Jump to content

Acting on my instincts and being lied to again!


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

Help..... I can't believe this is all happening.

 

I've been seeing my boyfriend for almost 10 months now and we had strongly talked about marriage, kids, future, etc. Historically, he just got officially divorced but was seperated from his ex-wife for a year. He confided in me that toward then end of their 7 year marriage that he had several affairs.

 

One night back in March, he tells me that he has to work that night. (Normally, this wouldn't give me a red flag - as he works in construction). But that night his voice sounded different and he was really rush-rush. Threw lots of red flags in my mind. So, I act on the red flags. He told me he was out on the job site but when I drove over to his house, he was still home. Plus, some girl in a Jetta was leaving down the street. He begged and pleaded for forgiveness, saying it was just one of his female friends (who I've heard him mention) and she just broke up with her boyfriend. He said that nothing happened and that she basically dropped in on him. I slowly but surely tried to blow it off. But the "cheater radar" was still out there.

 

So, here it comes. Yesterday, he tells me that he's going fishing with one of his friends and they have to leave friday night and launch the boat in the early morning. Again, the tone in his voice was different. I got pretty upset because he said that I could go fishing on Monday and that this was a Guys Only trip. So, my radars are going off the scale. I check the fishing website he uses and he hasn't logged in since May 26.... interesting since the fishing trip was May 28. Also, for the last three weekends - something has always come up where he can't come over or go out.

 

I just drove over to his house again. Sure enough, his truck is there and the same black Jetta. Both have the morning dew on them. (I had my red flags and had to act on them.)

 

So, since things aren't going well (1. constantly bicker, 2. we haven't been intimate in over 1 month 3. he never answers his phone) do I just confront him and tell him off?

 

Another bit of information - Wed. night, we had a "heart to heart" both stating that we wanted to try harder, that he still loved me, that we would get things turned around, etc. Seemed sincere.

 

Please help.... he and I use to really be in love. But this obviously is not love.

Posted

Not sure what help you're looking for here.

 

This guy is a cheater. And he even told you that he was.

 

He confided in me that toward then end of their 7 year marriage that he had several affairs.

 

Right then you should have realised that you couldn't trust him.

 

Stay with him if you like cheaters.

 

If not, move on.

Posted

that whole picture you painted is ugly...truly. There shouldn't be any continuance of the relationship IMO.

 

There should be no trying harder. If any, it should have been after the first Jetta incident, not the second. History has already been made...don't let it repeat again. But, looking back at your post and at this statement: "Historically, he just got officially divorced but was seperated from his ex-wife for a year. He confided in me that toward then end of their 7 year marriage that he had several affairs." are you sure you weren't just one of those affairs? Since you were with him during that marriage, officially.

 

Why of all things fall for a guy who has shown that he isn't faithful and can not be committed.

 

"Separation", what an amusing word. Paints a better picture to what is reality don't you think? ;) ...."ugh, sure I'm separated....not married perse...so you won't be sleeping with a married man. So have sex with me and stuff. Ignore the fact that I could actually be divorced already."

 

lol

  • Author
Posted

Yes, you're totally right. I should have:

1. realized that seperated does not mean divorced and I would be just one of the affairs.

2. After the first Jetta incident (as innocent as it may have been), I should have stopped seeing him.

 

I'm tired of being a doormat.

 

Now, do I take all of his stuff back to his house right now - wake him up and the Jetta chick? Make a scene?

Posted

"Now, do I take all of his stuff back to his house right now - wake him up and the Jetta chick? Make a scene?"

 

lol, how you make that call is up to you, but the most important part is coming to that conclusion. I always feel happy when women reach these points but wonder if you ladies also mean it :p . I'm too laid back...I do things quietly. I'm never against anyone making a scene if the situation warrants it but of course don't know what's the best course of action :)

 

good luck though

Posted
Originally posted by little_hummingbird

Now, do I take all of his stuff back to his house right now - wake him up and the Jetta chick? Make a scene?

 

No, you shouldn't make a scene (you lose far more than it is worth it). Besides, in a month or two, do you really want to be remembered that way?

 

Do you have a lot of his stuff? If not, perhaps either call him and ask when he is willing to pick it up or drop it off at his house (like in the bed of his truck). Could always stack things outside his door so when he goes to leave it is the first thing he sees ;)

 

I am so sorry you are hurting~ just remember that there are lots of guys out there who trully do know how to treat women and this one just isn't worth your time.

 

Good luck to you!

×
×
  • Create New...