Making an effort to ask out random women

[GivenUp0083]

I'm a 28 year old dude, I've had my ups and downs, successes and struggles, flings and relationships. I had my heart broken by a woman 8 months ago and I'm ready to move on and find someone else.

 

However, 90% of the dating I've done in the last few years was via online dating, mostly OKCupid. I'd really prefer NOT to go back to that as I'm just not happy with the process and the type of women I meet (and the lack of the type of women I have opportunity to meet). I don't know, maybe I just don't like the idea of having to write a profile to "sum myself up in a few sentences" and I'm horribly non-photogenic so I don't have many good photos. I do very well once I get the first date but lately the few women who have shown interest enough to date are a little more introverted than I am attracted to.

 

Anyway, being in downtown Chicago, it can be a little "tricky" approaching women and I'm just wondering if anyone has any suggestions to approaching women or if they strongly recommend a different dating site (I've never tried eharmony). In case anyone doesn't know what I'm referring to about "trickyness", it can be hard to approach random women in a big city because people are very very busy and in a hurry to get from point A to point B, and women often have their defenses up to random people as there's a lot of weirdos on the street and bums begging for money.

 

Things I've tried: joining recreational sports teams (football, kickball) but didn't meet anyone who was single, friends are all tied up in relationships and claim not to know anyone single (they also don't like the drama of setting up friends, I don't blame them). I've tried meeting some women in workout classes at my gym too, no dice (as I mentioned before, walls are up).

 

Just throwing out a bone and seeing if I get any interesting ideas back. I'm interested in hearing how others approach women and ask for dates. I think online dating got me out of it too long and I'm rusty.

[KathyM]

You may not want to hear this, but . . . online dating really is the current state of dating in this day and age. A friend of mine met his wife on the net. They are a great match, and very happy together. My niece met her SO, whom she's been with for over a year on the net as well. My sister is marrying a guy in February that she met on ChristianSingles.com. A wonderful man, and they are a great match. You say you aren't photogenic.

 

If you've done everything you can to improve how you look, (clothes, nice haircut, etc.), then have some professional photos taken. They'll make sure you're photographed in the best possible light. Create an interesting profile, and keep at it. New people come onto those sights all the time. Just make sure you're realistic in who you approach, because the more attractive women will be getting dozens of invitations, and unless you have quite a bit going for you, you'd probably be wasting your time with those. So improve your profile and pictures, keep working on it, and it may work out eventually.

 

If you want to try non-internet dating, get involved in activities where you'll meet women--meetup groups, classes, volunteer activities, and church groups. Try chatting up people you meet out in public, like at the grocery store, the bookstore, the neighborhood where you live, etc. And buy a cute dog. I know it sounds corney, but cute dogs are chick magnets, and make good ice breakers to start a conversation with someone.

Edited December 12, 2011 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[jobaba]

I'm a 28 year old dude, I've had my ups and downs, successes and struggles, flings and relationships. I had my heart broken by a woman 8 months ago and I'm ready to move on and find someone else.

 

However, 90% of the dating I've done in the last few years was via online dating, mostly OKCupid. I'd really prefer NOT to go back to that as I'm just not happy with the process and the type of women I meet (and the lack of the type of women I have opportunity to meet). I don't know, maybe I just don't like the idea of having to write a profile to "sum myself up in a few sentences" and I'm horribly non-photogenic so I don't have many good photos. I do very well once I get the first date but lately the few women who have shown interest enough to date are a little more introverted than I am attracted to.

 

Anyway, being in downtown Chicago, it can be a little "tricky" approaching women and I'm just wondering if anyone has any suggestions to approaching women or if they strongly recommend a different dating site (I've never tried eharmony). In case anyone doesn't know what I'm referring to about "trickyness", it can be hard to approach random women in a big city because people are very very busy and in a hurry to get from point A to point B, and women often have their defenses up to random people as there's a lot of weirdos on the street and bums begging for money.

 

Things I've tried: joining recreational sports teams (football, kickball) but didn't meet anyone who was single, friends are all tied up in relationships and claim not to know anyone single (they also don't like the drama of setting up friends, I don't blame them). I've tried meeting some women in workout classes at my gym too, no dice (as I mentioned before, walls are up).

 

Just throwing out a bone and seeing if I get any interesting ideas back. I'm interested in hearing how others approach women and ask for dates. I think online dating got me out of it too long and I'm rusty.

 

In my opinion, you're going about it the right way. Just keep growing your balls and approach women in public. Talk and joke with them and ask for a number whenever you get an opening. What do you have to lose (unless you are dating someone else)?

 

Women have the walls up everywhere, so it's just a matter of running the numbers to find one who has let her guard down. I'm not the paradigm of a successful male by a long shot, but I have friends who pick up girls in public, and they go about it much like that. Just taking openings when they see them and being fearless ... subway, Starbucks, class, gym, etc...

