How do I know if I'm dating a sociopath?

[LittleJ]

Hey LS community. Can anyone help me out with this one?

 

I began dating *NATE a few weeks ago after having met him on a site called Blendr, referred to me by a friend. Nate was SEXY, and we seemed to have a lot in common. We quickly became facebook friends. His profile looked great. We enjoyed the same music, similar spiritual beliefs and personal values and he had a ton of FB friends. Everything I read, matched what I was interested in finding. And to top it all off, he was MY TYPE: outdoorsy, intelligent, a sexy ass body, beautiful face...the whole package.

 

I was leaving town for a few days over Thanksgiving, and we hadn't yet met up in person, but connected on the phone and thru texts. Over thanksgiving, my dog passed away. Nate was sure to call me and check in. I thought his response lacked full authenticity, but it was a nice gesture and showed me I was in his thoughts. After Thanksgiving, we made a plan to meet up in person. We met at a local bar, had a few drinks and conversed for a couple of hours. His lifestyle was a bit different than I assumed. He was crashing on a friend's sofa because he had plans to travel in a few weeks. He had a job, but it wasn't stable and he was working on other endeavors. Aside from that, everything was perfect. I told him I thought he was sexy. He kissed me. The chemistry was palpable. I had some doubts though. Why would this this good looking, seemingly perfect guy be single and interested in ME...AND fit my interests so closely?

 

We left the bar for my apartment. He was affectionate. THIS BEAUTIFUL JUST MY TYPE MAN WAS PAYING ATTENTION TO ME! For some reason, this astounded me. Now obviously I have some self worth things to work on, but that's for a different post. These were my thoughts.

 

Anyway, to make a long story short(er) we made out at my place pretty heavily. I had to work early so I didn't mind him leaving for the night. He texted that he had an amazing time with me. I concurred.

 

We made plans to see a band two days later. I bought the tickets, and invited my best friend to join us. She and I made dinner before hand and invited Nate. He came, took a shower at my place, enjoyed dinner with us, and the 3 of us proceeded to the show. At show: he was super affectionate, bought drinks, made me feel like the only girl in the world. Made me feel like a girlfriend. There was one odd moment which is kind of hard to explain, but it left me feeling suspicious of him. I couldn't tell if he was lying to me or not, or just being cute (which wasn't cute). He drank quite a bit, but we all were and it was fun.

 

Went back to my place and he and I got physical. While we were getting it on, I asked him what he was looking for, that I didn't want casual sex, but something with more depth. He couldn't give me a solid answer, and so I got upset, but got over it because he was hot and we were in a passionate moment. We wound up having sex (unprotected!!! WTF WAS WRONG WITH ME?) Afterwards, I asked him to stay, but he chose to leave. That didn't sit well with me and I told him that. He gave me a few excuses, blah blah, but he left. He texted me that he had an amazing time. I felt used and unhappy.

 

The following days were an odd series of intense and puzzling text conversations. I began to feel like I was crazy. I doubted everything. I couldn't figure him out. He seemed secretive and elusive. Was this me and my own insecurities? Was it him and his puzzling non-committal ways? Was it the product of having mainly text interactions and thoughts and expressions getting lost in translation? I started to lose sleep. I was anxious. I decided I needed to end it. He still appeared interested in me. I went bat**** crazy on the dude with all of my questions about what he was looking for, are we on the same page, are you jerking me around. Any other

dude would've thought I was nuts and moving too fast and would have no dumping my ass. But this seemingly perfect dude seemed on board. What was wrong with me?

 

I asked him to pay me back for the concert ticket (An agreement we made prior to the show). He told me he had pink eye. Everything he said, I doubted. I thought he was lying to me. I felt like our sex night was reckless and lacking in intimacy. I wondered if he were a sociopath. I did the research. He "could" fit the profile. But it was still hard to tell.

 

Now, I'm a good judge of character. I work in the helping profession. I typically have a good, intuitive sense about people. My issue here is this: Am I dating a sociopath? Am I just dating someone in which our dynamics clash recklessly? Am I dating this seemingly perfect dude, but ruining any chance of it because of my own self doubt? I've never had this experience in relationships before.

[FitChick]

You dated an attractive, unemployed homeless guy who can't commit to anyone or anything but when an opportunity presents itself on a silver platter, he partakes and then splits.

