kiababy Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 My new policy is going to be - ignore the women who come on here and put us down- they haven't heard the whole story, they don't seem to realize that WE GET IT - WE KNOW WE'RE IN A BAD SITUATION....enough of that..... Maybe we like the chase, that's why the single guys that go after us are far less interesting or appealing. I also think a lot of us OW do not initiate contact with an MM. In my case, I always felt comfortable making friends with an MM because they seemed safe.......I never expected what happened.
Author Mr Spock Posted June 5, 2004 Author Posted June 5, 2004 Originally posted by mrs.sarah If you know he's married, don't get involved. Duh...obviously you won't be able to call him when you're sad, or see him whenever you want. You people make me laugh. You put yourself into this situation and I'm glad to see you suffering. Maybe you'll learn a lesson. It's not right to go in and f**k up a marriage. So what if they were having problems. That doesn't give you the right to step in and f**k it up even more. Just goes to show how many ignorant people there are in this world. I'm glad we provide you with some amusement-after all this board is about helping people with their problems, and lack of joy in your life could be yours. Thanks for the most obivous tips though, because you know we weren't aware of that. Thanks for filling us in on the bigger picture. Now, this is MY thread-keep your crap off of it unless you're willing to offer some really insightful advice or tips or personal experiences. Not because I don't think you should say what you want to us but because it junks the thread up with responses. State your opinion-but start a new thread!!
fanou22 Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 I am sleeping with a MM and I have herpes. He knows it and he knows that he can get it any time. Am i being inconsiderate of his wife. Should I break up with him because one day he could have it and it could ruin his "happy married life"?
Author Mr Spock Posted June 5, 2004 Author Posted June 5, 2004 I don't know if anyone is going to see it tucked all the way down here. It's inconsiderate of you to sleep with someone and not use a condom PERIOD if you have herpes. Even if he says he doesn't care, you should insist upon it as a responsible human being. You caught it, do the rest of the world a favour and keep it to yourself OK? You don't need to have open sores to pass the virus on, you can pass it on at anytime.
otherwomen Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 you should wear condoms....do you know when you have outbreaks?
kiababy Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 If you don't use condoms you'll ruin the lives of everyone you sleep with - not just this guy and his wife. And break up with him because he's an idiot for not being careful. If he won't wear one with you, knowing you have herpes, how do you know he wears one with any other girl he sleeps with - he could give you something far worse!
fanou22 Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 What is the point of starting another thread? Everyone will say the same thing "Wear a condom". We started the affair being careful but after few times he insisted on not wearing one. I know I need to have open blisters to pass it on. Believe me I have read every publication there is to read. I haven't had an outbreak ever since I was diagnosed after my primary one. Would I give it to him one day? I hope not. I have kept to myself for the past 3 years afraid to date someone because I was afraid of rejection. My fears became reality when I met someone who rejected me because "he does not think he could live with it". I have told my MM numerous times that we should not be having an affair but he is the one who does not care. Could I have said no? Of course I could always have said no to him but I kinda liked him also. Why would he take such a risk? It is beyond me.
Author Mr Spock Posted June 5, 2004 Author Posted June 5, 2004 Why? Because this thread is about me and my problems. Seem selfish to you? It takes about 2 seconds to start a new one. Take your problems there. Read up on Herpes sister, they are finding out now that you in fact DO NOT NEED open sores to pass on the virus. Ask my best friend who contracted it from her long term boyfriend-without ever coming into contact with open sores. Ask her doctor. It's completely irresponsible of you to allow this man to have unprotected sex with you.
fanou22 Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 I do apologize for replying on your thread. I have been reading and every one seemed nice. Did not think it would affect you so. I know you do not need open sore to pass it on. You do not even need to have sex. You can pass it on by touching someone and then touching yourself and I don't mean it in a sexual way.
hulaannie Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 To Befuddled11 Wow. What a breath of fresh air. I was beginning to think that nobody cared about those who actually honor their vows. It's nice to hear someone stand up for what is obviously right. How can people feel sorry for someone who is in a relationship with someone who is married? If the married person really wanted the other woman or man, the married person would get a divorce and become available. You've got something wrong if you only want someone unavailable.
kiababy Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 What's the latest sweetie? Have you heard from him the last few days? It's Saturday night - are you going to follow through with your plan and get out, away from the phone so you can enjoy yourself and take a break from the torture of thinking about him?
