Can Men and Women be JUST friends?

[somedude81]

No, you misunderstood. The friendship can continue if both people are honest about their feelings, and they both agree to set the romantic feelings aside and keep the friendship as is. In this case, Tommy knows that they will never be more than friends, but he's OK with that because he values her friendship. He doesn't allow his romantic feelings for her to get in the way of their friendship. So they remain friends and Tommy looks elsewhere for a romantic partner.

 

If Tommy can't keep his feelings under control, then he shouldn't try to be her friend.

Keep his feelings under control? Is that something you can do, control how much you like somebody?

 

When I like a girl, my feelings for her grows the more time I spend with her. There is absolutely nothing I can do to prevent it, except for not having any contact with her. Maybe that's just me and other guys aren't like that.

 

Also, I really doubt that a guy will accept that he will never be more than friends with a girl. As long as they're talking, he can still have hope.

 

As for "valuing the friendship," that's just BS. If the girl valued the friendship she'd date the guy when presented with an ultimatum. Though in that situation, she drop the friendship without a second thought.

 

Personally, the chance at a relationship is worth more than any friendship with a woman.

[ThaWholigan]

Keep his feelings under control? Is that something you can do, control how much you like somebody?

 

When I like a girl, my feelings for her grows the more time I spend with her. There is absolutely nothing I can do to prevent it, except for not having any contact with her. Maybe that's just me and other guys aren't like that.

 

Also, I really doubt that a guy will accept that he will never be more than friends with a girl. As long as they're talking, he can still have hope.

 

As for "valuing the friendship," that's just BS. If the girl valued the friendship she'd date the guy when presented with an ultimatum. Though in that situation, she drop the friendship without a second thought.

 

Personally, the chance at a relationship is worth more than any friendship with a woman.

 

I think that's just one of the things men should be able to do. Exercise emotional control when they need to. I don't fall for my female friends. I might want to **** them, I might even think about them romantically from time to time, but I never let it cloud my better judgement.

 

But like you say, that could just be me, and other guys find that difficult. I'm conscious of my lack of confidence when it comes to dating girls, so I don't start holding out hope that they will see the real me at some point if I keep continuing to display low confidence. That was how I developed the ability to not fall for the girls. Yeah, I think about them sexually, but that's that. No messy feelings, nothing like that.

[joystickd]

There's nothing dishonest about it because what I'm talking about is both parties being aware of the situation - if they are not, then it isn't an honest relationship and therefore no true friendship exists.

 

My comment about just wanting to get laid was in direct response to what joystickd posted. You obviously have a different attitude to joystickd so my comment doesn't apply in relation to you.

 

They serve no purpose unless they are f**king me or helping me get f**ked. I fell in love with someone once that started as a friend then I realized she was a manipulative whore. I put my feeling aside but got tired of " oh I did him or I did her or my girlfriend doesn't like you" and I also couldn't handle what she did to me. Over time I just got so angry I finally told her bitch you are dead to me. Now that manipulative whore is bad mouthing me now talking all types of sh*t about me when she was the one that messed up. So women if you had to deal with bulls**t like that would you just be friends with the opposite sex. Be honest.

[xxoo]

If I like a girl enough for her to be my friend, and I'm attracted to her enough to want to sleep with her, I usually end up wanting to have a relationship with her.

 

This is because you don't have another focus for your romantic interests. You are romantically frustrated, so of course you would find it incredibly frustrating to be friends with a woman who does not share your romantic interests.

 

It wouldn't be like that if you had a girlfriend of your own.

[joystickd]

This is because you don't have another focus for your romantic interests. You are romantically frustrated, so of course you would find it incredibly frustrating to be friends with a woman who does not share your romantic interests.

 

It wouldn't be like that if you had a girlfriend of your own.

 

Lol! You women need to make an infomercial to sell the bulls**t reasons men and women can be platonic friends. In ancient times have you ever heard of men and women platonic friends. NO! That's just modern bulls**t for women. I gotta get off this thread its bringing back too many bad memories.

[xxoo]

Lol! You women need to make an infomercial to sell the bulls**t reasons men and women can be platonic friends. In ancient times have you ever heard of men and women platonic friends. NO! That's just modern bulls**t for women. I gotta get off this thread its bringing back too many bad memories.

 

Do you want to know the reasons a man would be friends with a woman?

 

I'm reminded of watching a clip from Elizabeth Edward's funeral. The speaker was a man--a friend from their university days. They were each married to other people, had kids, and had remained friends.

 

The man told a story from his past. He and his wife were having teen troubles with their 13 year old daughter. Like most 13 year olds, she wasn't interested in much that her parents had to say. They couldn't get her to do anything constructive. He remembered hearing his daughter on the phone with someone, and a series of "yes....yes....ok....yes...." on his daughter's end. His daughter hung up, turned to her dad, and said, "That was Elizabeth. I'm taking a cooking class." Her dad's friend was the one that could get through to her.

