oren ish Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 (edited) Hi everyone just looking for a bit off wise words after a stumble i have really tried to follow advice from here as well as my own strong path but it would seem i am not as strong as i would like to be... i am watching this thread very closely as the parallels are frighteningly the same in my situation, right down to the language used... this prompted me to start a new thread as to not hijack Juciers http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=310362 I put my Ex into the GIGS category after posting here a while ago even though i was the one who walked away... See my other posts if interested... her GIGS or pattern as it stands is pretty much identical to Juicers situation. Its just i was a whipping boy for the problems she would create from partying to much... Yesterday i gets an email after 1 week cold NC saying "i miss you x" I dont respond... i get another one 30 mins later "Can we talk " So i replied "off to work" maybe later... i just couldn't help it ... Anyway... i get home some 10 hours later and fire off a "so hows things? back soon got to have a shower" an hour goes buy before i get an OK back... lol We have a bit of a back and forth generic how ya doings but then i realize I am the one who is doing most of the talking by asking her questions about her... she really offered nothing except for a "how you been, what ya been up to, I hear your looking pretty fit etc" and answers to my general questions, all be it fairly detailed answers... after the painful generic back and forth... i get a "SORRY I am feeling so nervous at the moment" I then cracked a joke about her booti to put her at ease and no response!so i left it alone... i know this isn't what i am ment to do and kinda feel a bit down because i have been pretty strong.... Anyway i get a reply this morning saying so so sorry, i passed out and heaps and heaps of praise for the things i am achieving ie body, almost ready to buy 2nd house etc and a bwhhahahha rather positive response to the booti joke etc... Could someone please elaborate on whats going on here with my brain and hers? It has kinda set me back a bit and reading Juicers thread really does seem to highlight a pattern in behavior from her side... I would love to be with this girl if she would grow up but I haven't got a clue on how to achieve this as well as feeling i may miss my chance if she ever did work her self out! so confused... Edited December 14, 2011 by oren ish
smokey bear Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Hi everyone just looking for a bit off wise words after a stumble i have really tried to follow advice from here as well as my own strong path but it would seem i am not as strong as i would like to be... i am watching this thread very closely as the parallels are frighteningly the same in my situation, right down to the language used... this prompted me to start a new thread as to not hijack Juciers http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=310362 I put my Ex into the GIGS category after posting here a while ago even though i was the one who walked away... See my other posts if interested... her GIGS or pattern as it stands is pretty much identical to Juicers situation. Its just i was a whipping boy for the problems she would create from partying to much... Yesterday i gets an email after 1 week cold NC saying "i miss you x" I dont respond... i get another one 30 mins later "Can we talk " So i replied "off to work" maybe later... i just couldn't help it ... Anyway... i get home some 10 hours later and fire off a "so hows things? back soon got to have a shower" an hour goes buy before i get an OK back... lol We have a bit of a back and forth generic how ya doings but then i realize I am the one who is doing most of the talking by asking her questions about her... she really offered nothing except for a "how you been, what ya been up to, I hear your looking pretty fit etc" and answers to my general questions, all be it fairly detailed answers... after the painful generic back and forth... i get a "SORRY I am feeling so nervous at the moment" I then cracked a joke about her booti to put her at ease and no response!so i left it alone... i know this isn't what i am ment to do and kinda feel a bit down because i have been pretty strong.... Anyway i get a reply this morning saying so so sorry, i passed out and heaps and heaps of praise for the things i am achieving ie body, almost ready to buy 2nd house etc and a bwhhahahha rather positive response to the booti joke etc... Could someone please elaborate on whats going on here with my brain and hers? It has kinda set me back a bit and reading Juicers thread really does seem to highlight a pattern in behavior from her side... I would love to be with this girl if she would grow up but I haven't got a clue on how to achieve this as well as feeling i may miss my chance if she ever did work her self out! so confused... WHats the relationship and break up details, was there an ex involved if so how long was she away from him before dating you? thanks
Author oren ish Posted December 14, 2011 Author Posted December 14, 2011 I am running out of time smokey as i have to go to work! I will reply in detail later or you can chase up my other threads.. there is only 2 if you want some details in the now... She has nothing to do with her EX as he was violent towards her... back later...
smokey bear Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I am running out of time smokey as i have to go to work! I will reply in detail later or you can chase up my other threads.. there is only 2 if you want some details in the now... She has nothing to do with her EX as he was violent towards her... back later... Ok i got a brief history, you have two choices, Go back to her, but you have to take her as she is, with all the hassles, all the games, all the head aches, with chances of being dumped again or you go nc for a long time, heal and reach out in about 6 months time and see if she's grew up. Her actions arent going to change over night its going to take time, its going to be painful. If you could fill us in more, lenght of relationship, how long broke up, big deal breakers etc. and the dreaded ex situation, violent or not, still need the details of how long after she split she met you, how long they were together etc.
