lululucy Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 I'm sure this has been touched on a thousand million times on LS but I'm having a bit of a dilemma. I just don't want to say it first. It sounds stupid when I say it like that but there really is no reason minus my own insecurity that he'll either not say it back or be freaked out and leave. So I put it to you guys -- who should say it first? Do you feel any pressure to hold back saying the words until the other person does? If you're a man, how would you feel about your girlfriend saying it first?
Lonely Ronin Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 If you're a man, how would you feel about your girlfriend saying it first? I'm usually the one that's says it first because I fall hard, but as long as I felt that way about her I wouldn't care if she said it first.
Imajerk17 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 If it is clear by his actions that he loves you, then go ahead and say it first.
cerridwen Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 So I put it to you guys -- who should say it first? Whoever feels it. Do you feel any pressure to hold back saying the words until the other person does? No. When I'm certain of my feelings, I say it. I fall hard. I fear rejection in some forms, but this isn't one of them. So, feeling love for another person, is always a welcome feeling to me. It's a beautiful thing. I enjoy it and want to share it, even if it's not reciprocated.
carhill Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 So I put it to you guys -- who should say it first? Do you feel any pressure to hold back saying the words until the other person does? If you're a man, how would you feel about your girlfriend saying it first? IMO, it doesn't really matter in the long run as long as the expressed feelings are in evidence and mutual in expression through actions. I'm a man and would have no significant feelings one way or another, relevant to the strength of the relationship, if the lady said ILY first. This presumes we have a relationship, whether romantic or platonic. Historically, in romantic relationships, including my M, I always said ILY first.
Feelsgoodman Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 So I put it to you guys -- who should say it first? Do you feel any pressure to hold back saying the words until the other person does? If you're a man, how would you feel about your girlfriend saying it first? I always thought it was an unwritten rule that women are supposed to say 'I love you' first (just like men are supposed to ask the woman out on the first date). Personally, I don't care much for "rules" and don't think it matters who says it first (though admittedly, in every relationship I've been in, the girl said it first) but your boyfriend may feel differently.
Arasae Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 I'm a woman who said it first. Like you, I didn't want to, but it got to the point where I physically couldn't NOT say it. Mind you, this wasn't in a moment of passion or romance--I'd been moody all night, a little snappish, and BF was baffled. Finally, he asked me "Just tell me--what's wrong?" And I glared at him, rolled over on my side so I was facing away from him, and it just kind of came out between gritted teeth. "I think... I think I love you." It all worked out well for us! We've been together for a year and a half thus far and I can't foresee us breaking up. So.. just a thought. You don't HAVE to wait. Anyway, there might come a time when you just can't hold back. Expect the best, but prepare for the worst! =)
Feelsgoodman Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Women are passive, so don't expect a woman to say "I love you" first. My experience is the exact opposite. Usually, women are the ones who say it first to "make it official". Guys are often quite happy to keep the relationship casual or semi-casual as long as possible.
Soxfaninfl Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 My ex-wife said it first, but I was in love with her. She also said I'm not in love with you anymore after 7 years together. My GF of two months told me she was in love with me first, but I wasn't in love with her. I cared for her, but i wasnt in love with her. Sometimes it's said too soon.
Wolf18 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 I'm a touchy-feely kind of guy, and when I have a few drinks it can get pretty bad. I have made the mistake of telling women I had known for a while but didn't like me back that I loved them, nothing worse than saying that to someone and not hearing it back. I've learned my lesson and don't tell any woman I love them even if I do, unless they say it first and I get the vibe that they really want to hear it.
Author lululucy Posted December 11, 2011 Author Posted December 11, 2011 I'm a touchy-feely kind of guy, and when I have a few drinks it can get pretty bad. I have made the mistake of telling women I had known for a while but didn't like me back that I loved them, nothing worse than saying that to someone and not hearing it back. I've learned my lesson and don't tell any woman I love them even if I do, unless they say it first and I get the vibe that they really want to hear it. I'm worried that this is the case with him too! He used to be a bit of a player (I'm his first girlfriend in 2+ years) and before that he would see a girl for a month or two and then get bored.. he told me he used to say things he didn't mean to make them happy so I'm kind of paranoid he isn't saying it for the same reason. Thanks everybody for the feedback.. I think I might have to just do it, as Arasae said it's getting hard NOT to. I have to consciously stop myself from doing it. For the record, we've been dating since the end of July casually (although we saw each other 5+ times a week and I slept at his house almost every night), since beginning of October exclusively. I don't want him to feel like I'm rushing it but it's getting really hard to stop myself from just letting it slip out.
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