Last request before the END

[hooliganization]

Thanks for being a helpful community, and sharing your stories. You've all helped me. Thank you.

 

Now I have a few questions to ask. Please... lots of you view these threads, and I need advice. Let me know what you think! Please?

 

Question 1: Should I delete all pictures of us together?

Facebook. I will delete him soon. All my photos ... all my memories (past 5 years) have him in it. I haven't even taken a look at it. I just know that he's in all of them. All my trips, hikes, adventures... showing what an awesome time I had...

 

Question 2: Should I go to the hiking meetup even if he'll be there (or so he RSVP'd)?

I love hiking!? I would only hike with him... he was the only one who enjoyed it too (that i know). I found this hiking community on MEETUP.com ..but it turns out he's using it too. Even when the jerk started his own hiking club at school! I want to hike!! And I don't know anybody who'll do it with me. That's why I joined this online community...BUT HE DID ALSO!?

 

Question 3: Should I e-mail him a list of my stuff to get ready to give back? In that same e-mail, should I ask him to fix the fence?

Before officially ending all contact. I don't want my dog getting lost AGAIN. Later in this thread I'll explain the details regarding this question.

 

---

 

Okay, so I sort of came to terms. It's over. I know it's over. It's been a month since the breakup. He said he didn't know how fe felt about me anymore. Shortly after our 5 year anniversary, he tells me this ...only because I confronted him. From what I've read, I've reached the conclucsion it's GISG. He admitted to liking another girl. I felt it...I suspected he felt indifferent about us for about a month prior. I thought he was going to forget our anniversary. He didn't, but if he did I was going to break up with him. There was no infidelity. I believe he broke up because he respected me enough not to have cheated on me. It ended on good terms.. I thanked him for showing me what it felt like to be in love.

 

I want it to stay buried. I want to stop feeling upset and betrayed. It was wonderful the time we spent together, but it's over. I don't fantasize about us getting back together. I don't want to get back with him. He was great, but he didn't appreciate me... at least not at the end..the last month. He offended and hurt me, and I will not allow myself to be caught up in an illusion..of wanting him back. NO, it's not goint to happen.

 

I am confused about the whole friend deal. It's too soon for both of us. I don't know how to feel. I love him. I did love him? I want to hate him, but I can't. I can't be his friend anytime soon. I dont know if I can forgive him.

 

Here's the background information about why I need advice..at least with the fence.

 

Mom was diagnosed with a tumor and was in the hospital a week after the break up. Until this week, she just got out. While I was at the hospital one day with Mom, my dog (my baby...i love her so dearly) ran away. It was too much for me to handle. Mom in the hospital, my dog lost, and a broken heart. I had a meltdown. I went looking for her. I posted online. I asked him to make a lost dog poster (he has photoshop) and he did call and come over to help me find her. I was in no condition to drive. Alas she was found that same day, somebody called and told us she was in the DOG POUND. It was too late to pick her up that day. He did me the favor of getting her out the next day and kept her in his house.

 

MY DOG SCALES MY 7 FOOT FENCE. She's like a spider dog. She gets out. He said he'd help put up some small mesh so she wouldn't escape. I just never replied to this favor he said he'd do for me. My close friend says he's doing it out of guilt. I know he probably is now, but he did want a long time ago, when I didn't want to. Now I do...I can't have her getting lost. I couldn't stand losing her. Honestly, that day it felt like I was losing everything I love.

 

I haven't done the no contact yet. I still need to get my stuff back. I intend on doing it this weekend before his birthday on DEC 20th. I don't want to wish him a happy birthday. He did call me, but he was the dumper. I do, but I want to really cut him off...and have NO CONTACT. Delete him from facebook...EVERYTHING!

 

I'm contemplating e-mailing him a list of my stuff to get back. But, before I start NC..i really want that fence fixed. I don't want my dog running away and getting lost. So I want to ask him if he still wouldn't mind fixing that for me. He did offer after she ran away and was in the DOG POUND, I just didn't reply. I just want to this done as a last favor, before THE END. I really wouldn't know how to do it myself or I have no idea who else to ask.

 

I get to keep everything of his... he just asked for his sleeping bag and tent. Tempted to this stuff, as a way of getting him back... but I know I won't.

[mike588]

If you have the same pictures on 'paper" then yes delete them from Facebook,,keep the pictures on paper if you want to just put them in a box and store them where you can't get to them easy.

 

I'd hold off on the hiking trip,, seeing him there may upset you and move you backwards,, find something else to do.

 

It's ok to email,,, email only about your belongings and your belongings only,don't mention how you feel,, your hurting,upset etc. and find someone else to fix your fence.

[smokey bear]

Dont delete your past, its what made you, you. create a new album on facebook and put them all in there then dont look at it until you can, you'll regret deleting them. Get someone else to do the fence, just google a local joiner its a simple job. Or buy a chain or a covered dog run. There are other options.

 

Dont do anything bad to his stuff, he's been very good to you.

 

Try and find some understand of what he's going through. Heal yourself and forgive.

[happypanda21]

1) Keep backups of all the pictures. Time will pass and your feelings will lesson, and eventually disappear. The time you spent together is part of your life. They will become memories only, and it will always be nice to have them in the future. That said, store them on paper/usb drive far and away.

2) If you know its the end, for the time being do all in your power to steer clear of him. Even if that means not doing that hiking thing. Try to find some other way to find fellow hikers, even another online sight. It's a drag having to change your life a bit, but it will be worth it if you DONT see him.

 

3) Getting your stuff back can be a challenge. Do you just want it or need it? If its important, emailing is okay, but setup a day to pick it up, like friday at 8. Just stick to the point, and be straightforward. Also if you have anything that belongs to him, tell him you will bring that. If you don't need it, isn't too expensive, or densest have have allot of value for you, forget about it.

 

Don't worry about asking him to fix the fence. You can find someone else to fix the fence and will not have to deal with being hurt while seeing him. It may cost a little but that is a very light sacrifice for the emotional pain. If you need, ask your parents, friends, teachers, etc for referrals for people who can fix it. Last resort is going through the yellow pages and making calls. Do NOT rely on him anymore.

[BoredAgain]

- I'm sure there's a way to create a private Facebook album - just take all the pics and save them there. One day when you're older and long past the relationship, you'll be glad you saved them.

 

- If it's going to set you back emotionally to go hiking in a group with him, then don't do it. Find another group, at least for a while until you're healed from the breakup.

 

- Decide if you actually need your stuff back. If you don't, then just let it go. If you do, then just send a quick "just the facts" email about getting your stuff back. Have him drop it off at your front door or something.

 

- Get somebody else to do the fence thing. Or better yet, just buy a stake & chain. It's easier and cheaper than building a fence extension.

[hooliganization]

Thanks to those who replied. Continuing to rely on him would be a foolish move on my part.

 

Hiking... yes I guess I can put it off for awhile. I think it'd probably remind me of him since it's what he loved to do too.

 

The photos on FB, I won't delete them for now. I still can't bring myself to look at them. I guess I can ask a friend to save them onto a USB in the meantime or create that private album for me.

 

My stuff ... well while living together I did buy an awesome coffee table. He's had it in storage at his house. I LOVE IT. I need to move it to my sister's storage room for now. *sigh* I'll message him soon to ask for it back.

 

My motivation for living just isn't what it used to be... circumstances seem pretty bleak. "This too shall pass"... I know, I'm just waiting for it. I know it depends on me.

[mike588]

Can you get someone else to pickup the coffee table? I'd stay away from the house and definately not go inside,, to many memories that could be painful to you.

[hooliganization]

After DEC 29, I will. I just did want to end contact before his birthday.