, i just want to try and be friends. he didn't have to beat around the bush and request a meet - it just doesn't add up.

 

but yes, i am definitely upset and hurt and betrayed, but at least i got my answer, i'm no longer in limbo, a part of me is also relieved i can just end this chapter, and i'm never turning back again.

[nittanylion]

You just need to accept it cause you cant change him. Its who he is, and its what its. This guy isnt worth your time and heart ache. I know you will someday find someone who appreciates your company judging from your posts. You have alot of qualities any guys will be drooling over you. I want you to keep yourself busy and try not to dwell on it. It takes time to heal and get back to yourself. If you need more advice, send me PM.

 

 

Take care,

Steve

 

 

 

 

 

i know he isn't 100% on me, i didn't expect him to be. i always knew that, that's the reason for the breakup. I just don't/ don't want to believe he is not into me at all. i'm not expecting a relationship with him either like i've mentioned. i'm not going to be asking how to get him back or whatever, because i don't want him back. but i just can't believe he did what he did, especially after all he put me through the first time and telling me he doesn't want to be a bad person. i respected it the first time, so when he started talking to me, i thought maybe he'd changed, because he said he wouldn't want to hurt me, but i was wrong. and now i'm just left with alot of questions that will never be answered - like if he was so lonely, he could have gone out with someone else, like the girl who was interested in him, why me if there was no feelings involved? why take that risk after the hurt he dealt the first time? why did he even want to meet to talk if there was nothing to talk about? he could have just said over text - it meant nothing, i was just bored. or even, don't read that much into it, i just want to try and be friends. he didn't have to beat around the bush and request a meet - it just doesn't add up.

 

but yes, i am definitely upset and hurt and betrayed, but at least i got my answer, i'm no longer in limbo, a part of me is also relieved i can just end this chapter, and i'm never turning back again.