One Year Later, I Confessed

[weedsandposies]

My H's response: any man that would "date" a married woman, isn't worth sh*t. He'll do it to you.

 

And guess what? OM has been seeing other people and hiding it from me, although I asked him on several occasions to tell me if he was. OM didn't have the integrity to tell me the truth until this summer when I finally pushed him. Then started strict NC.

 

I spared H the details, he didn't want to hear them. Only that it was over. Didn't tell H that I was still seeing OM into the summer, justifying it by telling myself I tried to break it off and this was the time I was managing an exit from OM. The A started when we were separated, H's choice, after a year of constant fighting. And carried through off and on the past year. Around January, H and I reconciled. At that time OM was getting serious but I didn't trust him and started pulling away. I never told OM I was back with my H until the Spring. Just more lies. But my feelings had changed from OM back to my H. After the last incident with OM D-day (see recent thread in OM/OW forum), I needed to tell H in case OM or his GF decided to act on their threat of telling H. Couldn't have POS OM make a fool of my H.

 

Good things came of the A. I learned to appreciate my marriage and my H and to give him more attention, which is where all of the problems stem. After everything that's happened, H still chose me and sided with me. Only time will tell if H and M really aren't affected.

[TigerCub]

My H's response: any man that would "date" a married woman, isn't worth sh*t. He'll do it to you.

 

And guess what? OM has been seeing other people and hiding it from me, although I asked him on several occasions to tell me if he was. OM didn't have the integrity to tell me the truth until this summer when I finally pushed him. Then started strict NC.

 

I spared H the details, he didn't want to hear them. Only that it was over. Didn't tell H that I was still seeing OM into the summer, justifying it by telling myself I tried to break it off and this was the time I was managing an exit from OM. The A started when we were separated, H's choice, after a year of constant fighting. And carried through off and on the past year. Around January, H and I reconciled. At that time OM was getting serious but I didn't trust him and started pulling away. I never told OM I was back with my H until the Spring. Just more lies. But my feelings had changed from OM back to my H. After the last incident with OM D-day (see recent thread in OM/OW forum), I needed to tell H in case OM or his GF decided to act on their threat of telling H. Couldn't have POS OM make a fool of my H.

 

Good things came of the A. I learned to appreciate my marriage and my H and to give him more attention, which is where all of the problems stem. After everything that's happened, H still chose me and sided with me. Only time will tell if H and M really aren't affected.

 

Is it possible that H chose you because he doesn't have all the facts?

 

I just find that part about integrity to tell the truth a little funny considering you didn't tell your H the whole truth - so really? really? You're gonna judge OM on integrity of telling the truth?

 

How would the OM be making a fool out of your H?

 

Also, why is the OM a POS? Is it because he cheated on you?

 

Honestly, I've been in an A situation - so this isn't coming from a holier than thou attitude - but you're condemning the OM for things you were doing too. How does that make sense?

[reboot]

Wait, you don't like it because the man you cheated on your husband with cheated on you?

[whichwayisup]

Glad you told your H, but you weren't completely honest with him. When the time comes and it will, answer all that he wants to know. INCLUDING the fact that you did/do love your exOM and have no plans on ever getting over him.

 

Because of your refusal to completely let go of exOM in your heart, your marriage will always be at risk and not truly fixable. Remember, your words in the other post in the OM/OW section? Not sure how you can love your husband like you're supposed to if the exOM is still in your heart.

[whichwayisup]

The exOM owes/owed you nothing. You lied and cheated behind your H's back, the exOM was single and free to do and date anybody else. Sorry I know you're hurting and all but what and how the exOM treated you is how you've treated your husband. Only difference? you are married, exOM was single and had no committments made, so he really could do as he pleased which was date and be with other people while with you. Sadly it's ironic..

[drifter777]

 

Good things came of the A. I learned to appreciate my marriage and my H and to give him more attention, which is where all of the problems stem. After everything that's happened, H still chose me and sided with me. Only time will tell if H and M really aren't affected.

 

Really? Really? You are going to state that on this forum? Unbelievable.

 

As you stated, time will tell and there's a good chance that down the road it will be ugly. Your hollow statement that good things came from your affair is an attempt to hide the guilt and shame you feel after the disgusting way you behaved. Get some counseling and at least be real with yourself.

 

Many couples are able to reconcile after infidelity, but not with your "it was a good thing" attitude. Realize that your husband is in a state of shock and denial and is desperate to put this whole ugly mess behind him and stop the hurting. He is trying to compartmentalize your betrayal into the far reaches of his mind, hoping that it will fade away over time. It won't, as it is actually a ticking time bomb of emotion that will go off sooner or later.

[nofool4u]

My H's response: any man that would "date" a married woman, isn't worth sh*t. He'll do it to you.

 

And your H is absolutely correct. But if thats the way he feels about a man that dates a married woman, and that he is a piece of sh*t, what does he think about a married woman that cheats on her husband?

 

If he is going to see OM that way, then he should be equally, and more disgusted with you, no?

