One Year Later, I Confessed

[JustK]

Well you're just a nice piece of work aren't you?

YOU cheated on YOUR husband, and you're mad at your single exBOYFRIEND for not telling you he had a girlfriend on the side while you were keeping it a secret from him that you were reconciling with your husband who you STILL kept in the dark about how you were banging this guy on the side?

Which guy was the "back up plan" for you?

How dare you feel that anyone in this little escapade has wronged you? You are the one doing the lying, cheating and betraying. You are still hiding things from your husband and you want your slate wiped clean and are boohooing about how you can't just be friends? What is wrong with this picture?

[SoulStorm]

I didn't tell H because I want to keep this mess away from him. If he feels like this hasn't ended, which I convinced him it has, he'll leave.

 

Just shot out an email to exOM reminding him of my RO threat. The harrassment stopped. He's back with his GF, she called me but I didn't pick up, and don't plan on calling back.

 

LOL everytime I end a post I say this is the end, but something happens and it all starts over again.

 

What did I sow? I never hurt anyone.

 

Oh yes you have...you've sown

lying, cheating, betrayal,deception,selfishness.

 

Your BH doesn't know the extent of deceptiveness. I am sure if he knew the gravity of your wrong doings and the extent of your self-centerdness he would definitely be hurt.

 

You are either the must gullible or the most craftiest of women I have seen on this board.

 

I've seen your kind many times...full of deception..even to yourself...good luck in your life.

 

I am finished casting pearls to you Matthew 7:6

[whichwayisup]

 

Just shot out an email to exOM reminding him of my RO threat. The harrassment stopped. He's back with his GF, she called me but I didn't pick up, and don't plan on calling back.

 

LOL everytime I end a post I say this is the end, but something happens and it all starts over again.

 

.

 

Why on earth would you send him an email, reminding him of the RO? Seems to me you're baiting him ON purpose and wanting the drama! You're asking for more trouble...Are you addicted to this? I really don't understand why you'd that. Kind of defeats the purpose of the RO if you're still emailing him. You're bringing this all on yourself now.

 

You're right. I won't be contacting him again. And he hasn't responded.

 

Why didn't he just tell me he had a GF? I was honest with him about being married. Maybe all this wouldn't have happened and we could've been friends or atleast civil. He should've respected our history together but I guess it/i never mattered to him.

 

LET IT GO...................

[whichwayisup]

I didn't tell H because I want to keep this mess away from him. If he feels like this hasn't ended, which I convinced him it has, he'll leave.

 

What did I sow? I never hurt anyone.

 

I really hope you get yourself into counselling asap because the fact that you wrote this and seem to have no idea what you've done and how unhealthy your choices are/were, just shows how much you need help. Sorry to be blunt, though I do mean this sincerely. Life is what you make it to be and you make yours complicated and full of drama.

[Mme. Chaucer]

OP - I am having a real difficult time believing you are for real.

 

What do your close friends, sisters, mother have to say to you about the way you live your life and nurture your marriage?

[weedsandposies]

Well you're just a nice piece of work aren't you?

YOU cheated on YOUR husband, and you're mad at your single exBOYFRIEND for not telling you he had a girlfriend on the side while you were keeping it a secret from him that you were reconciling with your husband who you STILL kept in the dark about how you were banging this guy on the side?

Which guy was the "back up plan" for you?

How dare you feel that anyone in this little escapade has wronged you? You are the one doing the lying, cheating and betraying. You are still hiding things from your husband and you want your slate wiped clean and are boohooing about how you can't just be friends? What is wrong with this picture?

 

That's the thing, he wasn't single! He had a girlfriend for TWO years. Why didn't he just tell me? I was honest with him. And then he bates her to contact me after I had been ignoring him for MONTHS. Why play with my life like that? I do not want to be friends with him.

[anne1707]

That's the thing, he wasn't single! He had a girlfriend for TWO years. Why didn't he just tell me? I was honest with him. And then he bates her to contact me after I had been ignoring him for MONTHS. Why play with my life like that? I do not want to be friends with him.

 

Can you really not see that the lies you continue to tell your husband far outweigh anything the exOM has done to you? Do you really expect people to say "Oh, bless. Poor Weeds has been treated so badly"?

 

Do you feel any remorse at all for your affair?

[weedsandposies]

Why on earth would you send him an email, reminding him of the RO? Seems to me you're baiting him ON purpose and wanting the drama! You're asking for more trouble...Are you addicted to this? I really don't understand why you'd that. Kind of defeats the purpose of the RO if you're still emailing him. You're bringing this all on yourself now.

 

Don't want the drama, my life is interesting on it's own, don't need heartache. I sent him an email telling him to stay away from my family. There will be no more contact from me. Even to his GF who called, I never responded.

 

LET IT GO...................

 

I did let him go. I didn't think about him for months. Then he bated his GF to contact me, making her think it was me he cheated with. I let this go for the past year, since I reconciled with H. Just had afew weak moments that weren't even worth it in retrospect. He needs to let this go but he's not.

