dudesomewhere Posted May 29, 2004 Posted May 29, 2004 based on CurlyIam's "why do men lie" thread some ppl might argue that men have a different motivation to lie then women, but I believe people lie based on the same things whether they are male or female. I was typing stuff and the forum bugged me so I lost a lot, lol. So now I'll cut it just a tad shorter. (focusing on relationships, friend and intimate involvements) But I don't lie because it's disrespectful...to me and the other person. To disrespect is to dishonor. To me, honesty is very crucial...even critical. I believe honesty ties to respect, which ties to honor, which all ties to love...they are all bound by each other when it come to friends and intimate involvements. I have never lied to make myself look more appealing in another's eyes. I will gladly humble myself if I am given honesty in exchange. I would give up opportunities if it meant I would earn them from a lie. I know the dating game but have yet to give into it's mechanics, its dynamics are driven from dishonesty, deceit, cloudiness, which are all nothing more than facets of the lie. If I meet someone and we have a date and I say I'll call, I'll call. I'll never say I'll call tomorrow, but end up calling the week after. If I like someone, I'll never pretend to show disinterest to reel them in. I'll never feign unavailability to make it look as if I "have it going on". I will make it known how available I am...how easy it is to contact me, how easy it is for me to spend time with a person. I will never mystify myself to make me seem more exciting. There are never any mysteries to me. I know that having no mysteries and being completely honest and open while dating someone or trying to date them makes me look more pathetic...the more of these qualities I display. If someone is a voracious meat eater, I will not pretend to like meat to win points. I will openly say I don't eat meat and that I'm a vegetarian. I've found that women think men who are vegetarians are less sexy and I will not change. If she likes to smoke pot occassionally, I will not say I do so as well. I haven't and never experimented with any drugs, except for alcohol . Though who knows with weed right? There is no attaction for me to drugs but I wonder why people do it, so I might. But 31 years into my life and no experimentation yet, things look pretty good . If a lady likes hardcore porn and I don't, I'll say so. I've had women say what they think the stereotypical guy likes to me and be flabbergasted when I'm not. When I'm attracted to someone, I am so in the purest sense. I don't look at them and see where they could improve. I'm attracted and that's it. Women on the average can always lose some weight, but whether or not they need to is a whole other case. I on the other hand, believe men should be fat free or at least as tone as they can be. And if you aren't, always try to work at getting there. This societal crap where women have to be fat free is annoying. It bothered me greatly someone I was with who I found utterly irresistable physically thought she wasn't beautiful, such a thing boggled me. At the same time it annoys me that women like Pamela Anderson are considered beautiful, but not just but very beautiful. Why? She's got an ugly face. Sure she has a tone body but any woman can have that by merely excercising. Is she considered beautiful because she's skanky? I tend to think this is why many female celebrities are called beautiful...the more skank they are the sexier they are? On the contrary. Of course Charlize Theron is beautiful, but she also seems so from within, and that's what counts. There's another odd thing with me. When I'm with someone, my eyes will never stray, absolutely never. And with that, my mind never strays. I know that many will think that extremely strange but that is a part of my nature that I can't explain myself given what I know of the average person. So you can never find it when someone needs to ask me are you looking at her because she's hot? No, you might find someone ask me how I'd rate so and so, because so and so would have to be brought to my attention. Some people might justify lying for the benefit of another, say the significant other in a relationship. But I don't believe in that. Not that I would be in a hurtful relationship, but it's how I set up my life and my life with someone. It is my goal to find someone I am in harmony with, not discord and how I will dance around those relationship details. I look at the marriage my older sister has and how it is now from when it was in the beginning. Her husband is a lyar...not an evil one, but he is what I call the typical lyar and just so happens to be male. They used to have a perfect relationship, and what I mean by that is simply one where both trust each other unquestionably. She no longer has that trust in him. He broke it. The thing is, he never had to lose that trust. I wonder if for the male, it's an ego thing. That machismo factor. In their relationship, the trust issue wasn't about fidelity (I believe), it's about monetary issues. I never understood why he had to be dishonest but he was and it eventually caught up to him. It's sad too, she used to admire him completely but now only tolerates him as simply a husband. Is that strange to hear? To use cliches, he used to be the apple of her eye, now he's just an orange on the shelf among other oranges. So they still love each other and the marriage is good, but that trust is gone...and once gone can never be regained. That to me is why I am like I am. That trust is so important and it is not just for the other person but I want to know and have my significant other know, that they can trust me utterly. Only then can you love someone boundlessly...so unbound that you know you can grow old together. Losing someone's trust in you like that is the biggest failure to me. Yeah, so I don't lie even when I know lying can make me look 100xs more appealing. I don't lie knowing that lying could have given me 20 girlfriends instead of 2 in my life. I would rather gain nothing from being truthful, than a long relationship built on falsehoods. Bushido. It may be the code of an old way, but it's real to me and helps me realize I am not alone. Maybe alone in this day and age, but not in the grand scale of civilization