 

And guess what? OM has been seeing other people and hiding it from me, although I asked him on several occasions to tell me if he was. OM didn't have the integrity to tell me the truth until this summer when I finally pushed him.

 

OM didn't have the integrity to tell you the truth? Where was your integrity to not become a cheater?

 

Surely the OM has no integrity, but you don't get to make that call considering your character. Anything you attribute to the OM, you need to attribute to yourself as well.

 

 

I spared H the details, he didn't want to hear them. Only that it was over. Didn't tell H that I was still seeing OM into the summer

 

Integrity

 

 

justifying it by telling myself I tried to break it off and this was the time I was managing an exit from OM. The A started when we were separated, H's choice

 

And that makes it all different doesn't it? No, it doesn't.

 

 

And carried through off and on the past year. Around January, H and I reconciled. At that time OM was getting serious but I didn't trust him and started pulling away. I never told OM I was back with my H until the Spring.

 

So basically you are upset with OM because he was seeing other people, but you neglected to tell him you were back with H.

 

I think you need to forget about the OM, what he was doing, what he will be doing, and start worrying about your own behavior. The more you criticize the OM, the more silly you look.

 

 

Just more lies. But my feelings had changed from OM back to my H. After the last incident with OM D-day (see recent thread in OM/OW forum), I needed to tell H in case OM or his GF decided to act on their threat of telling H. Couldn't have POS OM make a fool of my H.

 

Sorry, again, with your character and behavior, you aren't the one that gets to call the OM a POS, no matter how much of one he is.

 

And OM may have made a fool of your husband by sleeping with you, but no more than you have made a fool of him yourself.

 

 

Good things came of the A. I learned to appreciate my marriage and my H and to give him more attention, which is where all of the problems stem. After everything that's happened, H still chose me and sided with me. Only time will tell if H and M really aren't affected.

 

Good things came of the A? Because you realized you needed to appreciate your H more doesn't mean anything good came from it.

 

Your H will forever have the knowledge that you cheated on him, and that will negate anything you can perceive as good. And if you think something good came from the A, it would be good on your end. Your husband can decide for himself whether he thinks he is glad you screwed around with another man.

[nofool4u]

Wait, you don't like it because the man you cheated on your husband with cheated on you?

 

I know, amazing isn't it?

[TheMeatloafJuggler]

I'll just say this, the Golden Rule, would you want your husband or any man you've ever dated to treat you in the manner in which you treated him?

 

No one can answer that but you. But if you wouldn't like it, then why do it to someone else?

[Trimmer]

...I needed to tell H in case OM or his GF decided to act on their threat of telling H. Couldn't have POS OM make a fool of my H.

No, you wouldn't want anyone encroaching on your territory....

[stopdropandroll]

This is my favorite thread by far of all the threads I've read. It's so idiotic that I couldn't help laughing. Reminds me of the seriously flawed logic my stbxw used. You deserve to have your husband spit in your face and punch you in the boob. In a non-violent non-criminal way of course...

 

My H's response: any man that would "date" a married woman, isn't worth sh*t. He'll do it to you.

 

And guess what? OM has been seeing other people and hiding it from me, although I asked him on several occasions to tell me if he was. OM didn't have the integrity to tell me the truth until this summer when I finally pushed him. Then started strict NC.

 

I spared H the details, he didn't want to hear them. Only that it was over. Didn't tell H that I was still seeing OM into the summer, justifying it by telling myself I tried to break it off and this was the time I was managing an exit from OM. The A started when we were separated, H's choice, after a year of constant fighting. And carried through off and on the past year. Around January, H and I reconciled. At that time OM was getting serious but I didn't trust him and started pulling away. I never told OM I was back with my H until the Spring. Just more lies. But my feelings had changed from OM back to my H. After the last incident with OM D-day (see recent thread in OM/OW forum), I needed to tell H in case OM or his GF decided to act on their threat of telling H. Couldn't have POS OM make a fool of my H.

 

Good things came of the A. I learned to appreciate my marriage and my H and to give him more attention, which is where all of the problems stem. After everything that's happened, H still chose me and sided with me. Only time will tell if H and M really aren't affected.

[Afishwithabike]

My H's response: any man that would "date" a married woman, isn't worth sh*t. He'll do it to you.

 

And guess what? OM has been seeing other people and hiding it from me, although I asked him on several occasions to tell me if he was. OM didn't have the integrity to tell me the truth until this summer when I finally pushed him. Then started strict NC.

 

A man who was cheating with you (a married woman) lied to you and didn't have integrity?

 

No way!!

 

Scandalous!

 

 

[robf1971]

anyone else get the feeling that the OP is troll? All of her post are too extreme for me to believe that a real person would think like this

 

Nope she's for real!! Seen lots of here posts. I think it's great she's posting on here. It's a great reminder to the BS's of how selfish cheaters are. Hard to believe her hubby didn't kick her to the kerb really.

[weedsandposies]

Glad I'm entertaining you guys. Almost forgot this was the land of zipped up croches and tucked away penises. But this is my life. And I'm looking for real advice.

