Johnny85 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I finally asked a girl if she liked me "in that way!" We texted back and forth this evening and earlier today she said that we should celebrate once we are done with our project by going out! We met online and I think there is another guy in the picture! She would be all into me one day and the next just disappear! Then she would reappear by sending me flirtatious texts on fb! On and off!! Well I felt like I just needed to know how she felt! "I have a question for you Name! I like you! Do you like me "in that way?" hehe" "I would just like to know because I like to focus on meaningful and positive things in life and I don't want to get emotionally invested or chase after someone who isn't into me!" No response - I think that she is frustrated! I am frustrated too and simply do not want to get strung along anymore! Either she likes me or she does not! Now the ****ty part is that she owes me a quite large check!! I don't think this sounded desperate - I was just open and basically let her know that if she wasn't into me, I'll back off!! She could at least respond! Once when we had dinner she said that she would just tell a guy if she wasn't into him!! Well here is her chance! After a few months she could at least be direct with me!!! Either way, I feel a sense of relief!! Did this come across as desperate? I don't think it did!! I was simply being honest and let her know that if she wasn't into me, that I would back off!!!
SJC2008 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I don't think you came accross as desperate but women liked to be asked out in person for the most part. Nobody likes to be turned down or likes awkward moments but it really isn't that bad. I asked a customer for # the other day and at first she did not know I was hitting on her. She was like you already have my # (we save people by ph#'s) and I said well I don't want to put you on the spot or anything then it clicked and she said thanks for the compliment but I have a boyfriend. It was a little awkward but I am alive. Do it now when you are young so you get used to it and more comfortable.
Author Johnny85 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 I don't think you came accross as desperate but women liked to be asked out in person for the most part. Nobody likes to be turned down or likes awkward moments but it really isn't that bad. I asked a customer for # the other day and at first she did not know I was hitting on her. She was like you already have my # (we save people by ph#'s) and I said well I don't want to put you on the spot or anything then it clicked and she said thanks for the compliment but I have a boyfriend. It was a little awkward but I am alive. Do it now when you are young so you get used to it and more comfortable. Oh this girl and I have gone out more than 10 times and kissed, touched, etc! And I feel like she used me as a back up plan! I think she is seeing someone else! And I just didn't want to get strung along anymore! It feels good even though she hasn't responded! I feel like I opened my heart up and let her know that I won't be asking her out anymore if she isn't into me!!! And it actually feels really good!
Author Johnny85 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 She still hasn't responded (not that I am waiting for her to declare her never ending love for me lol) but an answer would be nice after having known each other for 3 months!! Now it just feels awkward! Lol why not just be honest and say, "I am seeing somebody else"?
lululucy Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 She still hasn't responded (not that I am waiting for her to declare her never ending love for me lol) but an answer would be nice after having known each other for 3 months!! Now it just feels awkward! Lol why not just be honest and say, "I am seeing somebody else"? A lot of girls feel uncomfortable saying they're not interested. I hope she does answer you either way but if she doesn't, take it as a no and let this one go. I'm crossing my fingers for you though
Author Johnny85 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 A lot of girls feel uncomfortable saying they're not interested. I hope she does answer you either way but if she doesn't, take it as a no and let this one go. I'm crossing my fingers for you though All she would have to say is that she likes somebody else!!! I just don't understand why she can't be direct? We have known each other for 3 months and have worked together! And she owes me a large check!! Does my text convey neediness? I thought it was pretty clear that if she isn't into me, I'll move on!!! She even said that she would be direct with a guy instead of leading him on on our 5th date! Was that all bs??? Lol
snug.bunny Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I like how you threw in the "hehe" after asking the question. It doesn't make you look desperate. You preferred to gain some feedback/clarification, and, that is what you attempted to do by saying what you did. My only question, is, what prompted you to say this to her when you did (meaning, was it out of the blue or did something happen where you felt like you were being kept in the dark)?