 

If it makes you feel better to call him a sociopath, so be it.

Edited December 13, 2011 by FitChick

[LittleJ]

FITCHICK:

It doesn't make me feel better to call him a sociopath. I'm just trying to understand this situation. He has a job, and money...it's just not stable is all. He's had relationships in the past. I don't think it's as simple as you are insinuating.

[CocoaBrown]

Hey LS community. Can anyone help me out with this one?

 

I began dating *NATE a few weeks ago after having met him on a site called Blendr, referred to me by a friend. Nate was SEXY, and we seemed to have a lot in common. We quickly became facebook friends. His profile looked great. We enjoyed the same music, similar spiritual beliefs and personal values and he had a ton of FB friends. Everything I read, matched what I was interested in finding. And to top it all off, he was MY TYPE: outdoorsy, intelligent, a sexy ass body, beautiful face...the whole package.

 

I was leaving town for a few days over Thanksgiving, and we hadn't yet met up in person, but connected on the phone and thru texts. Over thanksgiving, my dog passed away. Nate was sure to call me and check in. I thought his response lacked full authenticity, but it was a nice gesture and showed me I was in his thoughts. After Thanksgiving, we made a plan to meet up in person. We met at a local bar, had a few drinks and conversed for a couple of hours. His lifestyle was a bit different than I assumed. He was crashing on a friend's sofa because he had plans to travel in a few weeks. He had a job, but it wasn't stable and he was working on other endeavors. Aside from that, everything was perfect. I told him I thought he was sexy. He kissed me. The chemistry was palpable. I had some doubts though. Why would this this good looking, seemingly perfect guy be single and interested in ME...AND fit my interests so closely?

 

We left the bar for my apartment. He was affectionate. THIS BEAUTIFUL JUST MY TYPE MAN WAS PAYING ATTENTION TO ME! For some reason, this astounded me. Now obviously I have some self worth things to work on, but that's for a different post. These were my thoughts.

 

Anyway, to make a long story short(er) we made out at my place pretty heavily. I had to work early so I didn't mind him leaving for the night. He texted that he had an amazing time with me. I concurred.

 

We made plans to see a band two days later. I bought the tickets, and invited my best friend to join us. She and I made dinner before hand and invited Nate. He came, took a shower at my place, enjoyed dinner with us, and the 3 of us proceeded to the show. At show: he was super affectionate, bought drinks, made me feel like the only girl in the world. Made me feel like a girlfriend. There was one odd moment which is kind of hard to explain, but it left me feeling suspicious of him. I couldn't tell if he was lying to me or not, or just being cute (which wasn't cute). He drank quite a bit, but we all were and it was fun.

 

Went back to my place and he and I got physical. While we were getting it on, I asked him what he was looking for, that I didn't want casual sex, but something with more depth. He couldn't give me a solid answer, and so I got upset, but got over it because he was hot and we were in a passionate moment. We wound up having sex (unprotected!!! WTF WAS WRONG WITH ME?) Afterwards, I asked him to stay, but he chose to leave. That didn't sit well with me and I told him that. He gave me a few excuses, blah blah, but he left. He texted me that he had an amazing time. I felt used and unhappy.

 

The following days were an odd series of intense and puzzling text conversations. I began to feel like I was crazy. I doubted everything. I couldn't figure him out. He seemed secretive and elusive. Was this me and my own insecurities? Was it him and his puzzling non-committal ways? Was it the product of having mainly text interactions and thoughts and expressions getting lost in translation? I started to lose sleep. I was anxious. I decided I needed to end it. He still appeared interested in me. I went bat**** crazy on the dude with all of my questions about what he was looking for, are we on the same page, are you jerking me around. Any other

dude would've thought I was nuts and moving too fast and would have no dumping my ass. But this seemingly perfect dude seemed on board. What was wrong with me?

 

I asked him to pay me back for the concert ticket (An agreement we made prior to the show). He told me he had pink eye. Everything he said, I doubted. I thought he was lying to me. I felt like our sex night was reckless and lacking in intimacy. I wondered if he were a sociopath. I did the research. He "could" fit the profile. But it was still hard to tell.

