spinaroonie Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Been seeing more and more of this lately - guy and girl have a great first date, no lay, never hears from her again. Wonder how much of it has to do with the "mainstreamization" of online dating in recent years? Any girl with a POF/OKC profile has a stready stream of suitors knocking at her door. Rest assured there are hundreds of better looking thirsty dudes with more status hitting her up. These guys won't commit but they'll hit it and quit it. Men are as faithful as their options. Women are as choosy as their options. With online dating, an attractive woman's options are seemingly infinite. In keeping with her hypergamous instincts, she's always on the lookout for the bigger, better deal. In the past a woman would stick with a guy after a good date because she had no other solid prospects lined up. Now she's more likely to stray. Online dating is a boon for guys who fit the media-promulgated aesthetic ideal (tall, muscular, white). Guys who don't measure up physically have tough road to ho. No matter how tight his verbal game, a short Asian guy will always be hard-up when Mr. Tom Brady lookalike is hollering at her from the next browser. Online dating is courtship distilled to its essence sans the filter of approach anxiety. A 1000 rejections in the real world would cripple a man. A 1000 rejections in the virtual world mean nothing. Thousands of thirsty dudes without approach anxiety + hypergamous women with infinite options is a recipe for dating disaster. Unhappy girls who can't get a top guy to commit, and unhappy guys who can't get a date. This phenomenon is unprecedented in human history. And if online dating loses its stigma and becomes mainstream, it could put the average guy's prospects in serious jeopardy. What % of single girls 20-29 today have online dating profiles? 1
jobaba Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Online dating is a boon for guys who fit the media-promulgated aesthetic ideal (tall, muscular, white). Guys who don't measure up physically have tough road to ho. No matter how tight his verbal game, a short Asian guy will always be hard-up when Mr. Tom Brady lookalike is hollering at her from the next browser. I don't see how that's any different from the way things are in real life. Yea, if you're low enough on the totem pole, you have 2 choices the way I see it... 1) Kill yourself or 2) Die kicking and screaming and trying. I know which way I'm going...
Seneca Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Will Online Dating Destroy Game for Average Guys? Yes and No. Yes it will destroy game for the Average Guy who believes it will. No for those who believe it will not.
Wolf18 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Online dating blows for men. A lot of times the guys who look good on paper won't actually be fun to spend time with or satisfy you in ways that matter; the convenience of internet dating turns the issue of picking a partner to spend your life with into the equivalent shopping for a new jacket that you discard as soon as there's a tear. Everything in America is centered around consumerism, what makes people think that this ideology won't spill into how humans see each other? I see people even do this with "friends" that they change every 6 months, it takes away any kind of long term human bond that is actually quite fulfilling if people didn't have 2 minute attention spans.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Well well well... it sounds like you're pretty much..... FFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEED
Red Arremer Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Online dating is courtship distilled to its essence sans the filter of approach anxiety. A 1000 rejections in the real world would cripple a man. A 1000 rejections in the virtual world mean nothing. ****, maybe that's my problem. I get "approach anxiety" even when I'm just online dating.
Red Arremer Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Online dating is courtship distilled to its essence sans the filter of approach anxiety. A 1000 rejections in the real world would cripple a man. A 1000 rejections in the virtual world mean nothing. Maybe that's my problem. I even get "approach anxiety" when I'm just online dating. Side note: Apparently if your post has a curse word in it you can't even make the post at all now, sheesh.
Red Arremer Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 But I mean, is it really that unrealistic to think that way? I mean, any halfway decent woman on a dating site is going to get absolutely flooded with messages from everyone and his brother, like the OP said. It doesn't exactly make your chances all that great, especially when you don't really have anything particularly interesting in your life to offer someone (and no prospects of that changing any time soon).
