see ya around?

[thr1986]

Took a girl i've been talking with out last night, dinner party went well. Then we watched a movie at my house afterwards and she stayed the night. This morning I took her home, and as she was getting out of the car says ok i'll see ya around...

 

Should I read into this or do y'all think its just something that she said. Otherwise I thought the night was pretty good.

 

Thanks

[ditzchic]

There's not much to read into. She meant what she said. If she sees you, she sees you. If not, oh well. She's not that into you.

[thr1986]

so should I just not contact her this week then?

[carhill]

Unless this person is a long-time platonic friend, a good general rule to follow is to never permit a woman to sleep in your home without some sort of mutually desired sexual behavior occurring. If you're both virgins, that could be kissing and 'making out'. Never progress the 'roommate' scenario, expecting it to turn sexual later.

 

It's entirely possible 'see ya around' could mean 'wtf didn't you make a move on me last night?'

 

That she didn't even say 'thanks' would impel me to never contact her again, regardless. Rewarding boorish behavior is unhealthy.

[ditzchic]

so should I just not contact her this week then?

 

I depends on how you want to play this. Personally, if I weren't really interested in a guy and he didn't contact me for a week after I spent the night at his house I would be furious. All chances would be blown.

 

But if I weren't really into him and he did contact me, I might entertain the idea of hanging out with him again for a bit but ultimately move on.

 

I would say out of courtesy you should probably at least text her and say you had fun and enjoyed yourself. Leave it open ended though. Don't ask her for a second date right away. See what she says and where that goes.

[Arabella]

You're over-analyzing what she said. People say that all the time!

 

Perhaps she is interested, but then again perhaps not. But you won't know unless you contact her. If you want a relationship with her, ask her if she wants to have lunch or something out of your place, so she doesn't assume that you only want sex.

 

Good luck

[thr1986]

we slept together friday night, last night she was really tired and honestly fell asleep during the movie we watched. she kissed me in my car when she got out but it definitely felt "less" of a kiss than previous couple times i've dropped her off...I like this girl and as immature as it sounds, i was talking to her friend on friday night and she told me she likes me also....I just really am not good at the games during this point of getting to know someone and can't figure out what to do..... so frustrating, it almost makes me want to walk away. no wonder why I have stuck to not seeing anyone more than once or twice for the past couple years

 

I need to figure out how to handle this situation though, like i said i kinda like her and unlike anyone else as of lately i find myself wanting to see her again every time i hang out with her

[carhill]

OK, so I have this straight, you 'slept together', meaning sexual intercourse, Friday night, then 'slept together' like roommates Saturday night, then she says 'see ya around' and gives you 'less of a kiss' this morning when you drop her off. Is that right?

 

Here's a rule of thumb....relationships always progress when they're healthy. Having been in enough unhealthy ones, I see this difference

 

You 'kinda like' someone you're having sex with? Boy, what has the world come to...

[thr1986]

Yeah I know...I guess what i'm looking for guys is any advice, particularly that from the girls of how I should go about contacting her. Like i said, i got out of a long relationship right at the end of college and now i've been on my own in a new city working and have been avoiding getting involved emotionally for like 2 years. Now i'm embracing the idea of it and found someone I like but just need some help...unfortunately as a 25 year old guy, theres not a whole lot of people I can talk to about this kind of stuff which is why i have come here and I truly appreciate and take all of your advice seriously...

 

She started kissing me this morning when we woke up, she could have been trying to hint me to make a move. however I didnt... is it possible that this upset her? and if you think so....what should I do to correct it? Shes got family coming in town on wednesday so If i see her this week its going to have to be tomorrow or tuesday night

[ScienceGal]

The last guy I dated would always say "see ya" each and everytime we said goodbye. He even said it after our final conversation, even though we knew we would not be speaking anytime soon. In his case, it was just something he said instead of "good bye".

 

I think you're over analyzing. Call her to see how her weekend went and set up a time to hang out again. How long have you been "talking" to this girl?

[carhill]

It sounds to me (ladies chime in here) that you're not really attracted to or attached to her in any romantic way, but you do enjoy sexual release. I mention this because you have had a long relationship and know how things go in a relationship, so it isn't like this is all new to you.

