Lonely Ronin Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 How do you know a girl is clingy if you don't spend much 1 on 1 time with them? Character traits like that take time to come out. Because I know about her previous relationships, and people talk... You have never learned something about a friend from a mutual friend?
Author lululucy Posted December 10, 2011 Author Posted December 10, 2011 ^ If it wasn't for sex, most men wouldn't talk to you. What's the point in having a less interesting and unreliable version of a male friend? Again, dude, meet some actually cool girls.
LittleTiger Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 ^ If it wasn't for sex, most men wouldn't talk to you. What's the point in having a less interesting and unreliable version of a male friend? Your version of reality is a little skewed. Until you learn to like and respect women you will remain single.
Cypress25 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 If you want to revel in your cuckoldry that's one thing, but are you seriously going to pretend it doesn't offend you when a woman you spend all your time with would rather sleep with a stranger ? If you can't get past your jealousy, then of course you can't be friends. Besides, who she sleeps with is none of your business. What is she supposed to do, stay celibate just because you like her? And if she's just a friend, why would you spend all your time with her? I have plenty of male friends, and I treat them the same way I treat all my friends. They don't pay for me when we go out, I don't cry on their shoulder when I'm having dating troubles (that's what girl friends are for, they give better advice anyway), and I don't spend all my time with them. It's a real friendship, with equal give and take, and nobody is using anyone. Genuine friendships are possible between men and women, but not if one of them is harboring jealousy and resentment.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 ^ If it wasn't for sex, most men wouldn't talk to you. What's the point in having a less interesting and unreliable version of a male friend? Ponder this... In general women are better at certain things than men are, for example sewing. One of my female friends have literally saved me hundreds of dollars over the years, because she has fixed seems that have pulled apart in shirts etc. If you want to get all don juan about it, most women have single female friends they might introduce you to if they know you're a good guy.
irc333 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Because I don't like certain parts of her personality. For example one women I know is absolutely gorgeous, and Hilarious as hell. At times she has made me laugh so hard I couldn't breath. However, a relationship with her, even a FWB one wouldn't work, because she is just to clingy for me. However, that minor character flaw is something I could easily overlook and this woman would probably be PERFECT for me. GO figure, eh?
ditzchic Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 I think it depends on how you define friendship really. I take that word very seriously. I have male acquaintances. All of my real friends are female. We tend to really bond with people that have similar personalities, interests and life experiences as our own. I relate best with women. We've been through the same things, do the same things. We understand each other. And I'm not sexually attracted to women. If any of my best female friends were to suddenly sprout a penis, I'd totally want to put a ring on it (that's a joke obviously) because that's how much I treasure them and that deep bond we have. Now I can go out for drinks or something with guy "friends" and have a fun chit chatting conversation but there is no real bonding there. If there were a real connection and attraction, I'd totally want to date them. That's what makes the difference between acquaintance and someone more important than that. Now I know you're all saying "Well if you or the other are in a relationship you just put that attraction aside." I don't know if that's really possible. I mean it's possible temporarily, for a night, a week, a month maybe. But can it stand the test of time? Can it stand the test of too many drinks on a lonely night? If I'm with someone, I want nothing around to mess that good thing up. And any male I would truly bond with would feel the same way about his significant other. So why take the chance on this "friendship" when it's temporary? That's not real friendship.... And if I'm single and have a real connection with someone that is attached? Well, I've never been a fan of consolation prizes. I'll go find my own.
carhill Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Yes...men and women can be just friends even if they are both straight. But its rare i think. They both need to find each other not physically attracive,which is is rare....... I would generally agree with the qualification that I can be friends with a woman whom I do find attractive but understand that she is patently unhealthy for myself as an intimate partner. That's perhaps unique to my psychology and generally outlier to norms but include it as a clarification.
xxoo Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 ^ If it wasn't for sex, most men wouldn't talk to you. What's the point in having a less interesting and unreliable version of a male friend? Comments like this show how little you value women. No wonder you are single. My closest male friends have no trouble finding a woman to date/marry. If they hoped to have sex with me, they would have surely dropped out of my life over a decade ago
Lonely Ronin Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 However, that minor character flaw is something I could easily overlook and this woman would probably be PERFECT for me. GO figure, eh? To me it's a major character flaw, because some times I just want to be alone for one reason or another. As the saying goes, different strokes for different folks.
ThaWholigan Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 This is only true if someone is being rejected as a romantic partner, and can't get past it. Sexual attraction between friends doesn't have to be a big deal like that, esp if both are in relationships (or at least dating others). ^^This. I can still be friends with a female friend who rejected me sexually/romantically, primarily because I don't let emotions get in the way of things that in my opinion is trivial.
joystickd Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Your version of reality is a little skewed. Until you learn to like and respect women you will remain single. Most people have a skewed reality. Women delude themselves into thinking their "friend" doesn't want more. Most guys up here have had bad experiences with women so it will be skewed. I prefer not to be friends with me unless it benefits my agenda of getting laid.