moimeme Posted May 29, 2004 Posted May 29, 2004 I'll never pretend to show disinterest to reel them in. I'll never feign unavailability to make it look as if I "have it going on". I will make it known how available I am...how easy it is to contact me, how easy it is for me to spend time with a person. I will never mystify myself to make me seem more exciting. I'm the same. I think it's all bogus to set up pretense - and the thing is that you want the person to like you for who you are - not to fall for some imaginary character you pretend to be. What worth is it to bamboozle someone into thinking you're something you're not? Eventually they'll figure out that you were doing a sales job on them anyway, and then they'll be disappointed. Totally bizarre way of going about things, IMHO. I also think it doesn't hurt to let someone know you think well of him/her. People are all aching to be liked and accepted - how can it hurt to give them that? Of course, that doesn't mean swearing undying love 24/7 or behaving like a stalker or one obsessed (unless you are - in keeping with my theory that one must be authentic ), but there is a huge gap between dysfunctional and balanced affection and one would hope that most people can figure out the difference. I want to know and have my significant other know, that they can trust me utterly. Only then can you love someone boundlessly...so unbound that you know you can grow old together. Losing someone's trust in you like that is the biggest failure to me. I could not agree more. IMHO, it is a great gift to have earned another's trust, and one not to be taken lightly.
savethedrama4allama Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 Reading through old posts- please pardon my tardiness: Dudesomewhere, I love you.
Fayebelle Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 I'm too lazy. You tell a lie, you have to remember it, back it, find "proof", conspire w/others... all to eventually get caught anyway and have to deal w/double consequences. Notice how my response is all Dude-ish....sorta on topic but humourously vague also? teasing Dude- you know I luv ya!
seahorse Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 Why can't there be more dudesomewheres out there??? dude, you sound wonderful. seahorse
Author dudesomewhere Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 you guys like me? And not because I make you feel guilty about being me? (that's also in reference to a post I made)
savethedrama4allama Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 Yeah we really like you! Your posts are witty, intelligent, thought provoking...but most important is the content. If people would just be honest, the world would be a better and more enjoyable place. And when you said that when you are with someone, your eyes and heart will not wander...well that is what makes my heart melt. Obviiously human beings need other interests and friends, but why be with one man or woman if they are not enough romantically? A lot of women I know share this view, but not a lot of men. So dudesomewhere, you are amazing!
UCFKevin Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 I've never been a fan of lying either, especially being on the receiving end. I'm just too honest, I guess, or too blunt. I just speak my mind, regardless of the subject matter. It's gotten me into trouble, sure, but it's how I like to be, there's never the worry of not knowing where you stand with me. My cards are always on the table.
savethedrama4allama Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 Well then UFCKevin, I reckon you will have yourself that girlfriend you so desire in no time flat.
faux Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 Every person lies. I think it folly to profess that one does not lie, or is capable of refraining from doing so.
Author dudesomewhere Posted August 3, 2004 Author Posted August 3, 2004 although I'm not perfect I even think there are some who DON'T...and I mean never. I will NEVER lie in a relationship. I would never lie to a woman I am interested in....ABSOLUTELY NEVER. Not even if the lie would win her heart for all eternity. Sure I could understand a little fib for business like "Hey did you get this sent out to so and so?"...."Uh, sure I did." Walks away and you send it, hehe. Of course I haven't really lied for business either. I'm just more lenient on that cuz it's not affairs of the heart...the heart stuff I take extremely seriously. Come to think of it...I've never lied to customers when I was in retail either...but I wonder if it's cuz I was never in a commissioned position...hmm. The plain and simple fact is...people never have to lie. There really is no point in it. I mean damn...I got pulled over by a cop once for something so annoying it freaked me but I never lied. I was going to work one early morning...the day after I got my DL renewed and this cop pulls me over...after I park in the parking lot...it was the mall. I have no clue what he gets me for and he tells me....I FREAKED!!! It was one day past my tag's expiration...I frikkin forgot that and told him. Showed him my DL that I just got renewed the day before and he SORT of understood but gave me the ticket anyway. Prolly cuz I wasn't female...goob, hehe. Yeah...no, when you think about it. There really isn't a reason to lie. And please tell me reasons why you lie. But maybe in another thread. That way we can get a good consensus and would also help me learn, that's why I'm here
Samee074 Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Sorry all I have to agree with Dudesomewhere .... there is no reason's to lie . If someone cannot accept you for who you truly are then they aren't worth any of your time to begin with!
Mr Spock Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Remember dudesomewhere, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.....
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