Steve-o Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 Hi everyone, I found this site while my pathetic *ss was browsing for break up advice..more specificly how to get over a break up. I read some of the posts in here and you all seem like good people who can offer some helpful advice. Here's the history of my ex and I....... We worked together at a tv production company. Our company had a show to shoot in hawaii so we all went there to work. While there, my now ex(call her megan) and I hooked up for the first time. We were in hawaii for a month and when we returned to CA we continued the relationship. About two months later, we ended up breaking up because she was angry at me for lying to her. I was shocked, because the lie was so harmless. Well, we broke up for two weeks, got back together, and broke up a week later. I left the company for another job, she stayed at the company. She would call me about once a week for the next six months. I came back to the company to go shoot the second season of our show in hawaii. Megan was on the crew too. Once again we became intimately involved in hawaii and brought that intimacy back to CA. Once again, about two months later, she broke up with me. She said that "there is no communication"...she said 'sometimes it's wonderful, other times it's just blah". I'm a very caring person, i never disrespected her in any way and i showed my love for her a lot as did she. Two days before breaking up with me she told me "i love you" as she often did. I was so shocked when she broke up with me, and pissed that she had the nerve to do it over the phone. I guess what i'm asking you all is how can a girl tell you she loves you then break up with you two days later? She has some issues, sexually abused as child and abandoned by her father. Does this have anything to do with it? When we broke up this time, she said "i think i might be making a mistake". I guess not though, because she hasn't contacted me once. I haven't called her and I don't think I should because it would make me look desperate. But i'm dying to know if she ever thinks about me or has the urge to call me because i sure do...all the time. Should i call her? If i do, it may make me look desperate, but i want her to know that i truly miss and care for her. If i don't call, will she think that i don't care? It's been two months with no contact. Yet i still miss her a lot...............confused/heartbroken
azgirl Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 Steve-o: Hey! I, too, found this site while my pathetic a** was looking for break up advice. Welcome! K. Like you, I would like to know how someone can tell you they love you and break up with you days later. Mine did that, too! And I understand your hurt and confusion, too. Believe me. I do. Count yourself lucky that you don't live with her! I live with my ex (we just moved in together in March - his idea) and it's been hell. It sounds to me like your girl doesn't know what she wants. Back and forth - ugh! Maybe we should her and my ex up so they can be confused individuals together and drive each other nuts. Mine has a mountain of issues that he is dealing with right now. Mom is an alcoholic, grandfather is terminally ill, dad is in BIG trouble for tax evasion ... yada, yada, yada. His coping skills are a joke and he is pushing me away because of his stress and anger. He's even grown hostile towards me and he BROKE UP WITH ME???? What the f*** is that?? The bottom line, thought is that this back and forth crap that she pulls with you isn't good for you. Mine and I took a "break" in January after he tried to break it off completely. I was always afraid that he would do this again. He promised me he would NOT, but here we are again. Weren't you always thinking in the back of your mind that she would do it to you again??
Author Steve-o Posted May 28, 2004 Author Posted May 28, 2004 Originally posted by azgirl Steve-o: Hey! I, too, found this site while my pathetic a** was looking for break up advice. Welcome! K. Weren't you always thinking in the back of your mind that she would do it to you again?? az...funny you say that..i was totally thinking that the whole time when we were back together. I think that made me nervous around her. I was very physically attracted to her and i think that too contributed to me "not communicating with her". She said "i want to laugh in a relationship". That totally hit me hard because in my past relationships all my ex girlfriends said that they love the fact that i made them laugh a lot. I never was able to do this with megan even though it was a natural thing for me to do in past relationships. I have never been dumped before. Is that why i'm feeling so bad? That old saying "you want what you can't have" comes to my mind. I don't know, maybe we SHOULD hook our exes up with eachother
Shasta Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 Personally, I think you just need to go out and meet new people. Get her off your mind! If she hasn't called you, then most likely she doesn't want you calling her. I had a breakup about two months ago, and he would call me all the time from different numbers just so I would pick up my phone. It got to the point where I had to sit there and yell at him and tell him he was harrassing me. Don't be that guy!! Do other things rather than sit at home and feel sorry. I think that might be the main reason why you can't get over her. You said that you have never been dumped before...yeah, that could really contribute to why you want her back. She burned you, you didn't burn her. Just go out and have fun and she'll slowly start to slip out of your mind. But, if the company calls you back to do another one of those shows, don't fall into the same trap with her! Don't even talk to her outside of work.