 

Now, I'm a good judge of character. I work in the helping profession. I typically have a good, intuitive sense about people. My issue here is this: Am I dating a sociopath? Am I just dating someone in which our dynamics clash recklessly? Am I dating this seemingly perfect dude, but ruining any chance of it because of my own self doubt? I've never had this experience in relationships before.

 

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh girl! No no no no no no NOOOOOOOO!

Ok, I'm not saying this to be mean but what were you thinking? In my opinion he saw you coming. It seems like he knew just how to play you....wine and dine you a little and I stress a little because it's only been a few weeks, and he got into your pants and UNPROTECTED at that!! You were eating up the attention (THIS BEAUTIFUL JUST MY TYPE MAN WAS PAYING ATTENTION TO ME!) and probably came off as a woman with low-self esteem that this game would work on. During a make out session is not the time to say you want more then just casual sex or to ask him what he's looking for. He probably already put you in the casual catagory. If he didn't give you a good enough answer why did you proceed to have sex with him?!! There were several red flags and you didn't listen to your gut.

 

What do you mean you couldn't figure him out? Of course you couldn't you don't know him at all!! And um yeah he avoided you afterward because he got what he wanted and was probably spending time with someone else. When you tried to end it he figured he better throw you a bone because he can string you along and use you for booty and a place to stay in case of an emergency. Chop it up as lesson learned and leave him alone!

 

Again, I'm not trying to come across as rude. But you gotta be more careful. I'm curious: What was the odd moment at the show? Has he paid you back for the ticket? Have you heard from him at all without you making contact first?

[xpaperxcutx]

When he couldn't respond to your question while the two of you were getting it on, that was when you should have bailed. Why the hell would you even consider unprotected sex? Now not only have you became a casual ons but you also made it look like you're easy. It really is a double standard. By sleepng with he basically desn't see you as someone he can pursue in the long run.

 

Men chas grls for sex and relationship. There's usually no point for an R if you just give him the sex. Oh and he wasn't after anything except a good time.

[Citizen Erased]

FITCHICK:

It doesn't make me feel better to call him a sociopath. I'm just trying to understand this situation. He has a job, and money...it's just not stable is all. He's had relationships in the past. I don't think it's as simple as you are insinuating.

From what you wrote, it's not as complicated as you think either. He wanted sex, you gave it to him, now he got what he want he is no longer interested. If every person that did this was considered a sociopath, half of the dating world would be considered to be one.

[LittleJ]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh girl! No no no no no no NOOOOOOOO!

Ok, I'm not saying this to be mean but what were you thinking? In my opinion he saw you coming. It seems like he knew just how to play you....wine and dine you a little and I stress a little because it's only been a few weeks, and he got into your pants and UNPROTECTED at that!! You were eating up the attention (THIS BEAUTIFUL JUST MY TYPE MAN WAS PAYING ATTENTION TO ME!) and probably came off as a woman with low-self esteem that this game would work on. During a make out session is not the time to say you want more then just casual sex or to ask him what he's looking for. He probably already put you in the casual catagory. If he didn't give you a good enough answer why did you proceed to have sex with him?!! There were several red flags and you didn't listen to your gut.

 

What do you mean you couldn't figure him out? Of course you couldn't you don't know him at all!! And um yeah he avoided you afterward because he got what he wanted and was probably spending time with someone else. When you tried to end it he figured he better throw you a bone because he can string you along and use you for booty and a place to stay in case of an emergency. Chop it up as lesson learned and leave him alone!

 

Again, I'm not trying to come across as rude. But you gotta be more careful. I'm curious: What was the odd moment at the show? Has he paid you back for the ticket? Have you heard from him at all without you making contact first?

 

No it's cool. I appreciate your honesty. In my defense, I do not come across as a woman with low self esteem. I am quite confident (just not in matters of love). But on the outside, it looks like I've got it together. Good job. Good education. Nice place in an affluent city. Driven. Attractive (don't mean to toot my own horn here, but I'm a decent package).

 

I asked him those questions during a make out sesh because we were both intoxicated and I didn't want a one night stand. I admit, it was bad timing, and on alcohol none the less. Not an ideal moment for either one of us. I had sex with him because I wanted his body. I was turned on. We just came from a night of music and affection. We were ripe.

