hechicera Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 This is more a vent, but I also have questions... So I met this guy online, my online profile is not very descriptive because I never took it to seriously and it just says I'm looking to have fun... Well since the beggining when I started texting this guy it all was very sexual... He barely knew about me but I felt really comfortable talking to him about those topics, and of course the conversation started to go about what we would do when we met... Since I was out of the country it took 2 months for us to be able to meet and during that time we talked on and off through texting, at the beggining we both looked for each other but then it was more him looking after me and it got to a point where I became very anxious about the whole thing and I put some distance... I knew he was only interested in sex and I was sort of ok with that, though I let him know I doubted anything big would happen on our first date (basically because I didn't know if I'd like him in person and second even though he probably thought I was a whore by the way our conversations went I've only had 2 sexual partners and I'm hesitant to take things too fast). So, I came back to the country, he texted me the same day I got back (even though I hadn't told him I was coming that day) and he showed some interest in meeting me but I couldnt. Then the next day he wanted to meet me, so I said I have a really busy schedule (since I just got back) but I could spare some time before headin to a dinner to meet him, so nothing too much like a date but more of us seeing each other for the first time and see if we click, then my idea was that if we did we could plan something in the near future. He agreed and he suggested we met at this bar close to both (he multiple times tried to be all arrogant, like saying you'll have to drive to me cause I don't want to go that far, but then I would say oh well, we meet halfway implying I was not driving to him, ad he'll put his guard down and agree, it happened in different circumstances). We finally met, he happened to be even cuter and hotter than why I thought!! We met outside the place and he said he didn't want to go in, that he'd rather go somewhere else (I was sort of expecting that). I told him if we left we'd go in separate cars, I'm not that trusting, but we ended up just sitting in his car... He said I was cute and he "had" to kiss me, I agreed to that and we made out. Things got more intense and he wanted me to go down on him but I wasn't too sure about it specially since I just met the guy and we were in a parking lot, and the idea of getting an std freaks me out. Anyway, we did fool around and he came (won't give much detail but no penetration or BJ) and afterwards we just sat in his car and talked about random stuff for a while. He even talked about some personal stuff he thought maybe I could help him with. He kept saying next time you won't get away that easily. But to be honest, I had a great time, I enjoyed myself and it ended up being better than what I had thougt. HE reminded ME I had to go to this dinner (I was having a good time lol) and then he drove me to my car. He asked me to text him later (I don't know what that meant). I went to the dinner and then when I got home I kept thinking about if I should text him or not given what he said... I left there knowing (according to me) that he would want to see me again and finish what we started. I ended up texting "it was nice meeting you, night" and he replied back "same, night. Didn't hear from him in 2 days, when he just asked what I was doing, I told him and asked what about you? Didn't hear back. Next day saw him on msn and I said hey, he told me to text him on the phone which I did and then talked for a bit, random stuff, then he said when do we hang out, I said Friday? And he said maybe. Of course on friday I hadn't heard from him, I thought wtf, I'll just make my own plans but it kept bothering me so I just texted him if he had any plans, he said it depends when he gets back from work... I said ok and made plans myself. I haven't heard from him since. I deleted his number and his msn contact. He still appears on the online site every time I do a search. The thing is, I don't know enough about this guy to have "fallen" for him, but he is gorgeous!! I'm sooo attracted to him physically, I thought he was too... At some point I'd like to be in a serious relationship but for now I would settle on just having a fwb thing with him, but he's not interested anymore? I hate the game playing, I wished I could just get him to say what the heck is going through his mind, I know he maybe is dating so many other girls, or he's lookin for something serious (which of course by the way things went he wouldn't consider from me). It's amazing how I got to this point, from being the good girl, who was still virgin in her early 20s, who married the first and only person she's been with. The fact that I haven't had a partner in a year might have something to do with it. (forgot to mention I was married 3 years, now separated for 2 working on the divorce). That was long, sorry! but if you got to read this far, I'd love some input thanks
Standard-Fare Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 Based on what I've read here it doesn't seem to me that you really have the capacity for just a strictly sexual relationship. You may want to be that type of person, but it doesn't seem like you have the detachment required to pull that off. If you really only wanted sex from this guy, you wouldn't be analyzing his texts, worried about his communication, etc. Already, this seems like a bag of worms you just shouldn't dive into. If you did continue with this guy, your confusion and feelings will only continue along these same lines. I'd say be happy with the one night of fun and cut your losses. For what it's worth, the guy sounds pretty douchey from your description.