[stopdropandroll]

Start by telling your husband the whole truth. Tell him the full extent of the affair. Showing a willingness to come completely clean goes a long ways to rebuilding trust. Don't wait for him to initiate the conversation. You must go to him.

 

If he doesn't have full confidence it what you tell him the trust in your marriage is = 0. If he finds out things you left out later on the trust in your marriage is = 0.

 

Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about your husband and your marriage. You said the reason you had the affair was because you didn't pay enough attention to your husband. Your whole post just screams of your selfishness. That's probably not the root of the issue but its a major issue and something you should address in counselling.

 

Glad I'm entertaining you guys. Almost forgot this was the land of zipped up croches and tucked away penises. But this is my life. And I'm looking for real advice.

 

Don't forget it's also the land of swinging penises and wide open legs.

[nofool4u]

This is my favorite thread by far of all the threads I've read. It's so idiotic that I couldn't help laughing. Reminds me of the seriously flawed logic my stbxw used.

 

Well also consider that this was posted in the Infidelity section. A section were most come because the have been cheated ON.

 

So maybe she is getting the reactions she had hoped for.

 

You deserve to have your husband spit in your face and punch you in the boob. In a non-violent non-criminal way of course...

 

I just blew my Pepsi through my nose!!

[nofool4u]

Glad I'm entertaining you guys. Almost forgot this was the land of zipped up croches and tucked away penises.

 

No, I don't think you forgot at all that this section, for the most part, is where people come because they have to deal with the pain caused by people like you. And then you drop this story about how the OM is such a POS, when you are definitely no better.

 

Sorry, aint gonna fly. Treat your H with the respect he deserves, THEN we'll talk.

[nofool4u]

Don't forget it's also the land of swinging penises and wide open legs.

 

No, there is another section of this site that fits that description.

[robf1971]

Glad I'm entertaining you guys. Almost forgot this was the land of zipped up croches and tucked away penises. But this is my life. And I'm looking for real advice.

 

Actually you're getting superb advice here!!

 

You f'd up royally and now you've gotta pay pennance. You commit the crime, you do the time. The only sympathy I have is for your husband.

[standtall]

Glad I'm entertaining you guys. Almost forgot this was the land of zipped up croches and tucked away penises. But this is my life. And I'm looking for real advice.

 

 

I have some...stop lying and cheating.

[nofool4u]

I have some...stop lying and cheating.

 

There you have it. Best advice hands down. Not to mention simple and to the point.

 

But what do you want to make a bet that this doesn't fit with what she desires?

[despicableME]

Good things came of the A.

 

Whoa... IDK about that, but whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess.

[nofool4u]

Notice its always the cheater that will say good things came from the A.

[weedsandposies]

Is it possible that H chose you because he doesn't have all the facts?

 

And he may also feel guilty for how he's been treating me. And I'm seriously beginning to think he was seeing someone last year, which would explain why he wasn't trying to work on our M.

 

The exOM owes/owed you nothing. You lied and cheated behind your H's back, the exOM was single and free to do and date anybody else.

 

This is true. But it still hurts that he lied to me even when I asked him and told him I'd understand if he was seeing someone. He finally confessed to seeing MANY different people and left out this long term GF.

 

I think you need to forget about the OM, what he was doing, what he will be doing, and start worrying about your own behavior. The more you criticize the OM, the more silly you look.

 

I had forgotten about the OM until he told his GF he was cheating with me, which he wasn't. True, cheating is the most disgusting of character flaws, I fixed this and made sure he won't be approaching me again.

 

Start by telling your husband the whole truth. Tell him the full extent of the affair. Showing a willingness to come completely clean goes a long ways to rebuilding trust. Don't wait for him to initiate the conversation. You must go to him.

 

If H does ask me more questions, I'll respond. He knows this about me. Just seems like moving backwards at this point to initiate any kind of conversation.

[anne1707]

And he may also feel guilty for how he's been

treating me. And I'm seriously beginning to think he was seeing someone last

year, which would explain why he wasn't trying to work on our M.

 

Or are you just trying to re-write your marriage in an attempt to "justify" your affair?

 

 

This is true. But it still hurts that he lied to me even when I asked him and

told him I'd understand if he was seeing someone. He finally confessed to seeing

MANY different people and left out this long term GF.

 

Now imagine how your H feels now that you have told him about the ex-OM

 

I had forgotten about the OM until he told his GF he was cheating with

me, which he wasn't.

 

In that case, why do you have emails relating to the affair, like the one from the ex-OM's girlfriend

 

 

True, cheating is the most disgusting of character flaws, I fixed this and made

sure he won't be approaching me again.

 

More importantly, what have YOU done to stop YOU from cheating?

 

 

 

If H does ask me more questions, I'll respond. He knows this about me.

 

Yet you have omitted telling him that the affair continued after you and your H got back together

 

 

 

Just seems like moving backwards at this point to initiate any kind of

conversation.

 

It may seem backwards to you to be completely honest with your H but he may feel differently.

 

 

Weeds - I am a fWS. I have been completely honest with my H. I do not for one minute see how we could have successfully reconciled if I had only told him a half way version of the truth

Edited December 13, 2011 by anne1707