PlumPrincess Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 (edited) Most of the guys who contact me, I turn down, because I don't like their age preferences (looking for younger women). These are usually guys in their mid-/end-thirties. I usually tell them the reason. Some will reply, it's because they want to have children. Others say, they had bad experiences with women their age. Others claim that these are just some arbitrary numbers they had chosen when creating their profile. Guys, fess up, how important are the age preferences to you in your profile? I absolutely doubt that these are just random numbers. Nothing someone puts in his/her profile is there by accident. I only know of one guy who actually did go and change his age preferences after I pointed it out to him. The last guy had a preference of -11/-1. He claimed he hadn't thought too much about it, but honestly, I don't believe him. They also always contact me after I get suggested by the match system. Never before. I suspect I usually get filtered out. Edited December 10, 2011 by PlumPrincess
Soxfaninfl Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 (edited) How old are you? I put in my online profile that I was looking for 28 to 34 for the simple fact that I want more children. I dated a 42 year old for a couple of months, but she didn't want kids. I looked at older women and now I'm dating a 37 year old. Idealy it would have been better for me to be with a younger women to have kids cause if i have kids in a few years with my girlfriend who i hope to marry, she will be almost 40 when we have kids. If I didn't wants kids then my age range would be 5 years older and younger from my age. Edited December 10, 2011 by Soxfaninfl
Eeyore79 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 When I did internet dating, I automatically declined men who wouldn't accept a partner of the same age as themselves. I didn't have a problem with a guy who was interested in women his own age or younger, but those who were only interested in younger women just seemed shallow, and as one of the younger women they were targeting, it creeped me out. In any case, I had no interest in dating a man who was more than five years older than myself - some of these men target women who are so much younger that they're unlikely to be interested. Even if a guy is handsome and successful, why would I choose him when I can get another equally handsome and successful guy who is 5-10 years younger?
El Brujo Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 VERY important. Some guys might want a woman who's young enough to be their daughter, but not me!!! Five years younger is my cutoff pref, though I think it would be pretty cool to pair up with a woman who's just a day or two younger than I am. My pref has always been for women just a blivet younger than myself.
Author PlumPrincess Posted December 10, 2011 Author Posted December 10, 2011 Thanks everybody! So, it doesn't look as if age preferences on a profile are usually decided on a whim.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 For me, the maximums are -8 to +4 but I seem to be more drawn to women in the -6 to +0 range. For me it's about what the age represents in regards to life experiences, goals, liveliness etc. In general I see it like this, If they are to young, we won't have much in common socially, and if they are to old they can't or don't want to keep up with the pace of my life style.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 PlumPrincess, I use to do the same thing. When men would contact me one of the things I kept an eye out for was their age preferences. Some men would contact me that were outside of my own age preference while others would contact me within it but their own age preferences where skewed that it was a major turn off. I avoided men that put an age range younger then their own age. I also avoided men that where 25+ and included 18 year olds in their search. How a man feels about a woman's age is important to any woman, no matter if she is 18 or 50. And the age range feels give a woman a quick glimpse into that. I also avoid men that are older that talk about how they need younger girlfriends/wives because they want kids. I think these type of men are unrealistic about their own aging process and the affects they can bare on their own children for having wanted to mess around when they were younger then wanting to settle down with younger women when they weren't serious minded enough before. I also had told these men in some cases when they were more presistant that their age range field made him less attractive to me. I think it's wise for women to consider this just like any other aspect when picking a man since it does say something important how he sees himself vs how he sees women.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Gee, seriously who cares. You expect the man to change their age preference everytime they want to talk to someone outside their age preference? It's not a hard limit. He is talking to you because he finds you interesting, nothing is set in stone.