MaxNoob Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 ^ If it wasn't for sex, most men wouldn't talk to you. What's the point in having a less interesting and unreliable version of a male friend? You get friendship + eye candy They smell nice, don't fart, and can use their "power of a woman" techniques to overcome most obstacles It's like going to an art museum; I don't get insanely jealous that I can't own these Vincent van Gogh paintings, but they're nice to look at.
veggirl Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 I've never had a true male friend, I don't think. I have no desire to be friends with guys. It always has been ruined by someone developing feelings, usually him. I'd much rather be friends with females. In my life, women are for friends, men are for dating and I am good with that. I don't have a desire to be friends with guys, really. I get so much more out of my friendships with females, and there is not sexual awkwardness, lol.
Wolf18 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 You get friendship + eye candy They smell nice, don't fart, and can use their "power of a woman" techniques to overcome most obstacles It's like going to an art museum; I don't get insanely jealous that I can't own these Vincent van Gogh paintings, but they're nice to look at. sorry, I still think it's humiliating. It's more like organizing a party and not being allowed to attend. I refuse to think you guys wouldn't get offended if a woman you were close to and would like to date wanted to spend all her free time with you , but sleep with some scrotum just because she's only into blonde guys with long hair or some other stupid little quirk. It's not about money, I don't spend much if any money on female friends I've had (but I did when I thought I was going on a date), it's about a girl who invites herself over to your place every other day, acts like a housewife, tells you she loves you, sleeps in your bed...yet refuses to put out for you (but does so for another guy). It's not about the sex either , if a woman was a virgin until marriage and didnt want to put out as a friend it wouldn't be insulting to my manhood and dignity, but if youre going to reward people who don't even try with it, then yes, I'm not just going to turn my head and scoff or get on my knees and take the other guys load on my face (figuratively speaking, of course ).
ThaWholigan Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 sorry, I still think it's humiliating. It's more like organizing a party and not being allowed to attend. I refuse to think you guys wouldn't get offended if a woman you were close to and would like to date wanted to spend all her free time with you , but sleep with some scrotum just because she's only into blonde guys with long hair or some other stupid little quirk. It's not about money, I don't spend much if any money on female friends I've had (but I did when I thought I was going on a date), it's about a girl who invites herself over to your place every other day, acts like a housewife, tells you she loves you, sleeps in your bed...yet refuses to put out for you (but does so for another guy). It's not about the sex either , if a woman was a virgin until marriage and didnt want to put out as a friend it wouldn't be insulting to my manhood and dignity, but if youre going to reward people who don't even try with it, then yes, I'm not just going to turn my head and scoff or get on my knees and take the other guys load on my face (figuratively speaking, of course ). That's where I draw the line. I may have a few female friends, but I don't spend my free time trying to bargain for their company. They are merely fun acquaintances to me who I chill with from time to time. If they decide to give me some pussy one day then bonus, but I ain't holding out for that no matter how sexually attracted I am to them .
LittleTiger Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Most people have a skewed reality. Women delude themselves into thinking their "friend" doesn't want more. Most guys up here have had bad experiences with women so it will be skewed. I prefer not to be friends with me unless it benefits my agenda of getting laid. On the contrary, most women are very well aware when a male friend is attracted to them. Depending on the friendship, the attraction can either be ignored or acknowledged by both parties and set to one side for the sake of the friendship. If all you want is to get laid then obviously you wouldn't be interested in friendship with a woman since whatever qualities she may have as a person are irrelevant and secondary to your sexual desires. Any man who thinks that way is unlikely to find a rewarding long term relationship with a woman - if you don't want one then it isn't an issue. However, the male friends that I have value women as more than sexual objects and are therefore happy to enjoy friendships with women - regardless of their own relationship status.
Cypress25 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 it's about a girl who invites herself over to your place every other day, acts like a housewife, tells you she loves you, sleeps in your bed...yet refuses to put out for you (but does so for another guy). You need to set some boundaries with your "friends." If you don't want her hanging out at your place or sleeping in your bed, don't let her do it. That's not appropriate behavior for a platonic friendship anyway. Just treat her the same way you treat your guy friends, and you should be fine.
somedude81 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 On the contrary, most women are very well aware when a male friend is attracted to them. Depending on the friendship, the attraction can either be ignored or acknowledged by both parties and set to one side for the sake of the friendship. That strikes me as being completely dishonest. "I know that Tommy likes me, but I'm going to pretend he doesn't so we can keep being friends." What is she going to do when Tommy tries to make a real move or confesses his love for her? IMO, spending time with somebody that you know likes you, is leading them on. If all you want is to get laid then obviously you wouldn't be interested in friendship with a woman since whatever qualities she may have as a person are irrelevant and secondary to your sexual desires. Any man who thinks that way is unlikely to find a rewarding long term relationship with a woman - if you don't want one then it isn't an issue. However, the male friends that I have value women as more than sexual objects and are therefore happy to enjoy friendships with women - regardless of their own relationship status.It's much more than just wanting to get laid. If I like a girl enough for her to be my friend, and I'm attracted to her enough to want to sleep with her, I usually end up wanting to have a relationship with her. And I've been told time and again by girls "I like you, but not in that way."
