DearAbby Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I read a book called 90 seconds to make anyone fall in love with you and it talks about the importance of eye contact. As a result of this book, I started to pay more attention to my eye contact with whomever I am speaking to romantic interest or not, male or female, etc. Why won't some people look you in the eye? And is it a good sign, when you are on a date and you can't stop looking someone in the eye?
Author DearAbby Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 many abusive asses can do this and she is smitten. contrast that with a good guy whose nervous. its over within 90 seconds. So, why wouldn't good guys practice being less nervous and being better with eye contact? I have found myself on three dates recently. Two I didn't really like very much and I noticed myself having a hard time looking at them in the eye. I kept turning my head. The other one I couldn't stop looking in the eye but I think it's because I was open to liking him.
Author DearAbby Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 females are so shallow that they think they can judge everything about a male within 90 seconds. they they wonder why their single at 30 after having blindly dumped 200 good guys becuase their didn't captivate her within 90 seconds. You are totally interpreting my post the wrong way. The book is called Make someone fall in love WITH YOU in 90 seconds or less. It has nothing to do with males or females. It is gender ambiguous. Its not about judging someone in 90 seconds.
ScienceGal Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 females are so shallow that they think they can judge everything about a male within 90 seconds. they they wonder why their single at 30 after having blindly dumped 200 good guys becuase their didn't captivate her within 90 seconds. It took me until the third date to really like the last guy I dated. He certainly didnt captivate me in 90 seconds.. I think this concept has little to do with forming or maintaining a relationship. It might help you get laid though. There are a lot of factors that will help you when dating, and while eye contact is good, the idea of falling in love in 90 seconds is a marketing bit if I ever heard one.
Author DearAbby Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 It took me until the third date to really like the last guy I dated. He certainly didnt captivate me in 90 seconds.. I think this concept has little to do with forming or maintaining a relationship. It might help you get laid though. A lot of the book focuses on eye contact and how important it is in the concept of falling in love. It really has nothing to do with getting laid.
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Most guys actually don't know eye contact is such a big deal. Recently, this eye contact discussion was on a predominantly male forum I frequent. Dozens of male posters (the majority in that thread) said they didn't know eye contact was important. They don't like to just stare, especially when they don't have anything fun to say. So there you have it. Most guys don't know eye contact is a big deal.
ThaWholigan Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Eye contact is a big deal, and most guys get nervous of looking a girl in the eye for fear of being labelled creepy. I was always uncomfortable with eye contact (autistic trait), but I trained myself to get better at it. My eyes are actually one of my more attractive features as it happens. But yes, most guys don't do it.
Author DearAbby Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Most guys actually don't know eye contact is such a big deal. Recently, this eye contact discussion was on a predominantly male forum I frequent. Dozens of male posters (the majority in that thread) said they didn't know eye contact was important. They don't like to just stare, especially when they don't have anything fun to say. So there you have it. Most guys don't know eye contact is a big deal. Apparently, eye contact from females is a big deal as well. They did some kind of speed dating event in New York to test it out. I believe that the subjects were not supposed to speak just make eye contact and a few of the couples ended up married. It seems to promote good feelings between the two people
ScienceGal Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 A lot of the book focuses on eye contact and how important it is in the concept of falling in love. It really has nothing to do with getting laid. I was joking about getting laid, but really it could work for those looking just for that. Maintaining eye contact equals confidence, that's all. It can mean genuine interest and attraction too, and often times might, but not always.
Author DearAbby Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Eye contact is a big deal, and most guys get nervous of looking a girl in the eye for fear of being labelled creepy. I was always uncomfortable with eye contact (autistic trait), but I trained myself to get better at it. My eyes are actually one of my more attractive features as it happens. But yes, most guys don't do it. I understand what you are saying. It can be creepy if its staring. But, I think it's important to give more eye contact to everyone you talk to and to practice so that when you are on a date, it's the norm and not creepy. Giving eye contact shows confidence as well.
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Apparently, eye contact from females is a big deal as well. They did some kind of speed dating event in New York to test it out. I believe that the subjects were not supposed to speak just make eye contact and a few of the couples ended up married. It seems to promote good feelings between the two people Alotta times when you look at random attractive women in public, they get uncomfortable. You're supposed to look at women for a few seconds and then look away. Guys take this to mean this includes even on dates.
