HughHardcastle Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 Over the last couple weeks, this girl I work with was giving me every sign and indication that she liked me, and was just waiting for me to ask her out. I finally did so, but she ended up getting sick and having to cancel our night out (she was legitimately sick, it wasn't an excuse). However, this last week, she seemed pretty indifferent towards me. We were at a couple somewhat work related functions on both Friday and Saturday night, and she didn't really give me much attention. So I texted her last night, telling her how I enjoyed Saturday night and how nice the 2 bar owners were talked to were, and also if she would like to get dinner or coffee some night this week. Well, she quickly texts me back, saying how she was glad she came out there, how yes they were nice people....and to enjoy my day off today. She COMPLETELY ignored my date request. I've consulted with a couple friends on this, and I am getting different opinions. One of them tells me that she wants me to start ignoring her so she can vie for my attention. Another tells me to just keep cool and act normal around her, just kinda slow down and give her some space for a week, then ask her out again. And another friend tells me she wants absolutely nothing to do with me now, and I should move on. What do you guys think? It's hard to just "move on" after I have spent 2 months pursuing this, and after she's given me so many signs that she does in fact like me. Is this Hot and Cold thing just all part of "The Game"?
in_absentia Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 I'd give it one more shot at asking her out. She probably isn't interested based on flatly ignoring your date mention, but there's always the outlying chance that she's playing hard to get and is the kind of girl who wants you to try harder. What do you have to lose? She either says yes, or blanks you again and you have your answer.
TigerCub Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 I'm sorry, it doesn't sound like this girl is interested. What were the signs that she gave earlier to make you believe she was? I only ask, because I've found that sometimes guys read way too much into some things - like if a girl smiles at them or laughs at their jokes or something - they think she wants to date them - that's not always the case. The girl could just be nice and friendly.
colosseum Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 Actions speak louder than words; hate to break it to you (trust me, I know how that feels--you can read my latest post, haha), but she's not interested. Nor should you be. Everyone likes attention and the spotlight, some more than others. Some also enjoy flirting for the sake of it much more than others. This girl sounds like one of them. You've given her the time and attention she wants, and the fact that neither was enough for her demonstrates her lack of interest (especially if she acted "indifferent"?!??!) I'd move on if I were you, and be wary even if she comes running back to you later; she might just be craving the attention. Save yourself from more hurt. Lots of fish in the sea. She's not the only one. My 2cents. Best of luck.
EnigmaticClarity Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 The amount of time you've spent poring over her intent and writing this post would have been avoided had you just followed up her text with "so what about dinner at <fill in restaurant name here> Friday?" Her answer will tell you. Certainly my immediate thought would have been what yours is that ignoring the date request is the beginning of her brushing you off, but repeating it will let you know for sure. Your problem is most likely that you're putting all your eggs in one basket if you're poring over her intent this much--try to find other avenues for finding dates. Plenty of fish in the sea, but no way to catch them if you're not casting out your line.
jobaba Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 Over the last couple weeks, this girl I work with was giving me every sign and indication that she liked me, and was just waiting for me to ask her out. I finally did so, but she ended up getting sick and having to cancel our night out (she was legitimately sick, it wasn't an excuse). What do you guys think? It's hard to just "move on" after I have spent 2 months pursuing this, and after she's given me so many signs that she does in fact like me. Is this Hot and Cold thing just all part of "The Game"? No girl likes you unless: 1) She makes out with you or f@cks you 2) She asks you out 3) She tells somebody else (not you directly) that she thinks you're hot. 4) She approaches you and offers you the chance to do things to her body. You took a shot and missed. You could continue to pursue but it has to be in an apathetic manner. In other words, you have to not have any feelings for her and not care if she's not interested. I'm not sure you can do that. Since you're on here asking for advice, seems like you've fallen for her unfortunately. Here's my advice. Go through your phone book and find a woman you thought might have liked you in the past. Ask her out on a date and try and get with her. Go to bars, clubs, and ask out women in public places. Use this rejection to fuel your fire to find someone to date. Go do it now.
stillafool Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 She purposely ignored the "out to dinner or coffee" part because she has no interest. If she were waiting for you to ask her she would have jumped at the chance. She may have been flirting with you for attention because she may be having problems with another guy and needed some self assurance. Probably she has a man in her personal life away from work. If I were you I would be cordial and not try anymore or she may start to avoid you. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Go for it.
jobaba Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 She purposely ignored the "out to dinner or coffee" part because she has no interest. If she were waiting for you to ask her she would have jumped at the chance. She may have been flirting with you for attention because she may be having problems with another guy and needed some self assurance. Probably she has a man in her personal life away from work. If I were you I would be cordial and not try anymore or she may start to avoid you. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Go for it. I would also add that she ignored your date request so casually and flippantly that she probably gets lots of guys asking her out. YOU ARE JUST ANOTHER IN A LONG LINE OF CHUMPS! You need to start treating women like a number because that's how they treat you. Thank you...