 

No, he hasn't paid me back and made quite the stink about it over the last week. Definite red-flag. Weird thing at show: My friend and I went to use the rest room. He said to just meet him back where we were. We got there, he was gone. We looked around for a minute, but then wondered if we were in the wrong spot. I texted him and it was an odd game of catch me if you can. It was just weird. It gave me those nauseous suspicious feelings.

 

I may have heard from him a few times. He will usually send a sweet something in the morning. That gets us on a roll throughout the day. Its all texting and we both agree it's not an ideal means of communicating. He called me today on his own accord. I felt good with him.

 

It's totally tripping me out. I'm caught between shadow and light! The shadow is the suspicious, awkward, untrusting, wondering if he's lying doubtfulness. The light is the chemistry, the potential, affectionate, like minded, similarities, and sex.

[LittleJ]

From what you wrote, it's not as complicated as you think either. He wanted sex, you gave it to him, now he got what he want he is no longer interested. If every person that did this was considered a sociopath, half of the dating world would be considered to be one.

 

Hmm..not sure why people are assuming he isn't still interested. We're keeping this going. it's not like he's disappeared. I'm just severely questioning his intentions and motives right now. He is still very much in the picture. I was the one who chose to end it. He apologized. We communicated and I wanted to give him another chance because I don't know if it's my self doubt, or something more.

 

I've dated a lot of people. I have a lot of experience. I'm 35. He's 38. I know what it feels like to be a one night stand and I know what it feels like to enjoy one. What I'm feeling, is different. I'd have no problem letting it go if it were just a one nighter and I was used.

[missed_theboat]

From what you wrote, it's not as complicated as you think either. He wanted sex, you gave it to him, now he got what he want he is no longer interested. If every person that did this was considered a sociopath, half of the dating world would be considered to be one.

 

What makes it so hard to understand that sex on a second date does not a relationship make?

 

 

I mean, it COULD... it's not impossible, but don't be surprised if it doesn't.

 

 

Not saying you did throw yourself out there in the very beginning, but the time to ask what someone's intentions are is not while you're getting it on.

 

"Why would this this good looking, seemingly perfect guy be single and interested in ME" -- this statement indicates an insecurity or self-doubt. Why not you? Self-doubt would indeed cause problems, but I am not sure that's the issue here.

 

My friend went through a similar thing. She saw a guy twice, not really dating but flirty. They had sex one night and she asked him afterwards if he just wanted a one-night stand type of encounter, because she didn't. He said he definitely didn't. But, since their encounter, he has made excuses for not hanging out, flirted with other girls around her, and generally been a douche.

 

What do I know anyway? I don't know much about these encounters, because I've only had serious relationships with guys who were either my friends for years before (so we already had a repertoire) or who I met and didn't have sex with for a month or so, once we had already hit it off hard-core. The rest of my relationships were purely sexual--no miscommunication there.

 

Do you all go on dates or see each other besides texting?

Edited December 13, 2011 by missed_theboat

[LittleJ]

Wondering if I could hear from anyone who HAS dated a sociopath. I'd love to compare experiences.

[CocoaBrown]

No it's cool. I appreciate your honesty. In my defense, I do not come across as a woman with low self esteem. I am quite confident (just not in matters of love). But on the outside, it looks like I've got it together. Good job. Good education. Nice place in an affluent city. Driven. Attractive (don't mean to toot my own horn here, but I'm a decent package).

 

I asked him those questions during a make out sesh because we were both intoxicated and I didn't want a one night stand. I admit, it was bad timing, and on alcohol none the less. Not an ideal moment for either one of us. I had sex with him because I wanted his body. I was turned on. We just came from a night of music and affection. We were ripe.

 

No, he hasn't paid me back and made quite the stink about it over the last week. Definite red-flag. Weird thing at show: My friend and I went to use the rest room. He said to just meet him back where we were. We got there, he was gone. We looked around for a minute, but then wondered if we were in the wrong spot. I texted him and it was an odd game of catch me if you can. It was just weird. It gave me those nauseous suspicious feelings.

 

I may have heard from him a few times. He will usually send a sweet something in the morning. That gets us on a roll throughout the day. Its all texting and we both agree it's not an ideal means of communicating. He called me today on his own accord. I felt good with him.

