Sugar_Cube Posted May 29, 2004 Posted May 29, 2004 Hi all, I have a question maybe its silly but just wanted opinons. To those of you that have read some of my post before already know that I have an intuition that something is going on with my husband. Not sure yet, I have no proof. However, the other night I checked his cell like I do sometimes just to see if I see odd numbers. I saw where there was a call made to him at 7:45 pm. He gets off work at 7 pm but did go by the grocery store on his way in and had groceries. He got home around 8pm so it was about 15 minutes after the call was made to him. He has lots of people's numbers in his cell from people he works with, men and women. Usually they will call each other to see what side of town they are on as to who all can meet for lunch where. Now, this may have been someone he worked with that just wasn't in his cell phonebook. However it was an incoming call at night. Being the chicken sh*t that I am, I got my friend to call to see if a man or woman answered. She called back and said it was a woman. She made up a name and said , "May I speak to(Made up name)". The woman said, "Sorry you have the wrong number". My friend then said, "Ok i'm sorry, who am I speaking with?" The woman replied, "I'm not who you're looking for and thats all you need to know". Now that can go alot of ways I think. It could be the woman said that simply because she was offened that my friend asked who she was instead of excepting the fact that she told her you have the wrong number. Maybe I'm being over paranoid but to many things over the past year has been odd and I still have no proof, however I have had people say its time to go to the next level of finding out for sure. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated, thanks.
pitprincess Posted May 29, 2004 Posted May 29, 2004 Have you checked the call log to see if he called the same number that called him? Another thing you may do is call them and act like she just won a toaster oven or something, get the name and address lol Bail Bondmen do it all the time..lol I hope it isnt what your thinking
little_hummingbird Posted May 29, 2004 Posted May 29, 2004 I would say trust your gut instinct. If you think something fishy is going on, it probably is.
dyermaker Posted May 29, 2004 Posted May 29, 2004 Put the number, including the area code, into a Google search box. If she's listed, it will give you her at least a name, and possibly an address.
befuddled11 Posted May 29, 2004 Posted May 29, 2004 I agree with another response you got....trust your instinct. Woman have amazing instinct about things, and that's not just a sweeping generalization. If you've had "feelings" for the past year that something's up with your husband, there most likely is. I haven't read any of your past posts (sorry), can you briefly spell out some of the past "things" that have caused you to be suspicious? (just to help paint a more complete picture of your situation) And you're right..the way this "woman" responded when your friend asked who she was...could very likely have been that she was taken back by someone who obviously had the wrong number, wanting to know WHO she was. Or it could be that she was on guard because she suspected something was up. There's many online phone directories on the internet, lots that have "reverse directories" (only works if the person's number IS LISTED) where you can type in a phone number and it will give you their name/address. Do a search on Google (click on the external link: http://www.google.com and do a search on: U.S. reverse directory ...should get lots. Maybe if you can find out her name, it might be someone whose name you recognize..maybe it's someone he works with, etc. If you don't recognize the name, you could call you hubby's bluff.........see his reaction when you mention her name. Make something up like (these are just suggestions): 1) Hey honey, I just got this strange phone call (on my cell)....it was from someone named ____ ______ and they asked me to call them right away, didn't say why. That's weird, hey? 2) Honey, I met this really nice lady at yoga/the grocery store/the bank/the gym (etc)....we've got tons in common, she's coming over next week and we're going to go for lunch. Geez, trying to remember her name..........oh yeah, it's ___ ______. I dunno......just try to make up something like this, seeming all innocent, trying to see the REACTION on his face when her name is mentioned. Course you do something more direct.......you could call her FROM YOUR HUBBY'S CELL (haha...course if she has Caller ID, she'll see his cell # and assume it's him.....how "friendly" she answers the phone, or what she says when she answers might be telling)....just say something like, "Hi, I'm ____'s (his name) wife here......my darn cell phone died last week and I've been using his to take my business calls...I see your number on his cell and I'm just wondering if you were calling me?" Her RESPONSE might be interesting....she might be all frazzled and defensive......insist it was a "wrong number"......or she could just hang up on you........ Can you remain in a marriage where you have spent the last year suspecting something's up? That must be hard to live like that. Has your husband ever truly DONE anything in the past that was deceitful or "crossing the line"? Ever lied to you, that you're aware of? If you've got the cash, and you really need "proof", you could consider hiring a private detective to follow him for a few days, etc. That's an extreme way to go, but you need to know the truth, hey?
