vanek26 Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 Hey everyone... I'm a 21 year old male who has tried exploring every avenue for meeting women. One of the most conventional ways seems to be going out to bars and nightclubs to pick up chicks. It wasn't something I was entirely comfortable with until a few months ago when I started talking to an old friend who is quite the party animal. He's a few years older than I am and is a pretty shady character. He's a blast to be around, but not someone I would want to get serious with if I was a girl. Put simply, he's a bull**** artist. But I really don't have any other male friends who like to go downtown, so in that sense I wanted to keep him around. The problem is that I feel like he's a good deal more attractive than I am. I'm not ugly by any means but I'm not very physically imposing while he is. So, if the two of us approach a couple of good looking women, neither of them will want to 'settle' for me. And I've had a few recent examples of him swooping in and poaching my attempted pickup. About a month ago we went out to a bar, and after a few drinks decided to start talking to a couple of good looking women. I paired off with one of them, and we talked for a good half hour and exchanged phone numbers. Later that night my friend ended up telling me the girl he talked to was married with a child, so he couldn't get anywhere. The next day, I texted the girl I was with and upon finding out who I was, she stopped responding to me entirely. Oh well, not interested. Later that week, my buddy comes to pick me up to go out and he has 'my' girl in the car with him! I was shocked... didn't even know they had been talking. Talk about awkward! By the time we were at the club they were passionately making out and ended up disappearing for the night together. I was not happy about this, but I accepted his apology, realizing that she wasn't interested in me anyways. However, the same thing started to happen this weekend. I met a chick when I was at a club with him, got her digits, and got rejected by her via text the next day. He wanted her number from me and really pressured me to give it to him. He promised he was just going to "mess with her" and make her feel bad for blowing me off. Well, he was texting her all night and today I see they've become facebook friends. So, is having him around actually hurting my game? I have this lingering feeling that girls won't want to settle for me when he is standing in the vicinity. Or am I just being oversensitive? After all, these girls didn't want me anyways.
Grinder88 Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 First of all he doesn't seem like a very good wingman for you. You seem like more of a wingman for him distracting the girl he isn't interested at the moment. Plus taking the two girls you have initiated is just a blatant violation of Bro code. In my group of friends I am more like your friend the party guy who is pretty smooth. When out with my buddy who ever approaches the group of girls first gets first "choice" and I will back him up doing whatever I can to help him seal the deal whether it is just a number or picking him up from her place a few hours later. A few weekends ago we ran into a group of girls and he obviously went for the more attractive one, so I help the both of them out and keep the friend occupied, so they can be together. At the end of the night I end up with the hot girls number and all of her friends numbers. And they add me on facebook the next days im still talking to all of them but the girl my buddy was with stops talking to him. That's when I cut contact with them. BROS before HOES--that's what a true friend does If your buddy doesn't respect you and goes after "your" girls you need a new wingman hes pretty much using you
ascendotum Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 First of all he doesn't seem like a very good wingman for you. You seem like more of a wingman for him distracting the girl he isn't interested at the moment. Plus taking the two girls you have initiated is just a blatant violation of Bro code. ....... If your buddy doesn't respect you and goes after "your" girls you need a new wingman hes pretty much using you This is the way it should be. I thought the same, while he's the more physically imposing, he's leaching off you, when as the better looking BS artist he should be doing things to make it easier for you. In saying that though with your 2nd situation....if the girl you like is just not interested in you, there is nothing wrong with him testing the waters. Having a wingman who's a lot more appealing to women, has its complications when it comes chatting up a pair of women, as you mentioned, but this guy's no bro which doesn't help. Try find a replacement but in the meantime still make the most of his ability to kick start conversations with the women, but just be concious of how he operates...possibly an out for himself BS artist all round. Hang in there its only been a few mnths.
dasein Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 You are better off solo than going out with that type of guy. Things won't get any better than what you have described, and will likely get worse. You will be in a position I have been in a few times in life when a woman tells you "Wow, I wish I'd met you before I met him." My reply, "You did actually."
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 A wingmans job is only to entertain said ugly/fat (if present) friend to give you an opportunity at talking with the girl you are interested...it's a selfless task where one guy ends up taking a bullet for you so to speak, he shouldn't be in there snatching away the girl you are trying to get with. Instead he's just besting you at a game he's adapted to and the type of women these are as random as every other bar/club whore. You need to ditch this guy and learn to stand on your own two feet, I know you're young and you have some trouble approaching women but trust me If you don't develop skills on your own, by yourself then you're not going to be able to hit anything in the big leagues when women aren't half drunk and ready to party but actually expect a half-witting conversation or more depth to a guy...the phase they are in fades much faster than the latter as well. Especially If you want to date more intelligent women. If the bars and clubs aren't the place for you...which require some wit, aggression and blind-confidence, then try meeting women in more casual environments like on campus, work, or where you might have an "in" to talking with them. However, you've got nothing to lose if you decide just to fly solo at a bar, club scene and you'll learn a few things or two, but take it more as a learning experience instead of just trying to succeed. Use different tactics and approaches, and learn how to control your body language until you aren't giving off the desperate/clueless vibe. If this guy is your only mentor then pick up on his demeanor and the way he carries himself, I'm sure it's the typical BS, he's likely just getting women on his confidence, looks, and build at this moment. Plus he's older than you, you know how that goes...so don't be around this guy, he's just using you as a backup in case his choice checks out. Oh and at your age you should be dating older women, these youngins are more of playthings for men on the prowl that know how to spin a little charm, go out with an older woman and you'll learn a lot more and the youngins will be like shooting fish in a barrel.
Wolf18 Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 Well OP if you want to pick women up at the bar, it's tough for everyone, but the best way to go about it is actually to go alone. While it isn't as fun at first, maybe even depressing, trust me you'll eventually find yourself in some pretty crazy adventures if you get lucky. Generally speaking, women are most apt to interact with me when I go out on my own, although this isn't always true. If you go on days like tuesday and wednesday its also a lot better because its usually a bit older of a crowd, more quiet, and actually a more accessible ratio of male to females (maybe 3-4 to every 1 woman, instead of 20 to 1 like on friday) and all the douchy backwards ball cap Ed Hardy tshirt wearing girl-Men prefer going out friday and saturday.
Casablanca Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 Well OP if you want to pick women up at the bar, it's tough for everyone, but the best way to go about it is actually to go alone. While it isn't as fun at first, maybe even depressing, trust me you'll eventually find yourself in some pretty crazy adventures if you get lucky. Generally speaking, women are most apt to interact with me when I go out on my own, although this isn't always true. If you go on days like tuesday and wednesday its also a lot better because its usually a bit older of a crowd, more quiet, and actually a more accessible ratio of male to females (maybe 3-4 to every 1 woman, instead of 20 to 1 like on friday) and all the douchy backwards ball cap Ed Hardy tshirt wearing girl-Men prefer going out friday and saturday. I agree with everything you have said...also women are not stupid...they KNOW exactly what your intentions are and they are not fooled by a wingman, they know the whole game and what the "wingman" is for
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