lolita jade Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 As you know, my husband and I were split over a year and did coffees, days out, meals etc and very amicable. He knew i wanted to come back and became needy. He then met someone else5 months ago. He was confused her or me and told her and me he had strong feelings for me. He denies this now by the way. Is this GIGS as he had strong feelings for me or not GIGS as he maybe ws seeing that we were just friends since break up??? Am I deluding myself?? I am moving on now though as I have no choice but still wonder if he just saw me as a friend and the fact we hadnt had sex for ages, does that make it not a rebound.
KathyM Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I think, oftentimes, people still have feelings for their estranged spouse after separation or divorce, but when someone new comes along who appears as a worthwhile partner, those feelings get invested in the new person, and they are then able to break off their emotional investment in their estranged spouse. My sister just went through this, where after her separation and divorce, she still pined away for her X and romanticized him and things they did together, but when the right guy came along, it totally broke this emotional connection she still had for her X. The longer you are separated, the harder it is to get back together, because eventually your X will come across someone that he would be interested in seriously pursuing.
mike588 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 As you know, my husband and I were split over a year and did coffees, days out, meals etc and very amicable. He knew i wanted to come back and became needy. He then met someone else5 months ago. He was confused her or me and told her and me he had strong feelings for me. He denies this now by the way. Is this GIGS as he had strong feelings for me or not GIGS as he maybe ws seeing that we were just friends since break up??? Am I deluding myself?? I am moving on now though as I have no choice but still wonder if he just saw me as a friend and the fact we hadnt had sex for ages, does that make it not a rebound. You say your moving on but I don't believe your quite there yet by obsessing over him. It's ok though,, I'm not giving you a hard time,really! I was once in your shoes not long ago. I doubt this is GIGS,, I think that relates to younger people, see some of Wilsons threads for more clarity. It's hard to really move on when your other is constantly on your mind,, I promise you that this WILL PASS in time,, REALLY!! I'm 4 months into being dumped and N.C.,,,, do I still think about her,,, yes,,,alittle,, do I miss her,,,yes but no where as BAD as I did a month/s ago and I believe this is due to N.C. Please stop meeting him for coffee, etc.,,, don't contact him,,move foward and look out for yourself.
Author lolita jade Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Mike, I mean I am moving on as in I have no option, that is what I have to do, not that I have moved on. There are no more coffees I know GIGS refers to young people, also middle aged. Wht I mean by GIGS here is literally thinking life with her will be better than me, more fun, etc. Then after the honeymoon period, realise it isn't. Its ok I will stop obsessing. Just another quetion I thought of thats all.
mike588 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Mike, I mean I am moving on as in I have no option, that is what I have to do, not that I have moved on. There are no more coffees I know GIGS refers to young people, also middle aged. Wht I mean by GIGS here is literally thinking life with her will be better than me, more fun, etc. Then after the honeymoon period, realise it isn't. Its ok I will stop obsessing. Just another quetion I thought of thats all. It's ok,,, keep posting if you feel you need to. I had a million questions too.
Berlington Bob Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I would say it is GIGS. Just because there is no sex involed doesn't mean he isn't missing you and emotional. Sounds to me like he misses raising kids even if he says he hates kids. Maybe he feels older than he thought he would which is exactly what happens when you have a mid-aged crisis.
Author lolita jade Posted December 10, 2011 Author Posted December 10, 2011 I think you may have something there bob. He doesnt hate our kids obviously. He was a very good father. Just doesnt care for other peoples. The thing is he doesnt talk to his family. They fell out. So I do think he sees her family, even though they are kids as a replacement. I have the empty nest syndrome myself but dont want any replacements. I guess at the end of the day if he thinks alot of her he will want to treat the kids like his own. I really am confused by the whole thing. With me we could of gone on holidays, been better off, weekends away nights out without babysitter but he chose her. So decided I just have to have fun myself and think of him babysitting.
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