thatone Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 i have a few female friends. there are a few examples that are perfectly normal... a) we did date for awhile but found out we have zero in common and/or one or the other was just rebounding from an ex or some similar scenario. decided to go our separate ways but still keep in touch. the last woman i dated is this situation. i'm not really attracted to her after the fact, simply due to wildly different tastes and interests. i wouldn't really call this a friendship, since i honestly don't like her other friends (except my sister) and don't really care to do anything she does. more like a cordial mutual rejection, but i don't see any reason to discontinue contact altogether since neither of us is interested in the other romantically. b) there is no dating potential due to different age/circumstances/location/kids/etc. i actually met up with one woman from this forum that way. we're 12 years apart and half the country apart, but that doesn't mean we can't meet up when we travel to the same places and keep in touch via phone/facebook/whatever. now, what isn't going to happen is... a) i get a "lets be friends first and you can hang around with me and my friends" rejection if i ask her out, the answer to that is no. i don't care about your entourage and am not trying to date a whole room full of people. if you can't function and make decisions by yourself you need less friends not more. b) there's a "lets be friends but you can continue to buy me dinner and drinks and take me on dates because the bastard i live with doesn't do that sort of thing" fishing attempt, to which the answer is also no. if your boyfriend wants to lay on the couch playing video games while you bring him a beer every 30 minutes, lay your ass on the couch with him and keep your bottle opener handy, you made your choice live with it. in short, it entirely depends on the situation and the people involved.
LittleTiger Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 That strikes me as being completely dishonest. "I know that Tommy likes me, but I'm going to pretend he doesn't so we can keep being friends." What is she going to do when Tommy tries to make a real move or confesses his love for her? IMO, spending time with somebody that you know likes you, is leading them on. It's much more than just wanting to get laid. If I like a girl enough for her to be my friend, and I'm attracted to her enough to want to sleep with her, I usually end up wanting to have a relationship with her. And I've been told time and again by girls "I like you, but not in that way." There's nothing dishonest about it because what I'm talking about is both parties being aware of the situation - if they are not, then it isn't an honest relationship and therefore no true friendship exists. My comment about just wanting to get laid was in direct response to what joystickd posted. You obviously have a different attitude to joystickd so my comment doesn't apply in relation to you.
Necromancer Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Comments like this show how little you value women. No wonder you are single. My closest male friends have no trouble finding a woman to date/marry. If they hoped to have sex with me, they would have surely dropped out of my life over a decade ago So is that the why he is single?,i have seen guys that are as boring as SH*T and nerds,but because they are attractive they get allot of women. A guy should not value girls to high,some guys are like doormats...get used by girls that they are trying to be good to!
Cypress25 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 That strikes me as being completely dishonest. "I know that Tommy likes me, but I'm going to pretend he doesn't so we can keep being friends." What is she going to do when Tommy tries to make a real move or confesses his love for her? No, you misunderstood. The friendship can continue if both people are honest about their feelings, and they both agree to set the romantic feelings aside and keep the friendship as is. In this case, Tommy knows that they will never be more than friends, but he's OK with that because he values her friendship. He doesn't allow his romantic feelings for her to get in the way of their friendship. So they remain friends and Tommy looks elsewhere for a romantic partner. If Tommy can't keep his feelings under control, then he shouldn't try to be her friend.
thatone Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 No, you misunderstood. The friendship can continue if both people are honest about their feelings, and they both agree to set the romantic feelings aside and keep the friendship as is. In this case, Tommy knows that they will never be more than friends, but he's OK with that because he values her friendship. He doesn't allow his romantic feelings for her to get in the way of their friendship. So they remain friends and Tommy looks elsewhere for a romantic partner. If Tommy can't keep his feelings under control, then he shouldn't try to be her friend. you start off with "both" and then finish up with everything that men must do but nothing about what women must do. so... women can't expect men they are friends with to pay for stuff for them, move sh*t for them, fix things at their house, loan them their truck, etc. if they do expect those things, they're gonna be expected to do some cooking in return. don't know how to cook or don't want to offer to help clean something or have an indignant view of their stereotypical gender roles all while expecting men that they aren't even dating to perform their stereotypical gender role? well, in that case they're a bad friend, which is probably why they're looking for new ones, because their old ones don't like them very much.
ThaWholigan Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 No, you misunderstood. The friendship can continue if both people are honest about their feelings, and they both agree to set the romantic feelings aside and keep the friendship as is. In this case, Tommy knows that they will never be more than friends, but he's OK with that because he values her friendship. He doesn't allow his romantic feelings for her to get in the way of their friendship. So they remain friends and Tommy looks elsewhere for a romantic partner. If Tommy can't keep his feelings under control, then he shouldn't try to be her friend. This is what happens when people put too much emotional investments and stock into their dating life. I think they shouldn't be friends with these girls until they have the ability to control their desire for intimacy/sex around women. (not repress it however). There is nothing wrong with being attracted to your female friends, but allowing that to be the basis of having feelings for them is troublesome, and one must exercise the right amount of control to prevent that from happening. At least that,s what I do, that's probably why this has never been a big deal to me
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