kiababy Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 Deb you don't miss a thing lol. Yes, his sex drive is very very kinky. He told me his wife is very tiny and complains all of the time that he 'hurts' her, not in the mean, rough sense - but in another way which I'm sure you can figure out without me getting too graphic. Well, I'm not a very large girl myself and it hurts me too sometimes....but despite the way it sounds he is very very gentle, and always asks me if I'm o.k. He's also embarrassed to ask her to try anything new because she wouldnt' like it and would be very upset that he even asked. And you're also right about our relationship. The only talking of any substance we do is when we're on the phone - and he does phone me a lot and we talk for quite a while. We have not been together one time where sex was not involved. Am I o.k. with it? YES! He rocks my world! Remeber what I said a while ago - I think it was a reply to you - about him being the only man that makes me 'feel'? Well that's part of it. He's very affectionate and passionate and it makes me feel loved.
kiababy Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 I don't want it to sound like he's the only one who's a horndog - I have to confess I have a 20 year-old lover as well. He used to be my trainer at the gym and one thing led to another.....but there is definitely no emotional tie there - it's strictly a physical relationship. And yes my MM knows....they know about each other.
Debster Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 I don't understand why you are posting then, kiababy. (not to mean that you can't - just that I don't get it) It seems to me that you are quite happy with your situation. You feel fine about being the OW. Your needs are met. It doesn't appear as if you are hurting or upset with your situation in any way. Am I missing something?
kiababy Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 I have my good days and bad days. The absolute worst thing about being an OW is having NO ONE TO TALK TO. If he says or does something that makes me wonder...who do I tell? Even if he says something that puts me on cloud 9 I have to keep it to myself. Then there's the issue of soon to be divorced MM #2. He is facing losing his house and has brought up the topic of moving in together several times now. He used to be the greatest thing since sliced bread - that was before I met my current MM. I should have been thrilled when I found out his wife had filed for divorce, I mean, how many OW have that actually happen. Instead, I was panic-stricken. I can't deal with his divorce issues, and I was shocked to find out he's a recovering addict. Having never done drugs and not being a drinker at all, I don't know how to deal with that. Plus, I will not live with a man without benefit of marriage in front of my children; but I can't even see myself getting married to him. I do try to shield my kids from my BAD BEHAVIOUR. Nothing goes on when they're around, they have never seen any of these men.
Debster Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 I'm glad you keep this away from your kids. One thing I never brought up before but I am thinking - maybe you are a commitment phobe. Could this be why you have affairs with MM and why you freaked out at MM#2 getting divorced? I think, quite frankly and not to be mean, that you don't really know what you want. Maybe that is what is really the root of the problem.
otherwomen Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 [font=courier new][/font] Hi, Yes I MM is a pervert. I wish I would have know that before I got caught up in everything, and being pregnant with his child. I wish I knew this before hand. At one point I got really scared and disgusted, when I was 6 months pregnant. Then both of our families went to florida and well he made me feel special again. He did this in front of HS girls a long time ago I guess when him and his wife were having problems. He told the same couple whom we went to school with, that TURNED us in (duh, I should have known not to confind in her), about what he did because he was scared, this couples husband was his best friend at the time, well it got all over the town, probably to china. She even told me before she knew about US. It was when we were building our new house in my old town, we moved back here from MA. Which was totally dumb of me. She told me all these things about him, like going into chat rooms with cameras and getting off with couples. A girl in texas on the internet, then they said when he went on business to texas he hooked up with her??? He told me it wasn't true of course. Dummy me. How I got into this I have no idea. I know that if him and his wife ever do split up, I do not want him back. He told me that if they did, he would "hang out more with me and my Husband" yeah ok, NOT. He can go screw himself as far as I'm concerned. Yes, I do still have feelings for him. I wish I didn't, and I hope that they will go away soon. But there is no time on healing on a broken heart. What's up with him wanting anal from a female??? He loved it so much.. I did it to please him, but it was weird and kind of gross how much he got off on it. I wonder if he is a little gay or just wondering what it would be like with a man. Which is fine, if that;s what he wants, but just come out of the closet LOL. He told me once that he would have a guy go down on him, but he wouldn't do it back.