[thatone]

You may not want to hear this, but . . . online dating really is the current state of dating in this day and age. A friend of mine met his wife on the net. They are a great match, and very happy together. My niece met her SO, whom she's been with for over a year on the net as well. My sister is marrying a guy in February that she met on ChristianSingles.com. A wonderful man, and they are a great match. You say you aren't photogenic.

 

If you've done everything you can to improve how you look, (clothes, nice haircut, etc.), then have some professional photos taken. They'll make sure you're photographed in the best possible light. Create an interesting profile, and keep at it. New people come onto those sights all the time. Just make sure you're realistic in who you approach, because the more attractive women will be getting dozens of invitations, and unless you have quite a bit going for you, you'd probably be wasting your time with those. So improve your profile and pictures, keep working on it, and it may work out eventually.

 

If you want to try non-internet dating, get involved in activities where you'll meet women--meetup groups, classes, volunteer activities, and church groups. Try chatting up people you meet out in public, like at the grocery store, the bookstore, the neighborhood where you live, etc. And buy a cute dog. I know it sounds corney, but cute dogs are chick magnets, and make good ice breakers to start a conversation with someone.

 

i disagree.

 

i have nothing against it, but the number of damaged socially inept people on the dating sites is far and away above the number of such people you run into in a bar, for example. not to mention the ones who aren't are often fakes/scams to get people to pay for said dating sites, as we have established in another recent thread.

 

and i'm sorry but the photogenic/physical stuff is way off too. i've had two women approach me in the past month or so that were more attractive than me. nevermind the women i've approached. if you're personable and employed you can get dates, it's really that simple.

 

every woman without a ring on her left hand is fair game, there is no shame whatsoever in approaching women regardless of whether the man is equally attractive as them physically or not.

 

i'm sure women on dating sites would love it if that were the only way for men to meet women. the odds are all in the woman's favor. but the fact is a good majority of women will think less of themselves if they don't have a man around and as such, are open to ANY sort of man approaching them.

 

no woman including his mother will ever tell the OP that, but that doesn't make it any less true.

[GivenUp0083]

You may not want to hear this, but . . . online dating really is the current state of dating in this day and age. A friend of mine met his wife on the net. They are a great match, and very happy together. My niece met her SO, whom she's been with for over a year on the net as well. My sister is marrying a guy in February that she met on ChristianSingles.com. A wonderful man, and they are a great match. You say you aren't photogenic.

 

If you've done everything you can to improve how you look, (clothes, nice haircut, etc.), then have some professional photos taken. They'll make sure you're photographed in the best possible light. Create an interesting profile, and keep at it. New people come onto those sights all the time. Just make sure you're realistic in who you approach, because the more attractive women will be getting dozens of invitations, and unless you have quite a bit going for you, you'd probably be wasting your time with those. So improve your profile and pictures, keep working on it, and it may work out eventually.

 

If you want to try non-internet dating, get involved in activities where you'll meet women--meetup groups, classes, volunteer activities, and church groups. Try chatting up people you meet out in public, like at the grocery store, the bookstore, the neighborhood where you live, etc. And buy a cute dog. I know it sounds corney, but cute dogs are chick magnets, and make good ice breakers to start a conversation with someone.

 

I realize how popular internet dating is, I just don't like the concept anymore. It's too time consuming just to land a date with someone I'm not interested in or compatible with anyway. I mean, if there was a dating site that matched people up rather than rely on my effort to search and read profiles, and email women who rarely respond then I'm not willing to do so anymore. I guess I want to take an approach where I can feel out the other person more before having to cater to them via email. I also think the professional photo route would come off a little too desperate.

 

I've done groups and teams but maybe I just haven't had much luck. I'll continue to do that because it's fun and I enjoy it anyway.

 

I am looking for better examples of how to approach women at the store or in public. I really want a dog but it's hard in the city and I'm not at home much because of my lifestyle. Again though, the environment, big city....suggestions on how to break down the defensive barriers women put up at these bookstores and coffee shops? I always like to try to make eye contact first and read body language before approaching a woman, but everyone seems to be in the zone in public (I'm guilty of it too). I'm open to all kinds of suggestions.

[GivenUp0083]

hmmm, I made a longer reply but it said I have to wait 24 hours for approval....?

[somedude81]

Asking out random women and online dating are the two methods I dread the most about trying to date.

 

Course I haven't found a way that actually works either...

[Necromancer]

Asking out random women and online dating are the two methods I dread the most about trying to date.

 

Course I haven't found a way that actually works either...

 

i HATE online dating,because i look much worse on photos that in real life...even my friends have said that. We have much more chance in real life.