ditzchic Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 That wasn't a date. That was you getting him off. He wants something strictly sexua, at least that's what he wants from youl. Not friends with benefits. Just benefits. He doesn't want to be friends. He just wants to get it sticky. You will hear from him the next time he feels the need for you to get him off. It doesn't really seem like you're the type of girl who is into that. This isn't going to progress the way you'd like. I say cut your losses and find someone who at least wants to be friends. These 'just benefits' type situations tend to grow boring after a short time anyway. If you ever become the girl that does that kind of thing, it's best to do it with someone you aren't THAT attracted to and won't develop any kind of crush on or feelings for.
Jessica45 Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 Based on what I've read here it doesn't seem to me that you really have the capacity for just a strictly sexual relationship. You may want to be that type of person, but it doesn't seem like you have the detachment required to pull that off. If you really only wanted sex from this guy, you wouldn't be analyzing his texts, worried about his communication, etc. Already, this seems like a bag of worms you just shouldn't dive into. If you did continue with this guy, your confusion and feelings will only continue along these same lines. I'd say be happy with the one night of fun and cut your losses. For what it's worth, the guy sounds pretty douchey from your description.^ This. I think this is a mistake but....if you really don't want to play games and just want a sexual relationship, then tell him so. He'll probably be very happy to hear it. But be prepared for quickies in a parking lot.
Author hechicera Posted December 12, 2011 Author Posted December 12, 2011 Thanks for the great input guys! I totally agree with your opinions... I've had that dilemma lately, I'm definitely not the "quickie in the parking lot" kind of girl, it even surprises me that I've got to the point I got, I'm not even sure of what I want but I'm sure of what I don't and that is a serious relationship... My break up with my stb ex was awful, I have totally moved on from him but I've got used to be alone and I enjoy it. I also have a kid with who I spend a lot of time with and I dont want anybody in that picture yet... So, that leaves me either being single or just having casual relationships... The fact that I haven't been with anybody for a year is getting to me if you know what I mean. I'm not used to this, before getting married, my dating days were in another country, I was very young and naive and I felt it wasn't as complicated as it is now. You are right assuming I get easily attached and having a purely sexual relationship would be a challenge, though I was aware of that when I met this guy and I decided to take the chance. Though what really bothers me is that I am a professional hard working, educated girl, I'm happy with my life, I take care of myself, I'm not a super model but I would say a lot of guys would say im cute... I'm shy but when you get to know me I have a nice personality, I have many great friends... In other words I'm not bragging here but just trying to say that I'm a normal person with a lot to offer and I don't know why is it so hard to date this days... Even if you just want an informal relation? Isn't that what most men would die for? And I also hate the idea of just sleeping around, from the guys that approached me on that dating site I just kept in touch with him, and I hate now that it didn't work out to just keep searching for more and continue the cycle over and over... Should I just try to meet different kind of people? Though when they usually approach me with the classical interrogatory about myself I get bored right away (which is probably what kept me going with this guy). I might have gotten out of topic here, still venting but again, I've got great Input here and would appreciate more coming thanks
DearAbby Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 You are going to learn the hard way. You will have the same result every time if the first day you see them you get physical with them. If you would have taken the red flags aka sex texts seriously, if you wanted a relationship you would never bother with someone who spoke to you like that so soon. It was obvious all he wanted was sex. The best thing to do is take things very slowly and take time to get to know someone. Time spent texting does not equal time in a relationship.
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