 

Sorry to be blunt, though I do mean this sincerely. Life is what you make it to be and you make yours complicated and full of drama.

 

When he asked me why I had chosen H over him, what H has that he doesn't this was my response to him. I want peace!

[weedsandposies]

Do you feel any remorse at all for your affair?

 

Not anymore. I'm past the guilt. The A was good for my marriage. It's the aftermath I don't want.

[anne1707]

Not anymore. I'm past the guilt.

 

Guilt is not the same as remorse. I felt guilt after my affair but have moved past that. I will always feel remorse though for the pain I caused my H.

 

The A was good for my marriage.

 

Really? Does your H think the same?

 

It's the aftermath I don't want.

 

Including being honest with your H.

[whichwayisup]

You misread/misunderstood.

 

LET IT GO means let it go. The why's and how's of this and that, why he never told you about his gf, why he chose her over you, blah blah blah..

 

Let that stuff go. And, STOP emailing him to tell him about the RO. I thought you dumped that email account and also blocked him.

[bentnotbroken]

I didn't tell H because I want to keep this mess away from him. If he feels like this hasn't ended, which I convinced him it has, he'll leave.

 

Just shot out an email to exOM reminding him of my RO threat. The harrassment stopped. He's back with his GF, she called me but I didn't pick up, and don't plan on calling back.

 

LOL everytime I end a post I say this is the end, but something happens and it all starts over again.

 

What did I sow? I never hurt anyone.

 

 

Your train wreck is about show you exactly who you hurt and what you put into play. Lying to H and baiting OM. You are a game player with the lives of others......

[stopdropandroll]

I smell personality disorder.

[weedsandposies]

Your train wreck is about show you exactly who you hurt and what you put into play. Lying to H and baiting OM. You are a game player with the lives of others......

 

Stop vomiting on me please.

 

You and OM are the only people on this earth that seem to think so. Can you tell me how I'm a game player? My cards were always laid on the table. I didn't hide anything. And regardless of what you all think I NEVER lied to H. Maybe lucky that H never questions my whereabouts. Who knows.

 

Let's say I hadn't reconciled with H and chose to take OM up on his offer to try to work on a real relationship, then what would've happened to this GF? Does he not care about her or her child? Two years is a long time to be in the presence of a kid his age. I know that's the mother/GF problem for letting a man like OM around her kid, she should protect him. That's her problem, fine.

 

Yes, I have questions in my head. And I have let it go, never asked him to answer my questions but chose to maintain NC for 6 months now. Will I have to deal with this every time he screws someone else?

[weedsandposies]

You know what, I'm done. This is my last post regarding this topic. It's not doing anyone any good. There's no use in going on and on about it. I just spent the past hour blocking OM and anyone related to him from everywhere I can think of. He will no longer hold a place in my existence. If he, or anyone else on his behalf contacts me, the next step will be court.

 

The reason I played into his rage this last time was because I had spoken to a detective friend of mine who said if I file a report they might have to prosecute as a hate crime since he also spewed anti-semitic words in email, voicemail, etc.

 

While I do have questions in my head, getting answers will never change anything. I'm where I need to be, where I want to be. I have the best husband in the world. It's too bad I couldn't be the wife that he deserved. But from this moment on I will do my best with everything I have to be everything he wants. Hoping it's not too late.

 

I've come to terms with what this was. regardless of what OM and I used to be, even just a lie, we no longer exist and to my last breathe he will never be in my life again. Ever.

 

Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond to my threads, past and present. Happy Holidays to you all

[stopdropandroll]

Thank you for gracing us with your presence. Your contibution to LS has been outstanding and you deserve to be recognized for it. Best of luck as you shape your marriage into what you always wanted it to be.

[bentnotbroken]

Stop vomiting on me please.

 

You and OM are the only people on this earth that seem to think so. Can you tell me how I'm a game player? My cards were always laid on the table. I didn't hide anything. And regardless of what you all think I NEVER lied to H. Maybe lucky that H never questions my whereabouts. Who knows.

 

Let's say I hadn't reconciled with H and chose to take OM up on his offer to try to work on a real relationship, then what would've happened to this GF? Does he not care about her or her child? Two years is a long time to be in the presence of a kid his age. I know that's the mother/GF problem for letting a man like OM around her kid, she should protect him. That's her problem, fine.

 

Yes, I have questions in my head. And I have let it go, never asked him to answer my questions but chose to maintain NC for 6 months now. Will I have to deal with this every time he screws someone else?

:eek:Over dramatic and a game player. Not surprising.

[nofool4u]

You know what, I'm done.

 

Well this was pretty much a pointless thread to begin with highlighting a cheater who is appalled at the actions of the OM. It was a trainwreck of a thread from the get go.

[dreamingoftigers]

Well, I'm glad I took all of your advice and confessed, because OM isn't leaving me alone. He's been calling family members, maybe trying to get to H. I don't know what he wants he doesn't say. ONly screams and curses about me. Also, I think he may be back with his GF because I have some missed calls from a cell in her area.

