Zabs' update

[Zabs]

I have been recently advised to alleviate all stressors in order to make a recovery from by suspect medical complaint.

 

They have a NAME for it now perhaps...and at a time perhaps not far from now, I may share it...

 

But, for now...I just wanted to post...

 

I text him yesterday and said I hope he is well...things are on the up...and they must be as he is almost 40:laugh:

 

and what did he do?

 

Who's this

 

I was soo laughing at the other end...I wil explain why..

 

1. If he wasn't bothered at all why respond at all when hehasn't replied for a good while.

 

 

2. The length of time it took him to respond...under a minute. This tells me that he couldn't wait to text..even if it is to put the boot in (he is still pissed I missed his birthday! LOL)

 

3. The fact that when I replied..I said I was someone who doesn't like the air unclear....he said..I still don't know ...reverse psychology and common sense tells me that he is trying to present the facade that he hasn't given me a moments thought at any time...despite all his contradictions. He wants me to tell him who it is even though he has ALL the numbers I have EVER had since dot....why? Because he can claim moral high ground when necessary. But the point for me is, I have been following medical advice..I have not conceded defeat by breaking NC. I just know that he will not be able to maintain NC over Xmas and NY because he never has. He on the other hand will be sat smugly thinking "I've got her exactly where I want her"...but alas...when he discover the truth I doubt he will be celebrating for long!

 

I do not embrace his misery in terms of game playing...but rejoice the fact that he remains in the dark pertaining to my ability to read him like a book!

 

Sometimes...we need to remember...it is not always HOW the message is conveyed..but HOW it is received...but as long as your heart is honest and your reasons are true...I have no doubt that you will not feel the pain.

 

JMO

 

Much love,

 

Zabs xx

[chados]

I have been recently advised to alleviate all stressors in order to make a recovery from by suspect medical complaint.

 

They have a NAME for it now perhaps...and at a time perhaps not far from now, I may share it...

 

But, for now...I just wanted to post...

 

I text him yesterday and said I hope he is well...things are on the up...and they must be as he is almost 40:laugh:

 

and what did he do?

 

Who's this

 

I was soo laughing at the other end...I wil explain why..

 

1. If he wasn't bothered at all why respond at all when hehasn't replied for a good while.

 

 

2. The length of time it took him to respond...under a minute. This tells me that he couldn't wait to text..even if it is to put the boot in (he is still pissed I missed his birthday! LOL)

 

3. The fact that when I replied..I said I was someone who doesn't like the air unclear....he said..I still don't know ...reverse psychology and common sense tells me that he is trying to present the facade that he hasn't given me a moments thought at any time...despite all his contradictions. He wants me to tell him who it is even though he has ALL the numbers I have EVER had since dot....why? Because he can claim moral high ground when necessary. But the point for me is, I have been following medical advice..I have not conceded defeat by breaking NC. I just know that he will not be able to maintain NC over Xmas and NY because he never has. He on the other hand will be sat smugly thinking "I've got her exactly where I want her"...but alas...when he discover the truth I doubt he will be celebrating for long!

 

I do not embrace his misery in terms of game playing...but rejoice the fact that he remains in the dark pertaining to my ability to read him like a book!

 

Sometimes...we need to remember...it is not always HOW the message is conveyed..but HOW it is received...but as long as your heart is honest and your reasons are true...I have no doubt that you will not feel the pain.

 

JMO

 

Much love,

 

Zabs xx

 

 

 

youre great, do you know that? you totally got everything under control. im just going backwards after 3 months im starting to miss her. maybe i got gigs even though i got dumped?

[Zabs]

youre great, do you know that? you totally got everything under control. im just going backwards after 3 months im starting to miss her. maybe i got gigs even though i got dumped?

 

It did occur to me you were rushing Chad...so the new girl didn't work out then? As much as you hate it you must trust the process...it will serve you right in the end!

 

Much love,

 

Zabs xx

[chados]

It did occur to me you were rushing Chad...so the new girl didn't work out then? As much as you hate it you must trust the process...it will serve you right in the end!

 

Much love,

 

Zabs xx

 

 

theres something bugging me. about 1 month after the breakup i started to accept everything. she contacted me a few times, asking alot of questions. and one day i just said to myself, your just miserable because she dumped you. not because you miss the relationship. so i told her that i dont want any contact. the weird thing here is that she started crying. of course there could be a thousand reasons for that, and she's a girl, they do cry for stuff like that.

