Dumping BF of 5 years and getting married to someone she just met 6 months ago

[SimonMas]

I have read quite a number of posts and most of them have the same recurring question - “How can my ex whom I have a relationship for many years dumped me and hooked up with someone else he/she just met?” Is it possible?

 

I think it is quite possible. A female colleague of mine recently sent me a wedding invitation. I noticed that the soon to be husband’s name is different from the person that I know. My wife and I have met my female colleague’s ex on a number of occasions, usually at the Company’s social functions. They were engaged for about a year and were a steady couple as far as I know for 5 years. They looked perfect for each other. However, I was told that they broke up about 6 months ago and now the wedding is to going to take place with a different person. Wow! I wonder how her ex would feel about it.....and though, I respect her as my colleague....how could she be so cold? I did casually asked her the other day about the break up. She simply said that she met someone who is much better in many ways than the ex and truly believe this is her “soul mate” and “they are meant for each other”. I wonder whether I will bumped into her ex in the wedding? I doubt it but knowing her, I will not be surprised if the ex got an invitation as well

 

Has anyone ever encountered such a weird thing?

[BoredAgain]

Yeah, I've heard of people who get married on the rebound... I don't know what the outcome usually is, but I can't imagine it lasts very long.

[smokey bear]

Yeah, I've heard of people who get married on the rebound... I don't know what the outcome usually is, but I can't imagine it lasts very long.

 

 

ABSOLUTELY MADNESS!!!!!

 

How can you possibly know someone well enough for marriage after 6 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SimonMas]

Yeah, I've heard of people who get married on the rebound... I don't know what the outcome usually is, but I can't imagine it lasts very long.

 

I hope not. She strikes me as a very decisive person. When it comes to work, she can be quite ruthless and make tough decisions. On the other hand, her ex is a pretty down to earth sort of guy and I thought he brings a good balance to the relationship. Oh well, let's hope for the best for them.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

This is such a common trend among women...

 

 

to leave a relationship of considerable length (no matter the reason for its ending)... and then find themselves on the fast-track to marriage.

 

 

(I don't know the reason behind the trend, but perhaps being with one particular person for a considerable time period helps them to clarify exactly what it is they want. With recent experience behind them, maybe the checklist is more clear to identify upon getting back on the single market)

 

 

It further underscores that the actual specifics of the person you build a relationship with don't matter as much as humans want to believe is true. Most of whatever you're going to 'get' from a relationship is always going to come from within YOU. The other person being consistent, like-minded and trustworthy (enough so you can 'predict' them) is the backbone to all romantic relationships.

 

Most of your satisfaction originates from your being able to accurately predict and depend upon your partner.

 

Maybe this is made more clear with the following exercise:

 

Next time you're at a singles' gathering, look out at the crowd and pretend you're seeing the prospects at this web addy:

 

iloveecology.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/penguin-colony.jpg

 

 

Then marvel at how you'd ever give yourself cause to choose a partner from among them.

 

Yet somehow, penguins mate for life.

 

Perhaps it doesn't matter so much which one they choose.

[smokey bear]

I would sit with a big bag of popcorn and watch this one crash and burn...

[lolita jade]

I have read that it isn't until you have been with somebody for 2 years that you question their judgement and are not scared to have an opinion of your own without the need to please them.

 

Since reading that I will never even live with anyone before knowing them for this long. Bearing in mind I have my own house and I have alot to lose. Definately would not marry them.

 

This is the honeymoon phase making the brain's all mushy

[shayla]

My ex did this to me...spent 10 months meeting, dating and putting a ring on another woman's finger. They thought it would be cute to get married on the one year anniversary of when they met....2 months after I found out, confronted them and he dumped me.

 

It's been a year since he dumped me, and funny enough, all the other woman, the blushing bride, talks about is her husband that died a month before she jumped in bed with my ex....she did not care about blowing up the family he had, after all, she lost hers. But it seems that she isn't as in love with my ex as she thought she was.

 

Apparently the honeymoon is over. What goes around comes around.

[wilsonx]

I hope not. She strikes me as a very decisive person. When it comes to work, she can be quite ruthless and make tough decisions. On the other hand, her ex is a pretty down to earth sort of guy and I thought he brings a good balance to the relationship. Oh well, let's hope for the best for them.

 

This is actually a very good post that people have missed. This explains a lot.

 

This is called finding your temperature and simonmas nails it here. You want polar opposites in a relationship. You need to find this balance.

 

I know my temperature and what my ex's temperature should be. I am normal medium temperature nice guy temperature. The type of person I am attracted to is a hot temperature. Someone that's emotionally and physically off the charts some times. At the same time, you have to have a solid inner core to date someone like this and keep her polarity from shifting towards yours. A lot of guys can't handle this and they are posting here as a result of it.

 

If you ever hear a woman say she wants a "nice guy" or an "amazing guy" you have to assume instantly that shes emotionally and physically hot. If you are a nice guy without a solid core, you need to walk away and work on your own core. Thats why there are so many hurt nice guys on this forum, I dont understand what I did wrong, where I went wrong, shes so evil, she cheated on me, she lied to me, etc. I hate to admit it guys that post here with all these problems, it is your fault. It was mine too. We can blame the ex's all we want but the anger and resentment you built up towards her instead of learning to let go is proof in itself of this. She just called you out on it and left you because of it.

 

I read these posts over and over again and there are repeating patterns, all nice guys vs "hot" women. To be successful in these relationships which is possible, you can't let her walk all over you, you put her in her place with love, not neediness. You earn respect and trust from her when you do this, otherwise she wont respect you.

[SimonMas]

Uh oh….it is happening. It looks like my colleague’s ex is doing the pleading, begging and chasing routine. He must have got the wedding invitation from his ex.