lululucy Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Gee, seriously who cares. You expect the man to change their age preference everytime they want to talk to someone outside their age preference? It's not a hard limit. He is talking to you because he finds you interesting, nothing is set in stone. I agree. I was OLD for six months or so and I never checked anyone's age-ranges. Wait, scratch that, I did when one guy emailed me saying that I was out of his typical age range but he wanted to talk to me anyway -- I'm 23 and his age range was 28-35, while he was 29. I felt a little uncomfortable but only because he pointed it out: it was as if he were putting me on the spot by implying that I'm more emotionally mature than other people my age. It turned out he did have incredibly high expectations for me (took me to an incredibly expensive bistro near my house after I'd suggested a brew pub/tapas bar) and we were both let down by the date. He kept expecting me to say something poignant and fascinating and I felt like I was on an interview. I think if you make age-range an issue, it will be an issue. Or you can just meet someone and see how things go.
Anela Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 When I did internet dating, I automatically declined men who wouldn't accept a partner of the same age as themselves. I didn't have a problem with a guy who was interested in women his own age or younger, but those who were only interested in younger women just seemed shallow, and as one of the younger women they were targeting, it creeped me out. Yep, me too. I finally told one that it offended me.
FitChick Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 I once responded to a man who contacted me that I was much too old for him, judging by his preferred age range. Then he changed it and kept pestering me. At some point I may be tempted to ask, "If a woman your age is too old for romance, what does that make you?"
Cee Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 Being on the older side of the dating pool (about 40 back then), I paid close attention to age preferences. It got me down sometimes - like when a guy 5 years older than me wanted someone younger than me. But it isn't all bad. A large proportion of men like women their age or older. And I focused on responding to them.
Eeyore79 Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 It just seems big headed to only want to date younger women. I look at a guy and I think "What on earth makes you think you're so fantastic that you deserve to date significantly younger women?" It's a turn-off, even if I'm the younger woman they're targeting. Erm, hello... you're an old man, wtf makes you think someone of my age would be interested in you?! The guys who only want to date younger women often come across as entitled and selfish, and full of their own self importance.
Author PlumPrincess Posted December 11, 2011 Author Posted December 11, 2011 The guy changed it now from -12/-1 to -7/+2 to -5/+5 I'm not sure if I should meet him or not... I'm not that interested in his profile. If he had just asked me for a spontaneous meeting, I might have said yes, but him changing his age preference because of my comment... - I don't know?! What do you think?
LittleTiger Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 I think it means he listened to what you said and agreed you had a fair point. So he may well be a decent guy. However, unless you think he's interesting why would you date him?
Author PlumPrincess Posted December 11, 2011 Author Posted December 11, 2011 I think it means he listened to what you said and agreed you had a fair point. So he may well be a decent guy. However, unless you think he's interesting why would you date him? I just feel I'm overly picky and since he doesn't have any red flags, maybe I should just give him a chance. On the other hand, the fact that he changes for me, makes me feel a little uncomfortable, because it makes me assume that he is way more interested in me than I am in him.
LittleTiger Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 I just feel I'm overly picky and since he doesn't have any red flags, maybe I should just give him a chance. On the other hand, the fact that he changes for me, makes me feel a little uncomfortable, because it makes me assume that he is way more interested in me than I am in him. I'm all for giving a guy a chance if you think you may get along and be compatible BUT ........although the existence of red flags is a good reason not to date someone, the absence of red flags isn't a good reason to date them - at least not in my opinion. There has to be some interest beyond the absence of red flags. When I was online dating I did exactly the same as you do - age preferences were important to me and I called them all out on it if they contacted me. One guy was 50, not even divorced (ie separated) and looking for women at least 10 years younger - I told him it made him look like a creep etc (though I put it more kindly than that) and he changed it. I know he was keen on me but I had zero interest in dating him. Nevertheless, he went up in my estimation. The question is, has this guy gone up in your estimation for changing his profile or do you think he's being creepy for changing his profile to suit your requirements? Only you can decide that based on whatever else you know about him - and it still boils down to whether or not you would have been interested regardless of the age preference thing.
