samslick Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 Im sure this is common, but in my situation, we were married for a little over 2 years (together for 8), and its been over a month since I've filed for divorce/served papers to my ex. My inlaws (whom I was extremely close with) have totally cut off communication to me, except for my mother in law, who I speak with every couple of weeks. The inlaws are on my side and support me (as my ex had a huge blow-out fight with them 8 months ago and hasn't spoken to them since). But they have comletely distanced themselves from me. Its really hard as I really enjoyed spending time with my nieces/nephews. In regards to the mutual friends/couples my wife and I had made when we were together, not a single one has called me to see how Im doing, hang out, go out to eat, whatever. Totally cut off. My wife is pretty good at lying so I imagine I've been made out to look like the ******* who wanted the marriage to end and was the root of all the problems. Has this happened to a lot of other people? Is this really just a sign of how good a friend they were all along if they don't even bother to talk to me now? I guess maybe our friends seeing my marriage fall apart makes them examine their own and creates a level of awkwardness. I don't know, but I doubt I'll ever talk to them again. The loneliness is pretty tough, but Im much better today than I was 1 month ago, or even 1 year ago during all the limbo/fighting.
carhill Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 Sure, there was only one person whom my exW couldn't get to, and that was because she was demented and in a facility. Everyone else got her best effort, or so my best friend shared with me after the D was final. He didn't want to further antagonize or enrage me while it was going on. Wise man. Once my exW decided she was done with me, long before we filed, the only time I heard from her family was when they wanted something. It was like the decade of familial closeness was ersatz, which it was My advice is to reinvest in close personal friends and accept that the 'others' are irrelevant. If they saw you as relevant, it would be obvious, wouldn't it? Acceptance is key to healing. Good luck and my sympathies.
jaymz Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 My experience so far: My STBXW had told a load of lies to our mutual friends so I have been dropped by pretty much everyone I knew. The STBXW gloated about it to me as well, telling me I was such a loser and no-one liked me etc. Painful to hear, especially when you have just been dumped and believe everything is your fault. I did keep one really good friend, he has been brilliant to me, taking me out, helping decorate the house etc. I have got back in touch with several old friends who stopped talking to me because of the STBXW. One i see regularly and the others I am just started to rebuild our friendship. I see my family a lot more and have lent on them heavily over the last 6 months. My in-laws were very pro marriage and in the beginning were on my side. As soon as their daughter made it clear the marriage was over, they turned very, very nasty to me. I haven't started to create a new circle of friends, but that will be next once i get my house sold, have some cash and a car.
willowthewisp Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 My in-laws ditched me immediately, not even a phone call to see how I was when their son walked out on our wedding after nearly 20 years together. All his friends disappeared also, and our one couple mutal friends disappeared as well after a while. I do not know what he told people, but I assume he lied as he lied all throught out our 20 year relationship and a leopard does not change his spots. It also explains why people who had asked me to call them "mum" and "dad" for the last 7 years did not even call me. You find out who your friends are in this situation, a friend, someone who really loves and cares for you, would ask YOU your interpretation, regardless of whatever rubbish your ex has spouted to them. Forget them...you do not need such people in your life, you deserve better. My advice is reconnect with old friends and try and make new ones, take up new hobbies etc. It is said that if you end this life with 5 true friends, you have lived an exceptional life. You will know who these friends are, they are the ones who carry you when you are on your knees, forgive you and love you unconditionally. I have two (I'm 36), I have lots of friends, but I have two I know love me.
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