Author oren ish Posted December 14, 2011 Author Posted December 14, 2011 Ok we were together for about 28 months but the last six has been a battle with her pretty much ignoring any responsibilities she needs... Ie utility bills not being paid, driving unlicensed several times for which she was arrested and bailed, running out of money week to week and generally sliding further and further which became the deal breaker i spose... the thing is before this period we we were quite insync with everything from living together to engagement plans... The break up has been about 2 months in total now with me leaving our town house and retreating back into an investment apartment i own outright... tiny little space... The main problem is she is constantly lead by another friend into partying and is adamant about keeping up the ritual she cant afford which is where i feel the gigs situation is most strongest! I was getting told i will do what ever i feel like my friend this and my friend that... Then she became distant which is also why i left... It got turned around on me that i left her in her darkest hour... the ex is a total loser... had her confined to the house 24/7, used to take to her almost everyday and actually caused her a few horrific injuries... she ran from him 300 miles away and he has nothing to do with his children...
BoredAgain Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Reading your description here, Oren, it doesn't sound so much like she has GIGS. It just sounds like she's straight-up irresponsible. Getting arrested for unlicensed driving, being broke because she has to party every week, etc. are things that responsible adults simply do not do. Furthermore, these are things which you cannot fix for her, and the fact that its been getting worse and worse shows that she has no intention of fixing herself. You need to walk away. Remember, the idea of No Contact is to help you heal from the break-up. If these online conversations with her are causing you some distress (which it seems like they are), then you need to just stop. Get some emotional distance from the relationship and move forward with your life.
Author oren ish Posted December 14, 2011 Author Posted December 14, 2011 Yes Its really starting to mess with my head, the messages of i miss you and then being ignored... the latest one is that she is going to show up at my place but doesn't want to be rejected and then emailing my mother about going to see her??? I made this post to try and understand more about whats going through her head... and whats going on in mine... Maybe she just gets lonely at times and then reverts... I would still from my understanding place it slightly in the gigs category as my safe and secure ways are no match for going out and being swooned over in clubs and pubs... I plan to walk away and was doing very well until 2 days ago's mail... Should i thow an ultimatum at her or just totally ignore her... it would seem ignoreing her is what causes her to contact me but as soon as i respond she just shuts down... Yes shes irresponsible but that has crept in to a point i just dont get and virtually whats killed the whole thing... sigh
smokey bear Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Yes Its really starting to mess with my head, the messages of i miss you and then being ignored... the latest one is that she is going to show up at my place but doesn't want to be rejected and then emailing my mother about going to see her??? I made this post to try and understand more about whats going through her head... and whats going on in mine... Maybe she just gets lonely at times and then reverts... I would still from my understanding place it slightly in the gigs category as my safe and secure ways are no match for going out and being swooned over in clubs and pubs... I plan to walk away and was doing very well until 2 days ago's mail... Should i thow an ultimatum at her or just totally ignore her... it would seem ignoreing her is what causes her to contact me but as soon as i respond she just shuts down... Yes shes irresponsible but that has crept in to a point i just dont get and virtually whats killed the whole thing... sigh It does sound like gigs, but like years before it fully evolves, if she gets her act together i think you will finf years down the line she'll go off the rails again(real gigs) in which case you'll be back here, she wont change soon, so can you accept her as she is and that is your answer to what you should do
Author oren ish Posted December 14, 2011 Author Posted December 14, 2011 thanks for the replys but I am still at a bit of a loss as to understand whats in her mind with the back and forth then shutting off and also why i get so unsettled by it... I have one thing to ask of you wise people and that is... I am going NC to heal and move on but i would like a hint on how to achieve this with out seeming ignorant or childish as she will probably tend to think that way if i go bang again...
smokey bear Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 thanks for the replys but I am still at a bit of a loss as to understand whats in her mind with the back and forth then shutting off and also why i get so unsettled by it... I have one thing to ask of you wise people and that is... I am going NC to heal and move on but i would like a hint on how to achieve this with out seeming ignorant or childish as she will probably tend to think that way if i go bang again... "I understand your confused right now, but for now i need space away from you to heal and move on, take care"
Author oren ish Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 Thanks so much Smokey... tuff stuff... I have never really wigged out this hard before after a break up... For a little update and this happened before your reply yesterday... Her: i do miss u. not sure y im even telling u this. but i do. goodnite x Me: we were connected very deeply so its going to happen... its hard! so much i want to say but will leave it be... be well x Her: . . . goodnite . . . x I think Im prepped for NC again... see how we go
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