oaks Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Any girl with a POF/OKC profile has a stready stream of suitors knocking at her door. Rest assured there are hundreds of better looking thirsty dudes with more status hitting her up. These guys won't commit but they'll hit it and quit it. If your general point was that woman have more options with online dating and that this makes it harder for merely 'average' guys then I tend to agree (although most of those other options will also be guys who are merely average). However, there are plenty of women out there who are smart enough to not just let a guy "hit it and quit it" (unless they wanted a ONS) by employing the simple trick of keeping her legs together until she's got to know a little more about the guy's character, personality etc, or even until he commits to a relationship. Anyway, the problem with average guys isn't that anyone else is better, it's that most of everyone else is the same.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I think you guys are forgetting about a few factors here: - Response rate doesn't depend on looks as much as it can depend on profile and message content For example: A good looking guy doesn't have that in your face appeal for a woman, she can just look at pictures for the time being. But now she actually has to talk to the idiot, so in that way she can really lose interest since it's actually a hit to his appeal. - Women who are picky aren't just looking for looks, but other qualities Women learn as they get older that the best looking guy doesn't necessarily mean wise choice for relationship. Many of them get burned, so they look towards a more complete and secure package instead. - Women don't have it as easy as you think they do If it were as easy to responding to mr good looking then women would drop off of dating sites as soon as they got on...and then also delete their account out of bitterness from repeatedly getting screwed over. Conclusion: If anything I think the average guy has it better than ever...why? Because he actually has a chance to use his wit and show his personality without getting overly nervous and fouling up, he can think of his message carefully and then hit send when he is ready. Standing side by side next to a good looking guy you're not going to get that eye at the bar. However online, you have a chance of interesting this girl that you might not have interested otherwise, now what will compensate for your lack of ability to carry a conversation and come up with something interesting to say will be up to you...but at least that's something you could change and work on. Every situation has it's advantages and disadvantages..its your ability to take advantage of the advantages which will determine how successful you are.
Andy_K Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 If it were as easy to responding to mr good looking then women would drop off of dating sites as soon as they got on Many do. I know a few girls who tried online dating, met someone they liked in the first couple weeks, got into a relationship, and that was that. Done. Girls who make an effort, are reasonably attractive, and are genuinely looking for someone, don't stay online very long at all. And yet you see some who've been there for a year or more. Are they too easily distracted? Are they just not that bothered about finding someone, and waiting to be swept away by something amazing? Are they getting so many 'sex' messages from the most desirable guys that they think they can get a relationship with one if they wait long enough? It's hard to say. But I just can't shake the feeling that if they put half the effort in that most guys seem to, they wouldn't be single. ...and then also delete their account out of bitterness from repeatedly getting screwed over. Not that uncommon either!
irc333 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 And yet you see some who've been there for a year or more. Are they too easily distracted? Are they just not that bothered about finding someone, and waiting to be swept away by something amazing? Are they getting so many 'sex' messages from the most desirable guys that they think they can get a relationship with one if they wait long enough? There's plenty of attractive women on these dating sites.....some have become, sadly, permanent fixtures of these sites. Some wind up adding "updates" with a date next to it expressing their bitterness, and even add a NUMBERED "Do not email me if....." list. LOL (Some obviously unrealistic) Their profile evolves into a HATE filled bitter blog that feels like I'm being lectured at. I've had emailed these women in the past, only to be ignored, and still see them on here a couple years later, whinig and complaiing. I've even sent a couple of them an emails, critiquing them on how their profiles is probably turning men off and also how their expectations are a bit way out on the limb.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I've found this happens both ways. I think some men fall into the same trap some women do. When I online dated it seemed like a lot of men where just looking for a new flavor quite often.
EnigmaticClarity Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Conclusion: If anything I think the average guy has it better than ever...why? Because he actually has a chance to use his wit and show his personality without getting overly nervous and fouling up, he can think of his message carefully and then hit send when he is ready. Standing side by side next to a good looking guy you're not going to get that eye at the bar. However online, you have a chance of interesting this girl that you might not have interested otherwise, now what will compensate for your lack of ability to carry a conversation and come up with something interesting to say will be up to you...but at least that's something you could change and work on. This is what makes online easier for the majority of men who successfully use it.
ThaWholigan Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Women certainly are quite difficult to get online, but the fact is most guys aren't exactly wordsmiths when it comes to attracting women either. I wish I were, especially being that I write songs and poetry, but it's corny so I don't use that. We need to master attractive language as well as attractive behaviors. I don't think it's beyond us personally, so there is a lot of success to be had in online dating, if we do it right.
fortyninethousand322 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Young women don't care about wit, intelligence, personality, etc. I have no idea what they do care about, but I have always written nice, thoughtful, funny messages and I rarely get a reply back and even more rarely get a date.
lululucy Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Ninja's right on. I am not sure where this "women have it so easy" thing comes from with online dating but when I did it, it was a pain. The sex solicitation emails, the long cut and paste emails (which seemed sweet at first, and then not so much when either a friend received the identical email or I received it twice), talking to guys for hours and then finding out on a date that previous contact had been seriously misleading.. There were only two guys I went out with from okc that were amazing and while things just didn't work out, it ended amicably and I wish them well. I took down my okc profile as soon as I met my current bf and I'm fairly certain I won't go back if we break up. Too much bitterness from the men. Hell, there were a few guys who sent me messages and then when I didn't respond within their time frame sent me increasingly hateful messages ("You LOGGED on but you couldn't send me a message? Not even a NOT INTERESTED? Women are all the same").. No thank you.