 

That's why we have friends. They are support for our LIVES, including raising our children. I've been the person that friends (men and women) turn to through divorce, and to share the excitement of dating again. I've been the person visiting the hospital to see friends' (men and women) new babies. I'll be there to speak at their funerals (or them at mine).

[Wolf18]

A couple being friends with another couple is completely different than 1 on 1 male-female friendships that are strictly platonic. Not saying they don't happen, the latter are just the exception.

[joystickd]

Do you want to know the reasons a man would be friends with a woman?

 

I'm reminded of watching a clip from Elizabeth Edward's funeral. The speaker was a man--a friend from their university days. They were each married to other people, had kids, and had remained friends.

 

The man told a story from his past. He and his wife were having teen troubles with their 13 year old daughter. Like most 13 year olds, she wasn't interested in much that her parents had to say. They couldn't get her to do anything constructive. He remembered hearing his daughter on the phone with someone, and a series of "yes....yes....ok....yes...." on his daughter's end. His daughter hung up, turned to her dad, and said, "That was Elizabeth. I'm taking a cooking class." Her dad's friend was the one that could get through to her.

 

That's why we have friends. They are support for our LIVES, including raising our children. I've been the person that friends (men and women) turn to through divorce, and to share the excitement of dating again. I've been the person visiting the hospital to see friends' (men and women) new babies. I'll be there to speak at their funerals (or them at mine).

 

Oh ok so you can use her to get your 13 year old daughter to go to cooking class lol. Well I just can't do it I've been burned so bad too many times. Like I said I need to get off this thread I dredged up bad memories and am angry now.

[xxoo]

A couple being friends with another couple is completely different than 1 on 1 male-female friendships that are strictly platonic. Not saying they don't happen, the latter are just the exception.

 

Some of my male friends were not in a relationship when our friendship began, or are not in the same relationship now (divorced, remarried). The friendship has survived those life changes.

[joystickd]

Some of my male friends were not in a relationship when our friendship began, or are not in the same relationship now (divorced, remarried). The friendship has survived those life changes.

 

You sound like a damn after school special. Man and woman friends and quote lines from vagina monologues and they both go out shopping and man helps woman find an outfit that she will wear when she goes to get laid lol. Then she tells her friend all about it in vivid detail. He is now her girlfriend. It happens. That's all I am going to say on this thread. Stop trying to sell the bulls**t it not so great.

[Cypress25]

you start off with "both" and then finish up with everything that men must do but nothing about what women must do.

 

I'm talking about what men need to do if they want to remain friends with a woman they have a crush on. If they don't want to be friends with women, then all they need to do is walk away.

 

women can't expect men they are friends with to pay for stuff for them, move sh*t for them, fix things at their house, loan them their truck, etc. if they do expect those things, they're gonna be expected to do some cooking in return.

 

Women don't expect that. I don't know where guys get this idea. I don't expect any of my guy friends to pay for stuff for me, or move things for me, or fix things at my house, or loan me things. We're friends, we go out and do fun stuff together, often in the company of other friends. My male friends don't buy me anything or do any favors for me. I don't know any women who expect their male friends to do that.

 

don't know how to cook or don't want to offer to help clean something or have an indignant view of their stereotypical gender roles all while expecting men that they aren't even dating to perform their stereotypical gender role?

 

Again, women don't have that expectation for their male friends. In a platonic friendship, there are no gender roles because friendship between two men or two women should be the same as friendship between a man and a woman. I treat all my friends the same, whether they're men or women. My male friends don't expect me to cook or clean for them either. That's not part of a friendship.

 

Keep his feelings under control? Is that something you can do, control how much you like somebody?

 

Some people can put their feelings aside and still think rationally. If you can't do that and you know that your emotions will take over, then you need to remove yourself from situations where your emotions will get you in trouble.

 

When I like a girl, my feelings for her grows the more time I spend with her. There is absolutely nothing I can do to prevent it, except for not having any contact with her. Maybe that's just me and other guys aren't like that.

 

Then you'll have to cut contact with her. Otherwise, you're just torturing yourself.

 

Also, I really doubt that a guy will accept that he will never be more than friends with a girl. As long as they're talking, he can still have hope.

 

He shouldn't have hope. If the girl has made it clear that she has no romantic feelings for him and she only sees him as a friend, he needs to accept the fact that there is no hope for a romantic relationship. Clinging to false hope is just being in denial.

 

There are guys who can accept that they will never be more than friends with a girl. If you are not one of those guys, then you can't be friends with a girl you have a crush on. It's up to you to know what kind of guy you are. Either accept her as a friend or cut contact.