 

Clarify a few things:

 

1. What is your relationship status? Have you had any sort of relationship 'talk'? If so, what?

 

2. What kind of a relationship do you want? Be specific. Example (not advice): 'I want a woman whom I can hang out with, have sex with and still enjoy my life as a single college graduate'.

 

You say you've avoided getting emotionally involved for two years. Do you want that to change, in general?

[thr1986]

1st off...thank you guys for your help. I'll give you breakdown of my interaction with her and I think this will help:

 

I met her on wednesday night 1 week prior to this past wednesday. We talked to each other about our hometowns which happen to be very similar places both in florida. She is roomates with a friend of mine from college, also a girl but just a good friend.

 

That friday night, one week prior to this past friday. I had people over at my apartment and we all went out to a bar. At that bar she ended up dancing with me and we kissed at the bar, ect...(im not normally a but fan of PDA, but its ok). She ended up staying the night, and we kissed ect, but she pretty much stopped me at that.

 

Then saturday she invited me a concert with her and some friends, but I ended up not going as the show sold out before I got a ticket. That sunday I went to brunch with her and her roomate and her roomate's boyfriend. Then the two of us went to my apt and watched a movie. Keep in mind that each time I dropped her off at home she kissed me goodbye as if were dating or something which is obviously another factor causing me to believe she likes me.

 

Then this past work week I did not see her, however I texted her a couple times throughout the week. I was going to see her on wednesday night as we both play in a coed kickball league, but i didnt go because i was not feeling well.

 

Friday came around (this past friday) and I met up with a bunch of friends, including her, at another bar to see a friends band play. She ended up coming back with me again and this time we slept together. I took her home saturday morning and as usual we kissed goodbye and i told her I would be back to get her at 6.30 for the christmas party i was taking her to.

 

I go back and get her last night, we go to the company xmas party. All is well, and then after we leave she spoke of how tired she was and so i offered to bring her home and she said she didnt really care and that she could be down to watch a movie again. So we went to my place, and ordered a movie. She fell asleep so naturally I didnt try and do anything sexually, she was really tired. Then this morning, as I said she cuddled when we woke up, kissed,ect. but neither of us took it further than that. Then I bring her home she kissed me, but as i said it seemed less involved than past times i dropped her off at which time she said..."i'll see ya around."

 

Naturally, I tend to overanalyze things in general so im sure that is part of my situation here. But really what I'm looking for is some advice from you guys as to what I should do to progress the relationship properly. I can see myself dating her. I'm NOT just looking for sex, thats not at all what this is about for me. Yes, i've made myself emotionally unavailable the past couple years but im definitely over that and I think she is a contributing factor to that for me.

 

Again, her family is coming in town wednesday and I think they will be here for a while. So if I end up seeing her it will probably be monday or tuesday night. Should I just leave her alone and let her family come and see if she contacts me? or do you think I should ask her to dinner monday or tuesday night?

 

Or....if none of my ideas sound right, what do you guys suggest?

 

Thanks again!

[thr1986]

sorry for the length...if you guys can bear through it, it would help a lot!

[Arabella]

Having read your more in-depth explanation of the evenings, I honestly think that she said "See you around" because you guys have things in common that you do together regardless of whether you specifically go out on a date. Put that to rest and stop worrying

 

If, as you say, don't just want sex... then don't play games with her. None of this "back off and see if she contacts me". Just be genuine. If you want a relationship with her, take her out on a proper date. Dinner sounds good! Since she isn't afraid of PDA, just hold her hand and put your cards on the table as to what you expect from each other and take it from there.

 

Good luck

[snug.bunny]

"See You Around" (said within that context) could have been suggestive on her end for you to say whether or not you'd like to each other again.

 

I.E.

 

Her: "See you around"

You: "Hopefully sooner then later...I'd like to see you again soon"

Her: "That would be great!"

You: "Great!"

 

A couple days later....Ring Ring!

 

Her: "Hello"

You: "Hi Anita Moorehead, it's Dick Johnson from the other night"

<<Insert casual banter>>

You: "So, I was thinking of going to xyz and I would love to take you with me"

Her: "Yes, that sounds lovely, lets do it!"

