Els Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 Absolutely right. This is one of the hardest things that a man (uniquely) has to deal with. We're expected to be "assertive" but not "clingy". Appear "interested" but not "desperate". And if we fail to find the right balance, we're told we were going after the wrong kinds of women. Well, what exactly is the right kind of woman? It would be very helpful if they would wear an identifying t-shirt or label of some kind. Because looking for the "right" woman is a bit like looking for a needle in a stack of needles. And people wonder why men get bitter. Everyone has to strike a balance that is compatible with their partner, and if they can't seem to do so, yes, they should be reconsidering the sort of man/woman they are going after. A woman usually has to appear the right mix of innocent/sexy, smart/not-too-smart, career-minded-but-not-more-than her-partner, etc. This isn't something only men need to learn. And yes, it is not easy to find someone compatible, usually, for BOTH sexes. That is why I scoff at the 'many fish in the sea' mentality. There usually aren't many fishes that respond to your hook and that you'd like to eat.
fortyninethousand322 Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 And yes, it is not easy to find someone compatible, usually, for BOTH sexes. That is why I scoff at the 'many fish in the sea' mentality. There usually aren't many fishes that respond to your hook and that you'd like to eat. I'm not even talking about "finding someone compatible", I'm just talking about being able to find someone willing to stick around longer than two dates. It's clearly not that hard to find that much, as most people (at least in the U.S.) do date and have relationships; permanent or long term celibacy/singleness is by far not the norm. Seriously, out of all the women I've ever known, some I wanted to date, some were friends/acquaintances, the main issue for them was men who showed too much affection and interest in them. None of them ever complained about a guy not being affectionate or interested enough. The lesson most guys take away from that is the more affection you show, the less interested she will become.
azsinglegal Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 He was positive and supportive when I was out of work. He never put me down. He makes me laugh all the time, it's impossible to be angry at him. I accept his laziness. He accepts my ADD craziness.
Woggle Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 I think the men these women are with just lucked out. I have a woman that truly does appreciate being treated well and I have no clue what I did to find her. She just sort of came into my life one day. 1
Stung Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 With all the threads lately insisting that you have to make a woman feel insecure to win her over, I thought I'd talk to the ladies here who are actually in happy relationships and ask them, "How, exactly, did your SO win you over?" We lived about a thousand miles apart at first, so we figured we were going to be just friends--but we were intrigued by each other, the conversations flowed really naturally, we each loved the other's humor. He was brilliant and funny and a little eccentric, a fantastic combination. We just started spending more and more virtual time together, meeting in IM several times a week, writing long emails, talking on the phone...yeah, we were pretty much kidding ourselves with that 'just friends' thing, we were both more interested in each other than we had been in anybody else in years. When we finally got together in the same city, it felt inevitable that it would snowball into a full-fledged romance. For the next several months, we flew back and forth every other weekend, and took as much vacation time together as we could. Finally I wrapped up my life in the city I was living in, and moved to be with him. I lived with him and his daughter for a few years--now we are very happily married and have a little son. I never felt insecure with him. He swept me off my feet with the force of his regard, if anything. I absolutely loved the way he never played any games, he never ran hot and cold, he never left me in any doubt. He told me he was interested in me, he told me how he felt about me and what he wanted out of a relationship, he backed all his words up with actions--he called when he said he would, he flew out to see me, he gave me keys to his place, he asked me to move in with him, and then he helped me load up the U-Haul and drive it 1,000 miles through the mountains when I did. He was confident enough to be open. He was a grown-up, his emotional health--along with his other qualities, of course--was actually really seductive.
KathyM Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 That's a very sweet story. What a sweet guy. I can see why you fell in love with him. I met my husband when I was 18, and married him when I was 19. What won me over was a combination of things. He was very romantic. After our first date, he sent me flowers with a note on how much he enjoyed meeting me. He also mailed romantic cards to me frequently, and sent flowers on a frequent basis. He was so polite on our dates, always opening the door for me, extending his arm for me to take while walking. He was also incredibly cute and adorable and intoxicating to be around, with a voice that would make a woman melt. (He has a foreign accent, which I find very attractive). But the thing that made me realize this guy is The One is because he respected me and my Christian values. With other bfs I had before him, there was always this pressure to have sex, and lack of respect for my views on the importance of honoring my faith and remaining celebate. This guy made it obvious that he wanted it, but he was so sweet not to pressure, and so concerned about respecting my boundaries. I realized that this was a guy you rarely find. He could have had any girl, and, according to his friend, he was very successful with the ladies before meeting me, but he expressed to me how his desire was to find one girl he could spend his life with, and how much he admired my commitment to my faith. I realized then that this guy was meant for me as a lifetime companion, so we married 1 1/2 years after we met.
somedude81 Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 Hmm, doesn't seem like there are actually any stories where the woman was one over. They all are basically the girl liking the guy first and things just worked out. Anybody have a story where the woman wasn't interested at first but the guy was able to win her over?
spice4life Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 This is a great thread. Very refreshing. Keep these posts coming please!!! :bunny: I completely agree...great thread! Nice and refreshing for sure. Such nice stories. Definitely keep them coming!
Author Janesays Posted December 13, 2011 Author Posted December 13, 2011 Anybody have a story where the woman wasn't interested at first but the guy was able to win her over? I had no romantic interest in my guy when I first met up with him. As I said, I was only going to gossip about people we went to high school with and kill an evening.
Jane2011 Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 I've been seeing my current boyfriend for only a month and a half, but seeing as how the dynamic between us and the general common interests/background between us is very similar to that which I had with a guy with whom I had a relationship for five years, I think my current thing has the potential to last a while. Here's all the nice/appealing things he has done that make me like him more and more: 1) held my hand on our first date. He just reached for it as we walked along, without any awkwardness or nervousness. Also put his arm around me on our first date. Did both of these things in a casual but also lightly-romantic way. 2) gave me his jacket to wear on our first date, simply because I gave only the slightest indication of being cold. He insisted. 3) Texted me to make sure I got home okay. Texted me the next day after our first date and wanted to set up another date. 4) Texts me all the time "first." Although I think I should start being more fair and initiating a text to him more often. 5) Asked me what kind of snacks, food I like, and made sure to stock up on those things at his apartment. 6) Has cooked for me a lot. 7) Bought me wine. 8) Told me he has feelings for me. 9) Told me he was "totally falling for me." 10) Walks me all the way to my car door every single time. (I've had past boyfriends who sort of just say goodbye at a certain spot, leaving me to walk the rest of the way toward my car). 11) Called me beautiful. Told me I have a great body. 12) Loves to cuddle. He is probably the most cuddling-oriented guy I've ever been with. 13) Kisses me and holds my hand in public all the time. He's really nice.
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