U1987 Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 If you take the time to write a well thought message to a girl and she doesn't respond, what's a good, short comeback? Nothing obscene or obnoxious, just something to send a few days later that will make her feel a little guilty?
Cypress25 Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 There's nothing you could say that would make her feel guilty. Sending a follow-up message to someone who's clearly not interested would only reaffirm her decision to ignore you. So unless you want her reaction to be "Thank god I didn't respond to him, he's obviously insane," don't send anything. Try to understand. Girls on dating sites don't owe you a response. Just because you send a message doesn't mean they're obligated to reply. Sending a "come-back" just makes you look like an entitled jerk. And what's the point? She's not interested, so instead of wasting your time trying to make her feel guilty (which wouldn't work anyway), just move on to someone else.
allina Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Please don't do this, it will only make you look like a huge tool. Women won't feel guilty, they'll just think "thank god I never replied to that creep." Move on gracefully.
Author U1987 Posted December 14, 2011 Author Posted December 14, 2011 I'm just really tired of getting such low response rates though. It just isn't fair that a guy has to constantly sacrifice bits and pieces of his self esteem just to boost a girl's on online dating. What else can a guy do to get it back?
Dust Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Write back something really perverse, let their pictures inspire you! If that doesn't get their attention claim to know them from some where... Be vague
allina Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I'm just really tired of getting such low response rates though. It just isn't fair that a guy has to constantly sacrifice bits and pieces of his self esteem just to boost a girl's on online dating. What else can a guy do to get it back? I understand that it feels sh*tty to not get a reply. Try not to take it personally because most of the time it isn't about you. Some women are probably already chatting with a prospect, some just want an ego boost and some might think you're not their type for a variety of reasons. It's a numbers game and getting ignored doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. Don't let it impact your self esteem or make you act like a fool. Make sure you have a few good pictures up and that your profile is well written, do the best you can with what is within your control.
yeahyeahyeah Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Yeah, if they're not answering, I wouldn't send a follow up. I know it feels crappy not to get a response but you can't get hung up on it. These messages you're sending, in the grand scheme of things they mean nothing. I know it sounds bitter and cold, but just sort of get in that mindset and it'll make it better. Don't get your expectations up, don't get your hopes up, just roll with it. Easier said than done, I know. Also, you may already be doing this, but keep your messages short, upbeat, and nothing too weird. Mention a thing or two about the profile (or that you have in common with them) and then a question or two. A joke is good, but it can be hard to get that across in a message and senses of humor can differ widely. Really, send out a lot and don't really look back when you do. If it's any comfort, for all the girls that get hundreds of messages a week, there's probably a decent number that get few or none.
Dust Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Open big. Something like "you look like a girl who could use a good ass fcking!" If they don't answer that then say something a long the lines of " I like puppies and I like kittens once you go black you don't go back"
verhrzn Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 For the love of God, DON'T. Fun personal story time: I've been on Match.com for about 4 months. I hate it. I barely got any mail or responses in the first two months, so have essentially given up going to check it. (Of course had to pay for a 6 months subscription up front. Yeah, how awesome.) Well last week I decided on a whim to go look, and hey I had 15 messages..... all from the same guy. Now, if it had been just ONE message, I might have looked over his profile, thought "Oh he seems like a nice guy, but not my type"-so not messaged him, because I wouldn't want to lead him on. But I have friends on Match.com, so if something about him caught my eye, I might say to my friend," Hey check this guy out, he seems right up your alley!" Instead, I glanced through the messages as he practically begged for a response back, and got seriously creeped out. I blocked him, and would probably fling myself, in-way-of-speeding-bullet sense, if I found out my friends were communicating with him in any way. If a girl doesn't respond... it was, what, 30 minutes of your time wasted to cross her off the list, instead of 3 dates, and measurable heartbreak later for her to say," Yeah I was never really into you in the first place." I mean really.... would you want a girl responding or dating you out of pity or guilt??