lululucy Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 All she would have to say is that she likes somebody else!!! I just don't understand why she can't be direct? We have known each other for 3 months and have worked together! And she owes me a large check!! Does my text convey neediness? I thought it was pretty clear that if she isn't into me, I'll move on!!! She even said that she would be direct with a guy instead of leading him on on our 5th date! Was that all bs??? Lol You don't sound needy. You sound like you know what you want and you're telling her. I hate to tell ya but girls say a lot of things ("I'm always direct!") that aren't true. Or they realise that being direct is more complicated than they thought it would be -- if she genuinely likes you as a person but doesn't see anything romantically developing, perhaps she thinks she'll hurt/lose you by saying she isn't interested. It's silly since she can't expect to have you wait around for her, but it's a possible answer. Oh, the check thing -- she might be uninterested but thinks the longer she can keep you thinking she is, the more time she has to pay you back.. I really hope that's not the case. That would be shiesty of her. This message was only sent this morning though, right?
jstobo Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 It's a little needy, but not desperate. Based on what you have written in this thread and the other one, she is not truly interested. I emphasize the word truly. She clearly has some interest, otherwise she wouldn't text, go out and kiss you. So the question becomes, do you want to devote your time and energy to someone who has "some" interest or someone who has "true" interest? My saying lately has been, "never make someone a priority, who only sees you as an option."
Author Johnny85 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 I like how you threw in the "hehe" after asking the question. It doesn't make you look desperate. You preferred to gain some feedback/clarification, and, that is what you attempted to do by saying what you did. My only question, is, what prompted you to say this to her when you did (meaning, was it out of the blue or did something happen where you felt like you were being kept in the dark)? Yes, I thought I would throw in a "hehe" so that it wouldn't come across as too forward or serious. So we have known each other for approximately 3 months (we met online) and we have kissed, touched, flirted, etc. I have asked her out so many times recently, and she would always find some excuse for why she couldn't make it. Sometimes she even ignores my texts!!! And then she responds a few days later (comments on my FB profile flirting, saying, "So you are at bar X and not inviting me again?" or commenting on a pic where two girls thought I looked like Prince William and wanted to take a pic with me; she got jealous and commented "very cute... mmm you were flirting with them." It has been this constant back and forth with her for a while now. Yesterday she suggested that we go out to the movies and celebrate when we are done with the project. I later asked her out and she said she was going out of town. This being the 5-6 time I asked her out (and she turned me down), I just felt frustrated and wanted to know if she was interested. Please bare in mind that she has been sending me major mixed signals in between this. I am not going to push the issue; I am not a naive person; if she isn't into me, I'll back off faster than the speed of light. But I just feel like she owes a a simple "no" instead of leading me on, you know?
Author Johnny85 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 You don't sound needy. You sound like you know what you want and you're telling her. I hate to tell ya but girls say a lot of things ("I'm always direct!") that aren't true. Or they realise that being direct is more complicated than they thought it would be -- if she genuinely likes you as a person but doesn't see anything romantically developing, perhaps she thinks she'll hurt/lose you by saying she isn't interested. It's silly since she can't expect to have you wait around for her, but it's a possible answer. Oh, the check thing -- she might be uninterested but thinks the longer she can keep you thinking she is, the more time she has to pay you back.. I really hope that's not the case. That would be shiesty of her. This message was only sent this morning though, right? I sent it last night, and she didn't respond. And it is silly, for I don't want to be her friend and having her string me along (I already have had to deal with this with my ex; I don't want to be strung along by someone I hardly know). So I thought I conveyed to her last night that if she isn't into me, I am moving on. I am 99% certain that she is also dating somebody else, so I didn't want to be her option. Either she likes me, or she doesn't. There is no in between. And then she doesn't even bother to respond! LOL
Author Johnny85 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 It's a little needy, but not desperate. Based on what you have written in this thread and the other one, she is not truly interested. I emphasize the word truly. She clearly has some interest, otherwise she wouldn't text, go out and kiss you. So the question becomes, do you want to devote your time and energy to someone who has "some" interest or someone who has "true" interest? My saying lately has been, "never make someone a priority, who only sees you as an option." I hear ya, and that is why I decided to send her the text (to let her know that if she isn't into me, I am going to back off completely). I just wanted clarification and for her to be honest with me about how she feels. I do not want her to string me along anymore - either she is into me or she is not. And then she ignores me. LOL
snug.bunny Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Yes, I thought I would throw in a "hehe" so that it wouldn't come across as too forward or serious. So we have known each other for approximately 3 months (we met online) and we have kissed, touched, flirted, etc. I have asked her out so many times recently, and she would always find some excuse for why she couldn't make it. Sometimes she even ignores my texts!!! And then she responds a few days later (comments on my FB profile flirting, saying, "So you are at bar X and not inviting me again?" or commenting on a pic where two girls thought I looked like Prince William and wanted to take a pic with me; she got jealous and commented "very cute... mmm you were flirting with them." It has been this constant back and forth with her for a while now. Yesterday she suggested that we go out to the movies and celebrate when we are done with the project. I later asked her out and she said she was going out of town. This being the 5-6 time I asked her out (and she turned me down), I just felt frustrated and wanted to know if she was interested. Please bare in mind that she has been sending me major mixed signals in between this. I am not going to push the issue; I am not a naive person; if she isn't into me, I'll back off faster than the speed of light. But I just feel like she owes a a simple "no" instead of leading me on, you know? I bolded/underlined the important factors. And I'd suggest, forget her. And, I would also suggest not replying to her anymore. Not replying to her anymore is not to be "a jerk" but because her behavior towards you is not healthy for you.
