amccarter Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 I had a one-night-stand with a guy while I was on vacation a few months ago. He was on tour with his band, and we hooked up after his show. Although we were drunk, it was fun and pleasant, not seedy or shameful. He's not exactly your typical "alpha male" rock star type, and he told me he had never had a one-night-stand before. We parted ways the next morning... Both back to our respective homes, which are about half a day's journey apart by car & ferry. So since the one-night stand, this guy and I have texted almost every day, and skyped on average once a week. Most, but not all, of the times we skype, we have skype sex. The texting is always friendly, rarely sexting; however, he is sometimes inconsistent with his contact/communication. Usually he will text once a day to ask me how I am, but there have been a couple of times where he has gone a few days or even a week without texting. I usually let him initiate the contact because there have been a few incidences where he has not responded to my texts. A couple of times he has said he will call me on a certain day or at a certain time, and then doesn't. His level of interest seems to wax and wane. We have talked a lot about visiting each other, but he always seems to be too busy to make real plans. First he went on tour to Europe for two weeks. Now he is back home, but his business is struggling and will likely close next month. We have made tentative plans for him to come up and see me in January, but the last time we skyped, he said he would call me back later with his schedule, and then didn't. I don't push it, because although I would like to see him again, I understand that what we have is not a real relationship, but rather something in the "it's complicated" (and really quite unique) category. It's been 11 weeks now since our initial one-night-stand. I'm not sure where this is going, or what is going on in his head. Does this kind of thing happen to other people (I mean the staying in prolonged contacted over a long distance after a one-night-stand)? Do you think he might just be using me for the occasional skype-sex masturbation visuals, or might he actually want to see me again and at least get to know each other a bit? He knows I will have sex with him again if he visits me so why doesn't he already?? Not sure if it makes a difference to know this, but we are both in our thirties.
Wolf18 Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 ...He was on tour with his band...[/Quote] He's probably doing it with another girl as we speak.
kaylan Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 He's probably doing it with another girl as we speak. Possibly. However I am a 25 year old musician and have played out a bit...and I have only been with 7 women. So getting around is not what every musician is about. Many of us are those hopeless romantics if you pay any attention to song lyrics. OP, how old are you two? That would help a bit.
O'Malley Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 He's staying in touch because you're attractive enough to keep as a connection. You haven't cut off contact, and if he might be figuring that if he is ever in your area, he has a potential place to crash, or a hook up. No offense, but I've seen some musicians play this out before. Chalk what occurred up to a fun experience, but don't invest anything further into it. If you want to be certain, ask him out on an actual date, even if it means meeting up halfway between your areas. Vague responses or 'busy' doesn't cut it.
Author amccarter Posted December 14, 2011 Author Posted December 14, 2011 (edited) Thanks for your replies, guys... Kaylan, I am 32, and he is 36. We are not exactly kids just looking to fool around. I'm not sure if he's a hopeless romantic... His songs show a lot of sensitivity, but lack emotion. He doesn't write love songs. The last couple of days were kind of an eye-opener. I have been seeing another guy just casually, and he spent the last two nights at my house. We were pretty busy enjoying being with each other, and I didn't check my phone for a while... Anyway, I missed and/or did not respond to some of the musician guy's texts for about 24-32 hours. I ended up with several worried texts from him asking if I was okay, if I was still alive, and then when I assured him I was fine, he said he had been "weirdly worried" about me and realized that if I had crashed my car or something he wouldn't find out about it because we have no mutual friends. I have no idea why he got so worried, but after my other guy left, I got on skype with the musician guy and talked to him for a bit. He got it out of me that I'd been that I'd been "getting some action" rather than "lying in a ditch with two broken legs". It was hard to read his reaction to finding that out, but he seemed maybe mildly upset or put out. My response was, "Well you're not here so I have to fill the time somehow," in a joking manner. We talked a little more about him visiting in January, but still no firm plans. Then he said he'd call me back around 4:00pm... It's now 5:00pm. Typical. I really have no idea what is going on in his head... Why was he so affected by my lack of response, and do you think his behavior towards me will change now hat he knows I have been seeing other people? He can't exactly expect me not to. Edited December 14, 2011 by amccarter
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 If you like the dude then go for him.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Whether male or female we're all prone to possessiveness. Maybe you didn't do it intentionally, but your joke may have hit an ego. He may not want to be wth you ( as evidenced by his inconsiderations) but he may be a little jealous about the guy you have on the side. Even in his thirties, he just doesn't seem like he's ready to settle. I'm sure cyberse. Is fun, but intimacy with commitment is still worlds away. In other words he's certainly up for a fling... but any plans that are made concretely will always fall throuh because he's only going to come and go as he pleases.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 He knows its too much trouble to try to maintain a long distance relationship, thats why he doesnt put in much effort for you. The reason he got mildly upset, because he likes the idea of you being available for him SHOULD he decide to visit you. he likes you being his option. When you start dating someone else, he knows you could take this new guy seriously, so he knows he will lose you should the new relationship get serious. He probably wont take you seriously, do he knows you will bail on him eventually for a guy whos more accessible.
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