CocoaBrown Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I was just thinking about this today actually.....I know how it feels when someone doesn't respond to my message.....but I wonder how the guy feels. Sometimes I feel embarrassed for a couple of days especially when I can see they have been online and probably got my message. It was like they must be thinking "Hahaha she actually thought she had a chance" but then I thought do I think that when I don't respond? No, I just think mmmm nah and move on. Never look at them in a bad way or like they are losers or anything like that. It's nothing personal they just aren't for me. I agree with the first 2 responses. You mean to tell me you have NEVER ignored a message from a woman you weren't interested in? Would you rather she respond and say "Uh, yeah no thanks" or "You're not my type so keep it moving"? I would rather just not respond. So if she sent you a message saying she wasn't interested would you respond to that one? If you did would you expect her to have another response? See what I mean? It's just best this way. You will make yourself look bad if you sent something rude and will no doubt be labeled as a jerk. I admit it's hard putting yourself out there especially when you send more then a dumb ass "Hello" message. It seems like you actually put thought into what you're saying. The right person will respond to your message soon so don't give up!
Dust Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I mean really.... would you want a girl responding or dating you out of pity or guilt?? I'll take a date from a sexy lady any way I can get it! Do girls really have pitty sex?
El Brujo Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I'm just really tired of getting such low response rates though. It just isn't fair that a guy has to constantly sacrifice bits and pieces of his self esteem just to boost a girl's on online dating. What else can a guy do to get it back? Re-write your profile to say you're through with OLDS and you've joined Meetup.com instead and that you're meeting a lot of interesting women. It may not make the women on OLDSs feel guilty, but you may very well make them feel gypped.
CocoaBrown Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Re-write your profile to say you're through with OLDS and you've joined Meetup.com instead and that you're meeting a lot of interesting women. It may not make the women on OLDSs feel guilty, but you may very well make them feel gypped. So I read your post and was like "Ooooo OLDS must be a new dating site let me Google it and sign up!" Googled it and felt B-E-Y-O-N-D stupid. Now, in my defense I took a sleep pill and can barely keep my eyes open. I'm blaming it allllllllllllll and I mean allllllllllllll on that! Loggin' off now.:lmao:
Imageiko Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 You should have better things to do than send this type of message. If you are still thinking about sending this type of message ask yourself why you don't have more self respect than that and find a way to fix it.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Ignore and move along man. Or jump off a bridge. Your choice.
ahhhchooo Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 If a girl doesn't respond... it was, what, 30 minutes of your time wasted to cross her off the list, instead of 3 dates, and measurable heartbreak later for her to say," Yeah I was never really into you in the first place." More like 5 minutes, tops. OP: please don't invest in your messages you are sending out. Nothing entitles you to a response. If the girl isn't interested, would you really want her to further waste your time by chatting to you?
snowflakes88 Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 If she doesn't answer, she's not interested. And if she isn't interested, she won't care about your follow-up message.
snowflakes88 Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 And agreed w/ Cocoa... this isn't something that only happens to men, though I'm sure it happens much more frequently. I've messaged men before and received no response. Sure, it stings a little. But everyone isn't for everyone. Dust yourself off and keep it moving.
Author U1987 Posted December 14, 2011 Author Posted December 14, 2011 You mean to tell me you have NEVER ignored a message from a woman you weren't interested in? It's online dating; how often do you actually believe it is that the woman sends the first message? Not a whole lot. Guys gotta do 99% of the pursuing and, undoubtedly, face 99% of the rejection. I wouldn't even call it a shot-gun approach; more like a carpet-bomb approach. I've only gotten the first message once; she was actually pretty attractive and seemed pretty interesting, except that she lived over 80 miles away in another state. I thought to myself "is this girl serious?" I asked her if she came down to my area often but she said no. I had to give her the boot, but still I was polite and sincere about it. I didn't ghost out. I told her "Please don't get me wrong; you're very attractive and I wish I could get to know you in person, but honestly, we live a little too far apart, and I don't come up to (____) often. I can't imagine any practical way for us to meet. I'm sorry." She was cool about; she only said "Haha no worries :)" I don't understand why it can't go down like that.