ThaWholigan Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Ninja's right on. I am not sure where this "women have it so easy" thing comes from with online dating but when I did it, it was a pain. The sex solicitation emails, the long cut and paste emails (which seemed sweet at first, and then not so much when either a friend received the identical email or I received it twice), talking to guys for hours and then finding out on a date that previous contact had been seriously misleading.. There were only two guys I went out with from okc that were amazing and while things just didn't work out, it ended amicably and I wish them well. I took down my okc profile as soon as I met my current bf and I'm fairly certain I won't go back if we break up. Too much bitterness from the men. Hell, there were a few guys who sent me messages and then when I didn't respond within their time frame sent me increasingly hateful messages ("You LOGGED on but you couldn't send me a message? Not even a NOT INTERESTED? Women are all the same").. No thank you. Well the logic behind why men say women have it easy is because Woman's profile = 100 messages Man's profile = 0 messages & 0 replies I've been on POF for a couple of years and not had one date.
fortyninethousand322 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Ninja's right on. I am not sure where this "women have it so easy" thing comes from with online dating but when I did it, it was a pain. The sex solicitation emails, the long cut and paste emails (which seemed sweet at first, and then not so much when either a friend received the identical email or I received it twice), talking to guys for hours and then finding out on a date that previous contact had been seriously misleading.. There were only two guys I went out with from okc that were amazing and while things just didn't work out, it ended amicably and I wish them well. I took down my okc profile as soon as I met my current bf and I'm fairly certain I won't go back if we break up. Too much bitterness from the men. Hell, there were a few guys who sent me messages and then when I didn't respond within their time frame sent me increasingly hateful messages ("You LOGGED on but you couldn't send me a message? Not even a NOT INTERESTED? Women are all the same").. No thank you. Well, let me tell you this: the number of unsolicited messages (positive or negative) I get in a given week (hell, even year) = zero. I write good first messages (no sex talk or cut and paste stuff) and I get a reply very rarely (less than 1% of my messages get replied to). So, to me, women have it easier, at least more easy than I do.
grkBoy Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Frankly, the bigger issue isn't just how many men and women walk around with unrealistic expectations...but also how much we've devalued relationships. Seriously. Look at the hookup culture of college kids. Many people seemingly have no issue being alone or at least sitting on being alone until Mr or Ms Perfect comes along. Some even have no issue going long distance. Average guys simply should see OLD as a tool. Make a nice profile, spend 30-60 min on there every day or every other day sending/replying to emails, but do other things. One commonality I've seen in many guys who use OLD is they honestly don't have a lot else they do. They'll work, come home, play video games, watch TV, go work out, and spend way too much time sending emails. Go out. Be sociable. Do things. Find that "self fulfillment" I speak of. Women like guys who have lives...and if they see you're on every day of the week, some will be turned off. Women no longer need men to be providers or even sperm. Men who can get laid easily have no need for commitment or marriage...because they have plenty of options. You all have to bear that in mind. Think of it like a job hunt (unfortunately). The employer wants a "superstar", not the "average" person. That's life...and you can accept being average, or learn how to bring out that "superstar" in you.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 People, this is nothing but SPAM, like the majority of this OP's threads. (don't bother clicking the links - they ALL go to the identical post) http://puahate.com/showthread.php?t=20342 http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=190028 http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=140359693&p=794061533 http://www.rooshvforum.com/post-108561.html 1
El Brujo Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 A 1000 rejections in the real world would cripple a man. A 1000 rejections in the virtual world mean nothing. That's why there's a general consensus that Meetup.com singles groups might not kill OLD, but will certainly beat it within an inch of its life.
irc333 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I wanted to point out, even when I do engage in an email conversation, backand forth with a woman from a dating site. When I get to the part about meeting face to face they either 1. Disappear 2. Stop responding 3. Be purposely elusive. I had this one wack job, wouldn't even tell me her first name. Said she wanted to "play it safe". Wierdo
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Will Average Guys Who Think They Have Game Destroy Dating For Guys Who Have Something Going For Them And The Women Who Are Looking For Guys Like That?
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