 

As for "valuing the friendship," that's just BS. If the girl valued the friendship she'd date the guy when presented with an ultimatum. Though in that situation, she drop the friendship without a second thought.

 

But she doesn't want to date him! Why is that so hard to understand? She likes him as a friend but she's not sexually attracted to him. Are you saying she should date him anyway, just to make him happy? Look, you don't have to be friends with women if you don't want to. If you can't just be her friend, then leave her alone. No one is forcing you to spend time with these women, clinging to false hope. If you choose to do that, you have no one to blame but yourself.

 

So women if you had to deal with bulls**t like that would you just be friends with the opposite sex. Be honest.

 

I'm only friends with people I like, who also like me. If they don't treat me with respect, then of course we wouldn't be friends.

[Cypress25]

Man and woman friends and quote lines from vagina monologues and they both go out shopping and man helps woman find an outfit that she will wear when she goes to get laid lol. Then she tells her friend all about it in vivid detail.

 

LOL, what the hell are you talking about? Nobody acts like that. You need to start living in the real world.

[Wolf18]

I don't get it Cypress, if male-female friendships where the woman doesnt like the man are all as mutually fulfilling as you make them out, why do the overwhelming majority of men agree that they aren't desirable? Do none of us live in the real world then?

 

My female "Friends" never stick around (with one exception), because I am not a doormat and I'd rather put my nutsack on the stove than be humiliated via listening to a woman I'm not having sex with me tell me about how her boyfriend doesn't care. But I have some acquaintances and friends who will swear up and down about how so and so girl is their best and coolest friend (and the male is usually head over heels for the girl), when any objective person watching from the outside can see they are being squeezed dry (of blood and energy, not semen).

[joystickd]

LOL, what the hell are you talking about? Nobody acts like that. You need to start living in the real world.

 

It was a joke but sad thing is there is some guy like that. I can't do it. Man and woman were not created just to be platonic friends so don't sell that crap to the men here.

[Wolf18]

Just looking at the furious and emotional responses by men in this thread and the survey in the video should be enough to show that it's something that only goes one way.

[ThaWholigan]

I don't get it Cypress, if male-female friendships where the woman doesnt like the man are all as mutually fulfilling as you make them out, why do the overwhelming majority of men agree that they aren't desirable? Do none of us live in the real world then?

 

My female "Friends" never stick around (with one exception), because I am not a doormat and I'd rather put my nutsack on the stove than be humiliated via listening to a woman I'm not having sex with me tell me about how her boyfriend doesn't care. But I have some acquaintances and friends who will swear up and down about how so and so girl is their best and coolest friend (and the male is usually head over heels for the girl), when any objective person watching from the outside can see they are being squeezed dry (of blood and energy, not semen).

 

The reason why is because some girls are actually kinda cool . They're not all emotional vampires looking for an ego boost while they get their rocks off with alleged "jerks". I've seen both sides of the spectrum, so I have a more unbiased view, but that's generally the kind of person I am, I can't speak for you all.

 

Your experiences are unfortunate, you happen to have met quite a few girls who are rather flaky in this regard. I haven't. Lucky me

[Ilovewater]

Men and women can be just friends. It works for some people, and it doesn't for others. It doesn't have to be black and white. If it's easy for someone to develop romantic feelings for friends of the opposite gender, then it will be difficult to maintain platonic relationships.

 

Some of my closest friends are men, and I've known all of them for 5+ years. We been through good and bad times together, and I greatly value our friendships.

[dasein]

I have female friends whom I find attractive who are fine to be casual friends with, but would obviously not make good relationship partners. I can put up with a friend being chronically late for example, never a GF. I can put up with a friend being somewhat vain selfish and self-absorbed, never a GF. I can put up with a friend being totally emotionally driven at the expense of reason, never a GF. To me a platonic female friend and I match enough, and enjoy each others' company enough to be basic, even close friends, but we would be incompatible in an intimate relationship and we usually both know it.

[xxoo]

You sound like a damn after school special. Man and woman friends and quote lines from vagina monologues and they both go out shopping and man helps woman find an outfit that she will wear when she goes to get laid lol. Then she tells her friend all about it in vivid detail. He is now her girlfriend. It happens. That's all I am going to say on this thread. Stop trying to sell the bulls**t it not so great.

 

If a man becomes a woman's girlfriend, that is his choice. He doesn't have to be her girlfriend. He can refuse that role.

 

This is just immature all around.

 

When my male friends are single and dating casually, I pry them for details because it amuses me I don't ask stuff like that if they are serious about a woman, though.

