Meeting ex for first time again, says she "may or may not bring roomate"

[Steelrain21]

Normally I'm not one to get back in touch with an ex. We dated from Jan-March of this year, and have not had any contact until a few days ago when I decided to initiate it and see how she was. The conversation has been going pretty well the last few days, I've been keeping it fun and playful. We agreed to meetup later tonight to grab something to eat and then she texts me saying that her roomate "may or may not come."

 

Does this mean anything? I have not made any comment about our past relationship or any kind of future together yet. I was planning on getting in touch, seeing if anything had changed in the last 9 months and feeling out if there was any chemistry for a possible second try.

[YouNeverKnow86]

Normally I'm not one to get back in touch with an ex. We dated from Jan-March of this year, and have not had any contact until a few days ago when I decided to initiate it and see how she was. The conversation has been going pretty well the last few days, I've been keeping it fun and playful. We agreed to meetup later tonight to grab something to eat and then she texts me saying that her roomate "may or may not come."

 

Does this mean anything? I have not made any comment about our past relationship or any kind of future together yet. I was planning on getting in touch, seeing if anything had changed in the last 9 months and feeling out if there was any chemistry for a possible second try.

 

This hit a chord....My and ex and I were also together for only 3 months. Who broke up with who? Reasons? How long have you been in no contact (the full 9 months or was there a period of pleading/fighting for relationship)?

[Steelrain21]

Technically I broke up with her. The first half of the relationship went about as well as it could go. Things really seemed like they were going to fall into place and that it'd last. I'm 28 years old, so I have enough dating experience to know that it wasn't a "honeymoon" phase. Then it seemed like she flipped a switch overnight. Suddenly after a couple months into the relationship, she completely changed her personality. It seemed like she was doing small things to try and get me to be the one to end things. She said she didn't believe in sex before marriage, even though it had been happening with us. She stopped wanting to show affection, and other things. It reminded me of a girl who is trying to play hard to get with a guy.

 

She had a very disturbing and traumatic upbringing as a child. There were many forms of abuse that she went through. She had told me before that when she starts to feel close to someone that she "freezes up" and she doesn't know why. I think a lot of it has to do with what she went through as a child. I tried to be patient, but after a few weeks of her pushing me, I told her that I couldn't wait forever and that we would be better as friends. She agreed and said that she thought we were just too different.

 

I didn't expect to hear from her again, but she talked to me online a couple days after asking if I really meant what I said about friends. She said she thought I was a really great person and wanted to keep me in her life. We have no friends in common and would never run into each other in public, so I figured that she wanted to stay friends because although she was pushing me away, she didn't want me to leave deep down. I told her it'd probably be best for us to move on and if we didn't talk. Another couple days later I got a text from her telling me that her dog missed me. I translated that to her wanting to say that she missed me, but didn't want to risk the chance of rejection. That was the last I had heard from her, and that was in March.

[davesterr]

What can there be said.

I think the roommate is a safety just so that things wont get awkward.

It sort of cock blocks you in a way if you are gonna try to hit on her again.

And in a way it sort of justifies this date as a real friends date only.

 

If i were you , i would make sure the roommate is a female.

Because you do not want her to be there with a guy.

I don't care what he is , it will ruin your day.

 

I don't really know what you are after though.

But the crap she did by pushing you away really sucks.

Saying no sex before marriage but already having had sex?

That's just stupid.

Anyways if you do plan on getting back together , whether you succeed or not.

Just know that she will still be the same messed up girl she was when you dated.

And unless she changed which i highly doubt since people never change ,

she will still push you away when you get close again.

So unless you see something in her that i dont , i wouldn't try to get back together.

[YouNeverKnow86]

Do you think there was possibly another guy? Was she ever heartbroken by an ex?

[Steelrain21]

Have an update. We ended up getting something to eat, the roomate did not come with. It was a pretty fun time, we both shared a few laughs. After dinner, she invited me into her apartment to have a drink. We sat on separate couches and visited awhile and watched something on TV. Her roomate got home shortly after that and sat on the couch next to my ex. My ex then got off that couch and came to sit on the one with me, although we were on opposite ends. I didn't really know what to read from her exactly at this point. I wasn't in any rush with anything, so all 3 of us visited for a little while before I left.

 

My ex walked me outside and initiated a hug goodbye. On my way home, I got a text from her thanking me for hanging out with her and threw in an inside joke of ours. That was Saturday night. I let Sunday go by without contacting her, and was going to get a hold of her today but she beat me to it. She texted me asking me what I was up to.

 

I would think that 1) Inviting me in for a drink after dinner, 2) Texting me on my way home that night, and 3) Initiating the next contact with me a couple days later are all pretty good signs that she's fairly interested in more than just a friendly way?

[davesterr]

i dunno her motives but that all look like good signs to me.

also her moving from the roommates couch (if it was a guy)

to yours shows that she didn't want u to think she was dating him.

but then again didn't rush next to you cuddling so i dont think she wants to go too fast.

then again with her texting u back etc , inside jokes and her asking to chill again all seems positive man.

so all in all , good job.

Edited December 13, 2011 by davesterr