amythan Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 (edited) Hi - I posted about this yesterday and now I heard back from him. This guy and I went out a couple of times, not a serious thing but I liked him. But what made me feel very sad was the situation itself and how unnecessary this was. We texted kind often and at some point I almost gave up but he came back saying that we should meet this week end. He insisted and I said that it depends when. He was thinking about sunday night and I agreed, so he was supposed to come back with a firm plan. He never did. I was so upset yesterday night that i texted him saying how annoying this was. He replied very early this morning saying "really sorry, i should have called you blah blah" He didn't even have a real excuse. What makes me more angry is the whole process. Why trying to make plans if you do not feel like spending time with me. If he was clear and said that he doesn't want to, he was seeing someone else or even not accepting / proposing plans everything would be fine. I do not know what he achieved with this besides hurting me and make me feel like crap. I deleted his number today. I just do not get this stupid dating game. Edited December 12, 2011 by amythan
Jessica45 Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 This is a little different than you posted before. You made it sound then like you had a firm date and that just the details were lacking. This post sounds like a firm date was never planned at all. Just a maybe we'll get together. Which is it? If you made definite plans for Sunday night and he never got back to you about when to pick you up, then he's a jerk. If it was a vague "maybe we'll see each other on Sunday, I'll call and let you know later" then it was not near such a big deal.
Author amythan Posted December 12, 2011 Author Posted December 12, 2011 Sorry, it was not clear ... We had firm plans for sunday. He was just supposed to tell me where/what time .. He even told me what he wanted to do.
Andy_K Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 A lot of people have little respect for those they aren't particularly interested in, serious or not. This guy simply doesn't respect you enough to bother communicating clearly or keeping his word. He's not worth the effort.
kaleidoscope Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 It is possible that this guy didn't intend to hurt you at all and didn't mean any disrespect. He may simply be a disorganized jumble. And I've seen women like that too. Their life is plain disorganized. Not saying its ok, I'm just saying that this is how some people are. Personally, I love planners and people who make lists. Lots of people are the "spontaneous" type though and can't organize anything except for the next 4 hours. And then there are the people who really are actually really disrespectful....
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 It really doesn't sound like you are temperamentally suited to have FWB type relationships. I know I'm not. Why do you keep trying them?
Author amythan Posted December 12, 2011 Author Posted December 12, 2011 yes, I guess you are right. Now looking back I realize that he was always trying to lead me on but he never had time or real interest. He was always replying right away and he was always very nice and sweet but nothing more. Even this morning he was all nice but his excuse was ... that he went to sleep !!! WTF ??? Yes, we slept together and I know i am not his gf but still ... if you are not interested even in something casual, say so but there was no need of any of this ...
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 To many people a casual sexual relationship = one where ZERO effort is required.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 I don't think there's a set of rules that dictate that he needs to be " considerate" if this does turn out to be a casual fling, at which point, you do reap what you sow. I'm not reprimanding you, but if you're looking for casual, this guy can come and go as he pleases; your feelings will not play a course in things. Do you know what you want? i realize our generation is 'f- up', with our excesses, we're more likely to get bored. We're constantly going after new things, esepcially when it comes to dating- there's always a need for a challenge to keep our interests high. If you already slept with him, I can understand why he doesn't feel the need to be considerate about your feelings. In the back of his mind, he's already over it and onto the next girl.
jobaba Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 yes, I guess you are right. Now looking back I realize that he was always trying to lead me on but he never had time or real interest. He was always replying right away and he was always very nice and sweet but nothing more. Even this morning he was all nice but his excuse was ... that he went to sleep !!! WTF ??? Yes, we slept together and I know i am not his gf but still ... if you are not interested even in something casual, say so but there was no need of any of this ... Yea ... that's tough. You got played pretty hard. When a guy f@cks a girl and doesn't have any real interest in her, he kind of does it just to build up his stats and prove to himself that he can 'take her down' as my friends say. That is why the *bolded above* is never going to happen. Because you probably wouldn't have slept with him if he said he didn't like you at all, he just wanted to f@ck you. To prevent this from happening in the future, pick different guys. As a man I know, it is SO EASY to tell the difference between a guy who is going to f@ck you over (literally) without remorse and a guy who will at least let you down with courtesy if he's not feeling it. Yet women always go for the good looking d@uchbags who they know are going to screw them over. Or the next time, don't put out so soon. If he doesn't like you and he's a jerk type, he'll give up and be gone really soon.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 I would bash his face in for you...not because I care so much about guys being jerks or *******s but once you cross the line into douchebaggery and just plain inconsiderate to another human being by standing them up It just makes me want to string these weasels by their scrawny little necks. I just have a chip on my shoulder about that kind of a thing, I'll admit I can be a jerk, an ******* and done my share of ****, but I never really understood wasting someones times and just burning them like that. And I also hate these guys who go around acting like players because they can string a few women along, they get an ego trip out of pathetic **** like this. The funny thing is they only treat women this way, not other men because they're just cowards.
ChessPieceFace Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 I have friends that make plans with me and then blow me off constantly. Sometimes they give an excuse, sometimes they don't even bother calling me. I've come to expect it from them. Some people are just like that. Thing is, whether the guy doesn't like you, or whether he's a flake, either way it's not worth bothering. Just saying.
Author amythan Posted December 13, 2011 Author Posted December 13, 2011 Thank you for the responses, i am feeling less upset now and almost happy that he is gone for good. I know that because i slept with him he is not obliged to be interested and if i wanted a relationship (which was not necessary the case) i should made it clear before having sex. BUT the fact that we slept together does not disqualified me to be treated with consideration. I though people should always be treated with respect despite if they are strangers, friends or acquaintances. The fact that he was trying to make plans with me (three times during the last week) kind of made grown my expectations and there was no need. I guess a polite excuse would just made the point. I cannot see any benefit in stringing someone along to finally stood her up.
Andy_K Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 Jerks will be jerks, whether you're in a relationship with them or just having sex. Things being 'less serious' doesn't mean you get any more respect or consideration from them. Truth is... if a guy is too much of an ass for a relationship, he's too much of an ass for sex/casual dating too.
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