 

It's totally tripping me out. I'm caught between shadow and light! The shadow is the suspicious, awkward, untrusting, wondering if he's lying doubtfulness. The light is the chemistry, the potential, affectionate, like minded, similarities, and sex.

 

Hmmm. Ok. Could it be you just wanted sex too and feel like it needs to be more now in order not to feel cheap? Him just texting seems like a way of stringing you along....that's what I'm worried about. I would say listen to your gut....you aren't getting those sick feelings for nothing! Make sure you don't buy him anything else!

[CocoaBrown]

Wondering if I could hear from anyone who HAS dated a sociopath. I'd love to compare experiences.

 

I googled "I'm dating a sociopath" and there are different quizzes and checklists you can look at. I couldn't find the article that really helped me when I was dealing with my ex but I'm sure you could find something helpful. I don't want to share my personal story, but you should google and look through to put your mind at ease. I really don't think thats what's going on here though.

[in_absentia]

Watch how they treat other people very carefully. I had a friend who was a sociopath, I could see touches of it while we were friends but it only fully revealed itself when she cheated on her long term bf she was trying to persuade to marry her (at 22) with several men, played them all telling them she might be pregnant just to **** with their heads etc. and many other things. I cut the friendship off immediately when I found out what she'd done to her bf (my friend, and now flatmate). She just totally lacked empathy.

 

Obviously with a friend I could keep the friendship going (because I did enjoy it) and just deal with the feelings of 'something's wrong' as they came, but in a relationship you just wanna get out asap. If they're totally focused on you that's usually a bad sign too, this girl became friends with me pretty quickly due to some shared interests and put a LOT of energy into our friendship from the start, whereas I'm more of a, grow friendships slowly and deeply kinda person. Anyway I wondered why she had no other friends when she was befriending me but thought it didn't matter, not everyone has tonnes of close friends. Then it made perfect sense!

 

She went on to screw someone else, start a relationship with him and get him to marry her pretty quickly. Either he's a terrible person too or he has NO idea what he's let himself in for. She was FWB with my boyfriend before we were together too, until he realised she was bat**** crazy and stopped seeing her a couple months later (that's how we started properly talking, he messaged me on facebook asking what the deal was with this girl or something, can't quite remember). So now I live with two guys who have both slept with her and none of us have anything to do with her anymore. Everyone I speak to thinks she's a nutcase, it's quite apparent.

 

She tried to charm her way back in a few months later, telling me she was at peace with everything that happened and it brought her to where she neeed to be, so thanks. I was like, wtf? I told her to woman up and tell her bf she was cheating (implication that he HAD to know and I'd rather she told him than me or someone else) and I guess she was angry at that, but 'finally found peace'. Give me a break...

 

The guy you're dating doesn't sound like a sociopath, or at least we don't know enough to really say. He does sound like someone who played you, slept with you and now you probably won't see again and have blown your chances at a relationship with. Relationships can come out of casually hooking up (mine did) but they often don't. You need to work on your self worth so that when a guy pays you attention you can handle it well rather than thinking 'omg he likes me!' and then having sex so quickly.

[dasein]

Wondering if I could hear from anyone who HAS dated a sociopath. I'd love to compare experiences.

 

You need to do some research on what the term "sociopath" means, as you are misusing it. Pray you don't ever cross paths with a sociopath.

 

Every guy who doesn't do exactly what you want them to is not a sociopath, nor are they a narcissist, nor do they have Asperger's, ASPD, bipolar, etc. Guys who tell you lies to get in your pants aren't necessarily those things either. People are quite capable of displaying selfish, dishonest behavior without having a personality disorder.

[Andy_K]

Now, I'm a good judge of character. I work in the helping profession. I typically have a good, intuitive sense about people.

 

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Edited December 13, 2011 by Andy_K

[Emilia]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

 

My sentiments exactly. 'naive' at best

[Carm]

I dated a sociopath for 4 years. We even bought a home together but soon after he cheated on me with 2 girls (at the same time).

 

Sociopaths are charmers, they are smooth talkers and immediately likeable. All my friends and acquaintances really liked my ex.

 

They pretend to have emotion and feelings but they actually do not have any empathy for anyone.

 

They would make great salespeople as they can sell sand to the Arabs...as they saying goes.

 

STAY away from anyone like this. They are far from geniune.