TheBigQuestion Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 It's online dating; how often do you actually believe it is that the woman sends the first message? Not a whole lot. Guys gotta do 99% of the pursuing and, undoubtedly, face 99% of the rejection. I wouldn't even call it a shot-gun approach; more like a carpet-bomb approach. I've only gotten the first message once; she was actually pretty attractive and seemed pretty interesting, except that she lived over 80 miles away in another state. I thought to myself "is this girl serious?" I asked her if she came down to my area often but she said no. I had to give her the boot, but still I was polite and sincere about it. I didn't ghost out. I told her "Please don't get me wrong; you're very attractive and I wish I could get to know you in person, but honestly, we live a little too far apart, and I don't come up to (____) often. I can't imagine any practical way for us to meet. I'm sorry." She was cool about; she only said "Haha no worries :)" I don't understand why it can't go down like that. You take online dating way, way too seriously bud.
Andy_K Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 If you take the time to write a well thought message to a girl and she doesn't respond, what's a good, short comeback? Nothing obscene or obnoxious, just something to send a few days later that will make her feel a little guilty? There is no good follow up. Well, actually that's not strictly true. There are a few messages I've sent out as follow ups which were funny enough to get a reply even though the initial email didn't. But - here's the important bit - they never led to a date. Why? Because she wasn't interested to start with. If you're not someone's type you just can't turn that around.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 There's nothing you could say that would make her feel guilty. Sending a follow-up message to someone who's clearly not interested would only reaffirm her decision to ignore you. So unless you want her reaction to be "Thank god I didn't respond to him, he's obviously insane," don't send anything. Try to understand. Girls on dating sites don't owe you a response. Just because you send a message doesn't mean they're obligated to reply. Sending a "come-back" just makes you look like an entitled jerk. And what's the point? She's not interested, so instead of wasting your time trying to make her feel guilty (which wouldn't work anyway), just move on to someone else. Exactly. OP, you would be better off asking us for help on your dating profile. Perhaps it's not grabbing women's interest. If you don't want to do it publically, I have been known to be pretty good in helping men with their online profiles. If you want to send me a message, I could try and help with your profile.
Art_Critic Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Silence... When I was doing OLD I also then removed them from any of my searches so I was sure to never email them again..
dasein Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 (edited) OP don't send any response. Women (and men) who don't respond to a custom email are rude, plain and simple, because the big sites offer an "I'm not interested" button that takes a couple of mouse clicks, so the "inundated with emails" BS is a complete rationalization. Also the "they don't take no for an answer" is ridiculous because those sites have block functions and are anonymous anyway. It's plain rudeness. OLD women get their egos bloated about their true dating market value and as is usually the case, when low quality women get their egos bloated, they start behaving badly and haughtily towards others, start acting like they are being FB stalked instead of approached on a DATING SITE that they signed up for with the ostensible reason of MEETING PEOPLE. You will know a quality woman OLD because she will send a brief rejection reply to a nice message you have sent. The lesser ones are often ignoring the majority of men who mail her because the stud who pumped and dumped her from the site is ignoring her. Good luck ever getting them to admit this though, as usual they will spout out all manner of rationalizations instead of the plain truth. Edited December 14, 2011 by dasein
Janesays Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 When I was online dating, I decided I was going to respond to EVERY SINGLE message I got, whether I was interested or not. If I wasn't interested, I would write something nice like: "Thank you for your nice message. I looked over your profile and you seem like and nice and attractive man, but I don't think we have much in common. Good luck on your search." First of all, the first day I signed up, I got over 200 messages. I responded to them all. Hello wrist cramps! After that, I would receive about 10-20 new messages a day. HELLO WRIST CRAMPS! But finally, let me tell you why I quit responding: I would write my nice and polite rejection response and guys would respond with something insanely mean and hurtful like, "**** you, you ugly Cvnt. You're going to be single forever, blah, blah, blah." I would try so hard to be nice to these guys and I would say 8 out of 10 of them would spew straight venom back in my face. So yeah, I quit responding. Sue me.
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