franci03 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Ok, so I joined this online dating site. I've been talking to a few different guys...and just this past Sat met one of them for the first time. Last night we went out again. Things went well...and I was up front and said if I'm not going to see you again, tell me now...I don't want to waste my time if your not itnerested. I like this guy...he replied, "your cool, I wanna keep getting to know you". Perfect...just what I wanted to hear...BUT...at the same time I have a couple other guys who wanna meet and go out. I don't want to rush anything and I know this guy doesn't want to rush anything either...but at the same time...I really only want to get to know him. I don't want to go out with other guys...I'm not into casual dating...different men each weeknight or whatver...I only have time and energy for one man...what do I do?!?! I want to tell him how I feel...but don't want to scare him off either :/ I really only want to get to know him...
Andy_K Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Prepare for a barrage of frustration from guys who either 1) Can't for the life of them get a date off an online dating site, let alone several at once, or 2) Do not like being juggled around as one of several potential 'dates' This is really simple though. Just ask him if he's dating other girls. If he says yes, or he's evasive about answering (which is a yes), then go ahead and meet the other guy(s) and do the same thing if it goes well. When you find one you like who also isn't interested in dating other girls at the same time, then drop the rest. Nobody gets hurt and misled.
ditzchic Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Go out with different guys. I know you said you only have time and energy for one guy so keep it casual with all of them until you find the one you want to dedicate your time and energy to. As long as you're not leading anyone on and telling them you're exclusive when you aren't or making them think that, you're fine. I would also suggest not getting physical with any of them until you've made that decision.
Author franci03 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Ok...well, he is on there because he is new to the area...I don't know that he would really have time to date too many women either...he works a lot...and has a son. I just know he doesn't want to rush anything...wants to get to know a girl before jumping into anything serious...that's why I say I don't want to scare him off. I don't want him to think me not wanting to go out with other guys to mean that I want to jump into a serious relationship. I just truely only want to get to know him. I work a lot and have a hectic life as well...so I don't have the time to invest into multiple men either...
TigerCub Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 You've been on 2 dates with this guy - Personally, I think its way too soon to ask "well, are you seeing anyone else?" you're gonna scare him away. It seems like you already got attached to this guy after 2 dates. Perhaps giving the other guys a chance would help you slow down a bit. Besides, one of the other potentials could be a great guy too - I just don't think you should rule everyone out just because of 2 good dates. I'd keep it light and breezy and date the others (at least one date) and see how that goes - wait for this awesome first guy to ask me if I'm seeing other people and go from there... I dunno, sometimes guys scare easy.
Author franci03 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Go out with different guys. I know you said you only have time and energy for one guy so keep it casual with all of them until you find the one you want to dedicate your time and energy to. As long as you're not leading anyone on and telling them you're exclusive when you aren't or making them think that, you're fine. I would also suggest not getting physical with any of them until you've made that decision. thanks...I really don't want to date or even meet the others though. This one seems to be a great catch...just dont' want to scare him off by telling him that :/
KathyM Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Ok, so I joined this online dating site. I've been talking to a few different guys...and just this past Sat met one of them for the first time. Last night we went out again. Things went well...and I was up front and said if I'm not going to see you again, tell me now...I don't want to waste my time if your not itnerested. I like this guy...he replied, "your cool, I wanna keep getting to know you". Perfect...just what I wanted to hear...BUT...at the same time I have a couple other guys who wanna meet and go out. I don't want to rush anything and I know this guy doesn't want to rush anything either...but at the same time...I really only want to get to know him. I don't want to go out with other guys...I'm not into casual dating...different men each weeknight or whatver...I only have time and energy for one man...what do I do?!?! I want to tell him how I feel...but don't want to scare him off either :/ I really only want to get to know him... Don't pressure him, and take it slow. If you are not the type that prefers to multi-date until you find someone worth being exclusive with, then limit yourself to dating just the one guy for a while and see where that goes. But don't tell him anything about being exclusive at this point--way too early to tell him that, even if you feel that way, or he will feel pressured. He is probably not ready to be exclusive yet, and will take your suggestion as pressure.
TigerCub Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Ok...well, he is on there because he is new to the area...I don't know that he would really have time to date too many women either...he works a lot...and has a son. I just know he doesn't want to rush anything...wants to get to know a girl before jumping into anything serious...that's why I say I don't want to scare him off. I don't want him to think me not wanting to go out with other guys to mean that I want to jump into a serious relationship. I just truely only want to get to know him. I work a lot and have a hectic life as well...so I don't have the time to invest into multiple men either... But would you be volunteering the info that you're not seeing other people? If so, then that would still come off as "I'm not seeing anyone else, how about you?" If he asks, then maybe that means he's thinking what you are - ie. wants to know if he's the only one being focused on. But don't volunteer that info. Also, as for him being new to the area - instead of that meaning that he doesn't have time to meet lots of people - it could mean that he actually wants the freedom to "sample" the locals. (no offense).
ditzchic Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 If you are not the type that prefers to multi-date until you find someone worth being exclusive with, then limit yourself to dating just the one guy for a while and see where that goes. I don't get this... If you don't want to get exclusive, get exclusive? Just don't tell him that? That makes no sense...
KathyM Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I don't get this... If you don't want to get exclusive, get exclusive? Just don't tell him that? That makes no sense... What I said was that she didn't want to multi-date, and instead wanted to be exclusive and see where it goes with this guy. Therefore, there's nothing wrong with limiting herself to dating only this guy, but to have that talk with him at this early stage would seem like pressure to him which he may feel is moving too fast and it may scare him off. So I'm suggesting that she be exclusive (not date others herself), but not bring up this conversation or expectation of exclusivity with him after just one date, because chances are he's not ready for that yet, and he would probably take the suggestion as pressure.
Author franci03 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Thanks all...your input has made me think more clear
Author franci03 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Oh...and...he has told me twice in the last 24 hours not to forget about him......he's going out of town today to go get his son and will spend the weekend back home...so he keeps saying not to forget about him this weekend...lol..cute!
curlygirl40 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 I'm with Kathy M on this one. If YOU are uncomfortable dating more than one person at a time (I'm like that too), then don't. Take your time to get to know this guy. BUT just because you are not comfortable dating more than one person, don't pressure/ask him to make that decision also so early on. You can hope that it will get to that point but yet I wouldn't bring it up this early. Be cool. There's no rush. There's no 'I like this guy but if he's not going to commit to me soon then I must hurry my way along if I expect to be married by next summer!'. Take your time. Get to know him slowly and naturally and don't be in a rush to pin him down. You might chase him away when it might have worked out if he didn't feel pressured. 'When you hold sand too tighly in your hands it runs through your fingers'
Author franci03 Posted December 10, 2011 Author Posted December 10, 2011 So...I'm actually going on date tonight...should I make it a known piece of info to him...or no? I suck at dating...everyone says that kind of stuff will make a guy want u more....but not sure if it is actually true...
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