nofool4u Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 I had forgotten about the OM until he told his GF he was cheating with me, which he wasn't. True, cheating is the most disgusting of character flaws, I fixed this and made sure he won't be approaching me again. Nah, I don't believe you fixed this. You may not want OM, but I'd be willing to be big money if you found yourself away for fun or business all the way across the country with no chance of hubby finding out, and a man you are attracted to shows you some attention, you'd dive in head first.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 13, 2011 Posted December 13, 2011 One Year Later, I Confessed My H's response: any man that would "date" a married woman, isn't worth sh*t. He'll do it to you. And guess what? OM has been seeing other people and hiding it from me, although I asked him on several occasions to tell me if he was. OM didn't have the integrity to tell me the truth until this summer when I finally pushed him. Then started strict NC. I spared H the details, he didn't want to hear them. Only that it was over. Didn't tell H that I was still seeing OM into the summer, justifying it by telling myself I tried to break it off and this was the time I was managing an exit from OM. The A started when we were separated, H's choice, after a year of constant fighting. And carried through off and on the past year. Around January, H and I reconciled. At that time OM was getting serious but I didn't trust him and started pulling away. I never told OM I was back with my H until the Spring. Just more lies. But my feelings had changed from OM back to my H. After the last incident with OM D-day (see recent thread in OM/OW forum), I needed to tell H in case OM or his GF decided to act on their threat of telling H. Couldn't have POS OM make a fool of my H. Good things came of the A. I learned to appreciate my marriage and my H and to give him more attention, which is where all of the problems stem. After everything that's happened, H still chose me and sided with me. Only time will tell if H and M really aren't affected. This shared skit goes only so far as to illustrate that the last two Cheerios in the bowl will eventually find one another. That someone with your, um, talent for choosing, picked your husband, suggests many more challenges ahead for the two of you. However, if you were separated when (what you call an) affair began, you aren't to be condemned for that part of said "affair".
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Good things came of the A. I learned to appreciate my marriage and my H and to give him more attention, which is where all of the problems stem. After everything that's happened, H still chose me and sided with me. Only time will tell if H and M really aren't affected. Don't have any advice, but you did the right thing... and I hope this all works out positively for you.
samsungxoxo Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 It seems OP is more concerned about the OM dumping her and dating around than fixing her husband. If that's the case then the husband must at this moment be feeling like garbage, like a total loser. From what it's known, men process emotions at slowly pace but eventually they'll vent out. What if her husband wakes up one morning, gets upset and wants divorce? It seems her husband is calm and relaxed (which is amazing considering what happened) but he might also be bottling up emotions. Not sure what OP meant by saying ''good things came out of the A''? A good thing would be if you became rich all of the sudden after having an affair. Learning to appreciate her husband better after the A? So does this means that in order to appreciate your spouse better, everyone gets to have an affair? I don't know but her post doesn't make sense. Either way, OP did the first step correct... which is the confession (even if it's semi-truth but she told her husband that she cheated).
East7 Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 My H's response: any man that would "date" a married woman, isn't worth sh*t. He'll do it to you. And guess what? OM has been seeing other people and hiding it from me, although I asked him on several occasions to tell me if he was. OM didn't have the integrity to tell me the truth until this summer when I finally pushed him. Then started strict NC. I spared H the details, he didn't want to hear them. Only that it was over. Didn't tell H that I was still seeing OM into the summer, justifying it by telling myself I tried to break it off and this was the time I was managing an exit from OM. The A started when we were separated, H's choice, after a year of constant fighting. And carried through off and on the past year. Around January, H and I reconciled. At that time OM was getting serious but I didn't trust him and started pulling away. I never told OM I was back with my H until the Spring. Just more lies. But my feelings had changed from OM back to my H. After the last incident with OM D-day (see recent thread in OM/OW forum), I needed to tell H in case OM or his GF decided to act on their threat of telling H. Couldn't have POS OM make a fool of my H. Let me get this stright, you cheated first on your H with OM, then you cheated on your OM with your H..? Then at the end you are angry at your OM because he dated other people and "lied" to you ? How did he dare to cheat on a married woman? Plus your H warned you, he will cheat on you ? Does your H has better advices rather than talking about OM's life ? So now you are confessing the A to your H only to cut the ground under your OM's feet in case he tells your H. All your actions are motivated by pure selfishness. Anyway, this thread is very entertaining...