Debster Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 Sounds like he has bisexual tendencies. Some people are ok with it, others aren't. I know i personally couldn't. Decide for yourself. It appears as if the blinders might be coming off and you are starting to see him as he really is. I don't remember - are you still with your husband? If so, I'd try to refocus your energy on him and try to rebuild what you once had. If not, you at least get the opportunity to start fresh with someone worthy of your time. I feel sorry for the wife. She's stuck with this sex-obsessed creep and probably has no idea.
otherwomen Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 Deb, I kinda like you now, you are funny, and keep me laughing which is a good thing. Yes I am still with my husband, he doesn't know anything. I didn't want to tell him and the OM's wife did not tell him. He is nice, good provider and all, but I just not in love anymore, or sexually attracted to him. I don't know what to do with that.
kiababy Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 Whoa! All guys like a little 'butt play', it feels really good because their prostate gland is there...but what you're describing with the strap-on goes way beyond that. And the fact that he wouldn't mind a guy going down on him? Maybe he's a little bi hon. Or just curious. I'm glad you don't want him back. Way to go! Debster, I saw a therapist briefly about my issues with having affairs with married men. He said the same thing. I'm afraid of committment. I'm just so scared I'll end up being married to my ex-husband again - not literally of course. That thought scares the living s**t out of me! I don't know what I want. Sometimes I think I just want a 'nice guy', then I'll meet one and be totally bored with him and go back to my bad boys again. Sunday night I had a coffee date with a really nice divorced man. We had a great conversation, he wanted to plan a camping trip and bringing both sets of kids along. Everything was going great! Then I started daydreaming and fantasizing about MM. The next day I emailed the nice guy and said I just wanted to be friends. I haven't heard back. I don't blame him.
kiababy Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 P.S. I like Deb too I like how she analyzes things and sees the big picture.
otherwomen Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 Should I send his wife the picture of his *ock that he sent me recently?????
kiababy Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 What purpose would that serve? Besides totally humiliating her? I know you're angry and hurt but she doesn't deserve that sweetie. Throw the picture away, delete it, destroy it.
Debster Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 I say, frame the picture and stick it on your wall. That way it will remind you of him and what a dick he was and drop him!!! Seriously though, leave the wife out of it. It is bad enough her husband is cheating on her - let alone the fact that he may be bisexual and is perverted. I think she has more than enough on her plate. Kiababy, I think you just haven't found the right 'good guy' yet. While I generally tend to go more towards the nice guys I found that it wasn't enough. He had to be a good buy AND get my motor going. I still think you should dump all of your 'fling' men, and focus on you and your child. Give it a break for a bit. A good man will always come along when you least expect it and don't focus on it - at least in my experience. I must say, you guys do give me a slice of life I wouldn't normally have access too.
