ThinkPink218 Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 It's been 2 months NC and it makes me feel like I meant nothing to him, especially the way he talks on social networks. Like it seems as if he has forgotten about all of the good times that there were and all of the things I did to be there for him. The drama of the breakup has overshadowed all of that it seems and I'm getting really frustrated at the fact that although I'm trying to move on, it still hurts and he's just acting as if I was the worst ex ever when I really gave it my all.....
orbiting Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 (edited) From what you shared, I think we're in somewhat similar situations at the moment. Even if the overall circumstances may be different, I fully understand the hurt and anger you expressed. So, in sharing this advice with you I'm also trying to further re-enforce it for myself as well: let it go. Much easier said than done, I know - you had a relationship, you had a connection with this person that you were very invested in. But it is not worth it anymore. It's not worth it to think about him, it's not worth it to think about whether he's truly forgetten about you as he seems to have -- it's not worth it to be angry anymore. Don't give him the satisfaction. Don't waste another moment of your time thinking about a person who (even if he hasn't forgotten!) has the pluck to disregard the demise of a relationship so nonchalantly, so publicly. If someone has no respect for your feelings like that, then they don't deserve to have you be thinking about them in any context. I'm sorry if that sounded harsh in some way, but of course I only mean to help you. All I mean to say is that, just like you, the past two months of NC have been very hard for me whereas they seem to have left him unperturbed. That realization made me sad, and then very angry .. and now? It was merely days ago, actually, that I just let go. Let go of the possibility of being with him again; let go of the subconscious denial that the relationship was over, and just.. accepted it. It's done and I don't need to know how he feels about it, because it won't change anything (certainly not for the better). It's still hard, in a way, but each day is slowly becoming better. Don't waste your time when it's just not worth it anymore. That's all I can really say. Good luck. Edited December 13, 2011 by orbiting
Lobouspo Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 What you are feeling is natural, but I would say checking up on him on Facebook or whatever is breaking NC. Knowing what he is up too through direct contact or social networks is bound to get a visceral reaction from you and that is not healthy. I would make every effort possible to avoid him on the internet. Only when you completely eliminate him from your life can you begin to heal and eventually forgive him. Good luck to you.
Author ThinkPink218 Posted December 13, 2011 Author Posted December 13, 2011 From what you shared, I think we're in somewhat similar situations at the moment. Even if the overall circumstances may be different, I fully understand the hurt and anger you expressed. So, in sharing this advice with you I'm also trying to further re-enforce it for myself as well: let it go. Much easier said than done, I know - you had a relationship, you had a connection with this person that you were very invested in. But it is not worth it anymore. It's not worth it to think about him, it's not worth it to think about whether he's truly forgetten about you as he seems to have -- it's not worth it to be angry anymore. Don't give him the satisfaction. Don't waste another moment of your time thinking about a person who (even if he hasn't forgotten!) has the pluck to disregard the demise of a relationship so nonchalantly, so publicly. If someone has no respect for your feelings like that, then they don't deserve to have you be thinking about them in any context. I'm sorry if that sounded harsh in some way, but of course I only mean to help you. All I mean to say is that, just like you, the past two months of NC have been very hard for me whereas they seem to have left him unperturbed. That realization made me sad, and then very angry .. and now? It was merely days ago, actually, that I just let go. Let go of the possibility of being with him again; let go of the subconscious denial that the relationship was over, and just.. accepted it. It's done and I don't need to know how he feels about it, because it won't change anything (certainly not for the better). It's still hard, in a way, but each day is slowly becoming better. Don't waste your time when it's just not worth it anymore. That's all I can really say. Good luck. Thanks for that I need to hear it. It really just isn't worth it anymore. Caring about someone who has clearly moved on and hoping that theyll see how they hurt you and reach out. The chances of that happening at this point are slim to none so I'm going to do my hardest at letting it go completely. Thanks! What you are feeling is natural, but I would say checking up on him on Facebook or whatever is breaking NC. Knowing what he is up too through direct contact or social networks is bound to get a visceral reaction from you and that is not healthy. I would make every effort possible to avoid him on the internet. Only when you completely eliminate him from your life can you begin to heal and eventually forgive him. Good luck to you. That's true, I guess I just don't want to delete him and give him the satisfaction of feeling like I can't handle being his friend on there. I gave it a break and came back and thought I could be mature about things, but seeing what he's up to is hurting me. But after last night, I'm really just trying to stop caring as I realized he has.