Author weedsandposies Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 As crazy as it sounds, yes I did expect OM to tell me the truth when I asked him NUMEROUS times if he was seeing other poeple. I've been told in the past here on LS that he owed me no loyalty, but how about just the truth. I would've gone on my merry way and left his GF and all the others he's sleeping with alone. Easy right? 1
IronMaiden Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Not sure why he would be upstanding and tell you. He obviously likes cheating with numerous women at a time, and liked being with you, so from his perspective that would be lose/lose. And it would require a conscience that is functioning...
michelangelo Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 As crazy as it sounds, yes I did expect OM to tell me the truth when I asked him NUMEROUS times if he was seeing other poeple. I've been told in the past here on LS that he owed me no loyalty, but how about just the truth. I would've gone on my merry way and left his GF and all the others he's sleeping with alone. Easy right? Yes, besides being spelled poorly, this expectation of yours is just stupid. Think of it, haven't you lied NUMEROUS times to keep your cheating a secret? Why would you expect otherwise from your fellow cheater?
nofool4u Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 As crazy as it sounds, yes I did expect OM to tell me the truth when I asked him NUMEROUS times if he was seeing other poeple. Problem is, you didn't really have any business asking him that. You are married. You should have felt it wasn't your place to ask. I've been told in the past here on LS that he owed me no loyalty, but how about just the truth. Again, the truth is something that can't be afforded to you since you cheated on your husband, hence not being truthful to him. I would've gone on my merry way and left his GF and all the others he's sleeping with alone. Easy right? So in other words, you expected him to not be seeing anyone as long as he is with you, but you could stay married? ok:confused: 1
Trimmer Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I've been told in the past here on LS that he owed me no loyalty, but how about just the truth. I would've gone on my merry way and left his GF and all the others he's sleeping with alone. Easy right? Loyalty and truth are branches on the same tree. That tree is fertilized with the character traits of personal honor, and respect and regard for others. When it's been pointed out to you that the loyalty branch is dead, I think it's incredibly naive to look over and be aghast that the truth branch is dead, too... As crazy as it sounds, yes I did expect OM to tell me the truth when I asked him NUMEROUS times if he was seeing other poeple. At least you know it sounds crazy. What more can I do but agree with you on that point?
Author weedsandposies Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 Problem is, you didn't really have any business asking him that. You are married. You should have felt it wasn't your place to ask. Excuse me? I have every right to ask, we're sleeping with each other. He asked me the same question. Lying to me is a lack of integrity on his part and the reason I wouldn't even accept him as a friend at this point. Later on he did admit he was having sex with others, but never told me he had a GF of TWO YEARS. She must not have meant that much to him or just as much as the others. Loyalty and truth are branches on the same tree. That tree is fertilized with the character traits of personal honor, and respect and regard for others. When it's been pointed out to you that the loyalty branch is dead, I think it's incredibly naive to look over and be aghast that the truth branch is dead, too... At least you know it sounds crazy. What more can I do but agree with you on that point? Very true. I learned that the hard way. And I was being sarcastic with the crazy thing.
anne1707 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Excuse me? I have every right to ask, we're sleeping with each other. He asked me the same question. Lying to me is a lack of integrity on his part and the reason I wouldn't even accept him as a friend at this point. Later on he did admit he was having sex with others, but never told me he had a GF of TWO YEARS. She must not have meant that much to him or just as much as the others. Weeds Can you really not see how hypocritical you are being with your indignance at the responses you have received? How about the questions your H has asked you yet you have not told him the truth? By your logic as above, your H does not mean that much to you.
nofool4u Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Excuse me? I have every right to ask, we're sleeping with each other. You had every right to "ask", but not entitled to an answer, and certainly not deserving. Anyone can ask anything they like. But depending on their situation, the question can make them a hypocrite. He asked me the same question. Lying to me is a lack of integrity on his part Really? You are going to talk about integrity? A cheater? Really? and the reason I wouldn't even accept him as a friend at this point. Later on he did admit he was having sex with others, but never told me he had a GF of TWO YEARS. She must not have meant that much to him or just as much as the others. Ok, so lets say he was honest about who he was with or that he had a GF. It shouldn't have made a difference to you since you had a husband.