Sugar_Cube Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 Hello all thanks for the replys. Dyermaker, I tried what you said about doing the google search, wouldn't you know it, it wasn't a listed number and they didn't have it. I was pi**ed off. Oh well. To update befuddled about some of the things going on over the past year. Last summer he really wanted to refinance the house, delt with a girl that looked like I used to along time ago. She had everything set up ready to go, I started asking some questions about her and why she had his home phone, cell phone number and he had her work and cell, he said for buisness about the house. The minute I stared asking questions he drops wanting to refinance the house. Thats all I heard for along time. We just got it refinanced about 2 months ago, with another company. Another incident was when I got a call from a Fairfield hotel asking to speak with my H, (it was a guy that called), I told him he wasn't home could I take a message he then said, "Yes you may, please tell him he left his updawg at one of our Fairfield hotels and needs to come get it." I was like wtf is a updawg? I later found out it is a yoga possition and a clothing line. I asked him about it and said he never heard of that nor had he been to a hotel. It wasn't mentioned again. Another time was when he went to play golf with his buddies, he came home with no golf card to prove they had been. He did tell me his score. Something just wasn't right because after going to the golf course he would start making false accusations against me. Example: I would go to the store call him on my cell ask him if we needed anything else and he would say"tell your bf I said hey". I wasn't even with anybody. I later called the golf course to see if he was there on the day he went because they have to sign in. The guy told me there was no one there by that name on that date. I asked about names of the buddies he went with. They didn't have any record of any of them. I asked him about it and his reply was, "I don't know what moron you talked to but I was there. I'll call myself to see if they have my name down." Of course he didn't call infront of me and later told me he called on his cell and that they told him (insert his name) was there. I don't know what to believe anymore. I just know that theres alot of false accusations coming from him towards me for things that I haven't done. I don't like living this way. I shouldn't have to feel like I need to walk on eggshells in my own home because I never know what he may accuse me of next. There are other things that have got my intuition up as well, but this post is already long. Sorry about that, thanks again for the replys.
GeorgiaSongbird Posted June 1, 2004 Posted June 1, 2004 Another incident was when I got a call from a Fairfield hotel asking to speak with my H, (it was a guy that called), I told him he wasn't home could I take a message he then said, "Yes you may, please tell him he left his updawg at one of our Fairfield hotels and needs to come get it." I was like wtf is a updawg? I later found out it is a yoga possition and a clothing line. I asked him about it and said he never heard of that nor had he been to a hotel. It wasn't mentioned again. So, the hotel employee just picked his name and number at random? Sounds like he has something going on. Accusing you is just a way to keep you off balance. Do you have the money to hire a PI? I would start documenting these things.. and be as discreet as possible.. The more he thinks he is watched, the more sneaky he will be.. Good luck, sweetie. I think you're going to need it.
Sugar_Cube Posted June 1, 2004 Posted June 1, 2004 Hey Georgia, thanks for your reply. I know that sounds crazy but I actually thought at one point that guy from the hotel did pick his number at random. I know thats crazy! I thought it was someone playing a joke. However something I found interesting was, he said he needed to come pick it up at ONE of our Fairfeild hotels. Didn't say which one. After he said that he hung up. I didn't even have time to ask which one. It didn't show up as a hotel number on the caller id it was unknown. When I mentioned in my last post about the mortgage company, the golf course and the call from the hotel this all happenend about the same time frame. Maybe a matter of weeks to a month apart. I guess my thing is, if it was something that happenend last year he sure still is pointing the finger at me after all this time. Maybe its cuz he feels guilty for something happening awhile back or hes still doing something. Anyway I do believe I'll be taking this to the next level of checking things out. I probably should have already done it. Thanks again for your reply.
TX_28 Posted June 2, 2004 Posted June 2, 2004 I would trust your own feelings, but don't judge yet. Just keep it in mind so that you aren't the stupid one at the end.