 

after the phonecall i reazlied that now she might believe that i want her back. i know this is a childish thing to do. but i contacted her again and told her, this is not because i want to go back, i just feel that right now at this moment i dont feel like talking to you. this was by text. and i did it only because i was upset and angry with her behavior, and i wanted the pressure to go away. i told her that she doesn't have to answer that. well she did, 3 hours later she texted me, "i understand". i mean 3 hours later, that message most have gotten her head spinning.

 

im asking myself why she cried, why she texted me after 3 hours, did she cry again?, is she lying by saying she's al right?i did feel great for 2 months, and now im asking myself, do i actually love her?

 

 

 

you're right that i might be rushing, but the main problem is that i don't know how to move on. im not going to start a new relationship right now, but i do feel like meeting other people

Edited December 11, 2011 by chados

[chados]

by the way, i have to ask you.. if i remember correctly, you want him back right?

[silly_panda]

theres something bugging me. about 1 month after the breakup i started to accept everything. she contacted me a few times, asking alot of questions. and one day i just said to myself, your just miserable because she dumped you. not because you miss the relationship. so i told her that i dont want any contact. the weird thing here is that she started crying. of course there could be a thousand reasons for that, and she's a girl, they do cry for stuff like that.

 

after the phonecall i reazlied that now she might believe that i want her back. i know this is a childish thing to do. but i contacted her again and told her, this is not because i want to go back, i just feel that right now at this moment i dont feel like talking to you. this was by text. and i did it only because i was upset and angry with her behavior, and i wanted the pressure to go away. i told her that she doesn't have to answer that. well she did, 3 hours later she texted me, "i understand". i mean 3 hours later, that message most have gotten her head spinning.

 

im asking myself why she cried, why she texted me after 3 hours, did she cry again?, is she lying by saying she's al right?i did feel great for 2 months, and now im asking myself, do i actually love her?

 

 

 

you're right that i might be rushing, but the main problem is that i don't know how to move on. im not going to start a new relationship right now, but i do feel like meeting other people

 

 

chados, as you know, our case is kinda similar... I do miss my ex at times and yesterday I was at my lowest point throughout the whole week... But these feelings come and go... Sometimes you feel better, sometimes you start thinking a lot of things all over again...

 

You are back into analyzing things that she did/said again... Again, you know very well that won't change anything... You ex had made her decision... Yet again, what are you planning to do now..?

[chados]

chados, as you know, our case is kinda similar... I do miss my ex at times and yesterday I was at my lowest point throughout the whole week... But these feelings come and go... Sometimes you feel better, sometimes you start thinking a lot of things all over again...

 

You are back into analyzing things that she did/said again... Again, you know very well that won't change anything... You ex had made her decision... Yet again, what are you planning to do now..?

 

 

yeah i know, but i mean.. i said that im happy and dont want to get back together, and i dont wanna talk to her. so even if she's actually having any sort of regrets. i dont think she would tell me. im not planning to do anything i guess. im not sure if its just the loneliness that peeks. but what if i love her, and she's having regrets? she would probably never tell me?

[silly_panda]

yeah i know, but i mean.. i said that im happy and dont want to get back together, and i dont wanna talk to her. so even if she's actually having any sort of regrets. i dont think she would tell me. im not planning to do anything i guess. im not sure if its just the loneliness that peeks. but what if i love her, and she's having regrets? she would probably never tell me?

 

 

I don't know if I get it wrong... It sounds like you are afraid that you will love her again..? Whether she will tell you or not, no one knows... But I guess you know and understand her more...

 

But if you still love her and are able to forgive her, then why not consider taking her back if she comes back and realized her mistakes..?

[chados]

I don't know if I get it wrong... It sounds like you are afraid that you will love her again..? Whether she will tell you or not, no one knows... But I guess you know and understand her more...

 

But if you still love her and are able to forgive her, then why not consider taking her back if she comes back and realized her mistakes..?

 

i dont know if im inlove or not, because for 2 months ive been feeling great, and two times this week something just happened to me. im starting to think about her, it actually started with me reading some old messages which i have read earlier to without any problems, and i deleted them all. i think that might be the problem, deleting every memory i've got left. it made me feel like a jerk, stupid right?.

 

i would love to see her come crawling back, who wouldnt?, i would let her work for it, but if i love her, its impossible to not take her back. i think that if she wants to give it another shot, she's not going to tell me after all i said to her. she must think that i just dont care that much having her around when were not together, and that i know from experience is going to make her miss me. it always does. you will get hurt when someone gives you the cold hand. you just cant control that. and you very often wants it back.