[EnigmaticClarity]

My sentiments exactly. 'naive' at best

 

She may be describing her thoughts accurately in her mind, but based upon what she wrote, I can't see why she thinks the guy is a sociopath--she may have just not captured the reason for her suspicions well in text. It does seem as though she's confused about what a sociopath is; he just sounds potentially selfish and manipulative, mostly based upon him leaving after sex, but there's not enough detail for us to actually make a call on it. Most of her descriptions are purely of her feelings with little detail for us to confirm or deny her suspicions which leaves her just looking paranoid.

 

The only part of her description of him I noticed sociopathic potential in was when she described his reaction to her dog's death as fake, but since he's fairly together and charming, he'd be a psychopath, not a falling-apart sociopath. And since he just met the dog, not sure he'd have the same attachment to the dog she does, so if he was being a bit fake, it may purely have been in an effort to relate to her to make her feel better which could have been a genuine empathic connection to her, if not her dog, and therefore not a trait of psychopathy.

[EnigmaticClarity]

I dated a sociopath for 4 years. We even bought a home together but soon after he cheated on me with 2 girls (at the same time).

 

Sociopaths are charmers, they are smooth talkers and immediately likeable. All my friends and acquaintances really liked my ex.

 

They pretend to have emotion and feelings but they actually do not have any empathy for anyone.

 

They would make great salespeople as they can sell sand to the Arabs...as they saying goes.

 

STAY away from anyone like this. They are far from geniune.

 

I thought being together and charming to manipulate people made them a psychopath; sociopaths are usually awkward and can't control their anti-social tendencies and lack of empathy. But eh, maybe the definitions out there have differed over time.

[make me believe]

A sociopath? WTF? Because he's not interested in any kind of commitment with you? Sure, if that makes you feel better, he's totally a sociopath. lol. I'm not understanding AT ALL what's making you try to put this label on him, other than he's not giving you what you want and you seem to want to chalk it up to some kind of mental illness. You should accept him for what he is - a guy that wanted to have casual sex with you, and wants to keep you around so he can have more casual sex with you in the future.

 

Honestly, nothing in this situation is complicated. You guys had no real relationship. You had unprotected sex with him ( I hope you're planning on getting tested) , ignoring the fact that he wouldn't give you a straight answer to your "commitment" questions (which for some reason you decided to ask DURING the makeout/sex?! Next time consider asking this kind of thing - and getting the answer that you want - BEFORE sleeping with a guy). You're hanging on hoping that he'll come around and give you the relationship and commitment that you want. But if he wanted that from you, he would have made it clear by now. Guarantee you - giving him no strings attached sex is NOT going to make him want a relationship from you.

 

Sorry. I just don't get this. You keep saying you want to know his intentions and motives (though if you actually think he's a sociopath I'm not sure why you're not running for the hills right now) -- why don't you ask him straight up and if he refuses to answer you, or gives you a vague answer, or doesn't give you the answer that you want, move on!

[dispatch3d]

If you're googling "Am I dating a sociopath" chances are you've lost it. Chill out.

[Carm]

I thought being together and charming to manipulate people made them a psychopath; sociopaths are usually awkward and can't control their anti-social tendencies and lack of empathy. But eh, maybe the definitions out there have differed over time.

 

 

While what you've said is correct, there really has been a debate if there is significant differences between the two.

 

Regardless, in reading the OP post it really doesn't sound like he is at all. It seems like she's just been played.

[PhillyDude]

Threads like these make me laugh and are so enjoyable. women always think they found thE ONE and end up looking crazy LOL

[Nexus One]

A sociopath is someone who inflicts pain/suffering on others, but they don't register the suffering they bring about, so they keep inflicting the suffering over and over again.

 

So if you've felt hurt on more than occasion and you've indicated it to him, but it seemed like he simply didn't register your emotional pain and kept going on the same path he was on, then that can possibly be sociopathic behavior on his side.

Edited December 13, 2011 by Nexus One

[ShannonMI]

Hey LS community. Can anyone help me out with this one?

 

I began dating *NATE a few weeks ago after having met him on a site called Blendr, referred to me by a friend. Nate was SEXY, and we seemed to have a lot in common. We quickly became facebook friends. His profile looked great. We enjoyed the same music, similar spiritual beliefs and personal values and he had a ton of FB friends. Everything I read, matched what I was interested in finding. And to top it all off, he was MY TYPE: outdoorsy, intelligent, a sexy ass body, beautiful face...the whole package.