[joystickd]

If a man becomes a woman's girlfriend, that is his choice. He doesn't have to be her girlfriend. He can refuse that role.

 

This is just immature all around.

 

When my male friends are single and dating casually, I pry them for details because it amuses me I don't ask stuff like that if they are serious about a woman, though.

 

I have been burned too many times by female "friends" so you can sell that s**t to someone else.

[MGD3]

 

This explains why I can't understand guys on LS saying this -- men and women have such a different view on the topic.

 

2 months ago I purposely tried to get to know a woman first and be her friend based on female advice. I was cool but after awhile my own impatience around the lack of growth in intimacy caused me to get irritated with her because of the initial attraction I had towards her that I put aside on purpose. I can only stay friends with a woman I am not attracted to physically.

[Nexus One]

 

This explains why I can't understand guys on LS saying this -- men and women have such a different view on the topic.

 

I call bullsh*t. They could have edited out all the "yes" answers from guys. The guy could have interviewed over a 100 people and selected only those conversations that made it look like women and men can't be friends.

 

Sure men and women can be friends. I don't fall for every woman just because she has a p*ssy and a pair of tits, but that is what those guys are implying when they say they can't be friends with women, because they say their d*cks would overrule the friendship. They're implying they're attracted to every woman. Personally I only feel attracted to a small percentage of women, it just is that way, I can't help it, I don't do it on purpose. Perhaps for those guys it works differently, but to me that's a bit weird.

[Cypress25]

I don't get it Cypress, if male-female friendships where the woman doesnt like the man are all as mutually fulfilling as you make them out, why do the overwhelming majority of men agree that they aren't desirable? Do none of us live in the real world then?

 

I guess the overwhelming majority of men try to be friends with women they don't actually like. If you're sexually attracted to a woman but you don't like her personality, then you can't possibly have a fulfilling friendship with her. So why spend any time with her, knowing you can't stand her as a person?

 

My female "Friends" never stick around (with one exception), because I am not a doormat and I'd rather put my nutsack on the stove than be humiliated via listening to a woman I'm not having sex with me tell me about how her boyfriend doesn't care. But I have some acquaintances and friends who will swear up and down about how so and so girl is their best and coolest friend (and the male is usually head over heels for the girl), when any objective person watching from the outside can see they are being squeezed dry (of blood and energy, not semen).

 

Then you've never had any true female friends. True friends don't use you or take advantage of you. I don't know why you think all women do that to their male friends.

 

If you don't want to be friends with women, that's fine. But it's ridiculous to say that no man could ever be friends with any woman. You're generalizing based on your own bad experiences. I don't force guys to be friends with me. The guys who are friends with me have chosen to be my friend of their own free will. If they didn't like it, they wouldn't do it. I treat them very well, I don't use them for anything, I don't talk to them about the guys I date, our friendship is not humiliating or draining for them in any way. Besides, I'm sure most of my guy friends have no romantic interest in me anyway, and we usually hang out in groups.

 

Just looking at the furious and emotional responses by men in this thread and the survey in the video should be enough to show that it's something that only goes one way.

 

If that were true, there would never be any friendships between men and women. But there are, and it's not because women are forcing men to be friends with them. Obviously, plenty of men choose to be friends with women because the friendship is an enjoyable and rewarding thing for them. But if you're one of those men who think women are only for sex, then you can't be friends with them because you don't see women as people. You see them as vaginas merely, and of course no one wants to be friends with a vagina.

[Wolf18]

I call bullsh*t. They could have edited out all the "yes" answers from guys. The guy could have interviewed over a 100 people and selected only those conversations that made it look like women and men can't be friends.

 

Sure men and women can be friends. I don't fall for every woman just because she has a p*ssy and a pair of tits, but that is what those guys are implying when they say they can't be friends with women, because they say their d*cks would overrule the friendship. They're implying they're attracted to every woman. Personally I only feel attracted to a small percentage of women, it just is that way, I can't help it, I don't do it on purpose. Perhaps for those guys it works differently, but to me that's a bit weird.

 

 

That's not my issue. My issue is that it's kind of hard for me to connect with most women, so when I find one that I like enough to spend a lot of platonic time (spent almost an entire summer with one) with, I usually want to take the rational next step. The sexual element is secondary, it really only matters to me when a woman wants to spend all her time with me but have sex with another guy. Whether people think it's right or wrong or I feel "entitled", I take it instinctively as a slap in the face.

[xxoo]

it really only matters to me when a woman wants to spend all her time with me but have sex with another guy.

 

Yes, she slapped you in the face. Shame on her.

 

When a guy I know is single, I'm on his case regarding the dating scene. "Any new women in your life? Any hot dates recently?" If he needed some help, I'd do what I can to help (introduce him to friend, invite him to events with women, etc).