chados Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 when you get dumped. you could either believe its for the best or you want them back. the first feeling you will get is probably loneliness and youre start wondering how you can get them back. i did the exactly same thing, then one day i thought, well i wasnt comfortable in the relationship. the only reason i didnt break up with her 6 months ago was probably because i couldnt, al though it felt actually good after that. i strongly believe that even though you feel that there's not much there, you will always feel empty after a breakup. i told her i was okey with the breakup. what happened? well she texted me, are you ok? i said yes im al right, how are you? yeah im al right. this was a lie, i can guarantee it. she just texted me because i told her im alright. yes she would still text me some day to see how felt. but now she just wanted to know how i one day could act miserable and the next be al right. this is a selfish behavior. she's a great girl, she doesnt want to hurt me, she wants me to be happy. thats what all say. but the truth is. they dont. dont get me wrong, they dont want you to suffer for weeks. but they want to see a reaction that you care. this conversation ended just like that. i knew she wasnt going to text me anymore that day. instead she did it 1 week later, she wanted to know everything thats been happening in my life. i didnt let her do that, i said i have to go. 2 weeks later she texted me again. this time i assumed, like most of us do, she might miss me. its either that or its some selfish way to see if i still care. the thing is here, a friend asked me on facebook if i wanted to go to a city, and she is studying there, he said im going tuesday or wednesday. she texted: what are you going to do here in *****?. this is very selfish, why in the world would she ask me that? ill tell you why. because a friend added me on facebook, a girl who lives in the same town. it must have been 7 years since ive met her. and she's having a baby, of course my ex doesnt know anything about that. no she didnt ask me the same day, she asked me on "tuesday". because she couldnt wait any longer. she realized im not going to tell her anything about what im going to do there. my answer to her question was that im going to meet some friends. we had a talk one day in the phone, she wanted to have a coffee and see how im doing, she said she was very curious. she sounded really happy talking to me. i know she was and still is looking after me. checking my profile every day. because she cant let go that easily. does she want me back? im not sure ill ever know that. i called her one day and said. im okey with this, its for the best and i dont think its a good idea talking right now. if its something important you could tell me. she started crying. yes this could be a sign that she still loves me. but it could also be a sign that she realize that i dont need her, selfish again, but this is how people works. just the fact that she's online everytime i check my facebook tells me something is wrong, since she never ever used it when we where together. im asking myself, do i want her back? is she going to tell me after i told her i dont want to get back together?. i didnt lie, thats how i felt back then. maybe because i was angry and sad. one thing is for certain. people want what they cant have, as soon as you show a person that you "need" them to live your own life, thats the minute theyre gonna leave you. and when you show them that you dont need them anymore, thats the minute theyre gonna want you back, or at least they want a sign to see that "YOU" still want them. mostly people know this, but in a situation like this you'll forget it.
mike588 Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 Complete opposite with me. When my dumped me(face to face) I was very upset and yes I cried but not begging or pleading.At that time she didn't tell me she was getting back to the ex. 2 days later she called and told me the reason (the ex.) and I was blown away and cried somemore (how stupid of me) but regained my composure quickly. The last 2 times we talked ,,very briefly 4 months ago there was no crying and I was strong. I've been in N.C. since then and not a peep from her. There are no" for sures" that your ex. will contact you,,, each person and breakup are unique.
Author chados Posted December 12, 2011 Author Posted December 12, 2011 Complete opposite with me. When my dumped me(face to face) I was very upset and yes I cried but not begging or pleading.At that time she didn't tell me she was getting back to the ex. 2 days later she called and told me the reason (the ex.) and I was blown away and cried somemore (how stupid of me) but regained my composure quickly. The last 2 times we talked ,,very briefly 4 months ago there was no crying and I was strong. I've been in N.C. since then and not a peep from her. There are no" for sures" that your ex. will contact you,,, each person and breakup are unique. totally agree. but if there wasnt any violence cheating or anything like that. i believe they contact you more often then they dont, especially if your not contacting them. its something we cant control. how is your healingprocess now mike?
mike588 Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 totally agree. but if there wasnt any violence cheating or anything like that. i believe they contact you more often then they dont, especially if your not contacting them. its something we cant control. how is your healingprocess now mike? I am doing SO MUCH BETTER,thanks for asking. I believe by going strict N.C has alot to do with it. I almost caved in several times and wanted to send her a very brief email just to say hi but now am so glad I didn't!!! I still wonder to this day if she will eventually reach out to me,,, maybe if/after they breakup AGAIN?? I think alot of dumpers have to much guilt (I'm sure mine does) to contact us,,guilt or embarresment?? they don't wont to be seen as being wrong or admit they made a mistake. No violence or cheating. She may have cheated on me with her ex. before she dumped me?????
