suri Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Hi, I have fallen in love with my coworker since the past 3 months. He initiated it and i did reciprocate too. He is a widower and i am a divorcee so we both are single. We used to speak for hours together initially during the first month. After the first month, after he knows i have fallen for him, (he used to tell me that he doesn't want to hang up the phone, he wants me in his life and all that. Though now he says it was casual talk in the first month) he told me that he was in a relationship with a married woman since 6 years. He said she was with him thru all his difficult times. He said they both do not have any plans of getting married and that he is looking for someone to fill his life. He said he broke up with several times earlier, but they both cannot resist from seeing / being with each other. Upon her insistence he called me and told me that we cannot talk anymore. He removed me from his friends list in facebook (he says she has access to his emails and facebook and she did it). I have even received a mail from his account saying we shouldn't be friends anymore. He says she sent that email. Now, to cut the story short, we tried to be friends and he finally broke up with her (that's what he told me) and we moved on and i am now crazily in love with him. I have recently found that he is still in touch with her. They speak everyday and chat on IM everyday. When confronted abt it, he said they are just friends and he is not interested in that kind of a relationship with her anymore. However, now the issue is he claims to be depressed and tired all the time and not the same with me anymore. Though he speaks to me everyday. I am really concerned if he is missing her and if i am the reason. It hurts me alot that he prefers a married woman who has no moral ethics, cheating on her husband over me. It really hurts. Please suggest what to do. Is there an end to my pain? I feel like dying!
BoredAgain Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Sounds like this married woman has him wrapped around her finger. It sucks, but there's not much you can do in that type of situation.
CaliBabe Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Personally... If it were me... I would leave. I think you know what the right thing to do is, it's just difficult to do.
Author suri Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 So you think there is no way he is going to leave that unethical person and be with me?
M2155 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 He's not making an effort toward you and it's clear he has feelings for someone else (which probably has nothing to do with you). Leave. Drop it. Run ASAP. He might leave "unethical" person and I hope he does, but until he does, don't be an option for him. You will feel worse and worse if you hang around and always suspect he is getting close to her or waiting for her to get out of her relationship. Please listen to your gut because you sound like you know something isn't right.
CaliBabe Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 M2155 is exactly right. Don't wait around for him to do it. You are not an option. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't think the world of you? You are not someones #2. Show your worth by leaving the bad situation.
mike588 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 (edited) Follow the above advise please! My now ex. g/f was still in love with her ex. b/f and after dating her for one year she dumped me to go back to him and it hurt like hell!! Do you really know what's up with all the ,, He says/said? What a good guy,, screwing around with a married woman!! Run!! Edited December 9, 2011 by mike588
Author suri Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 He broke up with me today. On IM he told me that his family will not accept me. I asked him how can he say that when he didn't even talk to them. He says he spoke to his cousins and friends and now he knows it's impossible to convince his family. Earlier he said he can convince his mother easily. Now he says he doesn't think she will accept after speaking to them. All he says is 'I am sorry. pls forgive me if possible'. It's damn painful...I hate my life.
wilsonx Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 (edited) Its not your fault it his... ****ing gaslighting's huge sign of an emotionally immature person ------------------ gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. Edited December 19, 2011 by wilsonx
Author suri Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 I am supposed to go back from my onsite project work. He is supposed to visit me on Thursday. I was excited that I am seeing him after a month gap. Now he broke this news. He is not even willing to discuss this in person. What did I do to deserve this? I feel so worthless
lana_sa Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Take it easy honey,everything will be better.Start no contact directly,from now on ignore him .,you will see he will chase you when he realizes you are not one of those girls that are going to be desperate and begging him back but he seems like a jerk
Author suri Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 Yes Lana. He is a jerk. I do not want to/ will never want him back in my life again. But I want to be stronger, better and smarter so that I know how to keep these kind of people at an arm's length and never get in trouble again in future. Also, i am so hurt now. I don't know when I will be over him. It hurts like hell that I am so unwanted by him.
Author suri Posted December 25, 2011 Author Posted December 25, 2011 I broke NC and spoke to him today. I needed closure. I sent an sms that i need 30 minutes of him time. No response. I sent another one asking if this is the value that i get, that i don't deserve a closure and that i don't get a response. He responded saying 'sure we will talk'. I tried calling him immediately, he has disconnected once, answered 2nd time and said he is at a friend's place and that will talk later. After 2 hours, he called to talk. I asked him why? He started saying there were misunderstandings between us since the past 1.5 months, family is another thing. Our families will not accept it seems. When I asked if it's misunderstandings we could have discussed and worked things out. He said he thought alot and even if we get married now, we will surely have issues in few years. He says he doesn't want to put me thru that pain. He said he knows himself and he has analyzed me and that we are not compatible and that we will have issues in future. He said he will marry the girl his mom chooses. I asked him what is the guarantee that he will not have any issues with her. He says he doesn't know. I said for a girl, you don't even know you are not sure there will be issues or not but for us, you are sure there will be issues...why is that? He kept saying it's about family and it's about we won't be compatible. He also said he doesn't want to be rude to me, and if i keep asking the same thing, he will keep repeating the same thing. I felt so bad and cried and hung up the phone saying bye to him. I couldn't resist myself later on and again sms'd him asking if it's because of the age difference. He replied Yes. I am 7 years elder to him but we knew it all along. This is something I can't fight against/ change. I feel so sad. Can't blame him either... Shouldn't I have loved someone younger to me?
immitable Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 Unfortunately, he is a first class bull**** artist with no ethics whatsoever and you are a sucker for romance,
Author suri Posted December 25, 2011 Author Posted December 25, 2011 You think he was lying abt it all?
immitable Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 You think he was lying abt it all? Yes I think he was lying and to make you feel better your age has nothing to do with it, pick yourself up, you deserve much better than this immature loser.
Author suri Posted December 25, 2011 Author Posted December 25, 2011 Thank you Immitable. LS has really been a great forum...Some of you guys can help heal the wounds much faster. We work in the same organization. I hope I don't try to get in touch with him again. I just want to go NC and be strong one day where even if I have to work with him, I will be able to treat him like another colleague without any feelings in my heart. I want to be really strong. Please give me some tips. I have tried blocking him but within the org, it doesn't work and he is not trying to contact anyway. I know I will have to hear about his dating/ wedding another girl very soon. I wish to be over him by then.
M2155 Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 Suri, it doesn't matter. He doesn't want to be with you. Don't waste your time trying to over analyze why, the result is the same. It hurts, but you deserve better.
Author suri Posted December 25, 2011 Author Posted December 25, 2011 M2155, I agree. I just need to get over him now. I don't know how I can do that. It's tough to see him move on while I suffer. I just need to be over him.
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