sunflower11 Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 I'm where you are at and it has been 3 months since the BU for me. Many people here will tell you hate is not good. I agree. But it's not like you are going to hate your ex forever! And anger is a good thing when you realize how badly they treated you and YES it hurts to know they just turned the page on you like you meant nothing to them. I feel the same way about my ex when i found out not even a month after the BU he was already on a bunch of adult dating websites just trying to hook up with girls and get laid. Ouch. Sure I am angry and I do sort of hate him for the hell he has put me through while he feels totally indifferent towards me..as if I had never existed. But I think everyone gets to that point where you forgive them because it's part of moving on and then you are the one that becomes indifferent (I hope). This article helped me http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dont-they-care-about-me-didnt-i-mean-something-to-them/
Author ThinkPink218 Posted December 13, 2011 Author Posted December 13, 2011 I'm where you are at and it has been 3 months since the BU for me. Many people here will tell you hate is not good. I agree. But it's not like you are going to hate your ex forever! And anger is a good thing when you realize how badly they treated you and YES it hurts to know they just turned the page on you like you meant nothing to them. I feel the same way about my ex when i found out not even a month after the BU he was already on a bunch of adult dating websites just trying to hook up with girls and get laid. Ouch. Sure I am angry and I do sort of hate him for the hell he has put me through while he feels totally indifferent towards me..as if I had never existed. But I think everyone gets to that point where you forgive them because it's part of moving on and then you are the one that becomes indifferent (I hope). This article helped me http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dont-they-care-about-me-didnt-i-mean-something-to-them/ Thank you so much for that article!!!! I really appreciate that! It's been a year since the BU for me, but 2 months completely NC. I don't hate him or wish anything bad for him, I just hate the way he has made the breakup seem as if I'm the only one to blame. One day we were so happy and the next he has a cold shoulder and I'll admit I went completely overboard trying to work things out when I should've just been calm, but I really did care for him. It hurts that he has just moved on to someone new and that Everytime we have been in contact since the breakup he seems to have no regards for my feelings with the things he requests of me and then makes it seem like I'm the wrong one for trying to stop contact. How he just looks back at us as if it were nothing really bothers me and that's the part that's so hard for me. I just want him to acknowledge my hurt and not joke about it you know? I've accepted that I need to let it go and move on and that we are over, but it's just hard to let it go when he seems so nonchalant about things as if I didn't affect him at all. It sucks.
Author ThinkPink218 Posted December 13, 2011 Author Posted December 13, 2011 That article was amazing! Wow..... "When they move on or don’t run around trying to demonstrate how much they care, we feel out of control. This is because we are still hurting and struggling to move on, and them not contributing to the emotional pot makes us not only feel away about the pain that we’re holding onto but also makes it even harder to hold onto any last illusions we may be clinging to." "Validate your own perception of the relationship and accept that they cared, but that for whatever reason the relationship is over. You cannot quantify how much someone cared for you and literally count it up like money, but you can tell by the relationship you were in. However long you spent together, they’ve likely cared to some level but just not to the level that you needed or wanted. Only you know the relationship you were in. If you felt loved, cared, trusted, respected – why invalidate that memory because the relationship is over and they’re not running around like a blue-arsed fly after you? What would constitute them caring about you? Them pestering you morning, noon, and night and you having the opportunity to ignore them? Them asking you for sex? Them saying I miss you but I can’t be with you/I’ve met someone else? Them saying ‘OK, I’ll change into the person you want me to be’? Them saying ‘I won’t be with anyone else until you are with someone’? Them saying ‘You were right and I was wrong’? What do you actually want from them? Write it down, voice it, and then examine how realistic your expectations are. People can care about you but that doesn’t make them right for you or the relationship. People can also care about you but have enough self-respect and self-preservation not to want to keep stoking the fire of a dysfunctional dynamic. If it’s dysfunctional, at some point, at least one of you has to get off the merry-go-round." Very well put!
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