Author Mr Spock Posted June 6, 2004 Author Posted June 6, 2004 Thanks Kiababy-I heard from him yesterday, but I'm still getting out and away from the computer!! I never see him on weekends since he doesn't work nights anymore-this whole thing has really helped me get CONTROL back. Not totally, but I feel like I'm regaining a little bit of my self esteem and confidence. That's really what's important-when one person holds all the cards in a relationship (ANY kind of a relationship, wether marriage or dating or sexual whatever) is never healthy, and I figure since he's the one with the most to lose I should be holding more cards!! So I'm going to!
kiababy Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 Amen to that! I want to say goodbye and have about 100 goodbye speeches in my head -I feel like the biggest fool, all this time I was so very careful, doing everything in my power to make sure that he wouldn't get into any trouble because of me. And what does he do? He goes out and picks up a stranger! GRRRRRRRR! He's careless and stupid and he WILL be caught again. This time I'm not sticking around to be his shoulder to cry on. I'm so ready to kick him out of my life....I just don't have the strength or the will to do it.
mrs.sarah Posted June 7, 2004 Posted June 7, 2004 You're right, I don't know what it's like to be in your situation. Then again, I would never let myself get into your situation. It's called self control.
abyssalsmile Posted June 7, 2004 Posted June 7, 2004 My relationship with MM has even been closer than before I see him more but not as much as I wanted to . And he only sleeps with me & the W. Our relationship has grown stronger because I was Pregnant form him and had to abort it. It was my choice though if it was up to him he was ready to be a father again. But I did not want that or live a life like that . It would have only been to much Drama on both ends.He is still there for me I just wish I would see more of him.But I do sometimes want to end it I am tired of figuring it out anymore. I could go on but then thee is that LOVE that I have for him. This s**ks being in positions like this.
kiababy Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 Last week and over the weekend I was ready to say goodbye after 10 months. I had variations of a goodbye speech I was going to give him...it was OVER. Then he called me today. I was upset at a message he left me last Thursday....before I could tell him that - and give my speech - he said that he had a horrible day at work Thursday and really needed to see me because I'm the only one that could have made him feel better.....but I never returned his call...and he wanted to know if I was o.k........dammit. All the anger melted away. I felt awful for being so angry at him...he apologized again for what he had dome (he had a one night stand and told me he felt like he had 'cheated' on me ?!?!). I admitted that it had upset me and he said something I told him I had done and also regretted, had really upset him. We're exactly the same...we deserve each other. I'm back to feeling like I can't live without him.
helpless here Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=green][/color] For you women and other's whom come on here just to criticize every thing that we OW do ---I would like to ask you one question? What makes you sooooo perfect and to be judge-mental towards us for our actions? None of us no where is perfect and for you to sit back and make your condemning comments with no regard is disrespectful! If you so not believe the things we are doing are to your standards WHY READ THESE POSTS? No one is making you read any of these - so do us a favor and move on with your pathetic and judge mental lives and leave us to ourselves!!! Mr. Spock, and kiababy I have been following your posts and you both sound like wonderful people to me - and it's these people whom posts things with no regard nor understanding that speak so negatively! Don't listen to them - as kiababy said we have each other and evidentially their MEN! And that is all we need!