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 good guys when they try with eye contact often get accused of staring. for many good guys you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Yeah, when you see a hot chick walking down the street, so many women act like you're a lecher. But if you ignore them, then they get huffy that no one acknowledges them.
lululucy Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 A lot of my friends thought that girls found it creepy to hold eye-contact. But seriously, if I'm into a guy and we just lock eyes, it sends chills. If he's avoiding my eye-contact, I assume he's either bored or just not interested in me.
lululucy Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Alotta times when you look at random attractive women in public, they get uncomfortable. You're supposed to look at women for a few seconds and then look away. Guys take this to mean this includes even on dates. That makes SO much sense. I didn't think of it that way. Interesting.
carhill Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Anecdotally, the best eye contact has been with the Hoovers. They're good. One believes. All the other signs are there too; the light touch, the twirling hair, the gentle kisses. Awesome stuff. Normally, using the 'eyes are windows to the soul' generality, direct eye contact is a form of human communication. Like anything else, it can be used in a healthy way, or abused. I've always known how important eye contact was/is, since a young age. My parents taught me that. However, they didn't teach me how people abuse such aspects of communication. Life experience taught me that. Nowadays, when I get that 'buzz' from direct eye contact, I take it as one aspect and look for other aspects to match up, over time. Time reveals all truths.
Author DearAbby Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 That makes SO much sense. I didn't think of it that way. Interesting. I agree I mean.. I think it has to do with being on an actual date and not doing it to a stranger. You wouldn't lock eyes with a random person on a street. It is more when you are on a date making and sustaining eye contact. It also tells you to look away but when you do you do it with sticky eyes. Like you hold their gaze and then look away
FitChick Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 I would find it impossible NOT to look someone in the eye when I was speaking to them. It's just natural.
ThaWholigan Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 I would find it impossible NOT to look someone in the eye when I was speaking to them. It's just natural. I know people like that lol. I'm autistic, it's natural for me not to look people in the eye at all. I can have an entire conversation while looking away from someone
spiderowl Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 Some people won't look you in the eye regardless. This is common with people with autistic spectrum disorders. Some with Asperger's can be very high-functioning, intelligent and high achieving, but may find it impossible to look someone in the eye. If the person has autism, they will remain interested in you and seeing you again, but will still struggle with eye contact. I know because I have a son with Asperger's who never looks me in the eye. As for other people, if they don't look you in the eye it could be shyness. If it persists throughout the whole date, expect not to see them again. It is generally a sign of lack of interest and lack of desire to engage the other person. I went on a date a couple of weeks ago with a guy who didn't look me in the eye once. He said he wanted to see me again in better surroundings (we had bailed out of a noisy party and ended up in a dubious local bar), but he never got in touch. The lack of eye contact felt odd at the time and I felt there was something incongruous about what he was saying and actually doing. There was.
ThaWholigan Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 Some people won't look you in the eye regardless. This is common with people with autistic spectrum disorders. Some with Asperger's can be very high-functioning, intelligent and high achieving, but may find it impossible to look someone in the eye. If the person has autism, they will remain interested in you and seeing you again, but will still struggle with eye contact. I know because I have a son with Asperger's who never looks me in the eye. The bolded. Reflects much of my late teens
SJC2008 Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 There are a handful of articles on the int. about eye contact with women. Not to say all you do is gotta stare a hottie in the eyes and she's yours, but apparently it is good. The best way to summarize it is when first meeting a woman make eye contact until SHE breaks eye contact with you. Do not look to the side or especially down. If you look down or break eye contact with a woman first it sends them a message (subconscious) that you are weak. They do also say there is a fine line between a good amount and being creepy, what the line is I have no idea.
thatcatlady67 Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 There is definitely something to eye contact. The guy I have been dating, for the last several months, has given me the googly-eyes that come with infatuation or attraction. I *really* like him, and I have had a hard time maintaining eye contact with him. Good luck, OP!
Author DearAbby Posted December 11, 2011 Author Posted December 11, 2011 There is definitely something to eye contact. The guy I have been dating, for the last several months, has given me the googly-eyes that come with infatuation or attraction. I *really* like him, and I have had a hard time maintaining eye contact with him. Good luck, OP! Thank you cat!! And OMG make eye contact with him YOU HAVE TO LOL
Author DearAbby Posted December 11, 2011 Author Posted December 11, 2011 There are a handful of articles on the int. about eye contact with women. Not to say all you do is gotta stare a hottie in the eyes and she's yours, but apparently it is good. The best way to summarize it is when first meeting a woman make eye contact until SHE breaks eye contact with you. Do not look to the side or especially down. If you look down or break eye contact with a woman first it sends them a message (subconscious) that you are weak. They do also say there is a fine line between a good amount and being creepy, what the line is I have no idea. So the book says you have to try to make eye contact a lot and look away sometimes while dragging eye contact away. Also, it says there is something to mirroring the other persons body language. If they move towards you, move towards them. They sit back. You sit back. Etc. They won't know but it will make them feel attraction for u
Author DearAbby Posted December 11, 2011 Author Posted December 11, 2011 See for me. Now I am aware of the whole eye contact thing and I try to maintain eye contact when I feel myself looking away.
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