 

just ask ZABS:)

[silly_panda]

i dont know if im inlove or not, because for 2 months ive been feeling great, and two times this week something just happened to me. im starting to think about her, it actually started with me reading some old messages which i have read earlier to without any problems, and i deleted them all. i think that might be the problem, deleting every memory i've got left. it made me feel like a jerk, stupid right?.

 

i would love to see her come crawling back, who wouldnt?, i would let her work for it, but if i love her, its impossible to not take her back. i think that if she wants to give it another shot, she's not going to tell me after all i said to her. she must think that i just dont care that much having her around when were not together, and that i know from experience is going to make her miss me. it always does. you will get hurt when someone gives you the cold hand. you just cant control that. and you very often wants it back.

 

just ask ZABS:)

 

 

Maybe you should just tell her how you feel... Since you are worried that she might think that you hate her and she will not initiate contact even if she wants to... Maybe not tell her exactly how you feel, but at least tell her that you don't hate her...

 

I think there are times that even you love your ex, there are times that you could not take her back if she had done something that you could not accept/forgive... That's what happening to me... I hope that your ex didn't do anything like that...

[Zabs]

I do..but happy to get on with separate lives. Nothing changes without change

 

much love

 

Zabs xx

[chados]

I do..but happy to get on with separate lives. Nothing changes without change

 

much love

 

Zabs xx

 

 

 

thats true. but i think you have to be able to show it to. when are you going to let him show you he's changed?

[chados]

Maybe you should just tell her how you feel... Since you are worried that she might think that you hate her and she will not initiate contact even if she wants to... Maybe not tell her exactly how you feel, but at least tell her that you don't hate her...

 

I think there are times that even you love your ex, there are times that you could not take her back if she had done something that you could not accept/forgive... That's what happening to me... I hope that your ex didn't do anything like that...

 

i think i could forgive. even if it was a very childish behavior. im almost certain that i made her break up with me. we had a talk, spend the weekend together, everything great, it took her 2 months to tell me this because she wanted me to change without having to say something. "girlthing". she went back for studies 1,5 week and she actually told me. im going to be a little reserved. in other words.

 

i need to see a change in our relationship. i started to change instantly. you know, calling her more often. telling her nice things TO often. this made her think that i did it because she told me, not because i wanted. this is just how it works. people are saying i want more and more, but they often dont want more. they just want what they cant have. i cant be 100% sure, but if i would have put my foot down. and not acting like mr nice guy. this would be a different story, maybe it could end one week later anyways, but i dont think it would have ended that day

[Zabs]

thats true. but i think you have to be able to show it to. when are you going to let him show you he's changed?

 

All he has to do is call...from his own number..and we could arrange to see him and talk...I am prepared to do that...but that is all I am prepared to do..all the stalking stuff..he has to stop. This makes me very poorly.

 

Much love,

 

Zabs xx

[chados]

All he has to do is call...from his own number..and we could arrange to see him and talk...I am prepared to do that...but that is all I am prepared to do..all the stalking stuff..he has to stop. This makes me very poorly.

 

Much love,

 

Zabs xx

 

this is what its like im afraid. you think this is just a thing you do when youre 15. but people are just to proud to take the first step. he's chasing you now, because he knows he cant have you. he wants to believe that he can have you. i know that you understand this. but be careful, sometimes we must have what we cant have. and thats not always love. but do what you do. if he wants to come back, he wont stop chasing you:) and hopefully he will tell you what you want to hear.

[Zabs]

this is what its like im afraid. you think this is just a thing you do when youre 15. but people are just to proud to take the first step. he's chasing you now, because he knows he cant have you. he wants to believe that he can have you. i know that you understand this. but be careful, sometimes we must have what we cant have. and thats not always love. but do what you do. if he wants to come back, he wont stop chasing you:) and hopefully he will tell you what you want to hear.

 

He has before...and will again...it has been a very complicated drama to date!!! He has even involved his elder sister before and he is 39!!!! For him..it is a pride thing ..he wants me but coming backs lends to the concept of responsibility...for which he cannot account for.

 

What an absurd idea for us to expect them to take accountability for their part in the break...it is we who should end their misery with a hop skip and a Jump whenever they please...lol...do me a favour!!!

 

Humble Pie ain't nice. Who can blame them for trying to avoid it? Lol

 

much love

 

Zabs xx

Edited December 12, 2011 by Zabs
spelling

[chados]

He has before...and will again...it has been a very complicated drama to date!!! He has even involved his elder sister before and he is 39!!!! For him..it is a pride thing ..he wants me but coming backs lends to the concept of responsibility...for which he cannot account for.

 

What an absurd idea for us to expect them to take accountability for their part in the break...it is we who should end their misery with a hop skip and a Jump whenever they please...lol...do me a favour!!!