Author Mr Spock Posted June 3, 2004 Author Posted June 3, 2004 Originally posted by Monday No personal attacks allowed! I don't agree or disagree with either side. If my husband would cheat on me, it wouldn't be my fault at all. He's the unhappy one, who didn't have the balls to tell me what was wrong, so we could fix it. Now given, I can fully understand why someone would cheat. MY husband is hard on me sometimes, and it would be SO EASY to seek comfort in another man's arms. I don't do it, because deep down, I don't want to destroy my marriage. See, I can easily cheat on my husband when we aren't getting along. When he starts acting wonderful again, however, there's no WAY that I would leave him and my life. So the other man would definately end up feeling scared and neglected, and rightly so. So I, as a married woman, would be devistated if my husband cheated. I as a married woman who gets hurt sometimes, can fully understand why someone would cheat. I as a past other woman, can fully understand the reasoning in being the other woman. There's no sides to this! We all get roped in by our own stupidity. I was stupid enough to think my guy would leave his girlfriend for me.....they were breaking up when we hooked up, so I thought surley he'd leave! Once they made up, and started getting along again, however, he didn't want to lose me, but he wasn't going to leave her. So it was up to me to decide if I wanted to be the other woman forever, or if I wanted to find someone who'd be MINE ALL MINE. I chose the latter...it was a tough decision though. What we have to remember, is people are good at fooling themselves. I got with my guy, because he said he was leaving his girlfriend. Spock got with her guy, because it was a good way to get a screw, without committment. She didn't expect to fall in love with him, and want him for herself. While it's illogical to think this way, we are HUMANS, WHO DO AND THINK DUMB THINGS! Spock's MM probably fully intended to leave his wife at the time they hooked up. I fully intended to leave my husband two weeks ago. His wife (like my husband) probably got over her PMS, and started acting like the woman he fell in love with, so he fell in love with her all over again, and added to his home, kids, and life, he decided to stay in the marriage and try. But now, he's got this beautiful friendship/relationship with Spock, and he doesn't want to lose that either. He's not bad. He was down and lonely, and depressed about leaving his wife, and Spock was there to make him feel better. When things got better, he couldn't just ditch Spock, because now he cares about her. However, the only relationship they have is sexual, so in order to keep a relationship with her, he has to cheat on his wife. His wife probably went through a rough time. She got over her issues, and now she and her husband are getting along again. NONE OF THIS IS ANYONE'S FAULT!!! Everyone in this situation made bad decisions. Spock decided to have a relationship with a man who was SUPPOSED to leave his wife. Spock decided to have a relationship that was only sex, and nothing more, but her heart took over, and she fell in love. Married Man decided that it was ok to start a relationship with Spock, because he was getting divorced any way. MM decided that he needed a pick me up, and a beautiful young woman was just the thing. MM thought things were not repairable in his marriage. MM decided to work on his marriage, but he cares about Spock, so now he's in a mess. Wife decided to take her frustrations out on MM. Wife pushed MM so far away, that he sought comfort in Spock's arms. Wife woke up, and decided to quit pushing MM away. So now, based on all the bad decisions, we have a mess. I don't see how this mess is anyone's fault. Just all of you learn from the mistakes of these bad decisions, and live the rest of your life with the extra knowlege. No need for any personal attacks on here...that isn't going to make anything better. I fully agree with you. I think at the time he was unhappy and the relationship was done. I think that sleeping with me gave him the sexual excitement in his life to make his marriage work. I do not advocate affairs in any way. I agree that he likes me. He is sexually attracted to me-I know that now and I don't need to keep banging him for proof. I also agree that he doesn't LOVE me. I'm sorry this thread turned into a dung flinging fest. It wasn't my intention. I seriously thought I was losing it. MM and I email back and forth all the time-sometimes I get SO FRUSTRATED that there aren't as many terms of endearment as I'd like-there are no I like our time togethers, no I love yous-just blah blah my life blah blah I like what you do to my body. It drives me nuts sometimes. I wish I had never fooled myself into thinking that I could keep my emotions separate from sex!!! I just wanted to know what to do. Which is going to have to be ending it. And I will. And depending on how I'm feeling I MAY tell him how I feel. I may not. It depends on how hurt and embarassed I am at the time. I just wish that I wasn't so scared to let him know how Ifeel!! Rejection would truly suck-I know he can't return my feelings simply because he's married with kids.
kiababy Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 I've told my 'fling' men recently that I'm 'taking a break'. Mostly because I finally woke up and faced the fact that they can't possibly respect me. Both MM's (#2 and #3) were happy about that, MM#2 (the guy getting a divorce)thinks he's 'special' and not in that category. Sadly he is but I didn't have the heart to tell him. MM #3 loved it - he says he understands I date other men but 'hates thinking about it'.