 

you can´t really judge persons personality threw the internet.

[ThaWholigan]

i HATE online dating,because i look much worse on photos that in real life...even my friends have said that. We have much more chance in real life.

 

you can´t really judge persons personality threw the internet.

 

^^^^

This is my problem. I am much better looking in real life than in my pictures. Of course I have put on a bit of weight though, so I need to lose it ASAP

[BoredAgain]

There's been lots of studies done on randomly asking women out, both surveys and actual tests. It seems that if you randomly walk up to a woman and ask, "would you like to go out with me tonight?" then you'll have about a 50% chance of her agreeing. So I hope that encourages you a bit.

[Necromancer]

There's been lots of studies done on randomly asking women out, both surveys and actual tests. It seems that if you randomly walk up to a woman and ask, "would you like to go out with me tonight?" then you'll have about a 50% chance of her agreeing. So I hope that encourages you a bit.

 

I think it depends on who you are,some men will face like 90% rejection others 50%,women oft agree to give you their number but then reject you when your trying to get in touch..that has more often than once happened to me.

[unknownsources]

In my opinion, you're going about it the right way. Just keep growing your balls and approach women in public. Talk and joke with them and ask for a number whenever you get an opening. What do you have to lose (unless you are dating someone else)?

 

Women have the walls up everywhere, so it's just a matter of running the numbers to find one who has let her guard down. I'm not the paradigm of a successful male by a long shot, but I have friends who pick up girls in public, and they go about it much like that. Just taking openings when they see them and being fearless ... subway, Starbucks, class, gym, etc...

 

 

I've been trying to apply this more in my life lately. Especially with this being the end of the semester and I know I'll never see some of these classmates again, what do I have to lose? Apply that to a girl I see out in public someone, I keep telling myself: "If I ask her out and it goes terribly awry, who cares? I'll never see her again, and if it works out, great!"

 

Not that I don't care about the opinions of other people, but I feel like if I temporarily throw that out the window for the sake of being able to talk to somebody else, it might actually work.

[mammamia1]

@GivenUp0083: I live in a big city (similar to Chicago). I must say I would LOVE if some decent guy talk to me at a random place (not bars). Sadly it rarely happens these days, most people have their nose down their iphone and stuff. In fact, it only happened to me once at a laundry shop, and that guy became my bf (didn't last long, but it was good when it lasted).

 

Even if I don't like the guy and say No, I would still go home feeling flattered. So please don't feel bad about talking with girls outside.

 

I'm a normal girl in my 20s, and I can tell you that with confidence. My grandparents and parents met randomly on the street but their marriages last for life. I really wish the same thing happens to me.

 

What's wrong with online dating is the criteria people said and one-dimensional view. Like, I don't even appear on their search because I'm not White, I'm 5'7 but not 5'9 etc. or whatever criteria they set. I'm not photogenic either. So yeah, it's not fair

[Dust]

Just do it! Online dating is horible.

 

Think of it more as meeting hot women then "random."

 

Every day you see many hot women if you just leave your house. Use that mind of yours and call out to these women. Charm them with your knowledge of clouds or what ever. Then just ask them out. That easy.

[colliejoanie]

Please do! Please randomly ask women out. Not at bars or clubs, but in grocery stores or tire shops or the dry cleaners.

 

I have been using online dating for a year and a half, and have met some great guys.....two actually became relationships......

 

But recently, I've been asked out twice randomly......and I cannot tell you how amazingly different it feels!

 

One guy is now my golf partner (we realized on our first date that our age difference was too much - he's 10 yrs my jr.). The second one just didn't work out.

 

But I have to tell you, as a woman I appreciated these guys so much for approaching me (in a grocery store and in a sporting goods store).

 

Go for it!

[youngskywalker]

I'd really prefer NOT to go back to that as I'm just not happy with the process and the type of women I meet (and the lack of the type of women I have opportunity to meet).

 

I really doubt there aren't plenty of women "of your type" in a large city like Chicago. I have to ask; what is the type you're looking for?

[mammamia1]

Just came back from a date with someone I met online. I kept low expectation but this is still the worst I've had. Typical case of someone sounding great online but lack all social skills.

 

Another guy I met online long time ago turned out to be a drunkard - of course that's one thing that's left out of his profile.

 

Online dating-Fail. How I crave for meeting someone randomly on the street and have a crush. Please guys please do ask women you meet out. Like someone said, u have at least 50% chance of success - that's still way higher than online.

[Dust]

Just came back from a date with someone I met online. I kept low expectation but this is still the worst I've had. Typical case of someone sounding great online but lack all social skills.

 

Another guy I met online long time ago turned out to be a drunkard - of course that's one thing that's left out of his profile.