azgirl Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 You've NEVER been dumped before??? How old are you?? Have had a lot of relationships?? Anyway. Well, it sucks to get dumped, doesn't it?? But I don't think it's just that you want what you can't have. I think that you really cared about her and it hurts that she doesn't want to be with you anymore. I think it is also hard when you are very attracted to someone, as well. I think that we are all afraid that when we lose one that we thought was so attractive and that we had so much chemistry with we are afraid that we won't find that again. I have certainly had relationships that lacked that and it kills it. We should hook them up! They are not THAT far away from one another. She's not a blonde is she? Cuz that won't work for him.
Author Steve-o Posted May 28, 2004 Author Posted May 28, 2004 Originally posted by Shasta Personally, I think you just need to go out and meet new people. Get her off your mind! If she hasn't called you, then most likely she doesn't want you calling her. I had a breakup about two months ago, and he would call me all the time from different numbers just so I would pick up my phone. It got to the point where I had to sit there and yell at him and tell him he was harrassing me. Don't be that guy!! Do other things rather than sit at home and feel sorry. I think that might be the main reason why you can't get over her. You said that you have never been dumped before...yeah, that could really contribute to why you want her back. She burned you, you didn't burn her. Just go out and have fun and she'll slowly start to slip out of your mind. But, if the company calls you back to do another one of those shows, don't fall into the same trap with her! Don't even talk to her outside of work. That's good advice Shasta. She's really busy shooting two shows right now and I'm not working until the end of July. I think that the fact that she's busy makes it easier for her as well as the fact that she did the breaking up. So you think that the fact that she hasn't called me means that she doesn't want to talk to me? I mean, once a girl has her mind set on a breakup it's pretty much impossible for her to get the feelings that she had for you back..right? Like you said i didn't burn her, she broke up with me cuz of 'lack of communication and awkward silences". I'm asking because i have no idea as to the female mind and the way it interprets guys actions or lack of.I guess that's the reality that i have to face. azgirl..i'm 27...i've had 4 serious relationships...and like i said i was always the one to end it. I've never broken up with a girl for superficial reasons..it was always warranted. This time however i was the dumpee and it sucks.
azgirl Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 Steve-o I, too am 27, but congratulations if you made it this far without getting dumped. I have had like 6 serious relationships and have been dumped pretty hard by one in particular and have been the dumper, as well. Sucks getting dumped, doesn't it??? Now it is happening to me again. Lack of communication - well, to us women communication is really important. If you don't tell us things communicate with us - then we are left to wonder what in the hell you are thinking. And sometimes our imagination gets away from us. Trust me. Mine was not a good communicator at all. And I would think up all sorts of crazy things that I thought were going on in his head. Do you think her assessment is fair? Were you a bad communicator? Maybe you can just chalk this one up to a good learning experience. You learned how it feels to be dumped. And maybe you learned some things about yourself that you need to work on to have a more successful relationship in the future
Shasta Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 So you think that the fact that she hasn't called me means that she doesn't want to talk to me? I mean, once a girl has her mind set on a breakup it's pretty much impossible for her to get the feelings that she had for you back..right? Like you said i didn't burn her, she broke up with me cuz of 'lack of communication and awkward silences". I'm asking because i have no idea as to the female mind and the way it interprets guys actions or lack of.I guess that's the reality that i have to face. I really have a strong feeling that she doesn't want to talk to you. I could very well be wrong, but if I don't call a guy, that means I really just don't want to talk to him. As for getting feelings back, they could come back, but that is usually the case with me when I am lonely. When I broke up with my ex two months ago, it was ok, but then he started hanging out with our mutual friends a lot and we seen each other quite often. I ended up giving in to him and being friends with him because he was acting like a lost puppy and I thought that I was missing him. He then asked if there was a chance of us going back out, but I didn't want to be with him, I want to be with someone else, so I told him no...and well let's just say, it escalated into a HUGE thing and all of our friends got involved. Best thing I can tell you is to just steer clear of her. It seems like she just wants you when it is convienient for HER. You were probably becoming the guy that was there at the moment. She probably wanted comfort, and getting a guy was her comfort.
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