RecordProducer Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 I completely disagree with everyone here. She said "yes" once. But she got sick. You said she showed signs of liking you and I will go by your word. If this is all true, she is either waiting for you to chase her a bit (just ask her straightforwardly, in person) to go out OR she's hooked up with someone else. Either way, it's worth trying.
O'Malley Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 Why didn't you reschedule when she told you she was sick? The amount of time you've spent poring over her intent and writing this post would have been avoided had you just followed up her text with "so what about dinner at <fill in restaurant name here> Friday?" Her answer will tell you. Certainly my immediate thought would have been what yours is that ignoring the date request is the beginning of her brushing you off, but repeating it will let you know for sure. I like this approach, although it appears by her behavior at the party that she was trying to show her disinterest passively by avoiding you and your invite. There's no harm done, but stop focusing on her. Call or ask women out in person rather than by text -- texting just lends itself to misinterpretation and over analyzing.
Author HughHardcastle Posted December 12, 2011 Author Posted December 12, 2011 Why didn't you reschedule when she told you she was sick? I did reschedule, she suggested the Friday night, kinda-work related function. As far as the signs that she likes me goes, I don't know. Just certain ways she looks at me, and how our conversations are always so funny at work. We just have great chemistry together. She will come into my office needing help with things, and I know she's really just in there as an excuse to see me and talk to me. She KNOWS how to do these things by now. We also exchange silly Christmas gifts and cards between each other in the office. She also brought me lunch one afternoon after I had jokingly suggested she do so. She told me she knew I would be too busy to go get lunch, so she brought it for me. And I will readily admit that I have put all my eggs in this one basket. I am shy and relatively new to this town I am in, so I don't know many people. I've also never had a woman act this way towards me, so maybe I am just misinterpreting "nice" as "interest".
colosseum Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 I did reschedule, she suggested the Friday night, kinda-work related function. As far as the signs that she likes me goes, I don't know. Just certain ways she looks at me, and how our conversations are always so funny at work. We just have great chemistry together. She will come into my office needing help with things, and I know she's really just in there as an excuse to see me and talk to me. She KNOWS how to do these things by now. We also exchange silly Christmas gifts and cards between each other in the office. She also brought me lunch one afternoon after I had jokingly suggested she do so. She told me she knew I would be too busy to go get lunch, so she brought it for me. And I will readily admit that I have put all my eggs in this one basket. I am shy and relatively new to this town I am in, so I don't know many people. I've also never had a woman act this way towards me, so maybe I am just misinterpreting "nice" as "interest". Well, this context certainly helps. Have these activities continued past her recent "indifference"? If so, then I say you're on solid ground. I'd encourage you to move forward with this because she definitely seems interested in you (especially if she's getting you unsolicited lunches?!?!?) But, if you're drawing these experiences from prior to her deadpanning and she no longer approaches you, then you might've lost her interest. I hope it's the former, and I hope you move in on this opportunity..without too much more lag. She may lose interest again.
SimonMas Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 (edited) I have read your other thread. I understand the reason she bought you lunch was because you have been helpful and she was thankful for it. It looks like she is putting you in the friend zone. I have no doubt that you are a nice and fun guy to be with. Be proud that she wants to hang out with you. I would suggest that you read this thread and get some inspiration from it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t210965/ Perhaps you should go LC with her. It may be quite impossible to go NC since you are working in the same place with her. She may also be quite tired of your normal routine with her (joking with her, etc). Let her miss you and come to you. Don't be all over her. Either way, I believe you will be fine. Take it as a learning experience. Edited December 13, 2011 by SimonMas
Author HughHardcastle Posted December 14, 2011 Author Posted December 14, 2011 I have read your other thread. I understand the reason she bought you lunch was because you have been helpful and she was thankful for it. It looks like she is putting you in the friend zone. I have no doubt that you are a nice and fun guy to be with. Be proud that she wants to hang out with you. I would suggest that you read this thread and get some inspiration from it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t210965/ Perhaps you should go LC with her. It may be quite impossible to go NC since you are working in the same place with her. She may also be quite tired of your normal routine with her (joking with her, etc). Let her miss you and come to you. Don't be all over her. Either way, I believe you will be fine. Take it as a learning experience.Well the problem is that, if she just wanted to be friends, she wouldn't have completely ignored my friendly invite for coffee or dinner. I apparently did something in the last week that turned her off me completely, and I have no idea what that could be.
jobaba Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Well the problem is that, if she just wanted to be friends, she wouldn't have completely ignored my friendly invite for coffee or dinner. I apparently did something in the last week that turned her off me completely, and I have no idea what that could be. I doubt it. Just another victim of a woman's charms making you see stuff that isn't there. I've been there MANY times. Recently too. If you really want closure, ask her again with a complete 180 attitude. Say, "I'm taking you out to [an interesting function, not movie or dinner or coffee] on Friday night. When should I pick you up?" She'll either be shocked and accept or shoot you down badly. Either way, you have your answer.