Trimmer Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 At least you know it sounds crazy. What more can I do but agree with you on that point? Very true. I learned that the hard way. And I was being sarcastic with the crazy thing. I wasn't - I was being almost completely literal. I think it's crazy ( = disconnected with reality ) to expect your OM, who is involved in an affair with you, to treat you in a way (having the integrity to tell you the truth) when you are clearly demonstrating that you are actively choosing the opposite behavior toward your husband. You set the standard pretty low; your OM was just living up to your example. Yes, his lying makes him a douchebag - too - but it's hardly shocking or fuel for indignance. That's just amazingly naive, and... well ... crazy.
Author weedsandposies Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 Well, I'm glad I took all of your advice and confessed, because OM isn't leaving me alone. He's been calling family members, maybe trying to get to H. I don't know what he wants he doesn't say. ONly screams and curses about me. Also, I think he may be back with his GF because I have some missed calls from a cell in her area. Why is he doing this? I'm really depressed. Don't want to file a restraining order but guess it's the only solution.
Bryanp Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 File a restraining order and tell your husband what is going on. You need to fight the OM as a team. I am glad that you now really appreciate your husband. You just missed self-destructing your marriage. You are a very lucky woman. If the roles were reversed would you have been so accepting?
Author weedsandposies Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 I don't know that my husband hasn't cheated, I'd rather not. If I do find out I would decide then, depending on the extent. If he tells me he has a love child there's no way I'd accept it. ONS isn't as bad. All afternoon I've been getting hate messages from an unknown number. I'm filing a report Monday but not telling H uunless it gets more serious. Maybe the holidays will cheer him/them up.
robf1971 Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 If the roles were reversed would you have been so accepting? Nope, cheaters can't handle being cheated on
whichwayisup Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 WTF,,Tell your husband everything, including the bothersome texts. Stop hiding all the truths from him. And then change your cell number. If you don't, then you'll continue to get text messages from unknown numbers. And, change your email address while you're at it. As for IF your husband cheated (well, was it cheating if you two were separated??) I doubt he has, one would think he'd tell you he met someone just like you met someone during the separation.. And, I highly doubt he knocked someone else up..
bentnotbroken Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 Still keeping stuff hidden:sick:. I would bet most of what I own that you haven't told him the whole truth. Just enough to cover your behind. 1
2sunny Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 Tell him all of it. Half of the truth means nothing. Keeping things from him is still lying. He's your H - he has a right to know your truth.
SoulStorm Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 You reap what you sow...you've got a whole lot of reaping to do. It's going to get far worse before it gets better
Author weedsandposies Posted December 27, 2011 Author Posted December 27, 2011 I didn't tell H because I want to keep this mess away from him. If he feels like this hasn't ended, which I convinced him it has, he'll leave. Just shot out an email to exOM reminding him of my RO threat. The harrassment stopped. He's back with his GF, she called me but I didn't pick up, and don't plan on calling back. LOL everytime I end a post I say this is the end, but something happens and it all starts over again. What did I sow? I never hurt anyone. 1
2sunny Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 Sending an email IS contact! He keeps in contact because YOU continue. Since/if he broke contact the best action is to allow the authorities to know - contacting him is crossing the line of the RO too - on YOUR part! He does it because YOU react - stop reacting to him except to call the police or notify the court.
Author weedsandposies Posted December 27, 2011 Author Posted December 27, 2011 You're right. I won't be contacting him again. And he hasn't responded. Why didn't he just tell me he had a GF? I was honest with him about being married. Maybe all this wouldn't have happened and we could've been friends or atleast civil. He should've respected our history together but I guess it/i never mattered to him.
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