Author Johnny85 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 I bolded/underlined the important factors. And I'd suggest, forget her. And, I would also suggest not replying to her anymore. Not replying to her anymore is not to be "a jerk" but because her behavior towards you is not healthy for you. I know; and I have been trying to do this for the last few weeks. Just when I am trying to forget about her, she comes crashing into my life again with some cute/flirtatious comment. And I am really into her; this is why I wanted to be direct with her (I mean, if she tells me that she isn't into me, I can peacefully move on knowing that she isn't into me. Instead, she even ignores my opportunity to move on. lol It's like she wants/needs my attention for an ego boost; she is keeping me as a backup plan in case it doesn't work out with some other guy!!! What is more likely: 1) She feels uncomfortable telling me she isn't into me "in that way" but still wants to remain friends? 2) She likes me, but she likes another guy more, and she is keeping me as a backup plan? She doesn't want to let me go till she knows how it goes with another guy! SHe likes the attention I give her!!! I just don't understand why she doesn't just tell me straight up. W.t.f? The reason why I sent her that message last night was because I wanted this bs to end - she would tell me she liked another guy or just wanted to be friends and I could move on....
snug.bunny Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I know; and I have been trying to do this for the last few weeks. Just when I am trying to forget about her, she comes crashing into my life again with some cute/flirtatious comment. And I am really into her; this is why I wanted to be direct with her (I mean, if she tells me that she isn't into me, I can peacefully move on knowing that she isn't into me. Instead, she even ignores my opportunity to move on. lol It's like she wants/needs my attention for an ego boost; she is keeping me as a backup plan in case it doesn't work out with some other guy!!! What is more likely: 1) She feels uncomfortable telling me she isn't into me "in that way" but still wants to remain friends? 2) She likes me, but she likes another guy more, and she is keeping me as a backup plan? She doesn't want to let me go till she knows how it goes with another guy! SHe likes the attention I give her!!! I just don't understand why she doesn't just tell me straight up. W.t.f? The reason why I sent her that message last night was because I wanted this bs to end - she would tell me she liked another guy or just wanted to be friends and I could move on.... If Facebook is part of the problem, then delete her from it. You don't have to burn your bridges when doing it, just disappear for as long as you need to so that you can heal/move on from her, or exercise means to eradicate her from your life. Whatever it takes for YOU to move past it. Point blank, when a woman is interested in dating a man, she says yes and shows interest in going out with him when he asks/suggests it. If she is really interested in a man, she may even suggest getting together on her own, and actually follows through with it. You said you've gone out ten times over a three month span, so that indicates that there had to be interest in you on her part. In addition to going out all those times, you asked her out several times on top of that. Is it at all entirely possible that you were trying to cram in a lot of time together over a three month span? Whatever the case may be, it sounds like she is either mildly interested, on the fence about you, and/or dating other people. As I see it, she had two options when you sent her that "direct" text/question. One was to respond, the other was to ignore. Had she been on the "fence" about you, that was an opportunity for her to respond. Had she lost interest in you completely, that was an opportunity for her to respond. She chose not to respond. I don't know how long it has been since you sent that text, but, if you do end up hearing from her and she doesn't mention anything about it, consider that the same as no response at all. Because, that would indicate she is purposely being evasive, after you "put yourself out there" so to speak.