Author PlumPrincess Posted December 11, 2011 Author Posted December 11, 2011 I'm all for giving a guy a chance if you think you may get along and be compatible BUT ........although the existence of red flags is a good reason not to date someone, the absence of red flags isn't a good reason to date them - at least not in my opinion. There has to be some interest beyond the absence of red flags. When I was online dating I did exactly the same as you do - age preferences were important to me and I called them all out on it if they contacted me. One guy was 50, not even divorced (ie separated) and looking for women at least 10 years younger - I told him it made him look like a creep etc (though I put it more kindly than that) and he changed it. I know he was keen on me but I had zero interest in dating him. Nevertheless, he went up in my estimation. The question is, has this guy gone up in your estimation for changing his profile or do you think he's being creepy for changing his profile to suit your requirements? Only you can decide that based on whatever else you know about him - and it still boils down to whether or not you would have been interested regardless of the age preference thing. To be honest, I'm not really interested... And as I said before, I wonder if he just contacted me, because the match system suggested me. I wouldn't be suprised if I didn't pass his filters before.
Anxiety Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 (edited) You people are impossible! You complain about a guy's age preferences, he changes it, now your complaining that he changed it. You shouldn't put so much weight into the age preferences. I don't have a OLD account, but I was thinking if I did, I would do 30-45....I'm 39...I was originally thinking -5/+5 but then my possible matches would be cut in half. I would rather not put anything. I would be afraid of missing out on someone wonderful just because she may be 1 year out of my specified age range. I look through the profiles on OKC and even though I don't have an account I get disappointed when I see a woman who seems nice, and then notice I'm 1 year older than her age cutoff. Edited December 11, 2011 by Anxiety
EasyHeart Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 The answer to the OP is "zero importance". When I meet a woman in real life, I have no clue how old she is. Why would it be any different online? I think this is another example of why women love online dating: it gives them more things to freak out about that don't matter and don't mean anything.
Author PlumPrincess Posted December 11, 2011 Author Posted December 11, 2011 The answer to the OP is "zero importance". When I meet a woman in real life, I have no clue how old she is. Why would it be any different online? I think this is another example of why women love online dating: it gives them more things to freak out about that don't matter and don't mean anything. Ok, but what would you put in your profile? If it doesn't matter to you, I assume you write something down like 18-99 and not something like -12/-1.
LittleTiger Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 To be honest, I'm not really interested... And as I said before, I wonder if he just contacted me, because the match system suggested me. I wouldn't be suprised if I didn't pass his filters before. So there's your answer - his age preference is irrelevant. N..e..x..t!
LittleTiger Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 (edited) The answer to the OP is "zero importance". When I meet a woman in real life, I have no clue how old she is. Why would it be any different online? I think this is another example of why women love online dating: it gives them more things to freak out about that don't matter and don't mean anything. Of course you know how old she is - roughly. I've no idea how old you are but I'd be willing to bet you don't generally hit on women who look around 20 years older than you..........and, rather sadly, it does mean something when a guy puts on his profile that he's looking for younger women. I have had in depth discussions with men online on this very subject - every one of them said there was indeed significance to the age range they put - even the guy who changed his preference had clearly put 10 years younger for a reason! This concern is not about freaking out, it's about using our heads to weed out the creeps - and we'd have to be idiots not to. Edited December 11, 2011 by LittleTiger
Disenchantedly Yours Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 The guy changed it now from -12/-1 to -7/+2 to -5/+5 I'm not sure if I should meet him or not... I'm not that interested in his profile. If he had just asked me for a spontaneous meeting, I might have said yes, but him changing his age preference because of my comment... - I don't know?! What do you think? I think he's just trying to get a date with you. His first age preference was what he really wanted. You acknowledge it says something about him. If you aren't even that interested in the rest of his profile, I would cut contact with this guy.
ScienceGal Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 I did online dating very briefly, but never actually went on a date. One thing that always creeped me out was when a 30+ year old man would have an age range minimum of 18. I do not want to be with a man that would date an 18 year old girl. That just doesn't sit well with me. I was 29, and my age range was 27-35. That speaks to the fact that I was looking for a mature LTR with someone my age.
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