Author chados Posted December 12, 2011 Author Posted December 12, 2011 I am doing SO MUCH BETTER,thanks for asking. I believe by going strict N.C has alot to do with it. I almost caved in several times and wanted to send her a very brief email just to say hi but now am so glad I didn't!!! I still wonder to this day if she will eventually reach out to me,,, maybe if/after they breakup AGAIN?? I think alot of dumpers have to much guilt (I'm sure mine does) to contact us,,guilt or embarresment?? they don't wont to be seen as being wrong or admit they made a mistake. No violence or cheating. She may have cheated on me with her ex. before she dumped me????? im glad to hear, im going backwards unfortunately. well its not that bad, but its still bugging me. yes, and pride. al though my ex is single, i find it hard to believe that she would reach out if she wanted me back after telling her i dont want anything right now. i mean would you?
mike588 Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 im glad to hear, im going backwards unfortunately. well its not that bad, but its still bugging me. yes, and pride. al though my ex is single, i find it hard to believe that she would reach out if she wanted me back after telling her i dont want anything right now. i mean would you? Sorry your going backwards,, what happened? Like all of us I wanted my ex. back but now that I'm doing better,my emotions have setteled there is no way it could work between us,I could never trust her and it would never be the same. She betrayed me so bad,, I can see us being friends down the road after I'm 110% indifferent toward her but not now.
Author chados Posted December 12, 2011 Author Posted December 12, 2011 Sorry your going backwards,, what happened? Like all of us I wanted my ex. back but now that I'm doing better,my emotions have setteled there is no way it could work between us,I could never trust her and it would never be the same. She betrayed me so bad,, I can see us being friends down the road after I'm 110% indifferent toward her but not now. i just deleted some messages. and theres one ill always remember. you know i kinda deleted the best memories from the best times in our relationship. i guess it made me feel bad in some crazy way. the best way is always to move on. go see other woman. its hard to tell yourself to let go. i can feel you havent really done that, even though you feel great. it was the same for me. you could be great 1 month, and suddenly one day your starting to miss her.
mike588 Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 i just deleted some messages. and theres one ill always remember. you know i kinda deleted the best memories from the best times in our relationship. i guess it made me feel bad in some crazy way. the best way is always to move on. go see other woman. its hard to tell yourself to let go. i can feel you havent really done that, even though you feel great. it was the same for me. you could be great 1 month, and suddenly one day your starting to miss her. I may have not COMPLETELY let go but am getting there,,no more tears over her and there are times I do miss her but not as bad as I did! I'm looking at the relationship in a completely different way and realize even though she did love me she was never IN LOVE with me,, her heart was elsewhere thats why I so strongly believe she will never want to try it again,,why should she?,, I was just her emotional bandaid during her time of need so why should I even want to try. Knowing that now helps me get over her but also makes me angry for not seeing that early on,, if,,,, if she ever came back it would be because they broke up AGAIN and I'd be her bandaid again.
Author chados Posted December 12, 2011 Author Posted December 12, 2011 I may have not COMPLETELY let go but am getting there,,no more tears over her and there are times I do miss her but not as bad as I did! I'm looking at the relationship in a completely different way and realize even though she did love me she was never IN LOVE with me,, her heart was elsewhere thats why I so strongly believe she will never want to try it again,,why should she?,, I was just her emotional bandaid during her time of need so why should I even want to try. Knowing that now helps me get over her but also makes me angry for not seeing that early on,, if,,,, if she ever came back it would be because they broke up AGAIN and I'd be her bandaid again. its a different situation from mine. but its still about loosing someone you've kinda started a new life with. and that is hard. for some reason i still believe i could get back together with her. but i have no idea if i want that. im completely lost. what if i meet another girl? will i stop miss her?
mike588 Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 its a different situation from mine. but its still about loosing someone you've kinda started a new life with. and that is hard. for some reason i still believe i could get back together with her. but i have no idea if i want that. im completely lost. what if i meet another girl? will i stop miss her? Once your over or almost over an ex.and you meet someone else and you feel a strong attraction to the other Oh yes it will help you stop missing the ex. Your focus will now be on the new girl,,, not to say you will completely forget the ex. but the feelings won't be so strong,, been there done that!
Author chados Posted December 12, 2011 Author Posted December 12, 2011 Once your over or almost over an ex.and you meet someone else and you feel a strong attraction to the other Oh yes it will help you stop missing the ex. Your focus will now be on the new girl,,, not to say you will completely forget the ex. but the feelings won't be so strong,, been there done that! yeah but im thinking about how i feel for my ex, i dont know actually. i dont wanna have a rebound you know.
mike588 Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 yeah but im thinking about how i feel for my ex, i dont know actually. i dont wanna have a rebound you know. If you still have STRONG feelings,still in love with her then take some more time to heal or just date casually, tell her your just not ready to get serious at this time.
lolita jade Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 I agree, dont date if you are going to be thinking about your ex. Why is it, we are all different people around the world with different personalities and lifestyles but when it comes to break ups, its text book stuff. All the dumpees could be the same person and all the dumpers too
Author chados Posted December 12, 2011 Author Posted December 12, 2011 If you still have STRONG feelings,still in love with her then take some more time to heal or just date casually, tell her your just not ready to get serious at this time. i believe its more of a feeling you get when youre alone. its pride i think. the feeling you get when you realize you arent enough of a man for her to stay with you. that doesnt have to be the case. maybe im to much of a man:laugh: your mind is making you believe that its your fault, that you could have done better. maybe you could, but you cant know if it would end anyway.