 

Humble Pie ain't nice. Who can blame them for trying to avoid it? Lol

 

much love

 

Zabs xx

 

 

 

haha. you cant control your emotions. i have to say youre showing character right now. i would probably crack and take the person back. pride is messing up breakups. i doubt my ex would come back crying even if she wanted to. me personally? id lower my guard even if i did the dumping. its just not fair that you should tell someone you dont need them anymore and then try to get them back without any efforts from your part

[Zabs]

I would take him back in a heartbeat...but not at my own expense!

 

He has a pattern you see...and today..he is upset again. Basically, I think the issue is, he can't trust me...but he really wants to and is torn..this is what is keeping the facade going..

 

It also explains whenever I suggest getting along seperately, his explosions of rage..

 

I have reconciled his illness playing a major part...and sticking to my guns..because in my view...even if you are ill..if you love someone so much it should motivate you to change..I do..and I have.

 

Much love

 

:cool:Zabs xx

[chados]

I would take him back in a heartbeat...but not at my own expense!

 

He has a pattern you see...and today..he is upset again. Basically, I think the issue is, he can't trust me...but he really wants to and is torn..this is what is keeping the facade going..

 

It also explains whenever I suggest getting along seperately, his explosions of rage..

 

I have reconciled his illness playing a major part...and sticking to my guns..because in my view...even if you are ill..if you love someone so much it should motivate you to change..I do..and I have.

 

Much love

 

:cool:Zabs xx

 

 

 

he might be to proud to just say like the jackson 5's, i want you back. the bad thing about this situations is that he feels like youre moving on before him, and that could make him want you even more, just because he isnt moving on himself. so its good that youre trying to change. so that if youre getting back together you will not loose him again:), keep us updated!

[Zabs]

he might be to proud to just say like the jackson 5's, i want you back. the bad thing about this situations is that he feels like youre moving on before him, and that could make him want you even more, just because he isnt moving on himself. so its good that youre trying to change. so that if youre getting back together you will not loose him again:), keep us updated!

 

well..that's true.. saw him today but he didn't see but his friends did...next thing I know A friend of his pretends he knows me and blocks my way through the door to the entrance where my friend was waiting for me. This guy told me I weren't going anywhere...and I told him to move out of my way. All the time my ex was stood behind the wall listening. nexthing...the same friend walks in the restaurant looking to see who I was sat with. at least I looked good!!!! x

 

much love

 

Zabs xx

[chados]

well..that's true.. saw him today but he didn't see but his friends did...next thing I know A friend of his pretends he knows me and blocks my way through the door to the entrance where my friend was waiting for me. This guy told me I weren't going anywhere...and I told him to move out of my way. All the time my ex was stood behind the wall listening. nexthing...the same friend walks in the restaurant looking to see who I was sat with. at least I looked good!!!! x

 

much love

 

Zabs xx

 

 

 

even though it might be a rough time for you, i cant help feeling your enjoying this a little? well who wouldnt?

[Zabs]

even though it might be a rough time for you, i cant help feeling your enjoying this a little? well who wouldnt?

 

no Chad...just glad I wasn't seen crying in the proverbial beer! letting him know he is making me crumble...that's all. after all..desperation is not attractive...but my desperation is not revolving around him...I am trying to get well and I can't do that when he can't get over it. xx

 

 

M/L

 

Zabs xx

[chados]

no Chad...just glad I wasn't seen crying in the proverbial beer! letting him know he is making me crumble...that's all. after all..desperation is not attractive...but my desperation is not revolving around him...I am trying to get well and I can't do that when he can't get over it. xx

 

 

M/L

 

Zabs xx

 

 

so youre still feeling miserable? how long has it been since the breakup?. it sucks to go through this, but your doing much better then most people, believe that.

[Zabs]

so youre still feeling miserable? how long has it been since the breakup?. it sucks to go through this, but your doing much better then most people, believe that.

 

a long time but only 4 weeks NC. I would be happier if he could just try to understand..but text him today..and told him what the illness is...and I guess I assured him there is no one else. That will chill him out for a bit..and see how we go from there..but I expect a text at xmas now..x

[chados]

a long time but only 4 weeks NC. I would be happier if he could just try to understand..but text him today..and told him what the illness is...and I guess I assured him there is no one else. That will chill him out for a bit..and see how we go from there..but I expect a text at xmas now..x

 

maybe thats a bad idea. dont give him the answers he wants. just live your life. on the other hand this could be a better way to tell if he's still gonna chase you even though theres no one else.