colosseum Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 Let me try to preempt potential clever responses by listing them: 1) Kiss 2) Sex 3) Quick and frequent follow-up dates 4) Marriage These go without saying. But when useless and useful advice from everyone and everything obscures the already complex game of courtship, how do I look back and assess my first date? I just got back from a tea/coffee date with a very cute lady. She's the type that could get anyone she wanted: lively and vivacious. We met on the dance floor (salsa) where she was very touchy. She was enthusiastic in a chance to meet with me. We had a great conversation during which I saw positive signs from her: dilated pupils, laughing, smiling, fidgeting out of nervousness (I think), playing with her hair, verbosity (she talked a lot, so it didn't take too much effort on my part). I think she enjoyed my company, but she wasn't proactive in making physical contact (I tried to be somewhat). After about an hour, I walked her to her door, but she seemed to be in a rush. She stepped back toward me to give me a hug, then said good night. (interpolation: I just had no idea whether to go in for the kiss or not, this kid was SO hard to read, and her hurrying off didn't help. I stayed on the safe side to make sure I didn't alienate her). There was nothing definitive to deem it a complete failure, but nothing definitive to deem it a complete success either (I don't think). Should I have gone in for the kiss? Was I not assertive enough? Was this a success? A failure? Or can I only find out with time? PS: I also didn't complement her at all; thought she probably gets it all the time. PPS: I'm also just coming out of a fairly long relationship, so I'm still trying to find solid ground again with regard to how to comport myself and of course gauge successful dates... PPPS: Do I send her a thank you text (thanks for the coffee time, it was fun...or whatever)? If so, when?
Emilia Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 I think the key is not to allow yourself feel too excited and attached until about the 3rd date because you can't really tell whether it was a good date or not. You can't read her mind, the only thing you can do is be positive if you liked her, ask her out again and hope that she is interested too. You could have a fantastic first date and have her go back to her ex boyfriend still. There is no way of knowing.
CocoaBrown Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 Let me try to preempt potential clever responses by listing them: 1) Kiss 2) Sex 3) Quick and frequent follow-up dates 4) Marriage These go without saying. But when useless and useful advice from everyone and everything obscures the already complex game of courtship, how do I look back and assess my first date? I just got back from a tea/coffee date with a very cute lady. She's the type that could get anyone she wanted: lively and vivacious. We met on the dance floor (salsa) where she was very touchy. She was enthusiastic in a chance to meet with me. We had a great conversation during which I saw positive signs from her: dilated pupils, laughing, smiling, fidgeting out of nervousness (I think), playing with her hair, verbosity (she talked a lot, so it didn't take too much effort on my part). I think she enjoyed my company, but she wasn't proactive in making physical contact (I tried to be somewhat). After about an hour, I walked her to her door, but she seemed to be in a rush. She stepped back toward me to give me a hug, then said good night. (interpolation: I just had no idea whether to go in for the kiss or not, this kid was SO hard to read, and her hurrying off didn't help. I stayed on the safe side to make sure I didn't alienate her). There was nothing definitive to deem it a complete failure, but nothing definitive to deem it a complete success either (I don't think). Should I have gone in for the kiss? Was I not assertive enough? Was this a success? A failure? Or can I only find out with time? PS: I also didn't complement her at all; thought she probably gets it all the time. PPS: I'm also just coming out of a fairly long relationship, so I'm still trying to find solid ground again with regard to how to comport myself and of course gauge successful dates... PPPS: Do I send her a thank you text (thanks for the coffee time, it was fun...or whatever)? If so, when? I don't think it was a failure. You should send her a text and let her know you had a good time and see what she says. I like when the guy takes the lead in that way. It will usually open the door to more texting or a phone call. Don't worry about her rushing off. I immediately thought oh she was probably nervous. She gave you a hug which is a good sign to me. I don't touch men I'm not comfortable with lol Don't assume that just because she is attractive she is always dating. She could be fresh out of a relationship like you and be a little unsure. I think it's fine you didn't kiss her. You had fun and made a little physical contact. You can kiss her next time if the moment is right!
Recommended Posts