Love2share Posted June 2, 2004 Posted June 2, 2004 Before you hire a PI, do your own research. If you have passwords, check his emails, cell phone activity, and his bank or credit card activity. Besides following him around, all of these things will give you a general idea of what's going on in his life. Get a jornal and document every detail. Within a few weeks, you will start to see a story unfold. To get access to all these things, you may have to be a little more sneaky. But get ready for a real shocker. If you do find that it's another woman, you will be devestated. So make sure you are emotionally ready to handle it without snapping or something. Good Luck !!
Wheresthetrust Posted June 2, 2004 Posted June 2, 2004 Does anyone feel that going through the husband's cell phone is a total invasion of privacy and shows complete distrust? So what if you're wrong? What if this whole time he wasn't doing anything wrong and you're the one with the problem (paranoia.) Are you simply going to offer him an excuse as to why you were behaving the way you were ("Well, you were acting suspicious so I had the right") or will you offer him a legit apology and perhaps consider changing your ways? All I know is that I'd never marry someone that didn't trust me and was actually paranoid enough to start going through my cell phone. Then again, I have to assume that he knew this aspect of you and married you anyway. Let me ask you one thing. How would you feel if it was turned around and you found him going around trying to dig up dirt on you? Would you really appreciate that?
Sugar_Cube Posted June 2, 2004 Posted June 2, 2004 Ok, so going through his cell or whatever is an invasion of privacy? Excuse me. But if he is doing something with someone, thats not? Thats not an "invasion" and a disresecpt to the marriage? I think so. I also read on the internet that if someone is spying on someone that they feel is doing something they shouldn't, that is not wrong, I'm trying to uncover the truth. What the person has done by doing something with someone else already distroyed the trust be stepping out of the marriage to be with someone else. Most people that have a feeling something is going on would check it out, its human nature. I'm not one to turn the other cheek. You're right I may be completey wrong about what hes doing. However I have never been a paranoid person. Not up until now, because I'm not sure whats going on. If you read my other posts you would know that some things don't add up. I have always had trust for him up until recently. Theres other things to that has happened for him to blow my trust. I have a highly strong intution but there are times I doubt it simply because things seem to be going ok for one minute, then wham something else happens. As far as him "Knowing this aspect of you and marrying you anyway"....as you said... I wasn't paranoid up until recently so that statement from you would be false. You say how would I feel if he did that to me? Well if I wasn't doing anything then I guess it wouldn't bother me. Because I wouldn't have anything to hide now would I?. You can sit here all day long and say "is going through someones cell not an invasion of privacy?" But you know what you never know what you may or may not do until you're in that situation. Have a good day.
Love2share Posted June 2, 2004 Posted June 2, 2004 We are talking about a marriage that's already happened. They can't just break up and forget about each other. Sure snooping around other peoples things is an invasion of privacy. And depending on how serious, it's illegal. But since they are married, she has the right to know who he's asscociating with. Everything he does can effect her. A PI will go through this man's things the same way or even worse. At least she can keep her husbands info to herself. If she doesn't find anything, great! She can simply stop checking on him. But in her case, I doubt her time spent will be wasted. She will definately get an answer to some of the questions she's been asking. That's why I advised her to be prepared for the worse. If she finds something, surely she will have to confront him with how she found out. At that point, she needs to be ready to be accused of "invading his privacy." Be ready for him to have an excuse for her discovery. He will tell her she's crazy and insecure. More than likely, he won't stop whatever he's doing. He will just learn ways to hide it more. Most importantly, since the trust isn't there, she needs to be ready to end the marriage if she finds anything from snooping. Because the trust will be completely gone by then.
Sugar_Cube Posted June 2, 2004 Posted June 2, 2004 Thank you Love2share, I appreciate that. I am prepared because it has been going long enough for me not to be. We have been married for 9 years and together for 11. We have 2 kids and not once in the 11 years we have been toether have I ever felt something was wrong until recently. So yes this is hard. People don't just get suspicious for the h*ll of it, there has to been a reason. I appreciate your understanding, thanks again. Have a good day.
Recommended Posts