 

I was leaving town for a few days over Thanksgiving, and we hadn't yet met up in person, but connected on the phone and thru texts. Over thanksgiving, my dog passed away. Nate was sure to call me and check in. I thought his response lacked full authenticity, but it was a nice gesture and showed me I was in his thoughts. After Thanksgiving, we made a plan to meet up in person. We met at a local bar, had a few drinks and conversed for a couple of hours. His lifestyle was a bit different than I assumed. He was crashing on a friend's sofa because he had plans to travel in a few weeks. He had a job, but it wasn't stable and he was working on other endeavors. Aside from that, everything was perfect. I told him I thought he was sexy. He kissed me. The chemistry was palpable. I had some doubts though. Why would this this good looking, seemingly perfect guy be single and interested in ME...AND fit my interests so closely?

 

We left the bar for my apartment. He was affectionate. THIS BEAUTIFUL JUST MY TYPE MAN WAS PAYING ATTENTION TO ME! For some reason, this astounded me. Now obviously I have some self worth things to work on, but that's for a different post. These were my thoughts.

 

Anyway, to make a long story short(er) we made out at my place pretty heavily. I had to work early so I didn't mind him leaving for the night. He texted that he had an amazing time with me. I concurred.

 

We made plans to see a band two days later. I bought the tickets, and invited my best friend to join us. She and I made dinner before hand and invited Nate. He came, took a shower at my place, enjoyed dinner with us, and the 3 of us proceeded to the show. At show: he was super affectionate, bought drinks, made me feel like the only girl in the world. Made me feel like a girlfriend. There was one odd moment which is kind of hard to explain, but it left me feeling suspicious of him. I couldn't tell if he was lying to me or not, or just being cute (which wasn't cute). He drank quite a bit, but we all were and it was fun.

 

Went back to my place and he and I got physical. While we were getting it on, I asked him what he was looking for, that I didn't want casual sex, but something with more depth. He couldn't give me a solid answer, and so I got upset, but got over it because he was hot and we were in a passionate moment. We wound up having sex (unprotected!!! WTF WAS WRONG WITH ME?) Afterwards, I asked him to stay, but he chose to leave. That didn't sit well with me and I told him that. He gave me a few excuses, blah blah, but he left. He texted me that he had an amazing time. I felt used and unhappy.

 

The following days were an odd series of intense and puzzling text conversations. I began to feel like I was crazy. I doubted everything. I couldn't figure him out. He seemed secretive and elusive. Was this me and my own insecurities? Was it him and his puzzling non-committal ways? Was it the product of having mainly text interactions and thoughts and expressions getting lost in translation? I started to lose sleep. I was anxious. I decided I needed to end it. He still appeared interested in me. I went bat**** crazy on the dude with all of my questions about what he was looking for, are we on the same page, are you jerking me around. Any other

dude would've thought I was nuts and moving too fast and would have no dumping my ass. But this seemingly perfect dude seemed on board. What was wrong with me?

 

I asked him to pay me back for the concert ticket (An agreement we made prior to the show). He told me he had pink eye. Everything he said, I doubted. I thought he was lying to me. I felt like our sex night was reckless and lacking in intimacy. I wondered if he were a sociopath. I did the research. He "could" fit the profile. But it was still hard to tell.

 

Now, I'm a good judge of character. I work in the helping profession. I typically have a good, intuitive sense about people. My issue here is this: Am I dating a sociopath? Am I just dating someone in which our dynamics clash recklessly? Am I dating this seemingly perfect dude, but ruining any chance of it because of my own self doubt? I've never had this experience in relationships before.

He doesn't sound like a sociopath to me. He sounds like a dude that took advantage of an insecure girl to get his dick wet. Lots of guys are this way. Go get yourself tested for STD's. Were you drunk when you had sex with him? That would be the only excuse you could have for being so foolish. I don't have to tell you having unprotected sex with a relative stranger is one of the dumbest things EVER. Sorry, but it's true. The guy is no Ted Bundy, but he took full advantage of you. Try to be more careful of who date and who you sleep with.