 

Online dating-Fail. How I crave for meeting someone randomly on the street and have a crush. Please guys please do ask women you meet out. Like someone said, u have at least 50% chance of success - that's still way higher than online.

 

Guys have every reason to stay away from online dating... and every reason to try to charm random women on the street, in line at the bank... what ever... I mean it doesn't even have to be obviouse just ask a women for the time, tell her she seems familiar, tell her she has a Je ne sais quois... give it a shot if she seems anoyed and angry then drop it... if she seems shy or to be enjoying it then ask her out and just be cool with what ever she says. I mean even women who are all anoyed by some creep telling them they have a pretty mouth or what ever are kind of complimented...

[Sith Apprentice]

Online dating is garbage. There are generally 3 types of women you'll meet online. 1. Low self esteem types (usually the hottest ones on the site) who put up a profile and soak up the attention, but have no intentions of meeting guys offline. 2. Serial daters who dates tons of men and get messages from tons of men, but won't settle because a bigger better offer is always just a click away 3. Blubbers who use angles to hide the fat. If you're a guy looking for something long term the internet is the last place I'd recommend looking. The types of women I'm attracted to aren't going to be online anyway because beautiful emotionally and financially stable women don't need online dating.

 

Cold approaching is a good way to meet women, but you will get rejected a lot using this method. You'll get rejected 90% of the time if you're cold approaching strangers. For every 10-15 approaches you'll land maybe 1 date and a few numbers. Your odds will increase as you gain more experience.

 

You should not be asking out strangers either. Your focus during a cold approach should be on a number close. Open, 2 minute convo, ask for the number and then get the hell out of dodge. She can believe it was a "chance encounter" after I've applied some PUA tactics on her and she doesn't realize I approached 15 other women before her HA! DATING IS A GAME AND YOU MUST BE A PLAYER.

Edited December 17, 2011 by Sith Apprentice

[Cracker Jack]

The cold approach method seems scary, but I'd prefer that over online dating any day.

[Dust]

The cold approach method seems scary, but I'd prefer that over online dating any day.

 

Nothing scary but whats in your head. Realize that with online dating your much more likely to get into a one on one date with a person you have zero attraction to like a man disguised as a women then if you had set up the date in person... now that's scary.

 

All aproaches are cold. Your ego can handle being told "no." Stop being so scared of walking up to a women and showing interest and having her reject you. Yes it happens but you need to enjoy women not be afraid of them. The lion enjoys the fight, they don't shy away from it. Eye of the tiger.

 

Think of a romantic comedy. This is the boring crap women love. It always involves some guy asking them out or showing interest. They always reject him. They both learn some stupid crap. Then end up togather and happy at the end of the movie... Also often the guy they were interested in at the begining is the one they realize they don't want to be with... think about that.

[monkey00]

It's not as difficult as you would think, for cold approaches there are so many ways to break the ice - from asking for directions/questions, commenting on what they're wearing, etc.

 

I'm with you on how bad okcupid is, I was on that on and off a few years ago and met some pretty bad women. Now that I'm single again I've been trying a new dating site for this past month and have met a few girls so far which have turned into nothing more than good company and conversations, but hey it's cool. But the online dating aspect is getting annoying and I've been looking for more natural methods like going with single guy friends to bars.

 

A few days ago I cold approached a girl at Ikea and we had a nice chat and she gave me her card. She turned out to be a flake but oh well, that's how it is sometimes. Dating is a numbers game. Later today I'm going to Ikea again to return some things and possibly stopping by the book store. If I see a girl I like, I'll chat her up if not that's okay.

 

I think when it comes to dating in the city, you just have to exhaust every possible resource/opportunity you can to maximize meeting potential prospects. Just don't come off creepy or desperate about it, it's only a matter of time. Just be chill and have something interesting to talk about when you do approach, and if she isn't interested just say 'it was nice meeting you' and walk away. Or if she is, make a plan like drinks/date activity and get her #.

[mammamia1]

I'm a young good looking girl and online dating has failed big time for me too

- OkCupid: I met a couple of guys who have the most amazing profiles, but turned out to be the opposite. One has no social skills, can't utter half a sentence (not to mention full sentence), body odors from 5 feet away. The other is 10 years older and 30lbs heavier than his pics.

Lesson learned: I probably missed out a lot of great guys who are not that photogenic or don't want to lie in their profile.

 

- Another dating site: I met a nice guy who became friend (but nothing more than friend). Now if he sees me online on that site, he would tease me. I think that's a bit rude, but also makes me never get on that site again (out of fear that a friend would think that I'm desperate and tease me)

 

I'm kind of afraid of bumping into my friends/co-workers/family on dating sites, so now I gave it up altogether.

 

I would love to meet someone outside randomly and fall in love, rather than going through the criteria and meaningless words on profiles