Lilmisus Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 My boyfriend has had maybe three guys nights while we've been together. More if you count when he was out of town for drill and was spending the weekend with his fellow Marines. Because of this, I always try to urge him to go out with the guys, but he doesn't have a lot of guy friends...only girl friends really, but for me, he's trying to get more guy friends so he doesn't feel compelled to call up girls to hang out. I always love knowing he's out with his guy friends, but more so when I know that he's not the driver or is staying put for the night. Today, after a horrible day and bad night at work, I told him I wanted to see him for a little bit to boost my mood, which he was eager to help do. Apparently, he was having a guys night (I thought he was going to our coworker's party and crashing there), so I didn't want to hang around too long. We met at the bar, and when I saw that he was tipsy and driving, I was even more pissed off than how I was before. He knows how I feel about drunk driving, yet he always volunteers himself to be the driver, claiming he's a "good drunk driver." I will give it to him that he's a very careful drunk driver, but I don't think there's such thing as being a "good" one. He got upset with me for being mad at him, saying that I was ruining his guy's night by getting on him for driving drunk. I told him that that's the one thing that I'm willing to ruin his night over since I don't want to lose him or for him to get into any sort of trouble. He asked me to get mad at him later over it, and I pointed out that later may not come when he drinks and drives. After realizing that my being mad at him probably wouldn't effect his decision to drive or not, I decided to turn my attitude around and told him to have a good night, drink a lot, but be responsible and to sober up before he got back behind the wheel. He promised me that if he got to the level that he knew he couldn't drive at (I will also give it to him that he knows his limit), that he'd call me or a taxi. We ended the night on a decent note, after spending 10 minutes together, and after he made this promise. Was I a horrible girlfriend for getting on him for drunk driving while he's having one of his few nights of freedom? or am I being a horrible girlfriend for not making sure he gets home okay? I offered to be their DD but he didn't want to feel babysat and I didn't want to do that either, but I made sure to stress that I would be perfectly okay with driving them if at the end of the night they were all too messed up. I'm praying he takes my offer, but I feel like a horrible (and pissed off) person regardless.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Guy's night out = healthy Drinking and driving = bad idea So if he is drinking and driving, you have the right to be pissed. But if it is only guy's night out... leave him alone
Author Lilmisus Posted December 10, 2011 Author Posted December 10, 2011 Guy's night out = healthy Drinking and driving = bad idea So if he is drinking and driving, you have the right to be pissed. But if it is only guy's night out... leave him alone I encourage guy's night and for him to go out and have fun. Each time he drinks and drives though, he knows how mad I get since so there are just too many alcohol related accidents in our area. But should I have waited before I got on him about it? Or was it right of me to get on him before he got behind the wheel again, while more intoxicated? (I don't know his status right now, I've been trying to leave him alone to have fun).
lululucy Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 There's no good time to get mad at someone for drinking and driving. It's irresponsible. If I were you, I would've just left as soon as I realised what he was doing and texted him saying to call if he got too drunk and I'd drive everyone home. I think the best time to bring this up is sober because, in my experience anyway, drunks can be very stubborn and won't listen to any sort of logical reasoning.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Why is he so irresponsible? He may seem like you are nagging, but you are trying to save his life before it is too late. I am sure he will appreciate it. I would.
Jynxx Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 I think you're overreacting. A friend of mine sometimes takes his car instead of a taxi when we go out. And honestly, I've had him drive me home a couple times when he would test way over the limit and he still is a better than average driver. I bet the same is true for your bf. Add to that there's probably a handful of people you wouldn't like to drive you home when they're completely sober, and you'll see all you have left is an emotional argument.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 I would have been pissed. Drinking and driving is piss poor. A lot of people like to think they can handle anything, next thing you know, someone is dead because of a drunk driver. If your boyfriend doesn't take this issue seriously, direct him to websites that show real people sharing their real stories with loosing loved ones to DD. Here is one : http://www.alcoholalert.com/drunk-driving-memorial.html
carhill Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 I will give it to him that he's a very careful drunk driver, but I don't think there's such thing as being a "good" one. Since apparently this isn't a rare occurrence, let's put some numbers to it. First, how often does he get drunk where driving would not merely be illegal but patently unsafe; by that I mean falling down drunk? Then, how often does he drink and drive? Pick an easy time period, like over the last year if you've been together that long. What I do is refrain from controlling the behaviors of others, rather decide if I want to invest myself in that person. In an extreme case, I'll physically take their keys away from them and suffer any adverse consequences for that action, but generally I have always aligned myself with people who behave responsibly in such matters. Others, I simply avoid and hope fate smiles upon them and/or their victims if/when they make poor choices. Would I be 'pissed'? No, I don't think I would be. I would merely let them know that behavior was unacceptable to me and they could decide what weight that revelation carried with them. Up to them. We're all adults here.
Cypress25 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 There's no such thing as being a good drunk driver. You have to be sober to be a good driver, period. In high school, we had a program called "Every 15 Minutes" because in the US, someone is killed in an alcohol-related accident every 15 minutes on average (the stats may have changed in the last 10 years). Quite often, it's not even the drunk driver who gets killed. Driving drunk is one of the most selfish things you can do. It puts everyone at risk, and drunk drivers don't care. Basically, your boyfriend is saying that not only does he not care about himself, he also doesn't care about the friends he's driving or the other innocent drivers/passengers on the road with him. I could never date someone who had such a selfish attitude.
Arasae Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 In my book, that's a deal breaker. I'd dump the bastard. Anyone who drinks and drives is not only putting themselves at risk, but also everyone around them. One time occurrence or not, to me, that tells me a LOT about his character--that he's not just inconsiderate, but has so little regard for anyone else in the world that he would endanger their lives. But then, my grandparents were simultaneously killed by a drunk driver. -shrug- It's up to you, but yeah, I'd say your anger is justified.
ditzchic Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Uhh. Reminds me of one of my exes. Part of the reason he's my ex is because he would lie about his drunk driving all the time. He would always tell me he took a cab, or got a ride from a friend or something. I never even asked him this info. He would volunteer it. The one night when we were both hammered at a bar we walked to he confessed that he lies about it all the time. His reason was that he knew I felt so strongly about it. Jesus christ the guy even blew up the transmission on his brand new BMW while under the influence and I was carting him around for two weeks because of it. Everyone makes bad decision on occasion but when it becomes a habitual thing and then you feel the need to lie your ass off about it, you should know something is wrong. I don't think you're being unreasonable being mad about it. At the very least he can mess up his car or end up in jail with tons of fines. At the most he can lose his life or take someone else's. Like I said, we all make bad decisions but if he is over the age of, say, 25, he should know better. It speaks a lot of his character if he is willing to premeditate this kind of bad behavior when there are other options available. These kinds of guys are definitely not boyfriend material.
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