SimonMas Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I agree with jobaba. This girl's action is causing you a lot of confusion and obviously is affecting you. Once and for all, to bring closure, be direct and ask her like what jobaba suggested. You will get your answer from her response. Put your shyness away for once and do it.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I think you had a chance but you let things continue on way too long. You've got to make a move or at least create some kind of flirtatious intent or keep that tension going. Women have ADD when it comes to men a lot of the time, and it doesn't even mean they weren't interested in you but another guy pops into the picture or in their mind and most are like cats chasing a string and will be all into this guy...then they get tired of that string and find this other string more exciting. That's why you have to capitalize and make a move, you can't sit around and wait until you're all built up and good n ready, that means you waited too long, you always have to react before you are ready. Your last ditch effort can be to ask her on another date...which automatically kinda makes you look like a puss since she ignored your question (which I never have or ask twice) Or you can try to build on that chemistry...but you've got to be more appealing, you've got to do something to change the game, it just seems like you been sitting on the sidelines way too long.
stillafool Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Women do not have ADD when it comes to men they want to be with. As a matter of fact when women really like a guy he is constantly on our mind. I think if this girl had a romantic interest in OP she would never have ignored his request for a date.
orion1010 Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 How many women have you dated at your workplace? Are you open to others at work about your dating life? I ask because I work at an office with 1,000 people there and all of the ladies talk. If there are things going around about you at work and she may have heard something, this could be why.. I only say this because when I ask girls I work with about the "cute guy sitting over there" they always have some gossip or something to say. They will say things along the lines of "I heard he's a player. Stay away from him". Or I will hear things like he's a real jerk. He dated so-and-so and he did this... Do you kind of understand where I'm coming from. Could be stupid office gossip she's caught wind of and she may have backed away.
Author HughHardcastle Posted December 14, 2011 Author Posted December 14, 2011 My office is tiny: 12 people, but really only 7 of us on the office side of things. And I know for an absolute fact that if she asked anyone in the office about me, they would have nothing but good things to say about me. As far as they all know, I have never been in a relationship. And on the subject, the girl from work left early today, and I was on my phone at about 4:55, laughing at some story, and the receptionist asked if I was laughing at a text that the girl would have sent me. So, for whatever reason, the receptionist thinks that this girl and I are on texting terms.....interesting.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 So, for whatever reason, the receptionist thinks that this girl and I are on texting terms.....interesting. Youre still holding onto hope? She doesnt like you. She is nice to you, thats it. She never liked you, and she agreed to go out with you because she didnt want to deal with possible retaliation from you if she said no to your face. Thats why she bailed on you. She never planned on going out with you, that excuse was in her mind as soon as she said "yes". If you ask her out again, her next excuse will be that one of her relatives died. If she actually was interested in you, she would have made an alternate date, and would have made a concerted effort to make the date up to you so that you knew she was interested. So, anytime you dont know if she likes you, means she doesnt like you.
dasein Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Agree with those who say she's not interested. The larger issue though is the tiny size of your office environment, seven people? Wake up man! do you really want to date someone you work with that closely? What happens when you break up? If she was ever interested in you romantically, she has likely realized it's a bad idea to date someone in that small a work environment. Good luck with future endeavors.
Author HughHardcastle Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 Agree with those who say she's not interested. The larger issue though is the tiny size of your office environment, seven people? Wake up man! do you really want to date someone you work with that closely? What happens when you break up? If she was ever interested in you romantically, she has likely realized it's a bad idea to date someone in that small a work environment. Good luck with future endeavors.Sorry, but I don't consider stuff like "What if we break up" in this situation. What if she liked me the entire time, and I did nothing, because I thought dating someone from a small office was off limits? That would be worse than any kind of akwardness if this ended badly. Which it won't. I would like to think we are both adults. As far as Eddie's post goes, she didn't bail on me. She was sicker than hell (I have proof from multiple sources). I wouldn't want to go out with someone if I felt terrible either. And she DID make an effort to re-schedule, and we DID do the Friday night thing.
Axee Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 You need to ask her "What happened, everything all right.. Have I done something you didnt like..?" She will say "No nothing like that" . You should persist in saying "No tell me , I need to know .. you can tell me" ..Even then she doesnt say anything, please ask her out.. I believe she is interested. I am saying this because I am tht kinda girl, if a guy I like does something which has hurt me , can include flirting with another girl , not giving attention to something I said, or ignoring me at times.. Then I simply shut down ..and only once the air is cleared by his words or by his actions ..I will come back to my form..
Author HughHardcastle Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 Not a whole lot happened this past week between the two of us. I'm not going to really pursue this much more. I'll ask her next week if she wants to meet up with me and my friend when we go out drinking (it's her favorite pastime by far). If she says no, I'll know for sure that she wants nothing to do with me, not even as a casual friend. If she says yes, we can maybe become friends, and I would be fine with that.
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