ScottJo Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 Well i have described earlier in a thread here how my LDR with a woman from Germany turned sour. Things were great and for 6 months we chatted and planned and dreamed of our future together...i loved her and she proclaimed her undying love for me. She was perfect for me...her personality, her looks..i loved her deeply. Out of the blue however she would suddenly go distant and would hesitate to express any feelings for me. She started to go hot and cold. She would one week be jealous and the next week she would hardly talk to me. It was in one of her cold moments that she blocked me from every account online that she has. We hadn't even argued. She had taken down our relationship status from her FB and i called her about it late...she was angry that i was calling late and she blocked me....all i got after 6 months of warmth and affection was a little email saying "It's over, i block you from everything...have a good life and leave me in peace" My heart is completely broken and i feel empty inside...i find it hard to deal with the fact that, this woman, who i loved and trusted could be so cruel and so cold to me. We had plans for Feb that i would come out and see her...and just a couple of weeks before she sent me a text saying how much she loved me and how much she was looking forward to when i come out. It feels like it was all a dream. I have all of her sweet romantic emails that she sent..all of her texts...all of her pics and videos....i have the pendant that she sent me.....and i can't bear it....i am so depressed i need to take pills now... How do i deal with this? I want to be her friend still....she has her problems, and i just want to be there for her as a friend....we were first and foremost great buddies.....but i don't know how to deal with this.....she acts as if she hates me and i haven't done anything...it hurts me so much
salparadise Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 It was a dream in a sense. You deal with it by realizing that what you loved was not an accurate impression of who she is, but an illusion that could not be maintained over time. When we first begin a relationship or 'fall in love' both people typically present an idealized image, maintain their best behavior, and are careful to hide the rough edges. This usually continues for several months. They say and do things that boost the ego and self-esteem and make you feel great by stimulating the feel good or love hormones in the brain. You fall in love with an idolized impression of who the person actually is. Eventually hormone levels equilibrate, the mask comes off, and imperfections become apparent. Even when both people try to be authentic this process still occurs. It's natures way of bringing us together to procreate. Mourn the loss and understand that it was inevitable, and that it's actually good that this happened sooner rather than later. It may help to think if it as the process of allowing your brain chemistry to return to normal after having been artificially ramped up for several months. Don't try to rationalize her behavior, but do be rational about what's causing the awful feelings you're experiencing, and understand that other people are going through the same thing every day.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 I am sorry to hear this How much time had you spent with her face to face? 6 months is quite soon to be planning a future together if you hadn't spent much time together. R/ships which are very intense can burn out after a few months, reality sets in. She wasn't perfect for you if she can suddenly, without reason, turn her back on you like this, your ideal partner wouldn't do anything so hurtful without explanation. You can't be friends while you are heartbroken, maybe in time you won't want to be friends with someone who treats you like this anyway. You will get through this, my ex left after 18 years and I survived. There is no guarantee in any r/ship, no real security, anyone can change their mind and leave, I'm learning now to rely just on myself. I wish you all the best, and sorry you are feeling so hurt. Well i have described earlier in a thread here how my LDR with a woman from Germany turned sour. Things were great and for 6 months we chatted and planned and dreamed of our future together...i loved her and she proclaimed her undying love for me. She was perfect for me...her personality, her looks..i loved her deeply. Out of the blue however she would suddenly go distant and would hesitate to express any feelings for me. She started to go hot and cold. She would one week be jealous and the next week she would hardly talk to me. It was in one of her cold moments that she blocked me from every account online that she has. We hadn't even argued. She had taken down our relationship status from her FB and i called her about it late...she was angry that i was calling late and she blocked me....all i got after 6 months of warmth and affection was a little email saying "It's over, i block you from everything...have a good life and leave me in peace" My heart is completely broken and i feel empty inside...i find it hard to deal with the fact that, this woman, who i loved and trusted could be so cruel and so cold to me. We had plans for Feb that i would come out and see her...and just a couple of weeks before she sent me a text saying how much she loved me and how much she was looking forward to when i come out. It feels like it was all a dream. I have all of her sweet romantic emails that she sent..all of her texts...all of her pics and videos....i have the pendant that she sent me.....and i can't bear it....i am so depressed i need to take pills now... How do i deal with this? I want to be her friend still....she has her problems, and i just want to be there for her as a friend....we were first and foremost great buddies.....but i don't know how to deal with this.....she acts as if she hates me and i haven't done anything...it hurts me so much
LZ2000 Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 Wow. I had almost the same experiences the thread starter had quite a long time ago. All I can say is that, the thread starter felt that his relationship is like a dream, but to me my own "dream", my previous relationship was my source of inspiration and motivation to be a better man everyday. A pity my girl just didn't get it.
Author ScottJo Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 Well i started this thread by describing the details of how my LDR went sour with a woman from Germany. She blocked me from all accounts almost three weeks ago. I sent her a hand-written letter last week and she received it and read it today. I got an email from her in response. This email was clinical and precise but lacked any human touch or warmth. She basically told me why she couldn't be in a relationship with me due to my faults and issues in life. She completely forgot to mention that she has a lot of faults and issues herself which didn't help our relationship in any way. She said goodbye with this email in such a formal way, like you were ending a business meeting. So, i am left now to reflect on just how much of her feelings were genuine and to get my mind back into some kind of equilibrium. I miss her terribly, and i love her, but it's over and i need to move on. I'm scared at the moment that i'll never find another woman that i'll love as i do her. She is beautiful to look at and has a special personality. However, she has demonstrated just how cold she can be and how easily it is for her to detach from any feelings and sentiment. But even still, i can't help but wish we could have worked things out...we had a lot of fun together, a lot of laughs, we shared a lot of dreams....but ultimately it ends with an email saying goodbye and that with the email she ends our conversation and the time we spent together. So brutal....
Aj23 Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 I know the feeling, I'm going through something similar myself though not so hard. I feel for you buddy, my SO has gone hot and cold a lot and thought I'd cracked it recently and now everything piled on her she says she can't do a LDR anymore and we're due to meet in 10 days. You need to take a step back from it all for your sake. Don't stick to the computer wondering where things went wrong, now is your chance to look after yourself. I want to text her and apologise and convince her it's all ok (cos I know when we do see each other things will be a lot better, but I can see it being hard straight after). She sounds like my SO, when things get tough, she just gives up. She shouldn't but you need to show her you still care without being 'there' so to speak. I don't know how you can win her back, but you can focus on yourself now. You didn't deserve what she did to you, but that doesn't mean you should make excuses for her, I know that cos I do it myself all the time. You wont get anywhere trying to contact her, she'll come to her senses one day, and I hope for your sake that you're over her when she does. Look after yourself buddy.
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