kiababy Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 I don't even know your story but from your nickname -Helpless Here - I know that you're in the same situation as we are. It's such a lonely life being the OW isn't it? Like I said before, you find yourself in a position YOU NEVER WANTED TO BE IN....and you can't do the one thing that would probably help - talk it over with someone. Let's keep sharing our experiences, and providing emotional support; eventually, hopefully, we'll find the strength to finally break free!
helpless here Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 kiababy - I thank you for your support and believe me the only way we can get through these things are with pople whom you can speak openly with and share expirences! To me it's not that we don't have self control - or like you said put ourselves into these positions it was the cards that was dealt to us at that time! I would have never thought that I would be in this chat room speaking on this topic - BUT I AM! SO, we can only go from here and as you say break each other free somehow with kind words of wisdom !!!
Unlucky In Love Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 I have been in several relationships where another woman has stuck her nose in and ruined everything. Why do you want to be a homewrecker? You are NEVER going to get this guy. If he will leave his wife, he will leave you too. The bad karma you create when you become a homewrecker will come back at you 10-fold. I know, I've been on both sides. You sound like the kind of woman who goes for LOSERS who are already taken, rather than finding someone decent who's single. You should discontinue all contact with this man, and get out now. DATE SINGLE PEOPLE!
FolderWife Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 While I agree with unlucky that it's unfair to date a man that's already taken, my Grandmother used to say something wonderful: "If you can take him, you can have him." If a man's going to cheat, he's going to cheat whether it's with you, me, or dolly parton! So don't blame the other women too bad...after all, they are not the ones who committed to be faithful to their man's wife... The real bad guys are the husbands who cheat. Other women (and I know from experience) get sucked in. They meet a guy they like, then one day find out he's married. Of course, he promises he's leaving his wife, but he has to find a way to break it to her gently. Naaaaww~* what a sweet guy, he's concerned about that b**ch's feelings! He's so great. Months later, he's still in a relationship, and you are in love with him, and he's promising to leave.....if he's a good guy, he'll finally admit that he has no intention of leaving, and "You'd be better off without him". So noble. That's how I got sucked in. He was single....*2 months later* NO WAIT! He has a GIRLFRIEND....it's ok, he's going to dump her when he finds a nice way to do it....*2 more months later* NO WAIT!!! They are actually ENGAGED!!! That's why it was so hard to dump her! He's still going to do it though! He promised he would...*2 months later* NO WAIT!!!!!! The wedding is HOW FAR AWAY!?!?!?! 2 MONTHS!?!?!?! hmmmm...you're going to marry her, aren't you..."can't let down my mom!" UGH!!! 6 MONTHS WASTED! Some women are rebounding, and married men have lots of experience with women, so they know EXACTLY what to say. Their wives don't know. Their wives aren't bad. These jerks are slimebags, who go around dooping women. So don't take it out on the other women. They were naive, yes, but that doesn't make them bad...and they know better now!...well, some of them do
kiababy Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 For your information I do date single people - I happen to like him better. And you can tear me down all you want - I don't care. I came to this forum for help, along with a lot of other women on here. You're entitled to your opinion, so you can be as bitter and miserable and hateful and whatever else you want to be - doesn't affect me one bit. I will keep seeing him, until I'm ready to stop. Helpless - it occurred to me from reading a lot of the posts by OW on this forum that none of us are after these guys for money or any other material gain....the OW here genuinely love these men. Interesting huh?
Debster Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 I agree, the married person is way more to blame than the OW and often the unknowing partner at home is an innocent victim. However, let's be honest here. Not all other women are sucked in. Some purposely target married men. Some have affairs with married men because they too are married. Some have affairs with married men because, to them, it is just sex. I think that once you find out someone is in a committed relationship, the honourable, mature thing to do is just get out of it. Not just because they are in a relationship - but also because you deserve better. I think insecurity, unhappiness and low self-esteem are the reasons why a lot of OW get involved in affairs. What often happens though, is that these things get magnified by being in an extra-marital relationship and getting hurt. Not only are they hurting the marriage of their OM, but they are hurting themselves.
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