 

This morning I was told her ex sent some flowers to the office. Some of the workers heard her raising her voice saying “It’s over. I am getting married. Leave me alone”. This is becoming like a drama in the office. Everyone in the office is talking about it. This is causing an unhealthy working environment. If it gets any worse I may need to talk to my colleague to get her to bring her personal matter away from the office both for her sake and the company’s. Not sure exactly how I am going to say this to her but it is becoming too much of a soap opera. If I see her ex, I will recommend LS to him.

[Sugarkane]

I am always curious about these situations. How can you marry someone if you haven't even known them a year?! WTF? Have you asked her what makes her think this guy is the one? Why didn't she marry her ex? It scares me yow quickly the dumper is willing to commit to someone new. What makes the new person the exception? Especially when you haven't known them for that long.

[Sugarkane]

Do thes people grieve for the last relationship at all?!

[BoredAgain]

Do thes people grieve for the last relationship at all?!

 

Unless they are sociopaths, yes they do. In these cases, I think it just gets delayed until after the honeymoon period of the new relationship/marriage. And when that happens... well, I'll just say that I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with that person.

[SimonMas]

Do thes people grieve for the last relationship at all?!

 

Everyone is different. This is one hell of a lady. She is tough and ruthless, I have seen how she operates in the office. She is decisive... very certain and a confident person. I am quite sure she move on really fast after the break up.

[SimonMas]

Unless they are sociopaths, yes they do. In these cases, I think it just gets delayed until after the honeymoon period of the new relationship/marriage. And when that happens... well, I'll just say that I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with that person.

 

Maybe so....I sincerely hope her ex finds someone who can love him back. It is a pity that it has to be this way after 5 years.

[SimonMas]

It has been a while. Here is an update for those who are interested:-

 

My colleague has finally got married last weekend. It was a beautiful wedding with good food, wonderful company and great wine. You could see the genuine love on their face when they recited their wedding vows. Like most of you, I thought it could be a rebound for her but looking at things now, I doubt it.

 

Most of the guys and gals from the office were there. Her ex bf was invited as well but did not show up….a wise move. I was told that he actually gave her a rather nice wedding gift. Though he was dumped but I must say the guy has some class!

 

The only surprise from the wedding was that my ex gf came with Bob (my colleague). Apparently, their relationship is getting serious….good for them.

 

Well, other than that, there is nothing more to report except to wish the newly wed couple all the best and have a nice honeymoon in Hawaii!

[Sugarkane]

But what I want to know is why she didn't marry her ex? Still dont think it's wise to marry someone you haven't even known a year.

[Frank13]

My colleague has finally got married last weekend. It was a beautiful wedding with good food, wonderful company and great wine. You could see the genuine love on their face when they recited their wedding vows. Like most of you, I thought it could be a rebound for her but looking at things now, I doubt it.

 

I think it is too soon to say you doubt it is a rebound. Let's see what heppens in 6 months to a year.

 

Thanks for the update and keep us posted if things change.

[immitable]

This wedding screams rebound, she obviously can't see the difference between infatuation and the real thing.

[Wesker]

Wow. I thought I was reading my story at first. Was with my ex for 7 1/2 years though, and she dumps me back in June for a knob that looks like her dad. Flash forward 7 months and she's married, giving away most of her things, and moving way out to Arizona with this chump(since he got fired)..ha

 

I'm not perfect by any means, but she definitely has issues she's masking my rushing in with this guy. I guess a fancy house/car can get you any woman. I still wonder if she knows about his online dating profile that a couple people showed me at work. Oh well. Everyone can choose the life they want to live, and deal with any mistakes that come their way. I at least know the mistakes I made, and am working on all of them, and then some.

[SimonMas]

But what I want to know is why she didn't marry her ex? Still dont think it's wise to marry someone you haven't even known a year.

 

I have no idea why she didn’t marry her ex. I did ask her but she was rather candid with her response. From what little I gather, her husband is an “upgrade” from her ex. You see, she has an MBA from Wharton Business School while her ex did not finish college. The new husband is an investment banker, a graduate and a pretty good looking guy. I have met her ex a few times. He was very down to earth and we had a number of interesting discussions such as fishing, sports, etc. In fact, I was the one who kept him company most time at the functions as I could sense it was an awkward moment for him to be in that crowd. My female colleague and her ex have known each other when they were in their teens. They were childhood sweethearts and went to high school together.

 

My female colleague is a rather proud person and in her job she has to attend many functions, sometimes with a spouse or a partner. I guess she felt that she didn’t want her ex to be uncomfortable and in the long run, it would probably work out best if she left him. Her new husband has the some of the pleasant personality as her ex except that he has a pretty good paying job and a graduate from some top university. I know it may not seem fair to many people the way she dumped her ex but I do not want to be judgmental. I would like to think that she knows what she is doing and so far, from what I see, she is doing pretty well with her new husband.

Edited February 24, 2012 by SimonMas

[stitch702]

Maybe she got knocked up...I know somebody that got married on the rebound...claimed she was so in love with him etc, etc...low and behold les than 9 months into their marriage...baby popped out

[Magda70]

If I may suggest, people (or women) who get married with the rebound shortly after the break-up is because the ex did not want to get married and they wanted to get married (instead).

 

That's one maybe underestimated reasons of breaking up as I do not hear speaking about it that often over here.

 

If we want to make inaccurate statistics, more men than women never want to get married or maybe they want but later in life.

 

I have also experienced in my personal network (2 cases) women breaking up with men as their husband happens to be infertile or they do not become pregnant soon enough to their standard. Breaking up in a mean way too, something like: finding a lover and trying to get pregnant by him and when they are successful, they break up with their husbands.

 

PS I'm myself a woman....but...sometimes one needs to be honest. :-) and for the guys reading: not every woman is like that!