Debster Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 I must admit, I had to go back and re-read your post. Sorry it got so off-topic and mangled. I am glad that it looks like you've made a decision. I think ending it is the best thing if you know he doesn't love you and wants to make it work with his marriage. I wouldn't tell him anything and I wouldn't wait for him to do it. I would just say - you know what? I realize that I'm not getting anything out of this besides sex. I deserve more from a man. I want more from a man. I don't want anymore from you. Goodbye.
otherwomen Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 I won't send her that picture. She doesn't deserve it. She will wake up someday and realize the pig he is. And find out someday that he was with someone else, and she knew her too. When she was told about us, she wanted a divorce, but said she didn't know where to go and stuff. She doesn't know about my daughter (his bio), no one does and that is going to stay like that. He better never come after me someday. I have things on him that will the judge will faint hearing about them. All these posts make me feel better and to get over his sorry butt. I appreciate all the help.
Author Mr Spock Posted June 3, 2004 Author Posted June 3, 2004 I'd also like to add that right now I am experiencing anxeity about the whole damn thing. I of course sent a flirty funny message to him yesterday, he only ever reads it from work (for obvious reasons besides not having a computer at home, or so he says) but I haven't received anything back yet and it's the next day. I hate how I get excited to read his repsonses-actually that's how alot craziness ensues on my part becase I get so dissapointed when he just responds with more friendly talk. For my own dignity I need to dump his ass.
Author Mr Spock Posted June 3, 2004 Author Posted June 3, 2004 I'm sorry to make a new post but I keep having thoughts I'd like to add in and it won't let me edit-I am a youngest child, therefore self centred and a little spoiled-all youngest ones are-I think that's what gets me so frustrated when he doesn't respond to my innuendo-I'm used to getting what I want. He will talk dirty to me, but not nearly as much as I do him. It definitely sucks when one person is more into it than the other!! All this is compounded by the fact that this is the week I've quit smoking. lucky me. I get to cut two things that I really enjoy doing out of my life. I'm also curious WHY I keep flip flopping on this issue. Some times during the day I feel strong like I don't need this relationship other times I'm panicky and frustrated about why he's not emailing me. WTF?? I mean I can understand DAYS but flip flopping several times DURING?
kiababy Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 We all go back and forth with this stuff. Our heads are telling us what we should do but our hearts (and our libidos) won't cooperate. Yesterday I wrote a long goodbye letter to my MM!!! Then I tore it up.
abyssalsmile Posted June 4, 2004 Posted June 4, 2004 Tell me about it I type up about 3 letters thru out my 3-1/2 yr relationship. Sometimes I just want to leave it at his house in the mailbox so all the lies & bs I deal with can come out to the surface so the W can find out O.k. that was mean of me but still what the F***!!!!!!!
kiababy Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 3 1/2 years Alyssa.....? I have a sinking feeling that is going to be me After 10 months I got really angry with him for the first time yesterday (see my thread 'Today I hate Him!!!'). But today......as the day wore on I started to miss him....and justify his behaviour. Damn. He left me a totally disrespectful message and I freaked. But now I'm thinking that I regularly leave him raunchy, explicit messages (AT HIS REQUEST) that he plays for his BOSS and a coworker, maybe his other buddies too. So for him to leave me a message like that is not so out of the realm of possibilities...... Tell me something Alyssa, how has yiour relationship changed during the 3 1/2 years? Do you see him more? Less? Does he sleep with other women too?
kiababy Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 Oops! I didn't have my glasses on lol - I thought your I.D. was 'Alyssa". Sorry girlfriend!
Author Mr Spock Posted June 5, 2004 Author Posted June 5, 2004 I have made an important self discovery today-and it's going to help me modify my behaviour so I can DEAL with this mess. I have realized that I need to get out and do things and not set myself up for dissapointment-no more hanging around the house waiting for a message then being upset and dissapointed when I don't get one!!! F*ck that!!! I'm going to start giving it alot less thought. It's empowering. Kia Baby, I agree with you-if the man shows interest in ME first I'm usually put off by it. I don't know why either. I like to do the picking and choosing.
mrs.sarah Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 If you know he's married, don't get involved. Duh...obviously you won't be able to call him when you're sad, or see him whenever you want. Maybe you'll learn a lesson. It's not right to go in and f**k up a marriage. So what if they were having problems. That doesn't give you the right to step in and f**k it up even more.
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