Author Johnny85 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 (edited) If Facebook is part of the problem, then delete her from it. You don't have to burn your bridges when doing it, just disappear for as long as you need to so that you can heal/move on from her, or exercise means to eradicate her from your life. Whatever it takes for YOU to move past it. Point blank, when a woman is interested in dating a man, she says yes and shows interest in going out with him when he asks/suggests it. If she is really interested in a man, she may even suggest getting together on her own, and actually follows through with it. You said you've gone out ten times over a three month span, so that indicates that there had to be interest in you on her part. In addition to going out all those times, you asked her out several times on top of that. Is it at all entirely possible that you were trying to cram in a lot of time together over a three month span? Whatever the case may be, it sounds like she is either mildly interested, on the fence about you, and/or dating other people. As I see it, she had two options when you sent her that "direct" text/question. One was to respond, the other was to ignore. Had she been on the "fence" about you, that was an opportunity for her to respond. Had she lost interest in you completely, that was an opportunity for her to respond. She chose not to respond. I don't know how long it has been since you sent that text, but, if you do end up hearing from her and she doesn't mention anything about it, consider that the same as no response at all. Because, that would indicate she is purposely being evasive, after you "put yourself out there" so to speak. So why would she deliberately avoid the issue? If she ignores the issue all together, should I just take that as a "no, I am not interested" and completely move on? It's hard because I do like her.... (I sent her the text last night). Once I get paid, a friend of mine recommended that I send her the following text in order to completely move on: I guess I have my answer. I wish you would have considered me enough to give me a straight answer. Take care! Edited December 9, 2011 by Johnny85
snug.bunny Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 So why would she deliberately avoid the issue? If she ignores the issue all together, should I just take that as a "no, I am not interested" and completely move on? It's hard because I do like her.... (I sent her the text last night). Once I get paid, a friend of mine recommended that I send her the following text in order to completely move on: I guess I have my answer. I wish you would have considered me enough to give me a straight answer. Take care! Johnny, I can't answer "all" of these questions you are asking specifically about her, because I'm not her so I can't know for sure. You should however consider her lack of response as a lack of information and make your own decision accordingly on what is best for you. But if you want/need suggestions on what to do, don't reach out to her further and if she at some point does surface, see if she mentions anything about what you wrote her and then you can decide what to do if/when that point comes. Continue now living your life without her, if that includes being open to/dating other women, then that is what you do.
Author Johnny85 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Johnny, I can't answer "all" of these questions you are asking specifically about her, because I'm not her so I can't know for sure. You should however consider her lack of response as a lack of information and make your own decision accordingly on what is best for you. But if you want/need suggestions on what to do, don't reach out to her further and if she at some point does surface, see if she mentions anything about what you wrote her and then you can decide what to do if/when that point comes. Continue now living your life without her, if that includes being open to/dating other women, then that is what you do. Yeah I hear ya! I am just trying to figure out what is going through her mind; I think it is safe to conclude that she is not into me and I should move on! I think there is another guy in the picture, and I would be better off to just back off than to pursue and open up my heart to someone who isn't into me! I am just going to drop off her radar from here on after! I do need to get paid though! I am thinking about asking her to just mail me the check, that way I avoid an awkward moment with her! I think the answers are staring right @ me - she isn't into me -but I am focusing on small details rather than on the main issue, i..e., she is ignoring my texts! Why doesn't really matter, for if there is doubt this early on, it probably isn't meant to be!! Thank you thank you for all of your advice!
