HellyaImhopeless Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 There is this guy I am in love with, and have been seeing, but not officially dating for 8 months. He has feelings for me as well, but not ready to make it bf/gf serious yet. Anyways, I have tried to distance myself a little bit lately, trying my best not to be needy, because I always tend to send him a text at lunch time asking how his day is going, and he will usually, but not always reply until 8-9 at night sometimes. Today (as well as a few times in the past) he rings me at night asking why he hasn't received any texts from me, and I would then ask him why HE hasn't sent me any either. I also said that I tend to send him a text and have to wait all day for a reply anyway... and then he said but he always gets back to me.... eventually.. Does he just like the idea of me chasing him, and texting me 10 hrs later ? Is he doing it on purpose? I know he is busy at work, but I also know that he carries his phone on him and that if it is important, he WILL get back to me. Why is he questioning why I'm not texting him if he doesn't reply anyway until like 10 hours later sometimes? Have I stopped his ego or something? Is he thinking oh no...she's maybe not so much into me anymore? He is the one not wanting a relationship yet, wants to take it slow.. Is this a game to him? Like a feeling of feeling wanted by me? That's what my gut is saying anyway! Thanks for your time!
lululucy Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Sweetheart, I don't think this is ever going anywhere. I was involved with a guy from August '06 until April or May '07 in a kind of similar situation. I was in love with him. We texted every day, saw each other at least three times a week and it wasn't just sex -- we hung out for hours. I met his mom and dad, we spent Valentine's together, basically EVERYTHING couples do but he "wasn't ready" to call me his girlfriend. It was eventually too much for me, I was in love with him and I couldn't take it. I didn't give him an ultimatum (I didn't think it was fair after nine months) but just told him I was done and to please not text me anymore because I needed to get over him. It was fu-king awful, probably one of the worst times in my life because he was trying to get me to talk to him but I told him we are either a couple or nothing.. so we were nothing. I met my (now ex) bf a month and a half after that and we dated for almost four years. I don't want you to have your hopes set on a LTR with this guy -- if he wanted that, he would've asked you to be his girlfriend months ago. He likes the attention, he likes having someone to fill that role but allows him to still be a single guy and able to do whatever he wants. I think you need to decide what it is YOU want and if you need stability, tell him and let the chips fall where they may.
Author HellyaImhopeless Posted December 14, 2011 Author Posted December 14, 2011 Thanks for your reply. I've tried to find a way to edit my post with no luck. Probably have to let more time pass or something before editing is enabled... My question wasn't about the fact he isn't ready to make me his gf. My question is solely based on the text message thing. Perhaps I shouldn't have posted this in the "dating" forum, silly me.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Yeah coming from a guy who would do this in the past, yes, he's just stringing you along. He doesn't take what you have seriously, it's just like anything else...if you're really interested in someone you don't just let it go or leave it riding on the line...games are for people that you aren't that interested in basically. So definitely "He's just not that into you" scenario here As for guys always saying "it's not just because of the sex" every guy says that...even when it is, and just because he brings you around family or friends that basically means he's not embarrassed with letting others know he has sex with you..but when it comes down to the question that family ask "Sooo are you serious with this one?" You can pretty much bet it's a "No...or I'm not sure". Women need to realize the things they tell themselves just to make themselves feel better about something, but everyone knows the truth...especially the guy.
Emilia Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Thanks for your reply. I've tried to find a way to edit my post with no luck. Probably have to let more time pass or something before editing is enabled... My question wasn't about the fact he isn't ready to make me his gf. My question is solely based on the text message thing. Perhaps I shouldn't have posted this in the "dating" forum, silly me. The two are related. He doesn't take you seriously enough to care but he wants you around for sex.
lululucy Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Have I stopped his ego or something? Is he thinking oh no...she's maybe not so much into me anymore? He is the one not wanting a relationship yet, wants to take it slow.. Is this a game to him? Like a feeling of feeling wanted by me? That's what my gut is saying anyway! Like Emilia said, the text message and whether or not he wants a relationship are related. You're reading into this because you want him to want to date you when he's ready -- he just wants to keep things convenient and light but with all your attention on him. He doesn't care enough to text you during the day when he's busy at work, but if you haven't texted him at night when he wants sex, then he has to do something to get your attention again. It isn't about him feeling wanted by you, it's about him knowing that you're there at his convenience. It's a crappy situation and I'm sorry you're emotionally invested in it, cause like I said I've been there. I analysed EVERY little thing he did (text patterns included) and in the end it was too much heartache. Taking it slow is two or three months, not eight.
Janesays Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 You are an ego boost to this guy. Nothing more, nothing less. I know that hurts to hear, but it's the truth. Send your texts to someone whose heart will jump when he receives them.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Eight months is a long time to wait for exclusivity. I'm not surprised that he's not ready, because if he was he wouldn't bulls***t or wait. Guys are possessive creatures, if they want somwthing bad enough they'll chase. At this point he's not beinf anything but egotistical about you not being a doormat for him. Best thing is to find a guy who is actually ready for a relationship.
snowflakes88 Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 He's not that into you but likes you being into him. And yes, the text messaging situation and the overall dynamic of your "relationship" are related, even if you don't want them to be. It doesn't take a man 8 months to decide whether he wants to be committed to you. Period. If a relationship is what you want, you're wasting your time with this one.
snowflakes88 Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 And if this is the same guy you wrote about who never takes you anywhere outside of the house and told you to "shut the f*ck up" when you questioned whether he was genuinely interested, you need to get a grip. Quickly.
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