colosseum Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 Guy and girl have been acquaintances/friends for some time. Guy wants girl as more than friend. Girl is "not ready yet" (aka not interested, as I interpreted it). Guy does want to develop a meaningful relationship with girl, but really wants a romantic relationship (aka does not want to be "friend-zoned"). OPTION1) In accordance to reactionary and practical lines of thinking, guy leaves this for good and does not look back. Guy completely drops off the face of the earth and does not contact, message, or think about this girl even if they were friends. He might say hello to her, but does acknowledge any past history (the argument rests on the idea that if the guy lingers and just waits around, the girl sees that he devalues his own time and self and so he quickly becomes "friend-zoned." There is no chance for her to think of him as anything other than a friend). Besides, there are endless sayings, songs, and poems that say "the only way to really know is to really let it go" (Ingrid Michaelson, for one). +: If sayings, songs, and poems prove right, then there is a chance at romance again. -: Guy could just look like a jerk. OPTION2) "Turn the other cheek." Take the "high" road, don't be bitter, don't be resentful or pine for something that doesn't exist. Be there for her, as a good friend and person would, spend time with her to continue to strengthen the friendship or whatever exists, and perhaps see where it develops. Be a big person, don't be so sensitive and just have a good time with a good person, thus avoiding seeming like a petty or immature person. +: Not seem like a jerk, continue to develop some kind of friendship/relationship. -: Eliminate the chance for romance by becoming exclusively a friend in her eyes. QUESTION) If the goal is to maximize the chance to have a romantic relationship with her, WHICH IS THE RIGHT OPTION? I know staying honest to myself and true to my feelings would be best, but I can't seem to distill what that is right now... THE KICKER?) Maybe none of this will matter. Bahaha. *sigh* Thank you, all.
thatone Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 option 1 reasons: guy doesn't care what women who he has written off think of him guy doesn't give attention/companionship for nothing in return you're way off on the 'jerk' assumption. simple answer when/if girl questions why guy doesn't come around anymore. "i'm not content with friends, i'm attracted to you, but you are not so i'm gone, peace." girl is not owed attention/friendship/companionship, no one is owed such things. so there is no 'jerk' factor at all.
Sanman Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 Neither. The question speaks about which option would maximize the chance of getting the girl. You should actually move on and concentrate on women who are actually interested in dating you. You don't have to be a jerk, you can be a friend to this person if YOU value the friendship. That does not mean you have to bend over backwards for them and be a pseudo-bf. It means doing the what you want with this person because it pleases you.The joy of being a friend and not a BF is that you are entitled to be a bit more selfish in the relationship and do as you please. For example, I recently blew off the birthday party of a girl I know because I had worked that day and was tired. I have no such option when it comes to my girlfriend's b-day.
ChessPieceFace Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 False choice. The key is to not look desperate / obsessed, and just move on and go out with other girls. People want what they can't have.
snug.bunny Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 Cute analytical thread . Here's the thing, if there was not even a smudgen of romantic interest on her part initially, then there is a 99% chance, there never will be. It is very difficult for a woman to grow interested in a man romantically, if there was no basis of attraction to begin with. The "basis" is an equation that you will never solve, so don't bother trying. It either "is", or "isn't". So with regard to your question at the bottom, keep the above in mind, when determining which way to proceed.
BookerT Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 Option 3, earn lots of money, get a ferrari, get lots of girls interested in you. Girl starts becoming interested without you trying......
Feelsgoodman Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 girl is not owed attention/friendship/companionship, no one is owed such things. so there is no 'jerk' factor at all. This. Neither. The question speaks about which option would maximize the chance of getting the girl. You should actually move on and concentrate on women who are actually interested in dating you. And this.
jobaba Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 Depends on the situation. However, as a grizzled veteran in being 'friendzoned', I have an observation... You'd be surprised at how little that woman you spend all day thinking about and are infatuated with really cares about you as a friend or romantic prospect. It is highly doubtful she thinks about you at all, let alone EVER with the same feelings you have for her. Which means this... She is going to look for other guys to f@ck. Not good for you. The best advice I have ever seen regarding this matter I believe came from a PUA site. Basically, it says cut contact and let her contact you. That will show that she appreciates you as a friend. If she does, then you have a decision to make. Are you over her yet and ready to be friends? If she doesn't then you were never really anything to her at all. QUESTION) If the goal is to maximize the chance to have a romantic relationship with her, WHICH IS THE RIGHT OPTION? I know staying honest to myself and true to my feelings would be best, but I can't seem to distill what that is right now... There's other women. Chasing women who have rejected you in my eyes is stupid. Read the tomes and volumes that have been posted on this forum regarding how little women regard the men they have friendzoned.
dasein Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 Agree with thatone, sanman and feelsgoodman, option 2 is a copout you are setting up as the "high road," when it isn't. The real high road is to meet a woman whom you are interested in who is interested in you so you can bring the blessing of yourself into her life in a rich, full way who will appreciate it and can bring her blessings into your life accordingly. The real low road is to get out there and bang a lot of chicks. Neither of those roads is bad per se, and no viable road involves trying to maintain a faux friendship with someone you have feelings for that aren't returned.
Author colosseum Posted December 12, 2011 Author Posted December 12, 2011 thanks, everyone. you guys all speak so much truth, it's a breath of fresh air. i'm moving on to ladies who'll be interested in me: got a coffee date tonight. wish me luck. Thanks a lot, everyone.
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