Author chados Posted December 12, 2011 Author Posted December 12, 2011 I agree, dont date if you are going to be thinking about your ex. Why is it, we are all different people around the world with different personalities and lifestyles but when it comes to break ups, its text book stuff. All the dumpees could be the same person and all the dumpers too haha yeah, but i think you can tell if something has changed about him/her. doesnt mean its for the good. but its something we choose to believe.
mike588 Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 i believe its more of a feeling you get when youre alone. its pride i think. the feeling you get when you realize you arent enough of a man for her to stay with you. that doesnt have to be the case. maybe im to much of a man:laugh: your mind is making you believe that its your fault, that you could have done better. maybe you could, but you cant know if it would end anyway. I had those same feelings except the "my fault" feeling,, my ego was shattered,,, she chose him over me,, I must not be a real man, where did I go wrong etc.,, it's normal. I was raised to treat a woman with respect,never cheat always be good to her love her like she's the last woman on earth,be sweet and loving,caring and I was all those things and more but she dumps me,,, I was beyond shattered,, I did all the things a man is supposed to do and this happens,,, talk about an ego blow!!!!
Author chados Posted December 12, 2011 Author Posted December 12, 2011 I had those same feelings except the "my fault" feeling,, my ego was shattered,,, she chose him over me,, I must not be a real man, where did I go wrong etc.,, it's normal. I was raised to treat a woman with respect,never cheat always be good to her love her like she's the last woman on earth,be sweet and loving,caring and I was all those things and more but she dumps me,,, I was beyond shattered,, I did all the things a man is supposed to do and this happens,,, talk about an ego blow!!!! yeah many people are raised to treat a woman with respect be supernice and all that stuff. this is what a woman would say she wants. but i just dont believe it. theres a difference between being a great guy and just giving her everything she wants. "not saying your like that" . im just saying that i believe people need to be a little bossy sometimes. i also believe no one can say i want a person to be like "this". ive said that so many times, its just what sounds most logical in your head. but when you have it, you want more. or maybe even less.
lolita jade Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 haha yeah, but i think you can tell if something has changed about him/her. doesnt mean its for the good. but its something we choose to believe. Yes, love is blind and we all wear rose coloured spectacles Takes a while to take them off............
Author chados Posted December 12, 2011 Author Posted December 12, 2011 Yes, love is blind and we all wear rose coloured spectacles Takes a while to take them off............ haha yeah. its so stupid, im not saying she wants me back, because i have no clue whats on her mind. what i do know is that she's stalking me big time. and theres a long story behind this. BUT even though i know this. im still looking for answers. i didnt make this tread to get any. because i know what ill get. but i wont lie, im still wondering
mike588 Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 yeah many people are raised to treat a woman with respect be supernice and all that stuff. this is what a woman would say she wants. but i just dont believe it. theres a difference between being a great guy and just giving her everything she wants. "not saying your like that" . im just saying that i believe people need to be a little bossy sometimes. i also believe no one can say i want a person to be like "this". ive said that so many times, its just what sounds most logical in your head. but when you have it, you want more. or maybe even less. I'm the old man here on L.S.lol,,I'm 42 and should of know better,, acted on the red flags. I was very good to her but was not a "yes man" or kissed her ass or followed her around the house like a lost puppy worshiping her every step!!!!!! We had our moments (just a few) and I didn't back down,, she knew where I stood.
lolita jade Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 If she is stalking you she still wants you no doubt about that. Answers?? Arent we all. Impossible to obtain them though and I have come to the point where I just have to think break ups and the human mind are so complex, it must remain a mystery. Just remember, Your heart falls in love with who it wants to fall in love with and if its just lust your head or heart dont even get a look in. Its just downstairs that is responsible for any actions
Author chados Posted December 12, 2011 Author Posted December 12, 2011 I'm the old man here on L.S.lol,,I'm 42 and should of know better,, acted on the red flags. I was very good to her but was not a "yes man" or kissed her ass or followed her around the house like a lost puppy worshiping her every step!!!!!! We had our moments (just a few) and I didn't back down,, she knew where I stood. its often easy to see the red flags, but its hard to know what to do first. i think the mainproblem is that you know what to do, but youre doing the opposite because youre scared. i did everything wrong in the beginning, and after that i did the opposite. i mean, you know that you should not beg, but you did it anyway. not saying it would have changed anything but youre getting my point. for whatever its worth, its still a great feeling to tell the other person that you accept her wishes. just release the pressure between the two. hopefully were getting stronger for each time we get our hearts broken.
Recommended Posts