 

That is just one scenario. Another could be, "see you around", means "see you again sometime". She either hopes to, wants to, or doesn't mind enough at that point whether or not she does, or doesn't.

[thr1986]

Ok, thank you Arabella! I wouldnt mind holding her hand in public, ect. However I have not done so simply because I wonder if I do if she will be thinking, "ugh why is he holding my hand, hes really needy" or something along those lines...

 

this neglect to emotional attachment all together has really screwed me over and put me in a weird place...

[carhill]

How did your last long relationship go? Were you invested in that relationship? Something sounds off here, based on a lifetime of relationships, as well as mistakes. You don't 'forget' how to exhibit your natural style of love and attachment. No one does. We each have our default 'style' which of course is subject to modification and change over our life.

 

Tell me, and this might shed some light, in that period of emotional attachment 'neglect', did you have a goodly amount of hookups and FWB and similar; IOW casual sex without any attachment to the human involved? If so, that might explain things a bit. You conditioned yourself to have sex without feeling anything relevant to the person. Any insight there?

 

Also, while the ladies are great sources of relationship opinion, your fellow men are the most reliable source of dating advice. The men, whom I hope will look in here, who have dated a lot and had successful relationships are the ones to look for such advice from. They know how women respond over many data points, which is the critical part, from a man's perspective, which is who you are.

 

So, you've had sex with this lady but no 'relationship talk' or 'exclusivity talk' or ??? Still no insight on that front, as far as I can tell. That you've known her about two weeks would give me pause to have such a conversation, but you have already 'slept together', as you put it. Would you mind if she was dating and 'sleeping with' other guys? If so, well, act on that.

 

do you think I should ask her to dinner monday or tuesday night?

 

I'd suggest calling her today (phone not text) and doing exactly that. Make the dinner a romantic one, not a 'see ya around' one. An official, public, dress up date. Take the lead here.

[melodymatters]

I'm an adult woman, with a pretty solid dating/relationship history. While I don't do hook ups ( never had and am married now) *I* might say something casual like that if I was feeling vulnerable and not really sure how " into me" the guy was.

 

"See ya later sweetheart, can't wait, *big smooch*", is reserved for when we are IN a relationship and I KNOW where we stand !

 

Call her and ask for a dinner date; if she doesn't respond positively or at least suggest alternate plans, THERE'S your answer.

 

Otherwise, don't read into it too much IMO.

 

Good luck !

[thr1986]

My dating history consists of one girl that I met senior year of high school. We both went to the same college, tried to make it work the whole time...it was extremely unhealthy but for some reason we stayed together for almost 5 years. I broke up with her when i found out that I was going to be moving away for work and pretty much started over and decided that I was not going to get emotional with anyone for a while....which is exactly what I did. The interactions with women I have had in the past couple years have been strictly physical, so yeah your right about me being very unconditioned when it comes to dating. The irony behind this is that is really not who I am at all. I am naturally a really caring person, and I guess thats why im tyring to get back into a relationship. I seriously appreciate all of the advice you guys are giving me. I most definitely am going to use it all in deciding how to move forward here. And based on your help I think i'll take her to dinner this week and go from there... Thanks again guys!

[carhill]

Tip: Let the holidays flow without prejudice. Express your interest and leave it at that. People typically are quite involved with family and long-time friends at the holidays, so it's normal to be 'busy'. If you and she were in an established and exclusive relationship, then it would be natural to be 'included'. That apparently isn't yet the case here.

 

My advice would be to look to the tone of the lady's response, as well as the chronology, for clues of her interest, if she is not immediately accepting of your direct invitation.

 

Example (not advice) of a prospective response which indicates a desirable chronology and interest: 'I'd love to join you for dinner but I'm pretty busy with family through Christmas. Let's set something up for the 27th in the evening. Does that work for you?'

 

She is saying she is busy with family and family is her priority right now (healthy) and that she wants to see you again and can be specific about putting that into action and asks you for your agreement. IMO, that would be a good sign.

 

See how it goes.