kourix Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 (edited) i'm sorry, i just need to know how to deal with this. long story short, we broke up because he "just didn't want a relationship now". i respected his decision (i initiated the breakup anyway coz' i knew he wasn't into it) and said "well i guess this is it then". to which he didn't respond. fair enough. i met him online anyway so i thought he just preferred to cut me out of his life since we were only together for a short period. it hurt, but that's life. it's been almost 4 weeks of NC, bumped into him two weeks ago, afterwhich he apologised for forgetting my birthday which was the previous day, and messaged that he "missed me... alittle" (what a douchey thing to say, adding that "little" part behind). so i just said "yeah prob shouldnt have rushed into a rs, it was fun while we were dating", and once again, he didn't respond (surprise surprise!) so i've been coping, and this afternoon i get a text from him saying "hi, how are you?" i've been toying with the idea of maintaining friends with him (if anyone's interested, my logic is explained here) and i just posted that today so it was quite a coincidence. so anyway, i replied him and we texted for abit. my dog's been in the hospital and i just brought her home so i was telling him about it and we were exchanging jokes (not about my dog of course- my dog is recovering well yay!) and then he changes the topic and asks if i'm going to this big annual party thing, and i said no. afterwhich he stops replying, and i cave after 10 mins and ask, are you? (such a loser move) even though i know he's not, he told me previously when we were still together. so anyway he says no too crowded and i say "yeah it is" and he stops replying. we talk on whatsapp so i know he's seen the message and just isn't bothered to reply. which brings me to the question - i don't get it, why do exes do that? why does HE do that? i'm so tempted to ask "so why did you randomly msg me out of the blue" but my friends have told me not to bother as it would show that i still care. i guess that makes sense, but it sucks. and i do want to know. not in a omg-are-you-messaging-me-because-you-want-me-back way but i'm just confused because when we parted ways, he never showed any inclination of wanting to be friends whatsoever. could it be that he's bored? that he just wants to see if he can still have my attention? i'm a pretty nice person (aka a sucker), and since whatsapp allows people to see if they person is online/read the messages, i would feel bad ignoring him, especially since i do hope to see us becoming friends in the future. however, i feel like it's unfair of him to just text me whenever and go MIA whenever he feels like it after he has chieved whatever rubbish he set out to do when he texts me. i am not a toy/entertainment thing. i know i shouldn't care if i'm over him but i guess this shows that i still do miss him, or more like, it shows that i have no idea what he wants with me and just want to find out. at the same time, i don't want him to think i cant move on without him, because i know i can, and i am. however my friends say if i ask him why he messaged me it'll just be a boost to his ego because it'll show i still care about him (i'm not sure how, but apparently they say it does so i'm just gonna roll with that). but honestly i don't know if i care at this point because what's more important to me now is the fact that i don't want him thinking he can just message whenever and disappear on a whim, and expect me to take it with no questions asked. it's annoying. i don't randomly message my friends asking how they are (unless i have an agenda like wanting to hang out, or we talk everyday, or they are going through a bad time and i'm showing concern). if you message someone, there had better be a reason, right? my friends said i should just ignore him but like i mentioned above, i wouldnt feel comfortable doing that. i would have to tell him straight up, "please stop messaging me" because i'm just that kind of person. i said that to my previous ex when i got tired of him messaging me, and it worked he doesn't have to want to get back together - i don't want to get back together - but i just don't like the way we're communicating, when i don't know what his intentions are. also, i'm suffering from shingles, can't go to work for two weeks but i never brought it up in the convo with him... just didn't feel right, i don't know if he would care. i'm also not sure if he messaged me coz' he saw my facebook status about having to take forced leave from work (i didn't cite a reason). i posted it yesterday, and i never deleted him, but he never brought it up so maybe not. is it alright to ask why he randomly messaged me? what his intentions are? it is possible to do so without him thinking i am still in love and care etc etc (or should i just ignore that part, i mean, i shouldnt care what he thinks if thats not what i feel anyway, right?) or should i just up and forget it? i really don't wish to have the feelings all stirred up again each time he decides to say hi, for whatever reason. it's either i have to ask him straight up, or just tell him to leave me alone, because i don't like ignoring people. i will admit i still have some remnant feelings, and i also want to be friends, which is maybe why it's affecting me this way. pretty messed up! is this a game men like to play? advice please? thank you! UPDATE: he continued texting me, asking what plans i had for the night. i replied just baking and taking care of my dog. then we talked for abit (btw there's a lunar eclipse tonight, look for it!) and he just asked me whether i would be interested in having brunch with him tomorrow... what the heck is this. i have no idea how to react. Edited December 10, 2011 by kourix new info
Steelrain21 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 He probably needs lots of attention and is seeking it from several different places. When he's not getting enough from other girls, he seeks you out. He also might be hoping to still get sex from you sometime. You wouldn't be posting here if you didn't have some feeling still, so being friends with him is a BAD idea. If you do that you'll be trying to read every single interaction and conversation that you have, trying to figure out if there's any feeling on his side. You'll be miserable doing that. When a guy says he's not ready for a relationship, 99% of the time it means that he just doesn't want one with you. Sorry but that's the truth. I know I have several levels of interests when it comes to a girl. Some are long term dating potential, others are just friends or shallow physical things. This guy doesn't see you as dating potential for one reason or another, it's not personal. I've had lots of girls either be interested or disinterested in me for silly reasons. He wants to keep you as an option in case he has a drought with other girls. I'd stop talking to him and set your sights on finding a better guy.
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