Moving Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I've been dating a guy I met on an OLD site for over 2 months. We are in our early 30s. We see each other at least 3 times per week, we have spent a lot of time together doing all sort of different activities - each date would be at least 3 hrs long and some of them were 6-8 hrs long. We communicate a lot on daily basis usually via text but there's also been some calls. I think he's really caring and sweet, we have great chemistry, we have a lot in common and we also share similar goals. I felt things had gone really well and we got intimate last weekend for the first time. On Monday, I hear from a friend of mine that he's still active on the dating site. She didn't know I was dating him and she initiated contact and apparently they had some chats until she saw that he was on my facebook and she asked me how we knew each other. That's when she learnt we were dating and when she told me about this situation. She did mention that the chats were quite light hearted. I disabled my profile soon after I met him, I'm not into multidating, I had mentioned this to him at least a couple of times, he said that he still had his profile but he just didn't 'pay attention to it'. I did trust him and I didn't get into more details. Knowing that he's still on the dating site is bothering me now, I don't think he's seeing other people as we are spending a lot of time togehter and I know his work schedule is also hectic. However, it seems like he's still 'willing' to meet new girls from the dating site. On my end, I felt things were going well and I just want to focus into dating him without the distraction of the dating site. I didn't expect him to disable his account as soon as I did mine but now I'm thinking that after 2 months together, if he's still 'looking around' this might be an indication that we are definetly on different pages. What do you guys think? Should I confront him about still being active on the site since he said he 'didn't pay attention to it'?
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Well until you've become exclusive I don't think you can set expectations on him. I think you're making the first mistake in communication...why is it so hard for you to talk to him about this and discuss these kinds of issues? Is it that scary? and If it is do you really want your relationships to be like this? You're leaving too much grey area, I think the fact that he has his online account active still means he still hasn't crossed out that option. But without any kind of official title or exclusivity don't expect every man to just lock up or delete his account in "hopes" of this new relationship. Hopefully you've had a conversation in the beginning about what you were really looking for so that you could both be on the same page...If not you need to start deciding some of things you want or need in a relationship and If it's going that route...don't be the typical woman and drop the bomb of demands on a mans lap as If he should have read your mind and knew where you were coming from the whole time. At least let him know the terms and conditions and what is important to you and how you feel...then you can bitch or hold it against him If he doesn't meet them, or you can compromise as well. However having sex with you one time, doesn't usually instigate an immediate account removal from a dating site. You guys really need to sit down and start talking to each other, you're not strangers anymore.
EnigmaticClarity Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I disabled my profile soon after I met him, I'm not into multidating, I had mentioned this to him at least a couple of times, he said that he still had his profile but he just didn't 'pay attention to it'. I did trust him and I didn't get into more details. You made your feelings clear on this, and in return, he lied to you. Not only should you bring it up, you should ask him to become exclusive. If he won't, consider dropping him--haven't you had long enough to figure out if you want to just date him for now? Sounds like you figured that out a while back; now it's time to make him decide.
creighton0123 Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Did you have a conversation with him at any point that you desired an exclusive/monogamous relationship with him? Don't leave things up in the air. If you don't have this conversation, you can't simultaneously become upset when he is dating more than one person at once.
Author Moving Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 I feel I've made clear to him my intentions and what I'm looking for, however I have to admit we haven't had a proper conversation about 'exclusivity'... I guess that's a mistake as you guys mentioned... Nothing can be left up in the air. I will see him tomorrow and I will bring this up. I need to make sure we are both looking for the same. Thank you all for your feedback!
FitChick Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 When I spent my first long weekend with a guy I'd been chatting with for a few months, I asked him "Do you think we should delete our profiles?" He said yes. We sat at my computer and each deleted our profiles. No heavy conversations, we laughed and kissed. Don't make a big, heavy deal out of it. If he's at your house, make sure your computer is on. "Why don't you do it right now before we have dinner?" If he seems reluctant, then put your profile back up and say, "You're probably right. We should both continue to see other people." Then dump him or start dating other guys.
Pocahontas36 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 It's obvious that he's keeping his options open, if he wasn't he would be off the dating sight, if it was me I would of talked to him about before I slept with him... No sex before manogomy
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