Author Johnny85 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 And everyone, please continue commenting; it helps me to release some of the frustration that I have inside! And it feels better getting feedback from y'all! I guess I just allowed myself to get too into her!!
snug.bunny Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Yeah I hear ya! I am just trying to figure out what is going through her mind; I think it is safe to conclude that she is not into me and I should move on! I think there is another guy in the picture, and I would be better off to just back off than to pursue and open up my heart to someone who isn't into me! I am just going to drop off her radar from here on after! I do need to get paid though! I am thinking about asking her to just mail me the check, that way I avoid an awkward moment with her! I think the answers are staring right @ me - she isn't into me -but I am focusing on small details rather than on the main issue, i..e., she is ignoring my texts! Why doesn't really matter, for if there is doubt this early on, it probably isn't meant to be!! Thank you thank you for all of your advice! She owes you money?
Author Johnny85 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 She owes you money? Yes, unfortunately - and quite a large sum of money as well! See, we met online, and dated about 6 times! Then we started working together on a business project - we have a signed agreement with all the specifics, and I have upheld my end of the deal! It should be finished early next week. That is why this is so complicated - the project is 99.5 % completed, so it's not like I was trying to make things awkward for us! While working on the project, we kissed, touched, etc (although mostly my initiative). But she didn't shoot me down when I kissed her! Ouch - that's why I can't just move on right away! I swear, this story is similar to that of "days of our lives"!! Haha
snug.bunny Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Yes, unfortunately - and quite a large sum of money as well! See, we met online, and dated about 6 times! Then we started working together on a business project - we have a signed agreement with all the specifics, and I have upheld my end of the deal! It should be finished early next week. That is why this is so complicated - the project is 99.5 % completed, so it's not like I was trying to make things awkward for us! While working on the project, we kissed, touched, etc (although mostly my initiative). But she didn't shoot me down when I kissed her! Ouch - that's why I can't just move on right away! I swear, this story is similar to that of "days of our lives"!! Haha What is this "project" and what are the details of said "agreement" that you speakith? And, was the money to be used towards supplies/materials, or did you just hand over money to her and now that money is floating off in "where is my money" land?
Author Johnny85 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 What is this "project" and what are the details of said "agreement" that you speakith? And, was the money to be used towards supplies/materials, or did you just hand over money to her and now that money is floating off in "where is my money" land? We have been working on a business plan for a company (a contract that she received but was too busy to complete herself). We signed a confidentiality agreement stipulating payment terms, obligations, etc. I have fulfilled my end of the agreement so she will need to pay me next week!!! Do you think this is why she is acting like this? She wants to hold onto me as a business partner? Lol I doubt that is why - I have a lot of good professional qualities - I am dependable, articulate, business degree - but so does she. And she knows half of the city we live in. She is a workaholic and very independent!! She confuses me; and I wish she would just tell me she isn't into me!!!
snug.bunny Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 We have been working on a business plan for a company (a contract that she received but was too busy to complete herself). We signed a confidentiality agreement stipulating payment terms, obligations, etc. I have fulfilled my end of the agreement so she will need to pay me next week!!! Do you think this is why she is acting like this? She wants to hold onto me as a business partner? Lol I doubt that is why - I have a lot of good professional qualities - I am dependable, articulate, business degree - but so does she. And she knows half of the city we live in. She is a workaholic and very independent!! She confuses me; and I wish she would just tell me she isn't into me!!! If these "payment terms" include her paying you back whatever money you put into said business plan, and you both agreed to those terms, then yes, she owes you money and could very well be why she hasn't responded. But, your text to her wasn't about said business plan/your money, it was about the current status of your "romantic relationship". A good rule to follow in the future, try not to mix business with pleasure (especially with someone you met off the internet).
Author Johnny85 Posted December 10, 2011 Author Posted December 10, 2011 If these "payment terms" include her paying you back whatever money you put into said business plan, and you both agreed to those terms, then yes, she owes you money and could very well be why she hasn't responded. But, your text to her wasn't about said business plan/your money, it was about the current status of your "romantic relationship". A good rule to follow in the future, try not to mix business with pleasure (especially with someone you met off the internet). You are absolutely right about not mixing business and pleasure! I thought about it hard before accepting, and now I see how it was a mistake! I only did subcontract work - I never invested any of my own money. Our job was to write a business plan, and in return, we would split the proceeds 50/50. I have a feeling she is going to text me tonight or this weekend sometime and be honest with me - how would she get out of it? Lol
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