 

Why is he doing this? I'm really depressed. Don't want to file a restraining order but guess it's the only solution.

 

Okay W & P, you worked yourself into a mess here. I do not support any of your behaviours BUT I can empathize with feeling so empty that you would want someone around.

 

One of my close friends who is now living with me (:Facepalm: I'm an idiot for letting her, but anyways....) and my husband plus a ton of reading have given me plenty of insight into infidelity.

 

Having been alienated from your husband during your time of separation it would make sense (not saying it was a good idea or the right thing to do, but it would make sense that you would reach out to an available partner in a time of need for sex and companionship. At a point that low in your life, you would naturally attract quite an unhealthy or traumatized partner. The companionship and sex would likely not form from the prefrontal areas of your brain. In fact, there is lowered bloodflow to the neocortex often in the case of an affair: your reasoning center is offline.

 

After deciding to reconcile with your husband, you probably didn't want to give up your drug (the OM and the sex you would be having) because you'd be pretty attached and hooked on him. You also want your primary relationship with your husband and been holding out hope for him. So you keep your Plan B drug on standby with a whole bunch of confused and jealous feelings involving both men. Sex with OM is addicting, but you know that he isn't your long-term guy. He is a fling, but you don't want to lose your drug. Especially while you are not on secure footing with your husband. You could easily stand to lose not one man, but two.

 

Finding out about OM's women probably hurt and was confusing. Really confusing to your internal processes because your brain isn't quite sure whom to attach to. Plus, as your relationship with H improves, your securefooting gradually returns and you don't need OM as much anymore, but you want him to float around when you need to talk, or extra supports etc. As you become more confident and heal up, OM looks more like what he was to begin with: an underattaching sex fling that you wouldn't have married in a million years.

 

In this case you are projecting your own shame about what you and OM have done onto OM and his actions although deep in your heart you probably weren't completely fooled to begin with. But it still hurts, still confusing and you would just like your embarassment over what you have done to disappear and put it squarely on his shoulders.

 

It won't work like that. When you say that positives have happened because of the A, I believe you. Even positives have happened in my A with my husband's cheating. I am much less dependent on him then I ever was. Truly it is an ill wind that doesn't blow some good.

 

The good you can take from the A is recognizing your husband and your marriage as being much more valuable having seen the dark side and consequences of what could have happened. You could have been turfed just as easily. And we all know that despite your actions, you did want your H first. Sometimes some of us must travel the road to Stupidville to realize we were headed to the wrong place to begin with. The gift to you is that you husband is still with you to ferry you back.

 

Now that he knows and has accepted the issue, cut off everything you can with OM. Disappear him altogether and forgive him because when you were unstable, you pulled him into your instability and you into his. He has nothing to offer you and you have nothing to offer him. Maybe apologize for not being honest with him. Leave his character faults out of it, you are not his mother or keeper. OMs will lie, cheaters will lie, and you cannot expect better of anyone else then you are willing to offer.

 

As for the details, if your husband does not want to hear them, do not push it. If he wants to know, tell him. If you suspect he was involved in an affair, perhaps this is your time to practice being more forgiving, having played both ends against the middle.

 

Grieve your OM, celebrate your M and never, ever walk down this dark path again. Seek IC to build your confidence and figure out how to regulate your emotions. No one with properly regulated emotions would end up in this situation. Sorry if that offends.

 

Stop looking for the shame in others or yourself, look at the situation as merely a series of problems that need solutions, perfect or not.

 

My best to you...

[Trimmer]

You and OM are the only people on this earth that seem to think so.

I don't think they're the only two...

 

Can you tell me how I'm a game player?

OK, let's see...

 

My cards were always laid on the table. I didn't hide anything. And regardless of what you all think I NEVER lied to H. Maybe lucky that H never questions my whereabouts. Who knows.

... and there it is.

[whichwayisup]

Not anymore. I'm past the guilt. The A was good for my marriage. It's the aftermath I don't want.

 

Sure it woke you up and realized what you could have lost.. BUT, the aftermath is what truly makes you change and get boundries, understand why you continued to cheat on your husband and why you never told the OM that you got back together with your husband, continued the A for a while.

 

Face your consquences of your choices (you're afraid of the fallout). All of this means nothing if you don't change your ways and that includes closing the xOM not only out of your life, your heart, but your mind too. STOP wondering and thinking about him, the reasons why he didn't tell you about his gf etc.. It doesn't matter at all.

[whichwayisup]

And regardless of what you all think I NEVER lied to H

 

Sweetie, you're in total denial and re writing history to suit you best.

 

You continued the A when you got back together with your husband. You did lie, maybe you don't see it that way (don't ask, don't tell aka omitting - IS STILL LYING).. Until you own this and see it for what it is, your marriage isn't honest and hey, if you can live with that, so be it. But, it isn't fair to your husband.